


All That I Am, All That I Ever Was

by markwardos



Series: 911/Grey's Anatomy Crossover [2]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bombs, Cheating, Drama, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:07:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 124,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23834341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markwardos/pseuds/markwardos
Summary: Sequel to Suppose You'll Never KnowAfter meeting a stranger in the bar, having a one night stand, only to find out they're your co-worker, refuse to date them, finally agree to date them, only to find out they're married is something that all happened to Evan Buckley in the span of three months. Now with the revelation that Eddie is married, Buck faces the question of whether what they had was real or all just a game. And where he fits now that his boyfriend's wife and mother of his child is back in the picture.A mix of canon except here it merges with Grey's Anatomy. There's no Grey's Anatomy characters her it's just all the 9-1-1 characters we know and love, they still have their exact same jobs, the grey's anatomy character storylines are simply mixed in with their own.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Original Character(s), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Original Male Character(s), Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley/Original Male Character(s), Shannon Diaz/Eddie Diaz
Series: 911/Grey's Anatomy Crossover [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1705291
Comments: 100
Kudos: 222





	1. Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head

_ 'Hi, I’m Shannon Diaz...And you must be the man that’s been screwing my husband.’ _

The words hit the air and it’s like the world shatters around them. Buck gives Eddie a look that just screams betrayal and Eddie barely gets Buck’s name past his lips before Buck’s shoved past Shannon and out the door.

Shannon stands in front of him, a literal roadblock between him and Buck.

His gaze turns to her, hard and burning and he growls lowly, “Shannon, what are you doing here?”

She smiles softly like there’s nothing amiss about any of this before reaching out and touching his hair as she says, “Your hair’s different.”

Eddie jerks his head back, gaze still hard as he hisses, “Yeah, a lot of things are different.”

“It’s longer. I like it,” Shannon continues simply.

“What are you doing here?” Eddie asks again.

“What are you doing here?” Shannon shoots right back at him. “You just pick up and leave everything? Your house, your family, your friends? You said you had a life in Texas.”

“You did too. But it’s past tense.”

“And now you have a boyfriend in Los Angeles. He seems...sweet,” she says, cocking her head to the side a bit.

“The ice you’re on...thin,” Eddie warns her.

“He’s cute that whole wide-eyed puppy dog thing going on. But still sweet, which is what you were going for right? The anti-Shannon?” She asks.

“If you came over here to try and win me back, you can forget about it,” Eddie says rolling his eyes.

“I did. I came here to reminisce over wedding photos, get drunk, fall into bed, and make you realize you can’t live without me. Relax Eddie, I’m here because Christopher is going to a new school and they need to have an interview with me. They called,” Shannon says beaming up at him in a way he’s not used to. It's almost like she’s trying to emulate Buck.

She wanders past him and picks up a framed picture of Eddie and Christopher at the firehouse together. Buck took it and even framed it for him, and Eddie knows Buck has a matching one at his apartment. Eddie framed a copy for him to have to make his place feel homier since he knew Buck felt as if his apartment wasn’t. Christopher had also given Buck quite a few drawings as well to help the decor. Shannon holding it in her hands feels very wrong.

She smiles down at it and comments, “He’s gotten so big. Has he asked about me?”

Eddie crosses his arms and says, “Not in a while. He has a lot to keep him busy though, people who care about him.”

“Like your little fling?” Shannon asks.

“Wafer-thin ice,” Eddie glares.

“He must have been shocked when you said you were leaving Texas. I sure was when the school called yesterday,” Shannon comments setting the picture back down.

“Shannon,” Eddie hisses.

“But never mind we’ve both made mistakes. I seem to have caught you in the middle of one. But you end up in the same place as me, so it has to mean something,” she sighs.

“It means nothing,” Eddie retorts.

She ignores him and says, “So tell me about this new school.”

He grabs the brochure and info packet and tosses it down on the table in front of her, “I guess they want to meet you. Need to meet you, it’s a requirement for admission,” he says endlessly annoyed.

“It looks fancy. Not the kind of place I thought you’d be into,” Shannon comments as she looks through the packet.

“Classes are smaller. Ten kids instead of thirty. I mean the art studio, is amazing and Christopher loved it.”

“So can I see him?” Shannon asks. “I mean this is a big step, switching schools when he just got here. Maybe I could talk to him. Make sure it’s what he wants.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. It might confuse him. And I hardly think of you as an expert on what either of us wants.”

“What’s confusing? I’m his mom. I know my husband and my son.”

“Who he hasn’t seen in almost two years,” Eddie points out.

“My mother was sick,” Shannon explains, “She was all alone. You know why I had to go.”

“Yeah, but we were expecting you’d come back. And you didn’t,” Eddie hisses.

“You could have come with me. But you didn’t want to leave Texas and your parents and your sisters at least not until it was something that was important to you!” She shouts back at him.

“That’s not fair,” Eddie argues back, “I was trying to do what’s best for Christopher.”   
  


“Right because Eddie always knows what’s best for everyone. I mean God forbid you stop for a second and actually ask them what they need.”   
  


“What did you need that I didn’t give to you?” Eddie shouts.

“You! I needed a husband and a co-parent and instead, all I got was a life alone in Texas with a baby and you on another continent. I needed someone to have my back!”   
  


He’s brought back to what he said Buck, that he’d always have his back…

“I always had your back,” Eddie growls.

“No, you were in Afghanistan,” she says.

Eddie shakes his head and says, “Yeah, and we both moved on. You left for two years and I met Buck.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that started out really sweet. You got yourself a Hollywood playboy, young and happy to give the time and effort it takes to devote to building a relationship and a child who requires extra care. It’s a fine gig for a couple of months, until he tires of it cause he’s young and wants more. I am your wife and I am Christopher’s mother. And you’ll remember that soon enough,” Shannon says before walking out the same door that Buck did.

Eddie buries his face in his hands and screams. He was going to tell Buck tonight, it would have gone smoother coming from him rather than this ambush. It’s been 2 years, he and Shannon are effectively over, but he knows Buck who took so long to convince to give him a chance in the first place won’t hear it. But he still needs to find him so races out of the house to do just that.

Buck hears white noise in his ears, ringing, ringing as he drives away. He doesn’t cry. Not easily. And this time is no different even when he’s so close to a breakdown.

But Eddie is married. To a woman who’s just gorgeous, who is Christopher’s mother no doubt. He’s broken a family even if Buck can’t figure out exactly how in his head. Christopher never mentioned her, Eddie didn’t, not a picture in the house, nothing.

He can’t work it out in his head, but it’s a bomb dropped in Buck’s lap that explodes right on impact and makes the whole word fuzzy. He texts Chimney and Hen, he doesn’t say what happened, he just asks them to meet him at the bar. He’s not even entirely sure they will, and Buck’s not entirely sure he wants them there, but some part of him does.

He goes to the bar he met Eddie against his own better judgment and sits down at the bar ordering shots of tequila much like he did on that night.

“You look familiar. You been here before?” The bartender asks him.

“Once,” Buck swallows, “That worked out really well,” Buck says rolling his eyes and downing another shot.

“I know that look. It can only be one of two things. Either someone you work with is giving you hell, or your boyfriend is. Which is it?” The bartender asks.

Buck stares down at his empty shot glass and says, “ Both. I work with my boyfriend. Which was a problem. But not as big a problem as the fact that my boyfriend has a wife.”

The bartender's eyes rest on him for a moment before the guy says, “Tell you what, this one is on the house,” sliding it towards Buck.

“Thanks,” Buck whispers, giving the bartender a sad sort of smile before downing the shot.

Hen and Chimney both walk-in at that point and over to him sitting down beside him.

Chimney shrugs off his coat and orders a beer before turning to Buck and asking, “Hey Buck why’d you call us here?”

“Yeah, I figured you’d be with lover boy,” Hen laughs softly.

Chimney takes a sip of beer as Buck says, “Nope. Let’s play a game of whose life sucks the most. I’ll win. I always win. I’ll even go first,” before dropping the real punchline and saying, “Eddie’s married.”

Chimney chokes on his beer spitting up as he coughs out, “What?”

“ Chimney beer is dripping from your nostrils,” Hen says trying to shake off the droplets of beer on her jacket before turning back towards Buck.   
  


“Told you I’d win. So yeah, Eddie’s married as in pigheaded, adulterous, liar married,” Buck whispers.

“Buck,” Hen says softly before they hear a loud bang against the table behind them, and their heads turn in that direction.

“Joe, you alright?” A man asks just before the bartender hits the ground.

“Okay, maybe Joe wins,” Hen says before they all spring up.

Joe’s already trying to get back up while Hen is calling 911 and Chimney says, “Joe lay back down, the on-call medics are on the way.”

“You called the gurney patrol?” Joe groans.

“Sit back and relax. They have to get you to the hospital to run some tests,” Buck says, his brain focusing in despite how drunk he is.

“Tests? No. I don’t need any tests. I’m fine,” Joe huffs trying to shoo them away.

“You collapsed on the floor. This is your bar, you know how filthy this floor is,” Hen argues.

“Radial pulse is strong,” Buck announces after counting.

“Minor skull contusion,” Chimney adds after he’s examined, Joe.

The real on-call medics come soon after that and Chimney and Hen drive him to the firehouse because he left his apartment key at Eddie’s and his spare is in his locker.

The three of them come in and Bobby still on call asks, “Why are you all back here tonight? Didn’t you have a date with Eddie?”

“No I think his wife does,” Buck comments shortly.

“What?” Bobby asks.

Buck just shrugs his shoulders and Hen says, “We came because our bartender collapsed and we saved him, Buck left his key at Eddie’s doesn’t want to go back, and he’s too drunk to drive himself anywhere.”   
  


“Buck, are you okay?” Bobby asks softly before another shout comes into the station.

“Buck!” Eddie calls out.

Buck grabs his key and freezes as he sees Eddie and quickly turns and says, “No! I’m drunk and I’m not talking to you.”

“Buck!” Eddie calls again as Buck starts to walk away.

“Bastard,” Hen says, getting in Eddie’s way to slow him catching up to Buck.

“Buck!” Eddie calls again having to navigate his way through Chimney and Bobby also blocking his path.

“Go away!” Buck shouts back. 

“Just wait,” Eddie says, finally catching up to him, “We should discuss this.”

“Here’s a thought. No! Now quit following me,” Buck yells.

“At least let me explain,” Eddie tries.

“Explain? You know when you should’ve explained? The night we met in the bar, before any of the rest of it. Yeah, that would’ve been a good time to discuss this,” Buck hisses.

“Look, I know how you feel,” Eddie starts.

“Do you? Somehow I doubt that. Because if you did you would shut up and you would turn around and go back inside because you would realize that I am this close to getting in my car and running you down in the parking lot!” Buck screams at him.

Hen’s now beside Buck as Buck begins to stride off again and says, “Give me your keys.”

“I’m fine,” Buck whimpers.

“Buck you’re drunk just give me the keys. Let’s go, okay?” Hen says.

Buck hands them to her and lets her guide him back to his car.

If people were worried about the fallout that could come from the end of Buck and Eddie’s relationship, they got just that. A lot of fallout.

Things are tense when work comes around again and despite the offer from Bobby to take more time, Buck isn’t going to let an asshole like Eddie Diaz get in the way of him doing his job.

He shows up at the station and sticks to Hen and Chimney’s sides to avoid any contact with Eddie though he does try, saying his names countless times before Buck retreats.

Eddie finally braves Hen and Chimney by sitting down with them and Buck at lunch and Buck quickly looks away from him. Chim who glares at Eddie from Buck’s side asks, “So you have a wife, or is it your ex-wife? I’m a little fuzzy on the details.

“We’re separated,” Eddie says but Buck just tenses and rolls his eyes.

Eddie opens his mouth to say something else but the alarm bell goes off at that time and Buck is rushing away quicker than ever.

When they’re in the ambulance, Buck won’t look at him, he just stares straight out the window, while Chim and Hen talk about the bartender from the night before.

Eddie sighs and says, “I went to Joe’s bar the night before I started working here.” 

Chimney and Hen both look at Eddie, eyes still somewhat narrowed. But Buck’s eyes move over to him all soft, broken, and hurt.

“I met this man,” Eddie continues, “I got drunk, and he took advantage of me,” Buck frowns and Eddie smiles softly and says, “Or he got drunk and I took advantage of him. I got drunk and he took...no we were drunk, that much is for sure. Somebody took advantage. Either way, it was the best initiation to Los Angeles a person could have.”

Buck stares at him for a moment before his head turns back to the window.

When they get back from the call before Eddie can even stop it or see it happening Shannon is there and has approached Buck.

“Hi, Buck,” she smiles.

Buck freezes in front of her looking like a deer in the headlights.

“So you work here, I figured you’d be some surfer or something like that,” she grins.

Buck remains quiet but still in front of her, his face withdrawn.

“Chin up Buck I’m this tough on all the people that come into contact with my child, not just the men my husband sleeps with,” Shannon says smiling at him sweetly.

Eddie spots it happening now and strides over quickly at which point Buck starts rushing away, “Buck,” Eddie calls out.

“Don’t,” is all Buck says before running away.

Eddie turns his gaze hard on Shannon, “Took a lot of nerve showing up here and talking to Buck like that.”

“Oh come on. He seems nice and you seem to like him,” Shannon says with a soft smile.

“Right,” Eddie says, rolling his eyes.

“So you don’t like him?” Shannon asks.

“No! I didn’t say that. Would you just shut up and go?” Eddie asks before walking away quickly.

Buck goes upstairs and sits at the counter and just stares down at it until Hen sits down beside him and asks, “You okay Buck?”

Buck shrugs and says, “Can I be?”

She frowns and rubs his back and smiles a bit and says, “Well you look nice today.”   
  


Buck gives a soft laugh and sighs, “Yeah I wore my good shirt cause my ex-boyfriend’s wife looks like fucking Lauren Bacall or Zooey Deschanel. And I’m like...me. I’m trying to outdo her when she’s the victim here. How crazy is that?” He huffs.

“Not crazy. Smart, if it’ll make you feel better cause you’re no slouch, Buck. You’re ridiculously good looking, you have no room to put yourself down. So ex-boyfriend?” Hen asks.

“I’m like an evil mistress,” Buck whispers.

Hen sighs knowing most of what she says falls on deaf ears, “Well, still, you look nice.”

“Thanks,” Buck says, giving her a soft smile as she squeezes his shoulder gently.

Their next call is to pick up a woman going into premature labor in a shopping mall.

“God it hurts,” she screams as Hen and Chimney move over to her.

There’s blood pooling around her thighs too and Bobby moves to Buck’s side and asks, “You okay kid?”

“She came to the fire station. His wife came to the fire station and screamed at me. And all my progress. All that Buck’s different stuff has come back, I slept with a woman’s husband, I’m a common whore basically.”

“Buck,” Bobby starts before Chimney calls out, “Buck can you help us get her on the gurney.

Buck nods and hurries over and grabs a side of the gurney beginning to push. The woman looks at him and says, “What does it take to go after a woman’s husband?”

Buck blinks and says, “Excuse me?”

“Happened to me. Jeff moved in with the long-legged miniskirt who answers his phone’s three weeks into my pregnancy,” she sighs.

“I’m sorry about your husband,” Buck whispers.

“Are you sorry about that woman's husband? She directly confronted you huh, it’s what I did,” the woman adds.

“I’m sorry,” Buck whispers again feeling his chest tighten.

“When I found out about the mini skirt I called her up and took her to lunch. It was perfectly civil. I said I didn’t hold it against her, that these things happen. But really, I just wanted to put a face on the bitch that got my husband to throw away 15 years of marriage,” the woman says to him, her voice liquid ice.

When he’s gotten her to the ambulance Bobby says, “Alright, Buck I want you to accompany Chim with her to the hospital.”

“Actually, I’d prefer if he didn’t come with me,” the woman says pointing at Buck.

Bobby pauses and asks, “I’m sorry. Is there a problem?” He glances over at Buck who stares at the ground sadly.

“He just reminds me of someone I don’t like very much...someone my husband likes a lot, particularly in lingerie. He’s sleeping with someone’s husband right?” She informs and questions Bobby.

Suddenly Eddie steps up and says, “Ms. Phillips, I lack Buck’s class and patience, so let me set the record straight. My wife left me and my son two years ago and never came back until last night. So we’ve been separated. But I also didn’t tell Buck that we were still technically married. So the wronged one in all of this is Buck. So I think you owe him one hell of an apology,” he tells her before taking off his groves and walking towards the firetruck.

The woman looks over at him shortly and mutters an apology, her cheeks red with embarrassment. He goes with Chim but doesn’t make small talk, he just helps Chim as an extra set of hands.

Buck rides back with Chim in the ambulance and Chimney asks, “You okay?”

“Everyone asks me that now.”   
  


Chim sighs and says, “Well are you?”

Buck’s quiet for a moment before shakes his head and whispers, “No. I’m not okay.”

Chimney nods and then says, “Will you be?”

Buck is silent and says, “I’ve been through worse...so I think so.”

They get to the fire station and Buck takes a shower before leaving. He goes home for a while and picks up the picture of Eddie and Christopher and touches it gently. He drops his head against the wall thinking.

He ends up grabbing his car keys and driving over to Eddie’s house and knocking on the door somewhat nervous he’ll walk into another grenade here.

Eddie comes to the door opening it and his face shows shock at seeing Buck there. His mouth switches into a sad smile as he whispers, “ Buck.”

Buck goes to open his mouth but then he hears crutches scraping against the floor one second before he hears Christopher’s voice shout, “Bucky!”

Eddie smiles sadly again but moves out of the way and Christopher bounds towards him knocking right into Buck’s chest.

And maybe this is what hurts the most. Christopher who he adores with every inch of himself already. And even if he feels slighted by Eddie, he doesn’t want to hurt Christopher in any sort of way.

He lifts Christopher into his arms and he smiles for the first time in days as he holds the boy close and says his name, “Christopher.”

“You missed dinner. Which is good, cause dad burned it, again,” Christopher laughs looking down at him from his place in his arms.

“Did he?” Buck asks.

“Are you staying tonight?” Christopher asks.

Eddie is staring down at the floor and Buck runs his fingers through Christopher’s hair.

“I’ll be here to tuck you in, how about that?” Buck asks.

“Okay, a story too?” Christopher asks.

Buck smiles and nods at him, “Story too.”

Buck sets Christopher down and he comes deeper into the house watching as Christopher walks over to the couch no doubt waiting for Buck.

Eddie turns to Buck and says his name and Buck looks over at him and dips his hands in his pockets, “After bed.”

Eddie nods and Buck goes to sit with Christopher who leans into him so easily allowing Buck to just work his fingers through his curls and talk about Christopher’s school day.

Buck carries Christopher to bed like he’s done nearly every night of the past month or two. Eddie watches from the doorway as Buck tucks Christopher in and sits down and reads a book to him.

“Night Christopher,” Buck whispers.

“Night Bucky,” Christopher yawns as Buck walks away and Eddie carefully closes the door behind him once he’s in the hall. He turns and sees Buck go to his room and follows. He spots Buck grab his key off the dresser and dip it in his pocket as well as grab his clothes from the drawers and it breaks his heart to watch and he’s full expecting Buck to retreat right after.

But Buck carries his pile of clothes over to the bed, sets them down, and then sits down beside them on the edge of the bed. Buck looks down at his lap and plays nervously with his hands before looking up at Eddie.

“I...I need to hear the story. What happened, with us, with her, I need to hear it.”

Eddie nods and sits down beside Eddie and sighs, “One morning I woke up, and Christopher’s in my bed with me. I’d just gotten back from the army a few months prior and something’s just different. Nothing’s different everything’s the same, but yet still...something’s different. And I lay there for a while...and then I know,” Eddie whispers.

He looks at Buck and says, “See there are moments for me, usually when we’re saving someone when I just know what’s gonna happen next. So, I roll over and I see a folded piece of paper and everything I know just shifts. I roll over towards Christopher and I ask him where his mother is and he says she’s gone. I open the note and I know she’s gone, left me there. So I wait and I wait, two years go by and she doesn’t come back, and she doesn’t come back, and she doesn’t come back. It was just so pedestrian and common and cruel. Mostly just cruel. So eventually I moved, joined the fire department, came out here.”

“And you met me,” Buck whispers.

“And I met you,” Eddie says looking over at Buck.

Buck swallows and stands and paces forward before turning towards Eddie and says, “Well what was I to you? The guy you screwed to get over being screwed?”

Eddie shakes his head lightly and stares up at Buck and smiles softly, “You were like coming up for fresh air,” he pauses and tilts his head and says, “It’s like I was drowning and you saved me,” he shrugs, “That’s all I know.”

Buck looks off a bit, down at the ground, and then back up at Eddie and gives a small headshake, “It’s not enough,” he tells him, grabbing his clothes and quickly leaving the house and getting into his car.

He drives home where Chimney and Hen are waiting outside his apartment.

“Hey,” he says walking up to the door.

“Where’ve you been?” Hen asks.

“Eddie’s,” he whispers, turning the key in the door.

“Are you okay?” Hen asks.

“No. But, I will be,” he nods at Chimney who gives him a small smile.

He lets them into his apartment and he sets his clothes down before sitting on the couch. Hen pours herself and Buck and drinks before joining him there.

He stares off at the picture of Eddie and Christopher and whispers, “I feel alone. Like Eddie was my person that I talked to and trusted and now I have no one.”

Hen shakes her head and wraps her arm around his shoulders and pulls him close, “You’re not alone Buck. You have us, Chimney, Bobby, and I. We’re your people.”

Buck sniffs and lets his head fall to her shoulder for a moment and nods, “My people,” he whispers.

“Always,” Chimney says, passing him another drink to replace Buck’s finished one.

He smiles up at Chimney and he feels a little better already cause he has gone through worse than this. And he’s gone through worse than this alone, and he’s not alone anymore, Eddie or no Eddie.


	2. Enough is Enough

The next night is much of the same, though, for a good chunk of it, it’s just Hen and Buck passing the bottle of tequila back in forth till they’re both crowded in his bathroom. Hen in the tub and Buck sitting across from the toilet. Chimney went to sleep on the couch at some point Buck can’t really remember because of the alcohol though it’s finally starting to leave his system after throwing up about five times.

“It’s not me it’s him. Him and his stupid boy penis...Didn’t tell me he had a wife. Gave absolutely no warning,” Buck complains from his spot on the cold tile.

“You do realize you have one of those stupid boy penises right?” Hen asks.

“I’m gonna throw up again,” Buck says suddenly moving to the toilet and leaning over it while Hen groans and moves the shower curtain as a barrier between them.

Buck hangs over the toilet for a moment before sighing and sliding back to his original spot saying, “False alarm.”

“The problem is testosterone,” Hen comments opening the shower curtain again.

“No the problem is tequila,” Buck shoots back before whimpering again, “And he ruined me Hen, I’m ruined!”

Chimney chooses that moment to walk into the bathroom and which point Hen immediately shouts, “Testosterone, Chimney.”

“Tequila Chimney,” Buck shoots back.

“Okay, what did I miss?” Chimney asks looking between them.

“Full-on vomit drama,” Hen explains.

“So you really broke up with Eddie?” Chimney decides to ask at which point Buck groans and presses his face again the wall.

“What’s wrong with you?” Hen asks Chimney as he gives a big shrug.

“I feel empty,” Buck mutters.

“Two hours of vomiting will do that to you,” Hen replies.

“No,” Buck says and then repeats, “I feel empty.”

“So are we going in or are you two going to tell Bobby you’re too drunk or hungover to work?” Chimney asks.

“We’re fine,” Hen huffs getting out of the tub, “Right Buck?”

“Empty,” Buck whispers and Hen rolls her eyes and says, “Don’t worry he’s fine. Come on Buckaroo,” she says pulling him to his feet.

So he forces himself into his work clothes and hopes for an easy day. Begs the universe for an easy day.

Hen, Chimney, and Buck all drive to work together and Buck is ready to just follow their lead not say anything. A simple day, simple is what he’s been hoping for.

Instead, they run straight into Eddie’s path, or rather Eddie cuts into their path to intercept Buck.

“Stop,” Buck says as Eddie opens his mouth, trying to shoulder him off.

“What?” Eddie asks bewildered.

“You’re stalking me. Stop it,” Buck insists.

“Did we not communicate the other night?” Eddie asks.

“Yes,” Buck says, continuing to walk away.

“Did you hear what I was saying?”

“Your wife left you,” Buck recalls.

“And then from that point on, she no longer existed to me anymore,” Eddie adds.

“You had marital amnesia,” Buck says rolling his eyes.

“No, but I...I bared my soul to you last night,” Eddie reasons.

“It’s not enough,” Buck replies.

“How can that not be enough?” Eddie asks.

Buck turns on Eddie quickly and says, “When you waited nearly three months to tell me, and I had to find out by her showing up, all leggy and fabulous and telling me herself? You pulled the plug. I’m a sink with an open drain. Anything you say runs right out. There is no enough!” Buck shouts at him before storming off.

“He probably could have picked a better metaphor,” Chimney whispers.

“Give him a break, he’s got a hangover,” Hen says shoving past Eddie to get to the locker room.

Buck gets changed and Eddie leaves him alone which is at least a welcome relief, in light of his pounding headache.

Hen practically force-feeds him a granola bar before making him take ibuprofen and drink a bottle of water.

Which in retrospect was probably a good thing cause they get a call soon after and it helps him not feel the drag as much.

It’s a man with an emergency bowel obstruction from some foreign object or objects. There’s not much they can do other than supplying him with a pain killer and then give fluids, so Buck and Chimney ride to the hospital with him. Chimney driving and Buck tending to the man.

“You might as well tell us what you ingested they’ll find out anyways at the hospital,” Buck says to the man.

“You have the most delicate features. Almost porcelain,” he comments.

“Mr. Hubble, whatever you’ve ingested could kill you. Are you sure you don’t want to tell me what’s got you blocked up inside?” Buck asks again.

“It might be offensive,” he tells Buck.

“Is it drugs?”   
  


“It’s not drugs.”

“Mr. Hubble…,”

“Promise.”

“Well good, I’m glad it’s not drugs.”

“It was actually ten Judy dolls heads,” the man finally admits.

“What?” Buck asks.

The man shrugs and Buck stares for a moment before asking, “Why? Was it an act of desperation?”

“No, not at all,” he says.

“I’m just trying to understand. Why ten doll heads?” Buck asks.

“Well cause eleven would’ve been too much,” he jokes.

Buck’s quiet for a moment before asking, “Was it cause you felt empty?”

“Yeah, I felt empty,” the man whispers.

“Yeah, I’ve been feeling that too recently,” Buck sighs.

“I could see that,” he says looking up at Buck.

“Why does it fill you up? What’s the satisfaction?” Buck asks him.

“Do you really wanna know?”

“Would it be too much information?” Buck asks.

“It might,” the man shrugs.

“Maybe I’m better left in the dark,” Buck smiles and gives a small shrug.

He informs the hospital of the objects responsible for the obstruction before hopping up into the front of the ambulance with Chimney.

Chimney turns to him and asks, “So did you find out what he has inside him?”

“Yep.”

“Drugs?” Chimney asks.

“Nope. Try ten Judy doll heads.”   
  


“Really?” Chimney asks.

Buck nods and Chimney says, “Huh. Well, I guess at least someone out there has bigger problems than you.”

Buck is silent for a moment before giving a little laugh and saying, “Yeah, I guess so.”

When they get back to the fire station there’s a whole discussion over the man and the why of him swallowing the Judy dolls.

“My mother used to buy me Judy dolls, Manhattan Judy, surfer Judy, disco Judy. I dissected them, cut off their arms, and shaved their heads,” Hen recounts.

“Sounds like there’s a sick and twisted story behind this…,” Buck says.

“They’re sexist, distorted devil toys that create unrealistic image expectations catering to the porn-driven minds of men,” Hen replies.

“You swallow a bitter pill this morning, Hen?” Chimney asks.

“They’re dolls. I think it has something to do with his mother. Maybe she always wanted a girl and gave him Judy dolls for his birthday presents,” Eddie decides to add to the conversation.

They stare at him for a moment before Chimney says, “Maybe his mother looked like Judy and he was into voodoo. Instead of sticking a pin in it, he, you know.”

Their next call is a taxing one, a really bad car accident taking place on the freeway.

Four victims on scene, one in really bad shape that Hen attends to and is already a goner most likely. His G.C.S is 3 on top of a depressed skull fracture, multiple internal injuries. Hen starts A.C.L. protocol but his vein’s blow so she begins pushing meds down the tube.

Buck gets the son, Chimney the father, and Eddie the mother.

“My mom’s okay right?” The son asks Buck right away.

“Yeah, yeah, I think so,” Buck answers looking over his shoulder at Eddie.

The son suddenly starts saying, “They’d been fighting at breakfast. Dad gets ugly when he gets like that. Ran three stoplights before we even got on the freeway. Some guy in a pickup cuts us off. My dad just lost it. He started chasing the guy. Blasting through traffic. Screaming at him. Next thing I know we’re upside down on the other side of the freeway…,” he then turns his eyes back to Buck and asks, “My dad?”

“He’s being taken care of by a paramedic. It’s pretty serious though,” Buck tells him.

“Yeah, well, I guess the son of a bitch got what he deserved,” the teenager hisses as Buck stares down at him and decides to change the subject.

“This guy earlier had swallowed ten Judy doll heads. Is that some kind of sick or what? I mean when you think about it those things can’t be that easy to swallow. If they still got their hair on them, that’s some bad spaghetti. That dude’s crapping toys,” Buck says but the kid just stares off unresponsively so Buck tries something else. He thinks back to his own childhood and sighs, “You know when you’re little you can hide. Ignore the shouting, the screaming, pretend like you’re someplace else. Then when you get older, bigger, you feel like you should be doing something. Something to stop it. You know to protect her. And when you can’t, you don’t know who to be angrier at your old man or yourself. Usually, it’s yourself,” remembering his own father and Maddie.

“Did my mother tell you guys?” The boy asks.

“She didn’t have to. He’s not beating you, is he?” Buck asks.

“No, just her. So what do you do about the anger?”

“Me? I think about the guy who eats doll heads. He’s got problems,” Buck says with a soft smile.

“He needs a liver transplant. I’m supposed to donate. It should be easy right? He’s my father,” the boy says.

“It’s a big operation it would be a big change in your life,” Buck tells him.

“What if he goes back to hitting her?” The teen asks.

“You can’t make that call, but whatever you do, you can’t make the decision out of anger,” Buck says to him.

“So what do you do with it? What’d you do with yours?” He asks.

Buck sighs and says, “My anger had a life of its own. I got taller and bulked up and the next time he laid a hand on my sister I beat the living crap out of him. When he got out of the hospital, he took off. He just took off and never came back. I mean, he was a cold, mean-tempered bastard, but he was still my dad, you know? And now...I wonder where he is and no one’s there but me to take care of my mom and my sisters not around for me. But I’m still glad I did it cause my sister didn’t deserve it, and he probably would have beat my mother once she started losing her memory. But you gotta make your own choice,” still conflicted about his own decision as he tries to rationalize it all in mind.

The boy is silent for a moment before saying, “I want to do it but I have conditions, she’s gonna have to tell the cops the truth herself too. And as soon as we get back home, she and I have to move out, enough is enough.”

Buck nods and rubs the teen's shoulder and says, “You tell her that. Set your conditions.”

Eddie meanwhile had the mother to treat who immediately began stuttering out, “My husband Bob’s a really good driver. Safe, you know? I think he saw something in the middle of the road and swerved to avoid it. The crash it just came outta nowhere. We’d been having a really nice morning. One minute, everything’s fine and the next thing...I could see the guy’s face before we hit. Do the other firefighters know that Bob has a bad liver?”

“They know,” Eddie assures her as he examines her.

“How’s Scotty?” She asks.

“Your son is in safe hands,” Eddie says looking over at Buck who’s attending to the teenager and talking and giving that reassuring smile of his. “Trust me,” Eddie adds looking back down at her.

He comes along a large yellowing bruise around her kidney and hip area and says, “Wait, this looks pretty bad how’d you get this?”

The woman goes pale before stuttering, “Well, we hit so hard.”

“I don’t think this is from the collision. It looks a couple of weeks old,” Eddie says giving her a look.

She just shifts and says, “I fell.”

He frowns and the woman starts talking again saying, “Bob liked his beers. His liver started to fail a couple of years ago. He quit drinking, and we put him on the transplant list. But his blood type b negative there just aren’t that many available. They suggested a family member.”

“Any luck?” Eddie asks.

“ My son. They said he’s a good match. He’s 18,” she tells him.

Eddie looks back over at Buck who’s leaned down talking closely with the son and Eddie comments, “Family members shouldn’t do it out of obligation. It’s a risky operation.”

“He’s had counseling. You know, they just don’t let you do it. He hasn’t made his mind up yet, you know. I mean, we actually have a date set for the surgery. I just don’t want to pressure him,” she sniffs.

“Well then you shouldn’t,” Eddie comments back shortly thinking about how he’s been pressuring Buck.

“But I don’t wanna lose Bob. I need to speak to Scotty. I can talk to him. I need to talk to him,” she sobs.

“I think they’ll want him to make the decision on his own,” Eddie says.

She stares at him hard before saying, “You think I’m sick for wanting to save my husband, don’t you?”

“I think you’re feeling very emotional, and when we’re feeling emotional, sometimes it’s hard to keep a level head and consider all the facts. Your husband killed a man on the highway today. He almost killed you and your son. Those are the facts,” Eddie says having seen Hen’s guy not make it in the time he’s been treating her.

“Have you ever been in love?” She asks Eddie suddenly.

Eddie’s silent and the wife insists again, “Have you?”

Eddie glances back over at Buck and sighs, “Twice. But love has its limits,” and he begins wheeling her towards one of the ambulances.

Buck, Eddie, and Hen come together in the middle of the scene and Hen tells them the state of the father.

“What makes people think they don’t need seatbelts?” Hen asks.

Buck shakes his head and says, “The kids lucky. No signs of fractures or internal bleeding. The kid said the accident was road rage. His old man got cut off in traffic, went ballistic.”

“Well, that’s not the story I got. She’s got a large yellowing bruise over her right kidney tender to palpation said she got it from a fall last week,” Eddie says.

“Do you believe that?” Buck asks.

“No, not in the slightest, the dad’s absolutely an abuser,” Eddie replies.

Hen sighs and says, “Chimney thinks the father’s going to need the transplant right away.”

“The son’s a match I guess,” Eddie huffs.

“That’s good,” Hen nods.

“Please, the father’s an alcoholic wife-beater it shouldn’t even be a question,” Eddie replies.

“But if you could save somebody and didn’t, wouldn’t you feel like you were committing murder?” Hen asks.

“Oh, yeah, like the guy did when he crashed into your D.O.A? He’s the killer, not the son,” Eddie argues.

“The son wants to do it I guess,” Buck says.

“He does?” Eddie asks.

Buck nods and says, “With conditions.”

“Like?” Eddie asks.

“He said he’d do it if she tells the cops the truth about the accident and if after the transplant they leave him,” Buck tells Eddie.

Eddie frowns and says, “She’s just gonna go back to him.”

“Is she?” Buck asks.

Eddie looks into Buck’s eyes and thinks of them even if it’s a lot different. He gives a shoulder shrug and says, “Maybe not...depends... on the situation...hers is pretty bad so yeah maybe she won’t.”

Buck nods a bit and stares off and Eddie says, “Buck, are you okay?”

Buck looks up at Eddie and says, “Yes. I’m okay,” before walking away from him and back towards the fire trucks.

Buck gets back to the station and goes to cleaning the locker room windows when he suddenly feels someone lingering behind him. When he turns he jumps a little when he sees Shannon and says, “Shannon.”

She smiles in that sickly sweet way and Buck feels discomfort right away as she says, “I assume he told you what happened.”

Buck sighs and lets his arm drop from the window as he turns towards her and says, “With all due respect Shannon this has nothing to do with me.”

“Really? So you didn’t take him back? Good boy,” Shannon smiles.

Buck throws the rag down and turns to Shannon and says, “And in the future, Shannon, I’d appreciate it if we didn’t talk about Eddie again,” before trying to walk off.

“Buck,” she calls after him and he turns towards her again.

“Sometimes people do desperate things to get someone’s attention. There are two sides to every story,” she says.

Buck blinks at her before quickly turning on his heel and walking away again quickly storming past Eddie who calls out, “Buck? What’s wrong?”

“Go talk to your wife, she’s here for you,” Buck shoots back shortly before dashing up the stairs.

Eddie turns his head and sees Shannon standing there and shakes his head as he walks towards her, “Just when I thought my day was getting better.”

“You told Buck what happened,” she comments shortly.

“I did. What’d you tell him?” Eddie asked annoyed.

“Sometimes people do desperate things to attract attention,” she replies.

“What? Wow. So that’s your side of this, that I didn’t pay enough attention? While I was in Afghanistan when I’d just gotten back and watched people die day after day. That’s what you were thinking when you left and didn’t come back,” Eddie rolls his eyes.

“No, by that point, I wasn’t thinking at all, Eddie. By that point, I was just going to see my dying mother and realizing I might not have anything to come back to,” Shannon says touching Eddie’s shoulder.

“Yet you think there is now. And yet I’m still me and then there’s our son you left behind too,” Eddie says shaking his head.

“I missed you both. And I’m sorry. I’m more sorry than you could possibly imagine. But at least I’m talking to you about it,” Shannon argues back as Eddie starts to walk away, “Eddie…,” she calls after him.

“I’m a sink with an open drain, Shannon,” Eddie calls back to her using Buck’s metaphor against her.

Buck watches silently from above for some of it before Hen comes up beside him.

“There is nothing worse in the world than thinking you have a chance when you really don’t,” Buck whispers.

Hen stares at him and places her hand on top of Buck’s and says, “Buck...however you feel about Eddie is okay, you know?”

Buck swallows and shifts nervously on his feet as he stares down.

“I wouldn’t judge you. It doesn’t make you a bad person or weak or messed up if you still have feelings for Eddie. If you still want him and want him to be with him,” Hen tells him.

Buck looks up at Hen and swallows and says, “I...It doesn’t go away just like that. I wish it did.”

“I know,” Hen nods and rubs Buck’s back.

“You should go home tonight. I can handle myself. I’ll be fine. Karen and Denny shouldn’t suffer just cause I’m going through it,” Buck sighs.

“You sure? Karen understands. I’ve talked to her, if you need someone that’s okay,” Hen tells him.

“I’m sure,” Buck smiles softly.

“Okay, Buck, but if you need anything,” she starts.

“I know. I know, Hen,” he says smiling and hugging her before walking away.

As Hen is getting ready to leave and packing up in the locker room Eddie walks in and starts packing up himself before turning to Hen and saying, “Look out for him.”

Hen looks at him confused for a moment before asking, “Buck?”

“Yeah,” Eddie sighs.

Hen narrows her eyes at him and says, “I asked you not to hurt him.”

“I know,” Eddie nods weakly.

“I don’t like you anymore,” Hen adds.

“Yeah, I don’t really like myself either anymore,” Eddie says sadly.

Hen goes to walk out before turning in the doorway and saying, “You did a terrible thing...it doesn’t make you a terrible person,” and leaving.

Eddie watches her walk away and slides against the lockers dropping his head to his knees.

  
  
  
  



	3. Make Me Lose Control

After awhile Hen’s really regretting telling Buck that she’d be there for him whenever he needs her cause it ultimately leads to her getting roped into going on morning jogs with him.

“Oh, you are stupid. Oh, God. You’re a stupid, evil sadist, and I wanna kill you,” Hen pants as she runs to keep up with Buck before stopping on the grass and clutching her knees with her hands.

Buck comes back around and just keeps jogging around her in circles as he says, “Endorphins are good. Endorphins are mood elevators. This is supposed to make us feel better.”

Hen decides to just lay back on the grass and groans and says, “Oh, God. Do you feel better?”

Buck stops running and then just lets himself fall to the grass beside her and says, “I’m stupid, a slutty mistress. Sleeping with a coworker was a great idea.”

“Yeah, it was,” Hen says still panting.

“You know what’s ruined for me? Ferry boats. I used to love ferry boats. And Eddie’s got a thing for ferry boats. Now every time I see a freakin ferry boat,” Buck complains.

“Oh crap,” Hen says clutching her chest before asking, “Have you cried yet?”

Buck sighs and looks over at her and says, “No...Do you think I’d feel better if I cried? Just like let it out?”

“Probably, yeah,” Hen says looking over at him catching her breath.

Buck nods slightly before saying, “Yeah. I’m not gonna cry now though.”

Hen laughs softly before forcing herself up and saying, “Okay, then. Let’s jog.”

Buck doesn’t have much chance to fix his hair after the jog so he just pulls a baseball cap over his head as he walks into the firehouse.

Eddie spots him and smiles before saying, “Nice hat.”

“Shut up,” Buck shoots back.

Eddie huffs and tightens his dufflebag's shoulder strap over his shoulder and says, “Look, Buck,” Eddie starts, “I’m really sorry satan decided to come back into my life.”

“Satan?” Buck asks giving Eddie a look.

Just then Shannon decides to make an appearance walking up and standing across from the two of them as she smiles and says, “Good morning. Buck, I like that hat.”

“Satan speaks,” Eddie says.

“Actually, I prefer to be called the ruler of all that is evil, but I will answer to Satan,” Shannon says.

Buck sucks in his lip uncomfortably though a slight grin comes to his face.

“What are you still doing here?” Eddie huffs glaring over at Shannon.

“I have a son, I’m here to stay,” Shannon insists.

“Never stopped you before,” Eddie grunts before Buck says, “Yeah, I’m going to go,” retreating from the scene.

Eddie gives Shannon a look and says, “I want you gone.”

“I’m sorry honey but you don’t just get to decide,” Shannon starts.

“Did you just call me honey? Don’t call me honey,” Eddie says rearing his head back a bit.

“Fine, Eddie,” she sighs, “If there’s any chance for us then you have a responsibility,” she begins.

“Don’t talk to me about responsibility,” Eddie retorts.

“You took an oath, Eddie,” Shannon states.

“Oh, don’t you dare talk to me about oaths,” Eddie shoots back at her glaring.

She steps towards him and touches his arm and says, “Eddie, I messed up. People mess up.”

“You left me and our son,” Eddie states simply before jerking his arm and walking away.

When Buck exits the locker room Shannon’s still there and she approaches Buck even though he begs the universe to let him be.

“Shannon,” he begins.

“Buck, don’t worry. I’m leaving. I mean he calls me satan, Buck. There’s no fight. He wins. I’m leaving in the morning after the meeting at Christopher’s school,” she tells him patting his shoulder before walking away from him.

He blinks at her and Hen comes to Buck’s side and asks, “You okay?”

“She says she’s leaving after she has that meeting at Christopher’s school,” Buck says to Hen.

“Does it change anything?” Hen asks.

Buck looks off in Eddie’s direction for a moment before shaking his head, “No. It doesn’t,” he sighs and turns around to head up the stairs to get something to eat from the kitchen.

When the first call comes in they all hop into the truck and start going. As soon as they pull into the place Buck stops cold staring up at it.

Everyone rushes towards it but he stands still for a moment before Eddie’s voice calls him back, “Buck?”

Buck’s eyes fall to Eddie who gives him a strange look before Buck’s legs start moving towards the place and entering it.

He goes inside his eyes dashing around the room and following the rest of them blindly, the minute a voice cracks through the white noise buzzing through his ears he stops dead in the room.

A nurse tells Chimney, “She’s complaining of intermittent cramping, pain, and diarrhea. She also suffers from Alzheimer's.”

“Amateurs,” the woman shouts now coming into Buck’s view.

“What’s her name?” Chimney asks.

Her eyes lock on Buck and she starts shouting, “What the hell are you doing here? Haven’t I told you? How many times have I told you not to bother me when I’m at work?”

His crew's eyes go towards him and the nurse says, “Carolyn Buckley.”

The group blinks all staring at him for an answer before Eddie says, “Buck’s mother.”

He’s grateful not angry that Eddie answers cause the truth is going to come out, but he’s not in the place to answer right now, simply just frozen.

“Amateurs! You’re amateurs!” Buck’s mother shouts again.

“Ma’am if you could just hold,” Bobby says trying to get her to calm down.

“I’m in the middle of my workday, Rob,” his mother shoots back at him shooing him away.

“It’s Bobby,” Bobby tells her.

“I just need to check your,” Chimney begins going to lift her shirt.

She jerks away though and says, “I’m not in the mood to play doctor now. Hands off. I’m busy.”

“Eddie,” Buck says.

“Damn it, Rob, I mean it no,” Buck’s mother insists.

Eddie moves towards him and Buck touches his arm and says, “She’s allergic to penicillin.”

Eddie nods at him and goes over to Chim and tells him and Chimney nods and says, “I got it.”

Bobby comes over to him looking a little bothered and Buck says, “You just have to be patient.”

“Do you know a Rob?” Bobby asks him.

“My dad. Robert...Rob...What did she...is she...Is she talking about him?” Buck asks nervously.

“Your dad’s name was Robert, that explains a lot,” Chimney laughs as Eddie gives him a look and shakes his head.

“She never talks about him,” Buck mutters.

“Get away from me, you insipid little man!” Buck’s mother shouts at Chimney.

“Ms. Buckley, calm down,” Chimney says to her.

“Get out of here! Get out of my room!” Buck’s mother screams loudly in response.

“Get me some haloperidol,” Chimney calls to Hen.

Buck steps forward and says, “Momma, please just let them examine you.”

Her eyes dart over in his direction and turn cold as she hisses, “Don’t give me that look. That sad little, soulful little puppy routine. I know it by heart, Evan, and I’m over it. I don’t want to hear about your day or your friends or your pathetic little problems. My work is what counts! It’s what pays for this house. It pays for you and it pays for Maddie and for your precious little lifestyle. So why don’t you just leave me alone and let me do it? Maddie may think she needs you, but nobody else sure as hell doesn’t.”

It’s like a dagger into Buck’s chest and the tears spring to his eyes. He’s heard it before, but everyone is around him, the people he cares about most, his team. They’re seeing him in a way he doesn’t want them to. He feels them all looking at him. His mother’s words dig at his very core of all he worries about.

“Ms. Buckley,” Chimney says trying to redirect her attention.

Her eyes remain on him though as she says, “Just get away from me, Evan. I’ve already told you I’m too busy to deal with you. Now no more cartoons.”

“Here it is,” Hen says handing the needle to Chimney.

“Get him out of here he’s a child and I won’t have him here,” his mother shouts.

“Mom,” Buck whispers.

“Come with me, Buck. Are you all right?” Bobby says pulling him away from it all.

“No. Yeah, yeah. I’m good. Um...I can’t be here…,” Buck stutters.

“Of course. We’re good here. We’re great, you can wait in the truck if you want, or wait till we’re done and go to the hospital with her,” Bobby says.

“I’ll just wait in the truck, thanks,” Buck says quickly walking outside to the truck and sitting in it and burying his face in his hands.

The rest of the team comes eventually, just Eddie and Bobby initially and they leave him alone for the most part. Though Eddie does touch his knee for a moment catching Buck’s eye.

Buck looks at him for and moment and allows himself to touch Eddie’s hand for a moment.

When Hen and Chimney come on they say his name a few times getting no response. When they get back to the station, Buck goes to the locker rooms and sits on the bench for a moment.

The crew comes to the door with Bobby immediately blocking them as the crew calls out to him.

“Buck this isn’t something you have to go through alone,” Hen calls out to him.

“Buck, are you okay?” Eddie asks.

“Stop,” Bobby says to them.

“Buck, you know my great-grandmother, she died with Alzheimer's,” Chimney offers.

“Oh my God, why would you say that?” Hen asks Chimney.

“Look I’m just trying to help,” Chimney says.

Bobby shakes his head at them before entering the locker room and sitting down beside Buck, “Are you able to work today?” Bobby asks.

“Yes, I’m fine,” Buck answers.

“Cause I would understand it if you want to be with your…,” Bobby starts.

“No. My mother and I don’t have the easiest … It’s just better if I’m working,” Buck says to him.

“Okay. You're the man behind today,” Bobby tells him.

“What? I’m not coming with you guys? I told you I’m fine,” Buck argues.

“And I appreciate that you’re fine. But I have to anticipate a certain level of distraction from you today, even in the face of all that fineness,” Bobby tells him before walking out of the locker room.

Eddie looks at Buck through the windows but the sirens go off with another call and he waits for Buck to come running but he doesn’t.

“Buck’s not coming with us?” Eddie asks.

“No, he’s the man behind today. Come on Eddie, he says he’s fine,” Bobby tells him.

“Then he should be coming with us,” Eddie states.

“Diaz let's go,” Bobby tells him.

Eddie nods before hopping on the firetruck and going with them to the park where a baby’s been found in a trashcan.

“Where’s the mother?” Eddie asks as soon as they’re on the scene looking at this little baby.

“Gone. Nice huh?” A passerby scoffs.

Eddie’s immediately checking on the baby alongside Chimney and trying his damndest to save him.

“Eddie…,” Chimney says once they’re in the ambulance.

Eddie knows what he’s saying as he looks at the baby struggling, “I know it’s a long shot but we do what we can to save them,” Eddie says to Chimney.

“She’s premature, underweight, and probably addicted to narcotics. And it looks like she’s having meningitis seizures. She’s just gonna live a short and painful life,” Chimney tells him.

“You don’t know that,” Eddie argues back with him.

“Eddie don’t do this to yourself,” Chim tells him.

“Come on Chim, look, she’s a fighter. She can overcome this,” Eddie says.

“Don’t get attached. Don’t get involved. Don’t make her life more painful than it already is,” Chimney says to him.

“She has nobody. She needs someone to fight for her,” Eddie hisses.

“She’s too far gone. It may be best to let her go in peace,” Chimney says to him touching his shoulder.

“I’m not leaving her. I’m not walking away. She’s got a good grip,” Eddie says looking at the little girl's hand clamped around his finger as he continues to work before he sighs and smiles a bit and says, “And her BP is stabilizing.” 

He feels the relief wash over him as they’re able to roll her into the hospital with a stabilized heart rate with the possibility of her recovering.

But it takes a toll on him, reminds him of Christopher and the struggles during his birth. 

Eddie’s exhausted slightly when he comes back from that call and Hen and Chimney hop out after him and watch as Buck approaches Eddie.

Hen looks at Buck and leans over to Chimney and asks, “Did you know about Buck’s mother? Did he tell you?”

Chimney shakes his head and huffs, “No. It’s just you think you know someone, you know who they are, you work together, you share things with them. And we don’t know each other. None of us. We’re just a bunch of people who work together. There’s nothing,” he mutters before walking away.

Buck approaches Eddie slowly as he comes back and calls out quietly, “Diaz…,”

Eddie looks up at Buck and sees the pain on his face and moves closer to him slowly and says, “Buck…I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. The secret’s out,” Buck mutters.

“Buck…,” Eddie starts.

“Diaz, I…,” Buck begins.

“You don’t have to call me Diaz…,” Eddie starts again.

“Diaz…,” Buck insists before saying, “I...can I see Christopher tomorrow? Just...for a little bit... I know it’s not...I can’t just do nothing all day...And you owe me something...and I never ask you for anything…,” Buck begins to explain.

“Of course you can see Christopher, Buck…,” Eddie says starting to say something else when Buck simply says, “Thank you,” and walks off.

Around noon the next day after both Buck and Eddie have had some time off of their shift and slept, Buck goes over to Eddie’s house getting to spend time with Christopher.

“Bucky!” Christopher cheers as soon as he enters.

“Hey kid,” Buck whispers holding him close.

“Why aren’t you around as much Buck?” Christopher asks.

“Sorry, buddy I’ve just been busy,” he swallows and holds Eddie’s gaze over Christopher’s head.

Buck sets Christopher down and says, “But I’m here now to spend the whole day with you, doing whatever you want. I am at your disposal,” Buck beams. 

Christopher smiles at that, with the first thing being Buck making them all lunch because as Christopher describes, he hasn’t eaten well in days because of Eddie cooking.

Eddie hangs back mostly just being quiet, not really talking to Buck and just letting Christopher and Buck do their thing.

Christopher happily eats the sandwiches Buck makes and the pair then go to the couch and start playing video games while Eddie cleans up in the kitchen.

Eddie can hear Christopher’s laughter carrying in from the living room, followed by Buck’s laughter and he feels the laugh run straight through him. He’s warmed by the fact that the thing Buck needs to feel better and happy is to spend time with Christopher. He knows he has to try and get this back not only for himself but for Christopher. And not only for Christopher, but he needs to make this Buck’s safe place for him again, and hopefully one in which Eddie is a part of it, and not something that makes it feel less safe.

Deeper into the night Buck cooks dinner as well and they all sit at the table afterward and Christopher sort of stares at him and Buck oddly seeming to finally notice their lack of interaction with each other.

“Dad?” Christopher asks.

“Yes, Christopher,” Eddie answers.

“Are you mad at Bucky?” Christopher asks.

“No, Christopher, I’m not mad at Bucky,” Eddie answers.

Buck seems to know where this is going and Eddie’s glad Christopher went at him first and gave Buck time to come up with something.

“Bucky are you mad at dad?” Christopher asks.

Buck is silent for a moment before shaking his head, “No, buddy, I’m not mad at him.”

“You aren’t talking like you normally do,” Christopher observes.

Buck shrugs and says, “Well we work together, so we spend a lot of time during the day around each other. I don’t have anything left to say to him like I do you. I have loads to talk to you about cause I haven’t seen you in so long.”

Christopher seems to think this over and says, “But you used to talk and you worked together then right?”

Buck bites the inside of his lip, this is what he wanted to avoid. Why he said no to Eddie for so long, because it would make this awkward, would make it hard to just be around Christopher.

“Well we had just met then, it was early, we still had a lot to talk about. Besides I’m not that interesting, so I don’t have anything else left to say,” Buck shrugs.

Christopher stares for another moment as he processes this before just saying, “Okay,” and going back to eat his dinner.

Eddie thinks what Buck says is pointed. He’s got nothing left to say to Eddie. That’s that, Eddie screwed it up and this is over and he can’t get it back.

Buck and Christopher decide to make a fort in the living room again after dinner and somewhere in the middle of the second movie they’re watching they both end up falling asleep in there.

Eddie goes down there when it’s late and covers them up with another blanket and Buck stirs slightly and blinks up at Eddie and speaks to him for the first time really to ask, “What time is it?”

“Midnight,” Eddie answers.

“I should go,” Buck starts but Eddie shakes his head and says, “Just stay. He misses you and he’ll wonder where you went without saying goodbye.”

Buck gives him a look like he’s trying to size Eddie up but Eddie just shakes his head and says, “Just stay and sleep here together. We’ll drive to work separately you and me, you can even drop him off at school and we’ll say I had to run an errand before work,” he offers him.

Buck sighs and cuddles into Christopher again and whispers just loud enough that Eddie catches it, “And somehow I’ve become the ex-husband with visitation rights.”

And Eddie can see the parallels but he knows Buck is begrudging the fall of status, not the obligation to Christopher. That he knows is what Buck still likes about him if anything, it’s Christopher. Eddie’s one redeeming quality that keeps Buck from exiling him entirely outside of work.

In the morning Christopher’s delighted that Buck’s still there, that they slept in the fort, that Buck is there to make breakfast, and that Buck’s taking him to school in the morning.

And when Buck comes into work Hen and Chimney think he looks better than he has at the very least. They expect him to be downtrodden misery, but he comes in with a small smile on his face at the very least.

Bobby decides to let Buck off the bench and actually come with them.

Their first call is a girl with Erythrophobia with Hyperpyrexia which Buck immediately asks, “What’s that?”

“Blushing,” Chimney answers causing Buck’s brows to draw closer together with confusion as they move in closer to the girl.

Eddie examines her and the girl smiles but then immediately turns beet red in the face when she says, “Mr. Diaz.”

She starts fanning herself and Buck suddenly gets that this is more than just normal blushing.

“You can call me Eddie,” Eddie tells her in that charming way that attracted Buck to him in the first place at the bar.

“God. Sorry. Damn it,” she says as her blushing only increases.

“It’s okay. Hopefully, once we get you to the hospital that’ll never happen again,” Eddie assures her.

She smiles up at him her cheeks still red but nods lightly, “Yeah.”

Bobby sends her off with Buck and Chimney to take her to the hospital and Buck tries to ease her embarrassment and says, “I don’t think the blushing is all that bad it’s kind of cute.”

She blushes at that before saying, “You think this is just a little bit of blushing? Just a schoolgirl embarrassment? I mean you saw how I was with Eddie…,” she blushes harder from saying his name. “What did you think?” She asks.

“Well, I thought you liked him,” Buck shrugs.

“I do, but you think I want everyone to know about it?” She asks.

“I wouldn’t judge it,” Buck assures her cause who would he be to judge her liking Eddie.

“But it’s not just you. It’s not just this once. It happens every time I have a feeling for anyone in my life. I can’t get mad, I can’t be happy, I can’t feel anything without the whole world knowing. I can’t have a secret. Can you imagine living that way your entire life?” She asks.

And Buck realizes the importance of being able to hide what your feeling. He’s open he thinks, with his feelings at least he’s been told he is. But there are the little things, especially now that he’s filled with every emotion at all times that he likes to keep hidden.

They drop her off and when Buck climbs up to the front with Chimney he says, “I think it’s still kind of crazy to get major surgery just so people can’t tell how you’re feeling.”

“Really you do?” Buck asks him.

Chimney looks at him for a moment and sighs, “Nah, I guess not. You could talk, you know. I mean, if you need to.”

“I’m fine,” Buck shrugs.

“You’ve said that word so many times the past few days, it doesn’t even sound like a word anymore,” Chimney says to him.

Buck’s silent and Chimney sighs and says, “I’m just saying you could talk to me. And I mean, for what it’s worth I don’t know how you’re still on your feet. I mean if I were you I’d be under the bar by now.”

Buck chuckles a bit before saying, “I went to the hospital to check on my mother, after work the other day.”

“And?” Chimney asks.

“They think she might have liver cancer,” he tells him.

“I’m sorry,” Chimney says.

“You want the ugly truth though?” Buck asks.

“ What you have an ugly truth? I never woulda pegged you to have an ugly truth,” Chimney jokes.

Buck sighs and says, “I’m more afraid that my mother doesn’t have cancer.”

He looks at Chimney expecting the worse but Chimney just gives a short nod and says, “Well, liver cancers fast, painful, but it’s fast and they give you morphine. They don’t give you morphine for Alzheimer's.”

Buck nods sadly and says, “No, they don’t. But, what kind of person wishes their mother had cancer?”

Chimney simply pats him on the back and in truth, that’s more than enough.

Despite finding some solace in his conversation with Chimney he’s still feeling down when he gets back.

He goes upstairs and sits across from Steven’s as he eats lunch but as Eddie passes him he places his hand on Buck’s shoulder and squeezes.

Buck shrugs it off and glares at Eddie and says, “Don’t.”

“I’m sorry,” Eddie says putting his hands up.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m so tired of you being sorry. Just don’t do it,” Buck shouts at him and now a few people are looking.

“Buck…,” Eddie whispers.

“Buck...seriously? Are you concerned about Steven’s finding out about us? Is that what matters to you? Do you really think he cares?” Buck asks Eddie before turning to Steven and asking, “Stevens, do you care that I was the guy stupid enough to screw my married coworker?”

“No,” Steven’s answers shortly.

Buck turns his head to Eddie and gives him a look and Eddie says, “Buck, it’s okay.”

Buck stands and says, “It’s not okay. You have a wife who’s not easy to hate, who obviously wants you back, and is painfully beautiful and Christopher’s mother!”

“Buck would you just…,” Eddie starts.

“Don’t. Stop talking to me like you’re my boyfriend. Stop talking to me at all,” Buck says before racing down the stairs.

“Dude...that was rough,” Stevens says to Eddie shaking his head.

Eddie goes home and just feels anger. Anger at Shannon and anger at himself. He needs her to leave, but he also needs what Buck did, the reason behind it all. The why and what of her leaving. And he’s starting to realize this is it for him and Buck, even if Shannon’s gone and this is over between them, Buck...he’s not coming back to him.

He finds out from the school that Shannon’s interview’s in the morning and goes there and waits for it to end.

He hears her exit the doors with the principal saying, “Thank you, Mrs. Diaz, it was a pleasure to meet you.”

“You too,” she answers and shakes the woman’s hand before walking towards her car.

Eddie hops out of his truck and says, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Shannon says looking at him.

“The school called to tell me about your appointment. Thought I’d head over,” he explains.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t take the interview okay, at least I don’t think I did,” Shannon says.

“I’m sure you did great,” Eddie sighs, “I appreciate it. Christopher will too.”

“That’s why you’re here? To pass along thank yous from my own son?” She asks opening her car door.

Eddie shuts the door for her before turning to her and saying, “When you left I understood. I tried to. I mean you were taking care of your mother and I was trying to take care of Christopher and we just drifted further away from each other. But I always thought you’d come home. Maybe we’d have a chance to make things right. But you didn’t. So I guess I just need to know why.”

“I didn’t know how, and the longer I was gone the harder it was to come back. To face you. And to face Christopher. He must hate me,” Shannon says starting to cry.

“What are you talking about? Why would Christopher hate you?” Eddie asks.

“Because I did this to him! I have relieved every moment of that pregnancy so many times. Just trying to figure out how it happened and what I did wrong. And I thought I could make up for it, so I did all this research finding new treatments and different therapies, but it was all still so overwhelming and exhausting and I just...needed a break. So then the mother who hurt her kid left him,” she sobs.

Eddie moves towards her and hugs her and says, “You didn’t do anything wrong. What happened wasn't your fault.”

“I know that I just don’t feel it,” Shannon says.

“Christopher loves you. And he misses you,” Eddie says to her.

She smiles at him gently and hugs him again, but he still tenses at it and she sighs and pulls away from him and then strokes his cheek and smiles a bit and says, “You know the way I see it, we could deal with us in one of three ways. Option one, I could apologize, you could forgive me, come home, and we could move on with our lives like adults. Or option two, I could apologize, you could forgive me, come home, but you could still bring it up to use against me whenever we argue.”

Eddie gives her a look and then says, “Are you trying to be funny?”

She smiles and then says, “Satan has a sense of humor.”

He smiles a bit too as she moves closer to him and he asks, “What’s the third option?”

She sighs and whispers, “I don’t know what the third option is,” before she leans in and kisses him softly.

He kisses her back leaning into the kiss before she pulls away slowly and brushes his hair back before getting into her car once Eddie moves off it.

And maybe it’s the best decision. Buck isn’t coming back to him. Shannon wants to make this work and she’s Christopher’s mother. But Buck is, Buck, and Eddie wants him, he does, but he might not be an option anymore. And maybe Shannon’s right, there is no third option.

After work Chimney comes over to hang out with Buck though he knows it’s only going to be for a while cause he’s promised himself he’ll go see his mother.

He sits down beside Chimney and smiles as he says, “I’m glad you’re here Chim.”

“Are you?” Chimney asks.

Buck looks at him in confusion and says, “Yes, I am.”

Chimney sighs and says, “It’s just that a lot of the time it seems like Eddie came in and you leaned into him, he became your best friend, and now that it’s over you’ve just leaned into Hen and only Hen. And I’m just here.”

Buck shakes his head and pats Chimney’s shoulder and says, “You’re not just here Chimney.”

Chimney smiles and nods a bit before asking, “Are you okay Buck?”

Buck sighs and shakes his head before saying, “No. I’m not okay.”

Buck goes to visit his mother in the hospital as hard as it is, with the doctor informing him it’s not liver cancer. A fact of which Buck isn’t sure is good or bad news, for either of them. His mother will still live in this horrible state, and Buck will have to handle all the difficulties of that alongside seeing her continue to suffer.

“Mama,” Buck says from the doorway of her hospital room.

His mother looks up before huffing and saying, “Oh please Evan I’ve had a long day, go away.”

This time though Buck frowns and says, “No.”

“What?” Buck’s mother asks seeming stunned.

“No. I am Evan Buckley and I am your son. I know you don’t like me very much, but the fact is I don’t always like you very much either. I don’t like the way you speak to me. And I really hate the way you used...the way you speak to Maddie. We deserve better from you,” Buck states playing into her delusion of time.

His mother stares at him before whispering, “I’m sorry.”

“You are?” Buck asks surprised.

“What’s wrong with me Evan?” She asks.

“The mass on your liver,” Buck starts to say.

“Is it algebra? I mean is it algebr--- damn it,” his mother says mixing up her words. She slows down and sighs heavily and then asks, “Is it malignant?”

Buck smiles at her gently and shakes his head and says, “No, it’s benign.”

She sighs and then lays down before patting the side of the bed and saying, “Evan, come here.”

He stares for a moment before coming over to her and sitting on the edge before she pulls him completely down to wrap her arm around him and hold him close.

He shuts his eyes for a moment and tries to believe that he’s young again, a kid who just wants his mother to love him and hug him. Tries to imagine that he’s small again and getting what he never did then. But he can’t see it the way his mother can, he’s grown up and all this is too late, and he can’t ease into it.

She falls asleep and he gets up and feels the emotions wreck his body until he’s outside Eddie’s door in the pouring rain and crying.

He knocks on Eddie’s door despite how late it is, despite knowing Christopher’s sleeping.

Eddie comes to the door and stares out at him and says, “Buck,” when he doesn’t get a response from Buck who just shakes in the rain on the doorstep he says it again, “Buck.”

Buck sobs and says, “Don’t. Please, please, just don’t say anything.”

Eddie stands there looking at him before saying, “Okay.”

Buck sobs and then says, “I’m just exhausted. My mother is exhausting, work is exhausting, and you...hating you is the most exhausting.”

And Eddie just looks at him and Buck can’t help but step forward and pull Eddie’s face close to his and kiss him deeply. Eddie responds to it in seconds cupping Buck’s cheek and kissing him in the wet pouring rain.

“I don’t wanna do it anymore,” Buck whispers shaking his head, cause he can’t, he can’t hate Eddie. It’s too hard when he doesn’t hate Eddie.

He pulls back from the kiss and Eddie strokes his cheek and pulls him inside out of the rain, into where it’s safe and warm.

  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Deny, Deny, Deny

Buck sleeps over that night after the kiss in the rain, falling asleep on Eddie’s shoulder after changing into some of Eddie’s clothes.

But the moment he wakes up he dashes out of the house without a second thought. It’s not to say that he regrets kissing Eddie though he wishes he’d allowed himself to feel what he was feeling without the emotional breakdown. Then Shannon is still a factor, she said she was leaving, but who’s to say she actually will. Buck feels stuck in the middle and he can’t do this with Eddie until it’s certain what Eddie’s going to do about all this. Of course, that would suggest that they should have an actual conversation, but Buck decides he’s not entirely ready for that. His head is still filled with emotions about his mother and Eddie rolling around unprocessed and he needs that moment alone. There’s also the fact that Eddie might assume this is all fixed and Buck doesn’t believe that to be the case, and he doesn’t want to jump early again and end up with either of them deciding something else with Christopher ending up in the middle of all this again.

So he goes home.

Eddie wakes up in the morning and Buck’s gone, which he sort of expects in a way. Buck wasn’t in the best state last night, so Buck deciding to leave as soon as he becomes more level headed isn’t surprising. All he can hope is that Buck just needs time to himself, not that he regrets coming to Eddie.

Bobby invites him over to dinner much to his surprise.

“I’m your captain and someone has to have your back on the team. Not saying I’m choosing sides, I’ve got Buck’s back too, but he has people in his corner. You could use somebody,” Bobby reasons to him.

Athena doesn’t seem too pleased to see him but puts on a face for Bobby at least until Eddie starts talking about what’s happened with Buck and Shannon to her.

He sighs as he sips his beer and says to her, “Shannon kissed me. And Buck kissed me. My wife and my boyfriend kissed me on the same day.”

Athena gives him a look before sighing and looking to Bobby and asking, “Bobby, do I look friendly to you?”

Bobby smiles a bit and says, “ Oh, you’re a tiny little kitten of joy and love,” before she gives him a look and he laughs and says, “What? He’s a part of my crew and everyone’s against him right now, he’s gotta have some sort of support.”

“A man of many mistakes. Go tell it to someone who cares,” Athena says to Eddie shaking her head.

“Everything’s gonna be fine. Shannon will leave again, Buck and I will start over. Everything’s gonna be fine, right?” Eddie tries to reassure himself before asking both Bobby and Athena.

Bobby’s silent and Athena stares at him before scoffing and shaking her head, “You so damn stupid.”

Eddie looks at her in question and she sighs before looking at him and points her finger at him before saying, “ Look, you have put yourself between a very fine man and I’m assuming a fine woman, and you’re looking for an easy way out. And are using everything you can to make the decision for you, and it’s not gonna happen.”

“Could I just say a couple things?” Eddie starts.

“Shush,” Athena says simply raising her hand at him as he slumps back in his seat.

When they all get to work the next day Bobby tells them all, “I want everyone focused today. We’ve had a lot of drama, I want us back to work, I feel it’s gonna be one of those days.”

If they listen it’s about for five seconds cause it’s the first time Buck and Eddie have seen each other since that night.

“Buck,” Eddie starts walking up to him.

Bucks sighs but he doesn’t just shrug him off and tell him to stop like he has in the past which gives him a little hope. Instead, Buck turns towards him and says, “You’ve got a wife.”

It’s just a statement of fact and Eddie says, “Yes.”

“Your life is complicated,” Buck says, another statement of fact.

“Yes.”

“It was already and now it’s way more than…,” Buck starts to say before huffing and saying, “I don’t need complicated. I have complicated all on my own.”

“Yes,” Eddie agrees.

“Stop saying yes,” Buck replies narrowing his eyes at Eddie.

“Just trying not to make any sudden movements,” Eddie grins.

“You think this is funny?” Buck asks.

Eddie steps further into Buck's space and says, “Shannon is leaving. She doesn’t have any reason to stay, I don’t want her here.”

“No reason?” Buck asks, “There’s you and her son.”

“Maybe with Christopher,” Eddie says before cupping Buck’s cheek and saying, “But with me, none whatsoever,” he smiles and strokes Buck’s cheek gently.

Buck begins to lean into Eddie’s touch and smile just as Shannon comes right up next to them and says, “Well, isn’t this cozy? Can I join in, or are you not into threesomes?”

Eddie rolls his eyes while Buck steps away awkwardly and says, “I have to go.”

“Buck,” Eddie starts to call after him but Buck’s walking away quickly so Eddie turns to Shannon and huffs, “You really are satan. You realize that, right? If satan were to take physical form, he’d be you, everywhere all the time,” he tells her.

“I am so not satan,” Shannon says.

“How come you haven’t gotten on your broomstick and gone back to where you belong?” Eddie asks.

“Stop being petty. Our son is here,” she replies.

“Never stopped you from leaving before,” Eddie grumbles.

“You know you are going to forgive me eventually, right? I mean, you can’t just, I mean, there was a time where you thought of me as your best friend,” Shannon says to him.

“There was a time where I thought you were the love of my life. Things change,” Eddie says glaring at her.

“Here then,” Shannon says handing him a packet of papers to Eddie.

Eddie looks down at them and reads aloud, “Divorce papers.”

“A custody agreement will have to be worked out but other than that it’s an end of our marriage and is a typical division of assets. Your lawyer looked them over them, I haven’t signed them yet. The ball’s in your court. If you sign, I’ll sign. I’ll sign and get out of your hair,” Shannon sighs heavily.

“I’ll sign them immediately. I want you out of here as soon as possible,” Eddie says trying to dig a pen out of his pocket.

Shannon stops him though and says, “Eddie, have you ever thought that even if I am satan and a woman who at one time left you and Christopher that I still might be the love of your life?”

She walks away and Eddie stares after her looking down at the papers for a moment before walking and putting them in his locker as Buck watches from the balcony.

Despite walking away she does linger and catches Buck in passing and says to him, “It’s hard to accept the end when you’re too close.”

Buck looks at her for a moment before she sighs and adds, “Look, I don’t want someone who doesn’t want me, Buck, but if there’s the slightest chance that he does I’m not leaving.”

Their first call of the day comes and when they enter there seems to be a lack of panic instead the woman is surrounded on the sidewalk and chatting away to the people nearby.

“You called 911 or are we interrupting storytime?” Chimney asks.

“Sorry, just telling tales of missionary life,” the woman on the sidewalk says to them.

“You’re a missionary?” Buck asks as Chimney starts to examine her.

“No, my parents. We traveled a lot. They still do,” she shrugs.

Buck looks down at the call info and then asks, “And your name’s Kalpana Vera?”

“Kalpana,” she says correcting Buck’s pronunciation of her name before adding, “I was named by villagers in Nepal.”

“She appears to be having multiple syncopal episodes and ventricular arrhythmia,” Chimney announces.

“So you’ve been passing out?” Hen asks her.

“Yeah, and having palpitations,” she tells Hen.

“Past medical history of rheumatic heart disease with mitral valve stenosis,” Buck adds still looking at the call info.

“They had to ship me from Zambia to the states for three months of treatment when I was 8. It almost killed me,” she informs them before looking at them and asking, “What’s wrong with me now?”

“Could be anything from a valvular disease, a mitral valve prolapse, stimulants, drugs, or metabolic abnormalities,” Chim says just as the woman passes out.

Hen’s hand shoots out immediately to check her pulse before announcing, “She’s coding!”

Chimney starts chest compressions before Hen hits her hard on the chest and the woman gasps and starts breathing again.

“You scared us just a little,” Chimney tells her as she blinks back into consciousness.

“Let's get her to the hospital,” Hen says quickly moving and loading her into the ambulance.

The next call comes soon after and it’s an odd one for them as when they arrive the guy who claims to be shot is walking around his house.

They get him to sit on the couch and Buck asks, “You were shot? You’re walking.”

Athena walks in at the moment and says, “I hear we have a gunshot. Where’s the victim?”

“Right here,” Buck tells her gesturing to the man Chimney and Hen are examining that is just sitting up and talking on the couch.

“Excuse me?” Athena asks.

“Yeah I feel the same,” Buck nods and watches Hen and Chimney.

“He’s talking and there’s not an exit wound,” Chimney comments.

“This mark here looks more like a burn,” Hen remarks as she examines the supposed bullet hole in the middle of the guy's forehead.

“Who shot you, sir?” Athena asks still in disbelief.

“I’m not entirely sure he was shot,” Chimney comments.

“I’m telling you, I shot myself. Pulled the trigger while I was cleaning my .22. I thought the clip was out. If you’re thinking suicide, don’t. People make mistakes. I made a mistake...and now I’m paying for it. But I did shoot myself,” he explains.

“Oh my God Samuel!” A woman says suddenly before rushing in, “How bad is it?” She asks them.

“Are you his wife?” Eddie asks her.

“Yes, for 21 years. Just tell me how he is,” she insists.

“Fine, for a man who says he shot himself,” Chimney sighs.

“He shot himself!” She argues, “He was cleaning his gun. What is wrong with you people?” She asks stepping forward

“Ma’am, how about you back up a bit,” Eddie says holding her back.

“No. No. My husband has a bullet in his head,” she fumes.

“Then we’ll handle it,” Eddie assures her.

“He wasn’t trying to kill himself. It was an accident,” she tells them.

“They’re just trying to do their job,” the guy tells his wife.

“Their job is to make you better,” she hisses.

“Where were you when the gun went off?” Athena asks her.

“I was in the next room, and I heard the shot and it was awful,” she explains.

“Squeeze this,” Chimney says giving the man his hand to check his gip.

“It’s over now,” the man assures his wife.

“He was only unconscious for a moment, and then he was walking and talking,” the wife further explains to Athena.

“Well I’ll need you to give a full report,” Athena tells her.

“Why?” The woman asks her head jerking back suddenly and looking around nervously.

“Yeah what do we need to talk about?” The husband asks.

“All gunshot wounds have to be reported. It’s the law,” Athena informs her.

She’s acting cagey as Athena takes her aside and they load the man into the ambulance to take to the hospital.

“She absolutely shot her husband,” Hen remarks when they get back to the station.

“Why would she do that?” Buck asks.

“Men are dumb. Probably cheated,” Hen laughs, “a little payback.”

Buck and Eddie look at her for a moment and she gestures, “I wasn’t saying anything about you two.”   
  


Buck gives a short laugh before walking away only to be followed by Eddie who grabs his arm and says, “Buck.”

“She keeps showing up here Eddie,” Buck says, turning towards Eddie.

“That doesn’t mean she intends to stay,” Eddie tells him.

“Well, what does it mean? Because it seems to me...wait are you defending her?” Buck asks.

“I’m not. Buck, she gave me divorce papers which she filed,” Eddie tells him.

“Oh,” Buck says looking at Eddie before shifting on his feet and saying “Well, that’s good…”

And Eddie thinks maybe this can work, maybe they can have what they had before Shannon came in and everything went to hell.

“All I have to do is sign, and I’m free,” Eddie says to Buck stroking his wrist gently, “We’re free,” Eddie adds.

“Is there anything to think about?” Buck asks.

“No, of course not. I have to read through them, sign, figure out a custody agreement, and then we’re over,” Eddie smiles gently.

Buck looks up at him shyly and Eddie squeezes Buck’s hand before walking away from him slowly.

Buck sits with Hen in between calls and says, “Shannon gave Eddie divorce papers, which is good. I mean, she’s still around being Shannon, but it’s not like I’m jealous or anything.” 

“That’s odd,” Hen says not really paying attention.

“It’s odd that I’m not jealous?” Buck asks.

“No, you have every right to be jealous. It’s your territory, and she’s peeing all over it. You have the right to be upset about losing Eddie to his perfect wife. You have a right to be jealous,” Hen replies.

Buck looks at Hen and says, “I did not lose Eddie. Divorce papers, remember? And I’m not jealous. And I’m not upset.”

Hen gives him a look and says, “So you’re taking him back?”

Buck sighs and Hen says, “It’s okay if you are, I’m just wondering.”

“It might not be the same, but I...I like him a lot, and it was nice, being with him.”

“It’s okay to want him, Buck. There are no judgments here,” Hen tells him rubbing his arm.

“It feels different with him. He’s...like I was miserable when Abby left, but I kept moving. But with him it’s like it’s just different, it’s more and that seemed impossible,” Buck whispers.

“You said you loved Abby. Do you love Eddie?” Hen asks.

Buck shifts just before the alarm rings out in the station and saves him, from having to think about it too much. Even if it’s true. At least he wouldn’t have to say it out loud.

Maybe Hen doesn’t judge but maybe Buck judges himself a little.

When they arrive on the call Hen approaches the guy and says with a smile, “I thought I told you I never wanted to see you again.”

“That’s only because you’re too lazy to learn anything more,” the guy beams at Hen.

“Who is this?” Buck asks noticing the connection between the two.

“Jeremiah Tate. Thinks he knows so much because he was one of my first calls,” Hen laughs.

“ I knew as much as she did. It took her forever to get an iv in me,” he teases.

“He raises about 100 grand a year running triathlons for Cystic Fibrosis. So he thinks he’s a big shot,” Hen ribs.

“You run triathlons?” Buck asks surprised.

“Why not?” Jeremiah smiles.

“Pain, for one. It says you’re finally admitting to it being too much that you can’t breathe,” Hen says giving Jeremiah a pointed look.

“Just a little,” Jeremiah whispers.

“How little? Truth,” Hen insists.

“Enough to keep me awake at night. I may have had a seizure or two,” he mumbles.

“Jeremiah,” Hen says.

“Too weak to work out too,” Jeremiah adds.

“We’re gonna get you to the hospital. But where do your parents think you are this time?” Hen asks him.

He smiles a bit and says, “New Jersey.”

“What about his parents?” Buck asks Hen.

She turns towards him and says, “He doesn’t like to bother them until he’s well. He understands his reality. He just chooses to ignore it. Denial works for him.”

“Hen,” Chimney suddenly calls, “somethings wrong!”   
  


“Jeremiah!” Hen shouts going to him and checking him.

“He went out,” Chimney tells her.

“Let’s move now!” Hen shouts and they quickly get him into the ambulance.

When Buck, Eddie, and Bobby get to the hospital behind the ambulance and hurry to open the ambulance doors they just see Hen and Chimney sitting the motionless.

The monitor beeps in a single long tone, and Jeremiah who was smiling just a second ago is gone.

“Hen,” Buck starts but she doesn’t move or respond.

She doesn’t move really even when they get back to the fire station and just goes to the locker room in a daze.

Buck and Chimney bring her home but she doesn’t really say anything even though they sleepover like she and Chimney did for Buck when he needed them.

It’s about six the next night when Hen finally says, “You guys don’t need to stay.”

“You were there for me, of course, I’m going to be here for you,” Buck tells her.

She shakes her head and touches Buck gently and says, “I’m fine Buck. Really. Thank you. He was an important patient for me, but he had a long struggle, at least he’s out of pain.”

Buck stares at her and she sighs and says, “Really, Buck, I’m fine. I know you have a date with Eddie tonight.”   
  


“I canceled,” Buck tells her.

“Buck, you’ve been miserable. Go work things out with Eddie, and make things easier for all of us,” Hen tells him.

Buck laughs softly and hugs her and says, “Thank you Hen.”

“Go,” she directs him which he laughs at as he leaves.

He calls Eddie telling him he can make it and they go back to the bar they met sitting down together.

“I’m glad we’re doing this,” Buck says smiling shyly at Eddie.

Eddie smiles and touches Buck’s hand gently and says, “Me, too. Want a drink?”

“Yes,” Buck answers as Eddie shrugs off his jacket only for a packet to fall from Eddie’s inside coat pocket.

“Oh,” Buck says reaching for it.

“I’ll get it,” they both say at the same time before Buck’s hands get to it first.

Buck looks down at it and sees that it’s the divorce papers, his eyes move down it to the unsigned forms. The line empty where Eddie’s signature should be.

Buck looks up at Eddie slowly and Eddie looks back at him before sighing and looking down nervously and then back up at Buck just silent.

  
  



	5. Bring the Pain

The rain is pouring down as Buck storms up the stairs of Chimney’s apartment building deciding to go there rather than his own place in an effort to ditch Eddie. But of course, Eddie just follows him there in his car. He runs after Buck up the stairs despite all of Buck’s efforts to lose him on the way here.

“Buck,” Eddie calls after him.

“I don’t want to have this conversation again,” Buck shouts back at him trying to locate Chimney’s key outside.

“Buck,” Eddie says again as Buck finds the key and inserts it in the lock.

“You didn’t sign the divorce papers. Fine. I get it. End of discussion,” Buck tells him turning the key in the lock and going into Chimney’s apartment though Eddie follows partially into the room.

“Buck,” Eddie repeats.

“What?” Buck finally screams at him and turning in his direction.

Under Buck’s eye, Eddie seems to freeze in place his mouth hanging open as he says, “Oh. I usually just say Buck and then you yell at me,” Eddie says staring back at Buck for a moment before shifting on his feet and saying, “I haven’t thought past that point. I actually didn’t have anything planned.”

Buck’s eyes narrow with anger and he clenches his teeth before grabbing a nearby book and beating Eddie on the arm with it.

Eddie yelps and shouts, “What is that!? Hey, stop it,” as Buck beats him with it out of the apartment until he’s in the hallway.

“ Seriously? Seriously?” Buck screams at Eddie before slamming the door.

He drops the book before heading straight for Chimney’s room and flinging open the door and shouting, “Seriously?”

Chimney wakes up with a start and turns his head and groans, “What?”

“Move over,” Buck orders climbing into the bed beside him and crossing his arms.

“Move Ov...I was sleeping,” Chimney complains as Buck shoves him over.

“Oh, shut up,” Buck huffs angrily.

“ Shut…,” Chimney complains again.

“He was a medic, that’s almost like a doctor, how can he be so brainless?” Buck complains loudly.

Chimney groans and rubs at his face, “Buck please.”

“And I look fantastic!” Buck adds angrily.

Chimney sighs heavily before Buck shoves at his shoulder, “Hello! Seriously!”   
  


“Shh…,” Chimney says patting him on the arm, “ just sleep.”

Chimney somehow manages to subdue Buck enough to get some sleep which is a wonder on its own.

The next morning he’s complaining loudly to both Hen and Chimney as they change in the locker room.

“He puts in all this time trying to get me to talk to him and come back and then he doesn’t sign the papers. I hate him, I hate him,” Buck shouts.

“Men are stupid,” Hen says shaking her head.

“I’m really going to start hating Eddie soon if this drama keeps disrupting my sleep, though logically I know I should really just hate you for waking me up with it,” Chimney tells Buck.

“I’m just a symptom of his idiocy, he’s the disease, you should hate him,” Buck fumes slamming his locker shut and turning to see Eddie entering the locker room.

Buck sighs heavily and tries to shove past him as Eddie calls out, “What you’re not talking to me anymore?”

“The papers why didn’t you sign them?” Buck asks glaring at Eddie.

“Buck…,” Eddie starts.

“No, no more Buck. You’re right I’m not talking to you anymore,” Buck says before dashing off.

Eddie sighs as Chimney passes him shaking his head and Hen sends a glare his way before following Chimney in Buck’s direction.

On their first call, they end up responding to the home of a man with a possible herniated disk from lifting a table.

When they arrive at the home the man is laying on the couch watching the television.

“He’s allergic to all pain medication,” the wife tells them.

Buck’s eyes go to the television that the man is watching and he tilts his head a bit as he tries to process what he’s saying.

Hen’s eyes lock on it as well and she slowly says, “Is that…”

“Porn,” the wife nods.

“Porn?” Bobby asks before looking at the TV before saying, “As in porn?”

“All right,” Buck says smiling and looking at it, “What are we watching?”

“Buck, go outside,” Bobby points, and Buck sighs and simply moves to a further point of the living room.

“Listen, I’m sure you are really nice people but I’m going to turn this off,” Bobby says reaching to turn off the television.

“It’s for my pain. Last time I had this the doctor told me it releases endorphins in the brain, and it helps keep my pain at a manageable level,” the man explains.

“Really?” Eddie says sounding amazed as he views the TV more closely.

“Diaz, outside with Buck,” Bobby says.

“Yeah,” Eddie says slowly moving away from the TV, simply going to stand beside Buck who’s still watching.

“What is this?” Chimney asks eyeing the TV.

“Nasty Naughty Nurses 5,” the wife supplies.

“That does not look comfortable,” Hen says frowning at the TV.

“Trust me it’s not,” Buck offers with everyone’s eyes shooting towards him while Eddie nods his head in agreement.

“Buck, I said go outside!” Bobby shouts again.

Buck nods and ducks out of the house as Chimney shakes his head and turns to the man and says, “Okay, let's get him in the ambulance.”

“What am I gonna do about my pain?” The man asks.

“You mean…,” Chimney trails off.

“Without my porn. I can’t go,” the man insists.

“Just distract yourself for the ride there,” Chimney replies as they get him on the gurney and start rolling him out.

“I need my porn!” The man shouts.

Chimney and Buck transport him to the hospital and Chimney frowns and says, “Wow your pressures elevated and your heart is racing. You’re really in pain.”

“What’d you think?” The man shoots back groaning loudly.

“You’re telling me the porn actually sedated you?” Chimney asks.

“What do you think, I’m some kind of pervert, watching that stuff in front of you?” He asks.

“Well, yes,” Chimney says before the man shouts in pain.

Chimney quickly pulls out the info they have on him and shakes his head, “You’re allergic to most narcotics and NSAIDs. I suppose we could try droperidol and diphenhydramine.”

“That put me into a coma last year,” the man says.

Chimney looks flustered and confused about what to do and Buck sighs heavily and says, “Okay, okay, Chimney if you tell anyone I did this not only will I kill you, I will sell your body parts for cash,” he warns.

Chimney looks confused but nods and Buck starts to talk, “Okay. So...there were these women--nurses--three nurses -- and they were...naughty. They’re really, really naughty. They were three naughty nurses. Saucy even -- they were saucy and bad and naughty. Three saucy, bad, naughty nurses -- they were taking a shower together. Soaping each other up, and then this doctor walks in, and he sees these three naughty, bad nurses with these great big…,” Buck starts to gesture.

The man starts to relax and remains quiet throughout the rest of the ride, his eyes shut just listening.

“Oh yes I’m so very very naughty Biana said as she, uh, dropped her stethoscope. Me, too said Crystal as she snapped on her surgical glove, and then there was Marta. Marta was the naughtiest nurse of all because she knew how to,” Buck continues just as the doors of the ambulance open.

“Buck…,” Eddie trails off staring having heard a good deal of it.

“Just great,” Buck says shaking his head and hopping out of the ambulance as Chimney gives a little snort and wheels the man into the hospital.

He walks towards Hen who’s talking to the wife who’s made her way there soon after.

“How do you put up with it? I mean nasty, naughty nurses five, and I’m assuming 1, 2, 3 and 4,” Hen asks.

“He’s my Henry,” she shrugs.

“I know, but don’t you find it misogynistic and degrading and kind of...24 hours a day of porn? Seriously, that’s your life?” Hen asks.

“I’m grateful for it. It takes away his pain. And see, the thing is, Henry, Henry takes away my pain,” the woman tells her before smiling and going into the hospital after her husband.

When they get back to the station Eddie tries again and calls after him, “Buck.”

“Your wife is probably looking for you,” Buck shoots back at him.

“This is hard for me, Buck,” Eddie begins.

“Let me make it easy, then. I’m not going to be that guy, the one who breaks up a marriage or begs you to want me. You can sign the papers or you cannot. The choice is yours. Either way, when it comes to this relationship, I’m out,” Buck insists turning on him and walking away.

They end up responding to an officer shooting soon after that.

“GSW to the chest,” the officer on scene explains, “his name’s Pete Willobough, 25 years old. One of Los Angeles finest.”

“Oh, man this hurts,” the injured cop cries out as Chimney moves to his side, “They never tell you in the movies how much it hurts to get shot,” he continues.

“Let’s get five milligrams of morphine in him,” Chimney tells Buck after they get the IV in.

Buck nods his head as Chimney asks, “You got shot in the line of duty?”

“First month on the job. Can you believe my luck? Guy pulls a gun, and I freeze up. The rookie let himself get shot. I’m never gonna live this down,” the cop cries out in pain.

“Sure you will,” Chimney reassures him.

“You think?” He asks.

“Absolutely,” Buck nods to him.

They transport him to the hospital quickly and get a call immediately after.

“You shouldn’t have tried to walk the dog in the rain,” the husband says to his wife as they arrive.

“Oh, Lou, it wasn’t the rain. I just passed out,” she says as Hen and Chimney get her hooked up to a machine to check her heart.

“Actually Mrs. Bradley,” Hen begins.

“Verna,” the woman corrects her.

“Verna you have lateral S.T. elevations and reciprocal inferior changes consistent with an M.I, a heart attack,” Hen tells her.

“Oh, my god,” Lou says.

“Lou, don’t worry. Come on. I’ve had these little chest pains before, and it turned out to be nothing. This is nothing,” Verna reassures him.

Lou leans down and kisses Verna gently but she moves away from it her cheeks flushing as she says, “Lou, not in front of the paramedics.”

“You said you had this happen before,” Chimney says to her.

“Yes, but nothing ever came of it,” Verna replies.

“I called the dispatcher you’ve called for help related to chest pain on this date for the past seven years,” Buck announces as he comes inside.

“Oh that can’t be I don’t remember the date exactly, but…,” Lou thinks.

“We called and checked. On this date for the past seven years, you call describing symptoms that resemble a heart attack,” Buck says.

“No, no, I know I’ve had some scares, but I don’t…,” Verna starts.

“Every year on this date?” Lou interrupts.

“Is there some significance to this date for you personally?” Eddie asks her.

“No. Nothing,” Verna insists.

“What were you doing the first year?” Buck asks.

“Oh, who can remember back that far?” Verna asks before Lou interjects.

“We were in the yard. I remember because our neighbor what was his name?”

“Ted,” she answers.

“That’s right. He died. Of an aneurysm, I think. And we watched as the funeral home people took him away, and you had your first attack,” Lou says.

“And you were close to Ted?” Buck asks.

“No. Oh, we barely knew Ted,” Verna replies.

Buck observes her carefully as Lou asks, “Well, that was all very sad, but what does that have to do with Verna’s heart?”

“Nothing probably. We should get her moving,” Eddie replies with a small smile.

When they get her in ambulance Buck asks her, “It’s Ted isn’t it?”

“Ted?” Verna asks.

“Ted. Not just a neighbor you barely knew, was he?” Buck asks.

Eddie gives him a slight look and the woman blushes a bit and says, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Because every year on the day he died, you have what looks like a heart attack,” Buck explains eyeing her carefully.

She stares up at him and looks down sadly before saying, “27 years...I loved the man next door and he loved me. I know how this is gonna sound...Ted was my soul mate. And then he just died.”

Buck looks at her sadly and says, “It’s grief. You’re grieving for Ted.”   
  


She sniffs and nods before saying, “How do you treat it?”

Buck sighs and shakes his head slightly before saying, “I wish I knew.”   
  


When they get back to the fire station, much to Buck’s dismay he gets assigned to clean the truck with Eddie who chats away despite not getting a reply from Buck.

“Look, do you need me for anything work-related?” Buck huffs finally.

Eddie turns towards him and tosses the rag he’s using down into the bucket before moving into Buck’s space and angrily saying, “Look I was married for seven years before she left. Shannon is a part of my family. We had a child together. That is 7 thanksgivings, 11 birthdays, and 11 Christmases, and in one day, I’m supposed to sign a piece of paper and end my family? A person doesn’t do that not without a little hesitation. I’m entitled to a little uncertainty here. Just a moment to understand the magnitude of what it means to cut somebody out of my life. I’m entitled to at least one moment of painful doubt. And a little understanding from you would be nice.”

Buck stares back at him as Eddie rubs his face before storming off himself.

They get called to the hospital soon after to help get an elevator that’s stuck between two floors open after the elevator stopped because of a faulty generator.

“It’s jammed it won’t open anymore,” a doctor explains to them when they arrive.

“Okay let’s get in there,” he says carrying the tools forward.

A man who’s laying on the floor looking into the elevator hold up his hand and says, “ No. Nobody moves nobody works on the elevator. I have an open chest a very nervous intern in there. Keep them back until I give the word,” he explains to the doctor who leads them over.

The woman sighs and turns to them and says, “Okay, guys we’re not ready.”

Buck and Eddie stand to the side with the tools until the woman calls them over again and says, “Okay, we’re ready.”

They begin to pry the doors open and get a look inside and Buck blinks down at two young doctors standing over a man with an open chest that looks familiar.

“Wait, I know this guy,” Buck says, “It’s the cop from earlier.”

“Damn,” Eddie says, “bad break.”   
  


Lucky for them they get them all out of there, with the cop finally being ushered into a real operating room instead of the makeshift one they’ve made out of the elevator.

Their final call of the shift ends up being a long one though at first, it seems like a simple call.

“I’ve had a twinge in my back for a while. I thought it would go away, but then last night, my legs went numb, and this morning, my back, the pain is just too much,” the girl explains to them.

“We’re gonna give you some morphine, which should help control the pain,” Eddie tells her.

“Thank you,” she says with a sigh.

“Ana, why didn’t you call us first?” A man says storming in the room with a woman not far behind.

“I’m sorry. These are my parents,” Ana explains to them.

“Hi,” Buck says to the father.

“What’s going on?” The father asks.

“She has significant back pain and numbness in her legs. We need to get her to the hospital as soon as possible,” Eddie explains to them.

“Father?” Ana asks.

“No. No hospital,” the girl's father says.

“Mr. Chue she could face paralysis if we wait to take her to the hospital,” Eddie informs him.

“No,” the father says again.

“Anna needs this,” Buck says to him.

“Another time,” the father tells them.

“Look…,” Eddie starts.

“We said no,” the father tells them.

Eddie narrows his eyes at the man before saying, “Anna, you’re over 18. You don’t need your father’s consent.”

They all look at the girl who sighs and says, “I’m Hmong and my father is the elder. If he says no, it’s a no.”

They exit the room and go to Bobby and Eddie says, “She says she’s Hmong we need to find out exactly what it means,” before explaining the situation to Bobby further.

“On, it,” Buck nods before looking at Bobby, “I mean...we’re not just going to leave are we?”

“No,” Bobby says, “not yet.”

Buck nods and goes back into the room with Ana and shifts on his feet before saying, “On it. We’re not just going to leave are we?”

“Spare me your white boy cultural divide love. I grew up here my whole life. I play in a band. I went to UCLA. I get it. But my father doesn’t. He says no, it’s no,” Ana tells him.

“We’re talking about your ability to ever walk again,” Buck tells her.

“That’s what you’re talking about. I’m talking about my family. Have you ever even heard of the Hmong people? Our religion has rules that are way old and way set in stone and way spiritual, and you don’t mess with them. You don’t anger the ancestors even if you pierce your tongue and play in a band,” she explains to him.

“What are the rules exactly?” Buck asks her.

Buck exits a few minutes later and goes over to Eddie and says, “Eddie. We need to talk to Anna’s father. Apparently, Anna’s father believes she’s missing something that she needs before being treated.”

“Missing something? Missing what?” Eddie asks.

“One of her souls. We need a shaman,” Buck tells him.

“A shaman?” Eddie questions.

Eddie ends up going to Anna’s father and asks, “Mr. Shue you need Anna to have a healing ritual?”

“When sickness comes, it means that one of our souls is missing. Anna needs to have her souls intact before she is treated. She needs a shaman,” Ana’s father explains to him.

“Well you could have told us that,” Eddie says.

“Why, so you could call me a fool?” Her father asks.

“I respect that you have traditions that I can’t understand, but you’re standing beside me in a $3000 suit, so I also know that you respect the fact that I’m telling you Anna needs help soon if she’s going to continue to walk. She needs to go to the hospital,” Eddie says to him.

“She can’t undergo treatment without her soul. She’d die,” Ana’s father tells Eddie.

“Alright then, we’re just going to have to get a shaman right now,” Eddie says.

“Shamans aren’t listed in the yellow pages. Our Shaman is 50 miles from here. You are an arrogant man,” Ana’s father replies.

“No I’m just a guy with an ambulance that can drive to bring him here quickly,” Eddie says.

He nods at Bobby who goes Hen and the father nods before saying. “Alright. But finding her soul won’t be easy.”

“It never is,” Eddie replies and gives a small smile.

They get the address from him and Hen drives off there while Buck sits with Ana.

“Okay, we have to stop the morphine now so you’ll probably be in a lot of pain for the duration of the…,” Buck pauses.

“The healing ritual,” Ana finishes for him.

“Are you okay with that?” Buck asks.

“Yeah. I can’t find my soul if I’m medicated. No pain, no gain, right?” Ana laughs.

“Well, it’s not just for your father. You believe it, too, right?” Buck asks.

“I know it sounds like a load of crap, but watch the ritual, you’ll see,” Ana tells him.

“See what?” Buck asks.

“The moment it happens,” Ana tells him before looking in the doorway where the Shaman is, “I’m ready,” she says.

“How long do you think it takes to retrieve a lost soul?” Eddie asks as him and Buck stand in the doorway.

“I don’t know,” Buck shrugs.

They watch and then suddenly Ana looks over at him and Buck knows the moment.

They get her to the hospital soon after that and Buck watches Eddie as they go back to the station.

He enters the locker room after Eddie and Eddie gives him a small glance before turning back to his locker. He stands there in the doorway for a moment before speaking suddenly, “I lied.”

Eddie looks back at him and Buck starts again, “I lied. I’m not out of this relationship. I’m in. I’m so in it’s humiliating because here I am begging…,” he starts.

“Buck…,” Eddie begins to interrupt. 

“Shut up,” Buck holds up his hand to Eddie who sighs and Buck smiles a bit before saying, “You say Buck and I yell, remember?”

“Yeah…,” Eddie laughs softly.

Buck swallows and says, “Okay...here it is. Your choice, it’s simple...her or me. And I’m sure she’s really great. But, Eddie, I love you…,” he says crying a bit, “In a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you love you,” Buck insists. 

Eddie stares at Buck as Buck swallows and says, “So pick me, choose me, love me,” he shifts nervously and says, “I’ll be at the bar tonight, so if you do decide to sign the papers...meet me there,” before he steps back and leaves Eddie there.

He gets a nap in at home and tries not to think too hard on tonight. He goes to the hospital to make sure the nursing home takes his mother home from the hospital.

“I am gonna come see you tomorrow. Okay?” Buck tells her.

His mother suddenly grabs his arm tightly and pulls him down near her, “He doesn’t love me. He can’t. But he’ll stay with me anyway. I’m his wife,” she whispers harshly in his ear.

“Mom?” Buck asks softly but her eyes look over his shoulder and he says it again, “Mommy?”

“Evan…,” she says suddenly and smiles softly and strokes his cheek, “You grew up,” she states.

“I did,” Buck smiles softly.

“Hmm. It’s a shame,” she whispers, “It’s awful being a grown-up. But the carousel never stops turning. You can’t get off,” she says in a daze.

The nurses push his mother out of the room and he watches her go.

He goes to the bar and Hen and Chimney show up for support though he wonders if maybe that makes things awkward in the event Eddie does show up.

He sits with them and asks, “You think he’ll show?”

“He’ll show,” the bartender insists for him.

“He’s not coming. You don’t think he’s coming,” Buck says later in the night to Chimney and Hen.

“He might come. You never know,” Hen shrugs.

“He’s definitely coming,” Chimney insists before Hen kicks him hard underneath the table, “Ow! You want him doing tequila shots all night? I’ll be the one cleaning up the vomit,” he glares at Hen.

“Pour me another one,” Buck tells the bartender.

The bartender smiles and says to him, “I’m telling you any second,” as he pours the shot for him.

Buck watches the door perking up every time the door opens only for his shoulders to drop when it’s not Eddie.

Eddie goes to Bobby’s during the afternoon and Athena eyes him carefully before sighing heavily, “You still haven’t signed those divorce papers yet, have you?”

“Athena...tell me what to do,” Eddie says to her.

Athena laughs slightly and shakes her head and Eddie sighs and says, “God. Why does this have to be so hard?”

“It’s not hard,” Athena says, “It’s painful, but it’s not hard. Come on, you know what to do already. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be in so much pain,” Athena says giving him a knowing smirk before walking to the kitchen to get another drink.

He arrives home still thinking over what to do and Shannon’s sitting there waiting for him and he sighs.

Shannon stands and walks over to him and says, “I have been looking for you.”

“Well, you found me,” Eddie sighs.

“So you gonna sign those divorce papers or not?” Shannon asks staring at Eddie as he shifts slightly under her gaze.


	6. Into You Like a Train

Buck is sitting at the bar listlessly and he can’t stop staring at the door, can’t stop staring at it. Even when he does pull himself away to look at the bartender instead his head snaps around every time he hears the bell on the door ring telling another person has walked in.

But it’s never Eddie. Never Eddie, and how pathetic he is in this moment starts to crash over him as he turns back towards the bar.

“I actually said pick me. Right? I did? Pick me?” Buck asks the bartender with a huff of annoyance.

“I think it’s romantic,” the bartender offers with a soft smile.

“It’s not romantic, Joe. It’s horrifying. Horror movie horrifying. Carrie at the prom with the pig’s blood horrifying,” Buck shouts at him tempted to crawl under the bar and hide.

“Okay, fine, it’s horrifying. But Carrie took out an entire senior class as revenge. I gotta say I like that,” the bartender nods encouragingly as Buck groans.

“I said pick me!” Buck yells again.

Hen and Chimney have come for moral support supposedly, or perhaps just to see the outcome of their bet on whether this whole thing will indeed in a trainwreck.

For the most part, they’ve kept their distance, in the corner playing darts, but still within earshot.

“When you tell someone I’ll meet you later at a bar tomorrow night, how long exactly does that mean you’re supposed to wait?” Hen asks pulling darts off the board and passing them to Chimney as she looks over at Buck sitting at the door.

“Do you think he’s really not coming? I mean it is getting a little hard to watch,” Chimney says throwing the darts before looking back at Buck.

“It was hard to watch an hour ago. Now it’s just pathetic,” Hen huffs taking a sip of her drink.

Buck hears at least part of this and slams his fist against the bar before turning his head at the pair of them, “Who’s pathetic?”

“What?” Hen asks pretending to be confused.

“You who pretend to be my friends are calling me pathetic behind my back in front of my face,” Buck starts while Chimney points the blame towards Hen. “Why don’t you just dump the pig’s blood on me now and get it over with?” Buck calls out to them tossing some peanuts at them.

The door opens again with the bell ringing and Buck’s whole body whips around only to see that yet again it’s not Eddie.

“He’s really not coming,” Buck mutters to himself softly just as their beepers start going off.

“Hey Joe, turn up the TV,” Chimney requests as the news runs and a newscaster reports, “A massive train wreck occurred just outside of Los Angeles moments ago. The train was carrying over 300 passengers…,”

The rest is lost as they gather their belongings and start to throw money out for their drinks.

“Bobby’s texting us 911,” Hen says after looking at her phone.

“We’re not supposed to go in until nine,” Chimney states though he’s already getting ready.

“Must be all hands on deck,” Hen replies.

“Is Buck supposed to help with this?” Chimney asks as Buck gets up from his seat at the bar.

“Buck are you drunk?” Hen asks.

“I’ll be fine after a granola bar and some water. Joe cut me off after three shots and it’s been hours of me being pathetic,” he shoots at her as he pulls his jacket on.

“Looks ugly,” the bartender says finally looking away from the TV upon seeing Buck packing up his eyes widen as he says, “Wait, Buck, you’re leaving? No, no, no, you can’t leave.”

“Sorry, gotta go tend to someone else’s train wreck,” he smiles weakly.

“You gotta at least stay for a cup of coffee. You’re in no shape to save people. Plus, I don’t want to miss the ending,” Joe pleads with excuses.

“Buck?” Hen asks standing by the door waiting.

“Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe I don’t want to know,” Buck shrugs and starts to retreat.

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” Joe says.

“Bye Joe,” Buck waves at him and rushes out after Hen.

Eddie’s just about at the bar when his pager starts beeping calling him in. He’s sure he can meet Buck at the bar just about the leave and hurries inside, opening the door.

He looks around the bar for Buck finding no sight of him when the bartender calls out, “Dude, you’re late.”

Eddie looks down and finally pulls out his beeper and hurries out back to his truck.

Hen, Chimney, and Buck have gotten to the station and are changing into their uniforms, while Buck simultaneously tries to scarf down two granola bars and chases it with a bottle of water when Bobby walks in.

“I know it’s probably been a long day and you’re already tired but I need you all at your best. I don’t want any mistakes? Buck, you look a little,” Bobby frowns.

“I’m sober. Don’t worry I had some coffee, water, and two granola bars to soak up any of the alcohol that was in me,” Buck assures him touching his nose repeatedly with the tip of his finger for good measure.

“Alright,” Bobby nods and then looks around, “Where’s Diaz?”

Buck’s eyes fall and Chimney opens his mouth to say something just as Eddie dashes in and says, “I’m here.”

Buck looks up at him his eyes feeling raw and vacant. Hen starts navigating them out of the locker room when Eddie locks eyes with him and nods his head in his direction.

Buck blinks and follows Chimney who once their off to side asks, “Was that a nod?”

“Yes,” Buck answers.

“Do we know what it meant?”

“No.”

Chimney bites his lip and watches as Eddie walks out of the locker room and nods at Buck again, not saying anything. He leans over towards Hen who’s watching as well and asks, “Does that mean he picked him?”

“If it does I just lost fifty bucks,” Hen replies and climbs into the firetruck alongside Buck and Chimney while Eddie sits up front.

It’s quiet through the ride, mostly just the siren going. When they get to the scene though it’s loud with chaos all around.

It leaves them staring for a moment and Hen comments, “I’m so not tired anymore.”

“Me neither. I’m not tired either,” Chimney says in response.

“Spread out, triage, get them stabilized, and in transport as quickly as you can,” Bobby calls out to them.

After this Eddie loses track of where Buck goes exactly, he sees Chimney not far off treating some man with a severed leg, but he doesn’t spot Buck.

He ends up treating a woman and her very loud friend who’s talking on a phone with a very annoying ringtone.

He’s treating the injured ones head injury as the friend speaks about two octaves above the necessary volume into her phone, fraying Eddie’s nerves.

“We’re fine honey. Some redneck tried to outrun the train. The train slammed into his ass and then it rolled,” the woman speaks into her phone.

“Does this hurt?” Eddie asks as he attends to the injury.

“No,” she replies.

“Oh, no. That dude is toast. He and about 200 other people. And Mary got her face all cut up,” the friend shouts.

“Does it hurt anywhere else?” Eddie asks her pulling back from her.

“Here. A whole bunch of luggage, when they hit the brakes, it just came flying at us,” Mary tells him as she rubs at her ribs.

Eddie feels them carefully before telling her, “Alright the hospital will see if anything’s broken or if there are any other internal injuries.”

“Okay,” she nods and Eddie begins to push the gurney she’s on towards a nearby available ambulance when her friend speaks up.

“I’ll have to call you back,” she says into the phone before reaching out and grabbing Eddie’s arm and stopping him, “Excuse me where are you going?” 

“I’m getting your friend transported to the hospital,” Eddie explains.

She scoffs at him for a moment before saying, “No offense, little boy, but you look like my oldest son. And he’s nothing but trouble.”

“Yvonne, shut up,” Mary says from the gurney.  
“I said no offense, I’m just saying. Are you sure you’re old enough to handle this?” Yvonne asks.

Eddie’s eyes have narrowed just as her phone goes off again and she answers and shouts, “Yeah oh yeah we fine. Yeah, some redneck tried to outrun the train right?”

Eddie’s loaded Mary and her friend into the ambulance sent off to likely annoy some doctor with her loud chatter when he spots Buck again.

Eddie’s moved on to his next patient and spots Buck at a distance attending to another woman.

Hen and he are working together on their victim, a woman in her third trimester with relatively severe burns. Hen’s taking her vitals, while Eddie tries to work on the burns.

“Ow,” the woman suddenly says.

“Oh sorry am I doing it too,” Eddie begins his hands removed when she cries out again.

“Ow. God...was that a,” she begins to ask.

“Contraction,” Hen finishes for her, “It was definitely a contraction. We need to get her to the hospital quick,” Hen tells Eddie who nods, “She’s in no condition to push and the baby appears to be in some distress. It’s likely she’ll need a C-Section.”

Across the way, Buck is attending to another woman when he catches sight of Eddie with Hen, his stomach-churning.

“This is pretty deep,” he says turning his attention back to the woman, examining the cut on her neck, “Might leave a scar.”

“I honestly don’t care. Can you just hurry?” She asks.

“Hot date I’m keeping you from?” Buck asks raising his brows before adding, “Any pain anywhere else?”

“No. I’m just...yeah, a little sore,” she says running her hand over the swell of her pregnant belly, “But my friend…”

“When are you due?” Buck asks.

“In a few weeks,” she answers, “But my friend...she’s pregnant too. She was burned. Do you know where she is?”

  
Buck looks over towards Eddie whose patient appears to be a pregnant woman as well.

“I think I do,” Buck answers, “My friend is taking care of her, you can reunite with her at the hospital..,” as he says this the woman stands up getting off the gurney and Buck rushes towards her, “No, Ma’am, no, you need to get checked out at the hospital.”

“I’m fine,” she says brushing him off continuing to move, “I can feel her, I’m going to see Brooke.”

Buck is following quickly after her calling out, “You can’t....just…,”

“Brooke?” His woman calls out.

“Jana?” Eddie’s patient calls to her.

“Buck?” Eddie asks narrowing his eyes.

“Sorry, I couldn’t stop her, she wanted to see her friend,” Buck explains his cheeks flushing.

Eddie’s eyes narrow further and he lets out a huff of annoyance as he says, “ Have you even cleared her C-Spine?”

“No,” Buck answers and continues by saying, “But she…”

Eddie rolls his eyes angrily and huffs, “Just leave her with me, since she seems unattended anyways.”

“She’s not unattended, I came with her,” Buck argues.

“You can leave,” Eddie says pointedly.

Buck stares for a moment before letting out his own huff of anger and retreating, “Frine.”

  
“Irresponsible,” Eddie mutters under his breath before catching Hen’s look.

“What? You disagree?” He asks her.

“She wanted to see her friend. What was he supposed to do? Tackle her?” Hen asks Eddie.

“You have another gurney?” Eddie asks only more angry at this point.

“Yeah,” she sighs, “I’ll go get it.”

She grabs a gurney and spots Buck nearby and intercepts him, “Buck take this to Eddie…,” she says.

“I don’t think that’s…,” Buck begins.

“Just do it,” Hen says pointedly.

“Okay,” Buck sighs and pushes the gurney over to where Eddie is and gets the other woman settled. He notices that Eddie doesn’t look at him even once.

“I’ll need a lawyer when I get to the hospital,” Eddie’s woman says.

“Why do you need a lawyer?” Buck’s patient asks as he goes back to carefully attending to her wounds, trying to focus on her rather than Eddie.

“In case I die.”

“Wait, what? Who said you’re dying?” Jana asks her eyes widening and looking to Buck and then Eddie.

“Well, there is some damage and risk, but…,” Eddie starts to say.

“You’re being ridiculous. You’re going to be fine, you hear me?” Jana interrupts and tells Brooke.

“I hear you. But we’re still getting the lawyer. Unless you want our son to end up with my mom,” Brooke says at which point Jana goes silent.

Buck smiles slightly and asks, “So how long have you two been together?”

“Since third grade,” Brooke answers.

Eddie finally looks at Buck to exchange a look of confusion and Jana quickly says, “We’re not lovers. We’re best friends. We just wanted our kids to have two parents. So we got a sperm donor.”

“The same donor?” Buck asks before smiling and saying, “So your babies are brother and sister? That’s cool.”

  
“Wet,” Jana suddenly says.

“What?” Buck frowns confused.

“I’m wet...I think my water just broke,” she says.

“Good thing the ambulances are here,” Eddie mutters and sure enough two are available.

It’s a task in itself to get them to go in separate ambulances which is necessary and by the time Buck has Jana in the ambulance Eddie has retreated elsewhere.

Buck grabs a bottle of water from the truck and takes a sip as Chimney comes up beside him taking a drink as well.

“So any news about you know?” Chimney asks.

“Nope. No idea. It’s kind of fun though. Not knowing. Strangely exciting -- almost exhilarating,” Buck says faking a smile.

“Really?”

“No, it sucks ass.”

Chimney huffs a laugh before saying, “Oh. Well, I just want you to know...for what it’s worth, that I think he’s crazy if he doesn’t pick you. And I think it’s pretty amazing that you even gave him the choice.”

Buck sighs and says, “I know. It’s so humiliating.”

“No. I mean, you have the capacity to forgive. A lot of people don’t have that. It’s just...it’s impressive actually and I think he’s crazy if he doesn’t pick you.”

“Thank you,” Buck smiles gently.

“But if he doesn’t, pick you, I want you to know that Hen and I are here for you,” Chimney adds.

“Thanks, Chimney,” he says again.

A beat passes before Chimney says, “Hen said he yelled at you in front of a patient.”

Buck swallows his water and says, “Well...he didn’t exactly yell.”

Chimney stares at him and Buck sighs heavily, “Fine. He did. God, I hate him,” Buck says kicking at the ground.

“You don’t, but thanks for trying to show some self-respect. So did you yell back?” Chimney asks.

“No. Not really.”

“Dude, you lost your mojo.”

“Excuse you,” Buck frowns.

“I was trying to talk Buck language. Thought maybe it’d make you feel better.”

Buck sighs and says, “I’m having an off day.

“Yeah, and you’re playing too nice with Eddie. Why don’t you just ask for what you deserve?”

Buck frowns and shakes his head and says, “I’m leaving,” starting to retreat away from Chimney.

“I hope you find your mojo or your confidence or whatever it is Buck. I find you disturbing without it,” Chimney calls to Buck’s back.

“Me too,” Buck shouts back to him.

Buck attends to several patients in between then before he’s called over by Chimney for a particularly tricky one. They’ve just extracted a pair, a man and a woman with a large pole straight through them.

Chimney is taking vitals and moving quickly as Buck examines the main wound kind of in awe.

Chimney calls out, “His B.P.’s holding steady at 90 over palp. She’s had two hypotensive episodes to the low 70s.”

Buck frowns and says, “I don’t think we can get a saw in here. Not without moving them.”

“Which would be a very bad idea,” Chimney replies.

The woman is young maybe in her mid-twenties with mousy brown hair and soft features, while the male is maybe sixty with dark skin with deep lines on his forehead, his eyes shutting every time he takes in a breath as he’s trying to calm himself.

“Is this the craziest thing you’ve ever seen?” The woman asks him.

“Uh yeah,” Buck sighs and then adds, “But Chimney here had a length of rebar straight through his brain and that’s not far from this,” Buck says trying to keep her calm and nodding in Chimney’s direction.

“Wow,” the girls breathes.

“Just stay still,” Chimney tells the two of them, “You want to try and move as little as possible.”

“Oh,” the girl whispers. She’s quiet for a moment before looking at Chimney and asking, “So are you gonna pull this pole out of us anytime soon?”

“It’s a touch uncomfortable,” the man adds in seemingly as a joke, and Buck is amazed by their good humor.

“I’m sorry, we can’t do that,” Chimney tells them, “They likely won’t do it till you’re at the hospital.”

The girl swallows and says, “Well in that case do either of you have a breath mint?”

The two are facing each other and the man gives her a look and she quickly blushes and says, “For me. Not for you,” and he gives a small smile.

“Okay, we need to move them very carefully,” Chimney tells Buck and he nods and begins to push the gurney slowly with Chimney.

“Is there anyone you’d like me to call?” Buck asks.

“Yes, please my wife,” the man answers.

“And my fiance,” the girl adds.

“Normally, Amanda would be a tad upset to find me pressed up against another woman. But in this case, I think I’ll get a pass,” the man jokes good-naturedly.

“You two weren’t traveling together?” Buck asks them.

“No, we just met,” the girl tells him.

“Bit of an awkward introduction,” the man laughs.

“You have very nice pores,” the girl offers, causing the man to laugh.

“Oh it hurts to laugh,” he says.

They arrive and see that there’s a back up on ambulances so Buck pulls off to make the calls when Eddie is suddenly at his side looking at the pair.

“How are they still alive?” Eddie asks.

Buck’s cheeks heat up and he answers, “Pole’s tamponading the wound.”

  
“Is there going to be any way to work on them without moving the pole?”  
At this point, Chimney’s come to join them and says, “Nope.”

“And if you move the pole…,” Eddie starts.

“They’ll both bleed out,” Buck sighs.

“They can move one,” Chimney says, “and work on the one still on the pole as they go.”

  
“But then the one you move,” Eddie whispers.

“Doesn’t stand a chance,” Buck finishes.

“Yeah,” Chimney sighs solemnly.

“So how do they choose then? How do they decide who gets to live?” Buck asks catching Eddie’s eyes.

Eddie looks away quickly though and goes back over to the pair with them and starts examining them as well and squeezes the girls toes and aks, “Miss Krasnoff can you feel that?”

The girl smile and says, “You’re a cute paramedic. Cute paramedics get to call me by my first name.”

Eddie smiles at her delicately and looks down at the info sheet and says, “Can you feel that...Bonnie?”

She smiles at the sound of her name before saying, “Can I feel what? Oh...well..I guess that’s a no.”

“Okay,” he smiles weakly before moving over to the man and asks, “Okay. Can you wiggle your toes for me, Mr. Maynard?”

He starts to wiggle his toes and asks, “Are they...are they moving?”

  
Eddie smiles and says, “Yes, they are.”

“Good. That’s good, right?” He asks.

“That’s great.”

  
“What about me? Are mine moving?” Bonnie asks.

Eddie looks but her toes are still but he puts on a smile and says, “They are.”

“Yay me,” Bonnie smiles and Buck looks down sadly cause he knows what that means most likely.

“Diaz is it?” The man asks.

“Yes sir?” Eddie asks.

“Diaz...Bonnie and I...Are we going to live through this?” He asks.

“Now that’s just morose, Tom,” Bonnie says though her eyes are focused on Eddie.

“I’m sorry dear,” Tom apologizes before he looks back at Eddie and asks, “Diaz?”

Eddie bites his lip and sighs, “Mr. Maynard we’re going to do everything we can. It’s just hard because your body is in a certain amount of shock. It’s preventing you from feeling pain, from feeling the extent of your injuries.”

“Eddie,” Bonnie says using his first name which causes Eddie to look up at her directly. When she’s caught his gaze shes says, “We have a pole cutting a path through our insides. I don’t know about Tom here, but I don’t expect to walk out of this anytime soon so...whatever the truth is, just please say it.”

“I really don’t know. But it is likely that in order to operate, one of you will have to be moved from the pole,” Eddie says.

“Okay,” Bonnie says appearing to be slowly taking in the meaning of this.

“Can’t you just pull the pole out of both of us?” Tom asks.

“If we did that you would both start bleeding very quickly. Too quickly. The pole is plugging your wounds. Once the poles out your organs will most likely shift. And there’s a great deal of damage,” Buck answers.

“So…,” Bonnie says finally absorbing the meaning, “whoever is moved off the pole will...die.”

“They’ll do whatever they can,” Buck replies quickly.

“Whoever has to go it should be me. Just do it now,” Tom says angrily.

“Mr. Maynard, whoever's injuries are less extensive…,” Buck starts to say, but even as he does Eddie reaches out catching Bonnie’s eyes and touching her foot. She understands and shuts her eyes tightly.

“Well there’s still a chance that’s me,” Tom argues against Buck.

“It’s me,” Bonnie says though, “I can’t...I can’t feel them touching me.”

  
Tom takes this in and starts to cry and says angrily, “No. It’s not...It’s not fair.”

“It’s not fair either way,” Bonnie whispers before looking up at Buck tears in her eyes, “Did you...did you call my Danny?”

“Phones have gone down now,” Buck replies, “Maybe at the hospital,” he begins to say when Bonnie shakes her head.

“Maybe it’s better. He wouldn’t...he wouldn’t understand. I can process this all But if he talked to me like this, I think it’d be too hard,” she whispers.

They load them into the ambulance in a solemn silence but it’s Bonnie who gives Eddie a soft smile before they shut the doors and says to him, “If only love were enough.”

Eddie smiles sadly at her and shuts the doors patting the back and watches the ambulance drive away. After that, all his patients begin to blur together. He doesn’t remember any of them specifically, his mind on too many things, on Bonnie, on Buck, on Shannon and Christopher.

Buck doesn’t see Eddie until they leave the scene but he sits up front with Bobby again.

Even when they get back to the station he doesn’t see Eddie for a moment and drinks some coffee before going down to the locker room to change. He and Chimney are there together for a moment before Eddie walks in and stands off nearby. Buck turns and sees his eyes and pauses.

“That was a lot of work. Did you want to go out and…,” Chimney begins before catching sight of Eddie.

“Chimney,” Buck whispers.

“Right,” Chimney says and quickly gathers his stuff and retreats.

There’s a moment of silence as Eddie and Buck both stand there and Buck starts and says, “Hey.”

“Hi,” Eddie says smiling softly in his direction.

Buck tries to read him but can’t and there’s another long moment of silence before Buck glances up at him again.

“You know, I, uh, I went to the bar,” Eddie says.  
“Oh,” Buck says, “You...you did…,” and a smile starts to come to his lips but it stops in the silence that follows before Eddie says,”Tiring day.”

Buck looks down at the floor and takes it in, takes it all in, this time he reads Eddie and the silence and it fills him, like a pole filling a hole inside him. It hits the realization and he feels sick immediately but somehow gains the ability to speak.

“Oh...you’re staying with her,” he whispers.

Eddie looks down and sits in the silence with Buck as if he’s coming to the realization too, letting it wash over him before he speaks again and looks at Buck, “Yeah. She’s my wife and Christopher’s mother…”

“Yeah,” Buck whispers and it washes over him like he always sort of knew it would. Knew he wouldn’t be enough, knew he was kidding himself to ever think he had a chance.

“Buck,” Eddie whispers, “If love were enough,” he begins but Buck stops him cause it’s all he can take.

Eddie saying his name, Eddie saying the word love, is only knives to make a deeper cut.

“Don’t,” Buck stops him and says, “I’m going...I’m going to go,” he says quickly gathering his stuff and rushing out. Maybe he hears Eddie whisper a simple yeah, and maybe he just realizes it’s Hen he bumps into as he rushes out of the door, but he isn’t sure.

Hen watches Buck rush by and calls out, “Buck?” She thinks he hears her cause he shakes his head and then disappears. She watches and slowly turns to where Eddie is still standing in the locker room.

Eddie feels her eyes burning holes into his head and he calls out, “I know,” before he slams his fist against the lockers.

Hen slowly shuts the door and leans back against it and Eddie stares at her for a moment before turning around and dropping his head against the locker. He hits it again and lets out a loud sob and says, “God...,”

He cries for maybe a minute and tries to catch his breath before he pulls back and wipes his eyes

“You good?” Hen asks him.

“Yeah,” he says weakly and she opens the door and leaves, and Eddie after changing hears a voice call out, “Eddie.”

He turns and sees Shannon and puts on a tight smile as she smiles in his direction, “You ready?” She asks.

“Yeah,” he sighs and walks over to her and takes her hand and leaves.


	7. Something to Talk About

Buck takes the next few days off, Bobby suggests as much and he’s thankful for it even if all he does is lie in bed all day staring at the ceiling. And when they’re off Chimney and Hen come over and try to cheer him up, but they eventually just end up drinking alongside Buck, because nothing they say does anything.

Buck never really cries though during any of it. He just finds himself stuck and numb to everything. There’s an ache in the middle of his chest that he just has to deal with.

When he comes into work though that’s where the real struggle begins, he doesn’t know how he feels exactly, angry and sad maybe. He’s not sure which one is more prevalent. But he also just feels empty and unsure of what emotion might rise up when he sees Eddie again.

He expects that for the most part people will just leave him alone and his only hardship will be having to navigate working with Eddie again.

But that is not the case, cause when he comes in it’s as if every eye is glued to him, watching him walk in, and whispering to one another.

As he changes in the locker room it seems that some firefighters don’t realize he’s nearby as he hears them openly talking about him.

“He didn’t even know he was married. I mean, his wife just shows up and he dumps him. I heard he flipped out,” whispers one of the female firefighters.

“What does he expect? He got what he deserved dating a coworker on the same team,” another one replies.

“Dating Diaz. Have you seen his abs? No guy’s that perfect,” the female who first spoke says.

“I think it’s kind of sad,” another comments, “He has to work here...with him, with her dropping in. And everyone knows.”

Buck swallows and gets dressed and slams his locker door for good measure which gets their attention and they at least have the decency to look embarrassed upon seeing him there.

Eddie on the other hand has his own obstacles to deal with in taking Shannon back, namely couples counseling which he despises and hates like all therapy.

“So what do you need to um, make this marriage work?” The counselor asks looking over his notepad as Eddie and Shannon sit in their separate chairs having been arguing for the past forty minutes already.

“I need her to give me time to ease back into it,” Eddie huffs annoyed.

“That’s just…,” Shannon starts to say before the counselor interrupts and redirects her.

“Shannon, what do you need?” The counselor asks.

Shannon stops and then tilts her chin up and says, “I need him to stop talking to Buck.”

“But I work with him,” Eddie argues with her.

“You want me to give you time, fine. I want you to give up your boyfriend,” Shannon fumes at him.

“I did give up my boyfriend. Okay? You wanted me to take you back, I took you back, now just give me some time to process,” he says shaking his head at her.

Shannon turns back towards the therapist and throws up her hands and says, “See? Once again, it’s all about what he wants.”

“She’s not listening to me. I need some time, I’m not the same person as I was,” Eddie cuts in.

“I know. You’re a firefighting, single father, with a desire for young hot blondes with muscles. I get it,” Shannon shouts sarcasm dripping from her voice.

“I’m not gonna talk to her anymore if she’s gonna behave like this.”

“Fine,” Shannon shoots back just as the counselor's phone alarm goes off.

“Sorry, guys. Time’s up. Good progress,” the counselor says to which Eddie immediately rolls his eyes, because how can arguing for forty-five minutes straight with no resolution be good progress?

At the station, Chimney looks around the room at all the people whispering about and staring at Buck as he walks towards them slowly.

“We have to do something,” Chimney whispers to Hen, “Buck’s become like an exhibit like the...like a zoo animal, like that rare panda that everyone stares at.”

Hen gives Chimney a look before saying, “Please don’t say that to his face. I think that panda died alone.”

“I’m just saying maybe we should do something to cheer him up,” Chimney whispers quickly before Buck stands by them.

“Buck, glad to have you back. How are you?” Hen asks happily.

Buck however doesn’t respond and just stares ahead.

“Buck? Buck? Can you hear us?” Chimney asks leaning in closer to Buck.

“He’s not deaf,” Hen says, swatting Chimney away.

“Well he looks weird,” Chimney hisses back.

“What do you expect? Eddie didn’t pick him. He’s gone mental,” Hen mutters.

Buck finally responds with a glare in Hen’s direction.

“Buck, have you gone mental?” Chimney asks.

Buck whips his head in Chimney’s direction and says, “I have not gone mental. I’m fine. I had my time and now I’m fine, let's just...move on.”

“See? Okay, he’s fine,” Hen says rubbing Buck’s shoulder as they start walking only for Eddie with Shannon trailing behind him crossing in front of their path. Buck stares at them frozen in his spot only catching a bit of the conversation from afar.

“Give it a chance Eddie,” Shannon says.

“I gave it a chance. He’s a moron,” Eddie replies shortly not seeing Buck as he walks past.

A firefighter nearby whispers to another about Buck, “I wouldn’t want to be him.”

“Hey, mind your own business,” Hen snaps her fingers at them and literally drags Buck by his arm away from it all.

Buck sees Eddie at the morning huddle and he can’t help but stare, and Eddie looks back at him which is the only time in which Buck focuses on Bobby. He’s not sure he hears a thing Bobby says though, it’s like he has nothing but white noise going through his ears and when he’s not focused on Eddie it’s as if his eyes don’t see a thing.

They must notice that Buck’s not paying attention cause Hen and Chimney immediately are on his side walking him along before Eddie crosses in front of them and says, “Hi. Hello. Hi. Buck. Maybe we could, you know, uh talk…”

Buck just stares blankly at Eddie and he hears the words but his brain isn’t processing them. Hen and Chimney exchange a small look with each other before just shaking their heads and responding in unison by saying, “No,” just before they drag Buck away.

“Okay,” Eddie mutters to himself. 

Their first call is a test on Buck and Eddie’s working relationship which sort of sets the framework on whether Buck is going to just ignore Eddie, cry when he’s spoken to, or act hostile, and it’s not long before it’s set.

The call is a young girl confined to a wheelchair, she's in her teens and soft-spoken and from the moment they walk in her almond-shaped eyes are glued to Buck no matter who is speaking to her.

Eddie examines her and says, “So Nicole you’ve been having problems with spasticity?”

“Mom?” Nicole defers.

“She says the spasms make her legs dance,” the girl's mother explains.

“We just want to make sure things are okay before she starts college this fall,” the dad adds.

“Community college right down the street from us,” the mother smiles.

“Not that she wouldn’t have her pick of schools out of state,” the dad comments.

“But she’s not ready for that yet,” the mom interjects.

“What, not because she’s in a wheelchair, right?” He says eyes focused on the girl who he smiles and winks helpfully at. She blushes and looks away shyly but her eyes come back to rest on him.

“The doctor might recommend something called a cystoplasty. It’d be an operation to enlarge Nicole’s bladder. It creates an opening called a stoma. It’s improved the quality of life in a lot of paralysis patients,” Eddie tells the parents as he finishes up examining her so they can start moving her to the ambulance.

“We toyed with the idea, a few years ago,” the dad starts to say before the mother cuts him off and says, “It’s not for us.”

“Well, maybe we should revisit it,” the dad suggests.

“Revisit an invasive risky procedure, that’s got a 20% failure rate, I don’t think so,” the mother scoffs.

“Nicole,” Eddie says speaking directly to the girl and stealing her attention from Buck at this point, “it’s something worth considering. It means you wouldn’t have to wear the catheter all the time. Not to mention the medical benefits. It would uh...improve your quality of life. You know? You’d be like girls your own age. You’d be in control of your own bladder. No messy bags. You could have a more normal sex life. Well, you know, when that becomes an issue, of course,” Eddie adds. The girl and her parents both blush at this and Nicole doesn’t look at anyone after that.

“We’re only interested in going to the hospital for the pain procedure. That’s it,” she says holding up her hand and ending the conversation.

As they push her out, Buck walks off to the side with Bobby and Eddie, keeping his eyes away from Eddie as he states, “That girl and her mom share the same brain she’s not getting that surgery.”

He feels Eddie’s eyes on him but he keeps his eyes elsewhere even as Eddie speaks to him and says, “Why don’t you ride with her Buck? Get her away from her parents. She’s a teenager, which means she might even listen to you since you’re more her age. Besides she thinks she’s cute.”

Buck finally turns his eyes to Eddie, narrowing them as he asks, “You want me to convince her to get that surgery.”

“No,” Eddie says, “I want you to convince her to make the decision for herself.”

“And how am I supposed to do that?” Buck hisses.

“You’re creative and rather convincing, you’ll think of something,” Eddie smiles.

Buck’s frown stays and he only glares harder and shoots out, “Not creative or convincing enough if I recall.”

Eddie turns pale at this and opens his mouth as if he’s about to say something, but Bobby interrupts and says, “He’s right Buck. She might listen to you. You should go.”

And maybe he just wants to separate them, but Buck gets into the ambulance with her and Nicole immediately surveys him before asking, “What’d you do to get stuck with me?”

“I’m not,” he sighs looking at the monitor.

“Come on, I know you’re not just traveling with me for kicks.”

“Nope it’s my job,” Buck smiles before asking what he’s here to do, “But what’s up with you not wanting to get this procedure?”

Nicole stares at him for a moment before shrugging and saying, “I’m fine the way I am.”

“Good point. Your choice,” Buck says shortly, working some reverse psychology.

“So you’re not gonna try and talk me into it?” She asks.

“Nope.”

“Is that Eddie guy your boyfriend?” Nicole asks.

At this point, Buck thinks he might be choking on his all tongue as he sniffs and quickly says, “What? No…”

“Do you want him to be your boyfriend?” Nicole grins.

“No. Look I got stuck with you because Eddie’s got a big head and the universe seems to hate me. So if you don’t mind kid, I’m busy,” he says hastily at this point, sort of disliking the girl and her all-seeing eyes, and hating Eddie even more.

“I’m 18, you know,” Nicole says glaring at him.

“What?” Buck sighs.

“I’m not a kid. I’m 18, and I don’t have to deal with you after this,” she says turning her nose up slightly.

“Sounds good,” Buck shoots back.

“Eddie’s probably right for not dealing with you, you’re an ass,” Nicole says.

It stings a little but not as much cause he can see past Nicole and quickly argues back, "I’m not an ass,” she raises her brows a bit and he says, “Okay, I am an ass...sometimes, but I’m a cute ass, right?”

She blushes and then ignores him and asks, “So how come you’re not together?”

“Thought we weren’t talking,” Buck says, turning his head from her.

“If I had a chance to be with someone I liked, I wouldn’t hesitate,” Nicole says to him.

So maybe she doesn’t see everything cause Buck doesn’t have a chance here, that ship has sailed without him.

“If I had the chance to lose the urine bag around my ankle, I wouldn’t hesitate, either. But then again, I don’t let my mommy do all my talking for me,” Buck says back to her.

“I don’t like you,” Nicole says pointedly.

Buck smirks at this and replies, “Yes you do.”

“Jerk,” Nicole says smiling.

“Motormouth,” Buck quips back.

“Babysitter.”

“Two-wheeler,” Buck says tilting his head with a grin.

This sends Nicole into a fit of giggles as she scoffs and then says, “Now that’s just politically incorrect.” Buck smiles at her having said it only because he knows she’ll laugh and fight him.

She settles a bit and then sighs and says, “You know, it’s not that I don’t want the operation. I do, you know. I want things. It’s just...what if I’m not ready?”

“Ready for what?”

“For everything,” Nicole explains, “for taking care of myself, for being on my own, for sex. For love. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve never even been kissed. I’m like the oldest living prospective college freshman not to go to first base,” she blushes at this admission.

“Nah,” Buck replies shortly.

“It’s mortifying,” Nicole says to him.

“There are way older losers than you. Trust me,” Buck grins a bit.

“Buck,” she says suddenly and looks up at him shyly, “Would...would you kiss me?”

“What?” Buck asks, blushing himself, completely taken off guard.

“I know you’re a firefighter and I’m like your victim or patient or whatever and it’s against the rules. But I would never tell anyone,” she says.

It wouldn’t be the first time Buck’s done something against the rules with a patient, but he’s not that Buck anymore and this is a far different situation.

He lowers his face closer to hers though and she takes in a breath and shuts her eyes, but Buck just talks to her softly and says, “For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can’t get out of your head so that when your lips finally touch, you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep, you never wanna come up for air,” he says. His mind goes to Eddie and he feels it in his chest, that warmth and heady feeling he got from kissing him. It drowns him and he quickly has to redirect himself.

“You can’t cheat your first kiss, Nicole,” he continues, “Trust me, you don’t want to, cause when you find that right person, the first kiss...it’s everything,” he sighs.

She opens her eyes and smiles and looks at him before saying, “I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna get the operation. No matter what my parents say. I’m ready to handle things for myself.”

Buck smiles at her and thinks maybe he can be creative and convincing if only he’d been with Eddie. The thought wipes the smile from his face and when they arrive at the hospital and he sends her off they wave at each other and he walks to the fire truck waiting for him.

“So is she going to get the surgery you think?” Bobby asks him.

“Yeah, definitely,” he sighs and he feels Eddie’s eyes but he looks away from him and stares out the window instead.

When lunch comes around Eddie disappears and Buck isn’t sure whether he’s happy he’s gone or aches cause he knows who he’s probably with.

Eddie meets Shannon on some rooftop that overlooks the city and isn’t all too crowded. There’s a light breeze that makes it nice and it has small little viewfinders by the railing that Shannon is standing by when he joins her.

“You know, when you said you found a lunch spot with a view, I knew I should have taken you literally,” Eddie says.

Shannon turns to him and smiles and says, “It’s hardly brown-bagging it in your pick up truck in Texas but....they did have these cute little viewfinders,” she says leaning down to look through one of them.

“You always find something to complain about,” Eddie sighs and leans against the railing.

She comes up from looking into the viewfinder to stare at him and put her hand on her hip, using the other to push back her hair.

“Okay, is there anything that you like about me anymore? Because if there is, I really need to know now,” she says pointedly.

Eddie examines her and shrugs and says, “Well, I like that you like cute little viewfinders in every city you live in.”

Shannon stares at him for a short while before she seems to find a point she loves to get stuck on and she asks, “Are you going to stop talking to Buck?”

“I will,” Eddie huffs and looks out over the city despondently.

“When...today, tomorrow, next week?” Shannon asks.

“Maybe I’m not ready yet,” Eddie mutters looking down at the street below the building.

Shannon sighs and brushes her hair back again before she asks, “Are you ever gonna be ready, Eddie?”

“What if I say no?” Eddie asks.

“Then I don’t know why you’re still here,” Shannon mutters.

Eddie looks back at her and drops his shoulders and says, “Then I guess we’re at an impasse then.”

When he comes back Eddie wears a look of dejection and Chimney spots this immediately from the spot Buck, Hen, and he are standing.

“What’s wrong with you?” Chimney asks Eddie.

“Don’t ask,” Eddie mutters running his fingers through his hair.

“Why?” Buck shoots out apparently unable to help himself, the hostility clearly setting in finally, “It’s not like we can read your mind. It’s not like we have any idea what’s going on in your tiny, tiny little brain,” he says rolling his eyes.

Hen forever on his side says, “He has a point,” and follows Buck as they walk away.

Eddie glances at Chimney who just gives a shrug and races after them leaving Eddie alone which he knew would be the case when he dumped Buck, but it still sucks.

Their next call is a strange one though it reads when they receive it as someone experiencing a psychotic episode.

When they walk in though it turns out to be much more than that.

Chimney calls out, “Mr. Herman.”

A voice not far answers, “Oh, no. Please call me Shane. Excuse me though I gotta hit the can again. Seems like I gotta go every 30 seconds these days.”

“Is that why you called?” Hen asks looking at the call notes again.

Another guy interjects though and says, “No he’s experiencing a psych episode.”

“I’m not nuts, I’m just pregnant,” the man says finally walking in front of them and it certainly looks that way as he waddles out with a big belly and into the bathroom.

The whole of them exchange weird looks before he comes back out and lets them examine him, “I was fine,” Shane explains, “and then the next month, huge belly. They kept telling me I was just gaining weight with my wife. She’s due on the 30th. It’s out first.”

“Congratulations,” Buck tells him.

“Hear that?” Hen asks Chimney as they listen to the man's abdomen.

“It’s not fluid,” Chimney says surprised, his brows raised, “there’s something in there.”

“Yeah, no joke there’s something in there,” Shane interjects, “I’ve been able to feel it getting bigger and bigger growing in my you know...my womb. Yeah, I know I sound crazy. I do. But I can prove it.”

He pushes past Hen and Chimney to grab his jacket as Buck asks, “Can you tell us what precipitated the psychotic episode that got us called?”

“It wasn’t an episode, okay? And I’m not psychotic. I am pregnant. I mean wouldn’t you freak out if you were me? I can prove to everyone that I’m not crazy,” he says passing something to Buck.

Hen begins examining the man's abdomen again and says, “His belly is distended and there are no signs of ascites, and I clearly feel a mass with deep palpation.”

“Guys,” Buck calls their attention as he looks at what Shane’s handed him and holds it up, “Shane took a pregnancy test, and it’s positive.”

“Shit,” Hen mutters to herself.

“See,” Shane says, “the first test I took was just a joke to make Tina laugh. But we didn’t think it’d lead to this.”

Now that the pregnancy test has been revealed though people are starting to gather around to look as they get him settled on the gurney.

“You okay?” Buck asks Shane. “You look a little green,” Buck tells him.

Shane’s eyes dart around the room uncomfortably at all the people and Buck says, “I think he needs some air chief.”

Bobby nods and says, “Deep breaths, Mr. Herman,” as they start to push him out.

“It’s just...a lot of people around, and I feel like everyone’s talking about me, not…,” he mutters nervously.

“But not to you. Yeah, I know what that’s like,” Buck whispers as he loads him into the ambulance.

When they arrive back at the station it’s more of the same though. People staring at him and whispering about him. But at this point, Buck has had it and shouts at them, “Okay, I am done with it.” This outburst seems to startle them cause their eyes widen but they all remain on Buck as he shouts.

“If all of you want to point and whisper and stare at me, knock yourselves out. Look at Buck, isn’t he sad and pathetic and heartbroken? Maybe he’s gone mental. Maybe I have. But hurry up and get it over with and then leave me the hell alone,” he shouts at them. They start to mutter but disperse and now at least most of them avoid him and don’t look at him. But as they start to clear out, he spots Eddie in a doorway staring at him.

Immediately Buck narrows his eyes at him and calls out to him, “And what the hell are you looking at?”

He storms off then deciding yeah, what he feels is anger, cause this is all Eddie’s fault. Eddie was the one who chased him, Eddie was the one who didn’t tell him he had a wife, Eddie was the one who begged him to take him back after that, and now Eddie’s the one who’s dumped him. But is Eddie being talked about, pitied, or stared at? No. It’s just Buck forced to live with this.

Eddie keeps his distance for most of the day after that, but he finally spots Buck on his own in the locker room and begins to walk towards him.

However almost immediately his path is intercepted by Hen who crosses her arms as she stands in front of him and says, “Turn around. Walk away.”

“From who?” Eddie asks playing dumb.

“From Buck.”

“Well I wasn’t…,” Eddie starts to say.

“Yeah, yeah. Yes, you were,” Hen stops him in the middle of his lie. Eddie stares over her shoulder at Buck and Hen holds up her hand and says, “Come on, look you can’t do this. You don’t have the right. Not anymore.”

Eddie sighs and says, “I just wanna find out if he’s okay.”

“No he’s not,” Hen replies, “He’s a human traffic accident, and everybody’s slowing down to look at the wreckage. He’s doing the best he can with what he has left. Look, I know you can’t see this because you’re it, but you can’t help him now. You’ll only make it worse. Walk away. Leave him to mend,” Hen yells at him.

Eddie stares at Buck again and then sighs before looking at Hen hesitating in front of her.

“Go on!” Hen says and points him in another direction.

He nods shortly and turns on his heel going the other way.

After Buck’s little outburst, Bobby decides to have him stay behind on the next call. While Buck feels a bit happier than the other times he’s been left behind, cause at least he no longer has to share the same air space as him, he wishes it was Eddie who was left behind.

Buck thinks this is exactly what Bobby didn’t want, why he yelled at them for dating. He didn’t want this drama and he thinks at some point Bobby’s going to yell at him for all of it.

But the truth is Bobby won’t yell at him. He knows this isn’t like the other times. This wasn’t Buck messing around. Buck thought this was something real and good. And Buck being the optimist he is or was believed it would last. And Bobby won’t take whatever little optimism he has left after all of this by punishing him.

The next call is a woman with previous heart issues and her loyal and seemingly much-abused husband by Eddie and Hen’s estimation as they are charged with handling the pair for the most part.

“Mrs. Kimberly Griswold. History of heart disease and multiple surgeries. Called after experiencing shortness of breath and palpitations,” Hen tells them as they start examining her.

“What is that?” Mrs. Griswold calls out to her husband who’s shuffling around the room and packing up her stuff for the hospital.

He stops and says, “PJ’s”, and holds it up for her to examine before packing it. She immediately moves on to her next complaint and says, “Alan the water you gave me is warm. I need more ice.”

  
Eddie watches as he shuffles out of the room only to come back with water with lots of ice.

As soon as he does she says, “Hand me the tissues.”   
  


He grabs them and goes to hand them to her before she waves him off and says, “No, wait I don’t need them. Make sure you pack my hand sanitizer hospitals have germs.”

When Eddie and Hen step away her hears her mutter, “Why would you be with someone who makes you that unhappy?”

“Watch your step Alan I can’t talk to the paramedics with you looming about and get my bag, but don’t rummage through it,” the woman shouts as they work on her. Eddie steps back while Hen and Chimney start to get her onto a gurney.

“I won’t,” her husband tells her before looking over at Eddie and giving him a small smile before saying, “Please and thank you’s were never her strong suit.”

“You’re a very patient person,” Eddie tells him.

“Years of practice. I just try to keep her calm. You know, they didn’t think she was gonna survive the first surgery, let alone three more. But here it is ten years later, she’s still here. Yeah, it’s uh, it’s a miracle that she’s still alive. That’s what everyone says,” he smiles weakly.

“What do you say?” Eddie asks.

“Uh, it’s right there in the vows. In sickness and in health, right?” He says, taking a moment to think about it.

“Right,” Eddie whispers and steps back in closer with the woman's husband.

When she catches sight of her husband again the woman immediately starts barking orders again and says, “Would you be sure after the surgery they’ll likely force on me that they get the breathing tube out of my throat right away this time.” 

Alan doesn’t have a chance to answer cause she immediately turns her cold eyes on Chimney who is trying to take her blood pressure and hisses, “Are you trying to cut off my circulation?”

“He’s just doing his job,” her husband defends.

“What did you say?” The woman asks, her voice cold.

“I said he’s just doing his job,” Alan says, speaking up a little more.

“Well, I don’t really care whose job he’s doing. He’s squeezing my arm off. Are you just gonna sit there?” She asks, glaring at her husband.

“Shut up, Kim. Just shut up, huh?” He shouts at her seeming to finally snap.

“Hey look maybe,” Eddie starts to say, but the dam seems to have finally broken here.

“You complain to me, about me, around me all day, every day. A little silence would be nice. A few measly minutes of quiet. Can’t you for once,” Alan shouts as Eddie tries to step in and says, “Mr. Griswold…”, but he just continues and screams, “In your life just shut up?!”

At this point, his wife starts gasping and clutching her chest and Chimney reads out from the monitor, “She’s showing S.T elevations we really need to get her moving.”

They do start carrying her away and Hen says, “She’s having a heart attack.”

As they do though all Eddie hears is Mr. Griswold muttering sadly as he trails them, “Oh I did this. I did it to her.”

The long day ends, and Eddie’s head is still throbbing when he meets Shannon for another therapy session the next morning but she starts it by saying, “I’ve given it a lot of consideration and I’ve decided I can give him the time he needs.”

Eddie looks over at her and stares and then sighs, “And well, Buck won’t be an issue anymore. He’s out of my life. It’s...well it’s taken care of.”

It’s not his choice, cause he’s tried to talk to Buck, tried to keep him in his life, but he doesn’t see it being a problem. Not with Buck seemingly hating him and Chimney and Hen blocking him at every turn. So their compromise comes easy, Eddie supposes, but it feels so damn hard because it’s one he definitely doesn’t want and is forced into, but not by Shannon or himself.

“Well, I must say this is remarkable progress. I applaud both of you. You’ve um taken a very significant leap,” the counselor says.

Shannon smiles and says, “Well, that’s what marriage is about. Compromise, right?” She looks over at Eddie softly and holds out her hand.

He stares at it for a moment before shifting uncomfortably in his seat and folding his hands together and saying, “Yeah, it’s uh well it’s about um give and take.”

He hesitates again looking at her hand and finds again that he can’t take it and she eventually just folds her hands together and gives the counselor a tight smile.


	8. Let It Be

When Buck arrives at work the next week he’s had his time managing Eddie and has just accepted it as his lot in life. He’s swapped his hostility for simple coldness and ignorance. When he has to work with him and reply to him he’s completely civil albeit a little cold. But when it isn’t absolutely necessary to his job to interact with him he pretends he doesn’t see him at all.

However, he’s conscious of his appearance every day, embarrassed if he looks bad cause maybe he still cares about what Eddie sees when he looks at him. Then there’s Shannon who is always showing up at the station and he still feels pathetically in competition with her.

He eyes himself in his car mirror and notices a blemish on his forehead, a zit or pimple, he’s not sure but he immediately is fretting. He tries to get his hair to cover it, but it’s just not close enough to the scalp. He digs through the glove compartment and finds a box of bandaids. He feels relief but when he opens it he discovers their colored bandaids and the only color left is pink. He huffs annoyed. He has no problem with the color pink, but he feels a certain level of embarrassment considering the circumstances.

Still, he opens it and struggles to place it over the pimple, determining it’s somehow less embarrassing than walking in with a zit or pimple on his head. He groans as he readjusts it on his forehead until he finds it acceptable. He goes to get out of the car, but when he looks over in the car next to him he spots Shannon who stares at him through her window before waving at Buck.

Buck forces a tight smile and waves back to her before exiting his car, pulling his bag quickly over his shoulder and walking into the station.

He manages to avoid Eddie and Shannon for the most part while he’s changing but as he begins to exit they pass him in the middle of an argument.

They stop not far from his place in the doorway of the locker room when Shannon grabs Eddie’s arm and stops him from walking away.

“See the ring Eddie,” she says and holds up her finger to him.

He rolls his neck and turns his face from her and says, “Don’t ring me.”

“No,” Shannon insists before she says, “You barely talk to me. Or you pretend not to see me. We’re in couples therapy three times a week arguing about whether or not we should be in couples therapy. What are we doing?”

“This conversation has nothing to do with us. This is about Christopher,” Eddie argues back.

“As I recall we’re his parents so it involves us,” she says to Eddie, hands on her hips before she spots Buck looking on.

Buck’s cheeks flush with embarrassment and he quickly walks away not bothering to glance in Eddie’s direction as he hurries up the stairs to eat breakfast with Hen and Chimney, silently picking at his muffin.

Their first call of the day is an older couple, specifically the woman who seems to have taken ill.

“Esme wanted to wait until tomorrow to see her doctor, but she hasn’t been able to keep anything down since yesterday, so I figured I better call,” the woman's husband says.

Hen who’s been examining her takes her hands from the woman's abdomen and says, “It looks like she might have acute cholecystitis, which means that your gallbladder may have to come out.”

The elder man raises his brows and asks, “She has gallstones?”

Esme laughs and pats her husband's arm before saying, “He watches cable. He thinks he’s a doctor.”

Buck smiles and says, “We’ll start you on antibiotics and iv fluids to cool the gallbladder down the hospital will see what else needs to be done. Did you have any questions for us?” Helping Hen get her arm ready.

The woman stares at him for a moment before sighing and asking, “Honey, what happened to your forehead?”

Buck stops and gives a short smile before shaking his head slightly and saying, “Nothing.”

As Hen and he look for a good vein the woman chats with her husband and asks him, “What’s that other animal that’s monogamous?”

“I think it’s voles,” he tells her.

She looks back at Buck and Hen as they still struggle to find a good vein and Esme sighs and says, “Oh, I know it’s hard I’m a pincushion

Hen smiles at her and says, “It’s okay. Don’t worry. I won’t stick until I find a good one.”

Esme smiles gratefully before turning towards Buck and saying, “Otters mate for life, you know?”

Buck raises his brows in confusion and says, “Excuse me?”

“As do voles I suppose.”

“Okay, I got it. Hold still,” Hen tells her as she sticks the needle in.

“I’ve always liked otters,” Esme sighs.

Buck doesn’t know what to say to this but he thinks otters are kind of like dogs right so he simply says, “I’ve always been more of a dog person myself.”

This makes the couple giggle and looks around to see both Eddie and Chimney smirking. He huffs annoyed and smiles at the couple politely before exiting.

Chimney seems to follow him out and smiles as he says, “What’s wrong Buck? They're a cute couple. I thought you were a romantic.”

As if timing it perfectly, Eddie comes out and beams at him before saying, “Hey. I like the band-aid by the way. Pink. very cheerful.”

Buck glowers at him for a moment before simply turning and walking off in the other direction, while Eddie sighs as he watches him go.

Chimney hazards a glance in Eddie’s direction before giving an awkward sort of smile before hurrying off after Buck.

When they arrive back at the station there’s some commotion as some woman seems to be yelling at one of the firefighters.

As Buck gets off the firetruck he sees just the back of her, she’s small, really small, and has dark hair. But then as she shouts something about her voice strikes him and is familiar.

But then he really hears her as she shouts at the person and says, “I’ve already told you I know someone here. I’ve just come to see him. I am his sister!”

Buck freezes and walks up closer behind the woman and asks, “Maddie?”

The woman quickly wheels on his heel and Buck is face to face with his small sister who beams up at him and sighs with relief before embracing him in a hug, “Evan. I’ve been looking for you.”

Buck blinks as he hugs her and says, “Maddie...why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I could have uh taken the day off or something…,” he stutters out.

She shifts in front of him after letting go of him and says, “Well it was kind of last minute.”

“Is everything okay? Are you all right?” Buck asks.

“Yes, of course. Can’t I just want to see my baby brother?” She asks with a tight smile.

“Maddie...I haven’t seen you in three years. I’m not even sure how you found me here.”

“I did get your Christmas cards. I went to your old address, they said you moved and pointed me here,” she explains hastily.

“So you did get those,” he questions.

“Buck, I’m sorry I haven’t kept in contact I just…,” she pauses and hesitates and he sees that there’s something bigger at hand.’

“Maddie, somethings going on. I’ll ask my captain to give me the day off,” he begins but she puts her hand on his chest and stops him.

“No. Don’t. It can wait till you get home, you know?” She smiles tightly.

“Right,” he says and then digs into his pocket hands her his key, “here then. You can stay at my place, I’ll be back tonight.”

He gives her the address and she smiles and says, “Thanks, Evan. I’ll see you soon.”

“Right, okay Maddie,” he whispers watching as she gives him a quick smile and leaves the station.

Buck struggles to focus on work after that thinking only of Maddie and why she is suddenly here. He can guess why. He knows it has very little to do with seeing him or helping with their mother. No, she can only be here because she needs something, and he assumes it is likely protection. From Doug most likely. He never liked him. He was like their father in the worst ways and was worse than him in others.

A part of him was all so ready to jump to her rescue, to protect her. Another part of him was filled with anger over her abandonment of him. Leaving him to deal with their mother alone. Leaving him alone to his life which was never what he wanted it to be it seemed.

As he was getting ready to leave the universe seemed to decide he needed more to trouble his mind.

He started packing up quickly when Eddie walked into the locker room and smiled at him before saying, “Hey.”

Buck kept his eyes forward and started to turn to leave when Eddie stepped directly in front of him blocking his way, “Buck...you could at least acknowledge I exist,” he says seeming frustrated.

Buck stares up at him blankly for a moment before Shannon suddenly appears behind Eddie and smiles and says, “Hello Buck.”

Buck shifts uncomfortably before giving a tight smile to her and saying, “Hello.” Quickly he pushes around Eddie and leaves them to themselves.

Shannon instantly turns to Eddie with a deep look before asking, “Are you ready to go?”

“I was on my way,” Eddie mutters before walking out beside her.

When Buck gets home he finds Maddie on the couch with a glass of wine and she smiles at him and says, “This is a nice place, Evan. Roomy and very you.”

He hums slightly cause she hasn’t spoken to him in three years, how is she supposed to know what’s him anymore.

He simply smiles though and then asks, “You good with pasta for dinner?” He goes to the fridge and starts to pull the ingredients out as she watches him.

“Yeah, that’s good. You cook now?” She asks.

“A lot of things have changed Maddie. It’s been three years.” Buck tells her.

“Yeah, I know, and it’s not what I wanted,” she says looking at him pointedly.

“And where is Doug?” Buck asks straightening up his posture tight.

Maddie shifts uncomfortably and gets up to refill her glass of wine and says, “Don’t know. Don’t care.”

Buck blinks at her and then tilts his head and says, “You left him…”

“Finally,” she replies.

He laughs and then says, “Jeez Mads, what took you so long?” 

“What can I say mom was right and so were you,” Maddie sighs winds her hands together.

“So you came here,” Buck says.

“Yeah. I...please don’t tell anyone I’m here,” she says hurriedly.

“Mads I don’t exactly keep in contact with anyone from back home. I tried with you. Everyone else seemed unnecessary. Dad’s never tried to reach out to me and the number of people here who even know about my past is minimal and fractured.”

“Right...good,” Maddie whispers.

“It kind of sounds like you’re hiding out though.”   
  


“No. More like laying low,” she corrects and then sits back down this time at the counter and says, “But enough about me. Uh...what’s been going on with you?”

Buck blinks at her, his shoulders tense before he says, “Nothing.”

She lets out a breathy nervous laugh before saying, “Come on Evan, some stuff’s had to have happened.”

Buck is silent for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh and giving her a hard look before saying, “Yeah, Maddie, a lot of stuff has happened to me. I haven’t seen or spoken to you in three years.”

“Evan,” she whispers as his rage builds.

“But yeah, let me just tell you a sample from this year,” he says finally letting his frustration go. “Where to begin,” he hums before saying, “well I’ve been taking care of mom with no help from you. She ended up in the hospital not too long ago. My team was the one who took her in and she took that opportunity to air a lot of our families dirty laundry and you remember how sweet she can be when discussing me,” he smiles tightly as Maddie pales before him.

“Or,” Buck laughs now on a roll, “perhaps you’d like to hear about my ex Abby. She too had a mom to take care of. She seemed like the one, made me grow up a lot. But then her mom died and she left me. I spent months moping over that,” Buck recalls.

Maddie looks down sadly and looks about ready to say something when Buck cuts her off.

“Or maybe you’d like to hear what happened just recently with my most recent ex. That’s a great story too. So anyway I’m sad over Abby and I go to this bar and end up hooking up with this guy. One time thing, no big deal, I thought. But then, I show up at work and he’s my new co-worker. So he spends the next month or so bugging me to go out with him. Eventually, I do and it’s amazing. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, I mean he’s smart, sweet, amazing, handsome, and he has this cute and perfect kid. So this time I was sure, just sure I’ve found it, the real thing. So I risk my job to be with him and bam his wife shows up. Obviously not a great thing, but he comes to me and explains that they’ve been separated for years and he’s going to end things for real. He begs me to take him back and I finally do. But then the moment comes for him to really choose her or me. And well he decides to stay with her. So now, I get to work with him every single day, with her coming around all the time while everyone at work talks about me behind my back and I’m alone. Is that enough of an update for you Maddie?” He shouts.

He feels himself empty of all that anger and misery and drops his head to the counter his breathing heavy before Maddie whispers, “Evan…”

“Damnit I’m sorry Maddie. I’m sorry this isn’t about you. Fuck I’m sorry,” he begins to sob.

She’s already on her feet and has her arms around him, her hand rubbing his back as he cries softly.

She finally gets him to settle down and they resolve to just order take out, eating it on the couch while sipping wine.

She crosses her legs and sighs, “I was meaning to ask you who the photo of the kid and the handsome firefighter was, but I guess I know now.”   
  


“Yeah. I can’t...I can’t get rid of it which is probably pathetic,” Buck sighs.

“It’s not. You cared about him and knowing you, you probably fell in love with his kid before you fell for him even.”

“Yeah, kind of,” Buck laughs sadly and sips his wine.

“What’s his name?”

“The kid or his dad?”

“Both.”

“Eddie is his name, and his son is Christopher. The kid is remarkable so smart, funny, and sweet. He has CP but honestly, he can do anything, he’s just awesome,” he sighs.

“Have you seen him since?”

“No. Which might be the worst part, but honestly all of it just sucks so it’s hard to really tell,” Buck says.

“Yeah,” Maddie agrees and rubs his leg gently, “I’m sorry I just sprung myself on you when you’re going through all this.”

Buck looks up at her and says, “Don’t be. I’m glad you’re here Maddie. I’m just...worried for when you leave again.”   
  


“You’d want me to stay?”

“Yeah, Maddie, of course, I would. You’re...you’re my sister, I want you here. I might even need you here. I mean I have friends but me and you Maddie, we’ve always protected and been there for each other.”

“Well, you have. I’ve done a pretty poor job as of late,” Maddie comments.

“You had your own shit to deal with. Doug’s worse than anything here. Abby had her shit to deal with and Eddie may be an ass, but none of them compares to the shit Doug did.”

“Yeah,” Maddie whispers.

“Besides, there’s mom to deal with and maybe you’d do better than me. You always handled her better,” Buck sighs.

“I don’t think that’s true. You were her favorite. I just did less to frustrate her, even still she liked you best,” Maddie says.

“Well she doesn’t really respond well to me, most likely due to my past frustrations,” Buck replies.

“It’d be nice to see her again, I suppose,” Maddie says.

“She mentions you quite often, though mostly cause she’s somewhere else where the two of us were always nearby,” Buck shrugs.

“Yeah,” Maddie whispers simply and rests her head on Buck’s shoulder for a moment.

The next morning Buck goes in giving Maddie a quick kiss on the cheek as he goes in for his shift, leaving her with the address for the long term care facility in case she decides to visit their mother.

Work starts rather early with a call about a window washer who fell five stories, which normally means they’re just there to call it and work as clean up. But somehow the guys miraculously survived as they quickly discover on examing him he has very little injuries.

“Window washer fell from fifth-floor scaffolding, obvious open tib/fib fracture, but otherwise, okay,” Hen says sounding exasperated.

“Equal breath sounds. After a 5 story fall, he’s got equal breath sounds. It’s unbelievable,” Chimney announces.

“Eddie come here and palpate his abdomen,” Hen calls.

Eddie jumps in and starts feels along the man's abdomen and asking him, “ Does this hurt anywhere?”

For somehow miraculously the man’s not only survived the fall but is conscious as well.

“No,” the man replies to Eddie.

“You fell from the sky five stories and you only injured your leg,” says to the man in disbelief.

“Rolling on three. One, two, three,” Eddie announces as Buck helps roll him so they can examine his back.

When they do they clearly see a bird who’s been smashed by the guy as Hen cringes and says, “Eww...Are those feathers?”

“He must have landed on it, broke his fall,” Chimney says as he starts picking bird parts slowly out of the guys back.

“That’ll have to wait for the hospital, I think Chim,” Eddie says after Chim’s been picking at it for a while.

“Does your leg hurt a lot?” Hen asks.

“It’s fine just do your thing,” the man says sounding annoyed.

“Is there anyone you’d like me to call?” Buck asks him as they get him loaded on the gurney.

“What for?” The man asks.

Buck blinks at him stunned and says, “Well you fell five stories and lived to tell about it. I’d kind of want to shout it from the rooftops,” he catches the looks of everyone's faces and clears his throat, “So to speak. It’s a miracle. Your lungs should be collapsed, your back should be broken, your aorta should be totally severed,” he begins listing.

“Buck, enough,” Hen warns him to which he sighs going to stand beside Bobby while the rest of the crew loads him into the ambulance.

“Shouldn’t he be more excited?” Buck asks Bobby.

“Maybe he’s in shock,” Bobby states.

“I mean he survived that’s huge.”

Bobby sighs and gives a shrug of his shoulders before saying, “He’s gotta realize that things happen for a reason, I suppose.”

Buck scoffs slightly and says, “Oh, yeah. My ex-boyfriend and his wife got back together, reason? To torture me,” as he watches Eddie climb into the ambulance with Hen.

“Be serious Buck,” Bobby replies.

“I am,” Buck huffs.

Bobby frowns before looking up at Buck and finally asking, “What’s with the bandaid on your forehead?”

Buck too lets out a breath of air and replies, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Their next call is at a restaurant where a man has collapsed and it’s Eddie and Buck who are the first to him and start working on him. This means being civil which Buck feels more capable after letting out some of his frustrations with Maddie last night.

“He said he was having really bad heartburn. I thought the was joking,” the man's wife says standing over them holding her hand over her mouth.

“Is there a pulse?” Eddie asks him.

“Yes, it’s rapid and unequal,” Buck answers.

Eddie looks at the man's hands and says, “Look at this, the length of his fingers.”

Buck blinks confused and replies, “So?”

Eddie looks to Hen who stands nearby and nods and says, He’s got to be at least 6’4.”

Then at the same time, Hen and Eddie both say, “Marfan’s.”

“Marfan’s?” Buck questions and then also adds, “What do his fingers have to do with anything?”

“He’s showing classic markers for Marfan’s syndrome,” Eddie states.

Buck looks to Hen confused at which point she explains, “ It means that the walls of his blood vessels are weak. He could be dissecting, we need to move him fast before his aorta ruptures.”

Buck nods finally understanding and lifts the man with Eddie onto the gurney and begins pushing him as Eddie announces, “We need to start another large bore I.V and high flow O2.”

Buck follows the instructions to the letter for a moment forgetting that he’s just been trapped in the back of an ambulance with Eddie.

When he’s finished that though he becomes painfully aware and his eyes keep darting in Eddie’s direction.

It’s silent for a long time during the ride but near the end of it Buck whispers, “How’s Christopher?”

Eddie stares at him for a moment and says, “He’s doing good. He...he asks about you a lot.”

Buck swallows and thankfully the doors open and he’s up in an instant pushing the gurney out and keeping his distance as well as his eyes away from Eddie.

But his mind still wanders the rest of the day, to Eddie, to Christopher, all despite his will to not think about either.

He ends the day packing up in the locker room and this time he feels Eddie enter before he sees him. Buck just stares forward at his locker, feeling Eddie in the doorway.

He swallows and rolls his shoulders an admits in a sad whisper, “I miss you.”

There’s a moment of silence before he hears Eddie's footsteps and then feels Eddie right behind him. Feels Eddie’s face inches from his ear, feels Eddie shift and take a short breath of him in. He then hears Eddie swallow and step back and say, “I can’t.”

Buck knows that and just shuts his eyes and gives a short nod and walks out of the locker room quickly, never bothering to open his eyes.

It feels better when he gets home though and Maddie’s there. He feels less alone now, and it’s nice. He gets to settle down with her and talk about his day and relax which is the best.

“So did you go visit mom?” He asks her.

“Yeah, she was docile enough. Cold and detached as she always was, but she seemed to know who I was. She asked about you, wanted to know where you were. I said you were at work and she seemed confused. Think she corrected it in her head to me saying you were simply working at which point she said it was probably just a lie and you were off doing something you’re not supposed to,” Maddie sighs.

“Better than most of my visits go. Mostly she doesn’t recognize me which is sometimes better than when she does, cause then she just yells at me and thinks I’m trying to bother her while she’s busy,” Buck tells her.

Maddie sighs and sips her wine and asks, “How was work?”

Buck tells her about the guy whose life was saved by a pigeon but didn’t seem happy about it. He tells her that he wishes it were that simple that a pigeon or someone could simply fly in and save him.

She smiles at him sadly and says, “I think you can’t wait for someone to fly underneath you and save your life. I think you have to save yourself.”

“Do you mean the pigeons aren’t going to come?” Buck asks with a weak smile.

She sighs and says, “The pigeons aren’t going to come.”

  
  
  



	9. Thanks For the Memories

Eddie starts the day with breakfast with Shannon who eventually gets to the point and sighs, “So I was thinking you could let me see our son tonight?”

Eddie shifts in his seat and says, “Yeah, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea yet.”

Shannon sighs and then says, “Okay then maybe we could have sex tonight.”

At this Eddie chokes and then laughs uncomfortably and finally says, “Huh yeah...:”

“Look, I know we’re both gonna feel weird about it, and it’s the first time…,” Shannon begins.

“Since you left me…,” Eddie finishes.

“And since Buck…,” Shannon decides to add.

Eddie hums shortly and Shannon shifts and says, “I have the day off do you?”

“I get off at four…,” Eddie replies.

“Good I made a reservation at five. I figure we can do the thanksgiving thing since your Abuela has Christopher and then I don’t know, just rip the stitches. Get it over with,” she smiles softly.

“Yeah, no anesthesia,” Eddie whispers.

“Right. What do you think?” She asks hopefully.

Eddie swallows before nodding and saying, “Yeah.”

Working Thanksgiving is always a trial, in and of itself, and Bobby makes sure to detail the day from the very start with a little speech about what they’re about to face.

“Now this is a big busy day for us. Thanksgiving,” he starts, “It’s a day people spend with their families. Too much family time triggers depression, repressed childhood rage, bitter disputes over the remote, and way too much alcohol. People get stupid, people get violent, people get hurt. So lots and lots of calls today,” he claps, and instantly the alarm is ringing for them.

All their calls for the day do indeed speak to the violence Bobby spoke about.

On their first call, they run into Athena as it’s a victim of a stabbing.

When they arrive Buck looks around at the scene and the man who has a knife sticking out of his back, “What happened here?” He asks.

“Wife stabbed him. Didn’t like how he was carving the turkey,” Athena explains.

“So she stabbed him in the back?” Eddie asks raising his brows.

“Knives can be tricky,” Athena says, “Might want to think about that yourselves when you keep a lady waiting.”

“I’ll be right on time,” Bobby smiles at her.

“Ouch,” is all Buck whispers to himself.

The next call they come to is much like the previous, though perhaps slightly less violent.

The officer on the scene has a smirk when they pull up and says, “Father and sons were turkey hunting. One accidentally shot his father in the ass.”

“Lovely,” Chimney says.

“Sir we’re going to inject you with something to numb the area,” Eddie tells the man.

“Nah,” the guy says, “I’m fine I don’t need anything. It doesn’t even hurt that bad.”

Eddie sighs holding the needle and says, “Sir, you have birdshot embedded in your...gluteus maximus. When they start removing it, believe me, it’s gonna hurt very bad.”

Much of their calls have this level of stupidity and violence. They have a guy who tried to deep fry a turkey and ended up with third-degree burns, while another has swallowed a wishbone and several people with cuts from a carving knife.

When the day ends everyone is in a hurry to get out except Buck who hesitates and starts to move in the opposite direction of the exit before Hen stops him.

“Buck what do you think you’re doing?” She asks.

Buck hesitates and says, “I’m just…”

“About to take another shift, I don’t think so. You said you’d be over for thanksgiving and you were going to bring your sister,” Hen says glaring at him.

“Well Maddie’s not all too big on the holidays anyway so…,” Buck explains.

“Buck,” she says sternly.

“I’m just really not in the mood Hen,” Buck whispers.

“Buck.”

“Fine, I will be there okay?” Buck relents throwing his hands up.

Before he goes to the party though he decides to stop at his mother’s nursing home to visit her.

As he walks to his room though he notices a door open and sees a man just laying in the bed.

“Sir, did you want the door closed?” Buck asks.

He walks into the room and sees the man's eyes closed and moves in close and checks his pulse. It’s there and fine and he doesn’t wake up it seems. 

It’s odd and Buck lets go of his wrist and steps back but as soon as he does the man's eyes open and he stares right at him, a startling icy blue that's somehow not cold but bright and warm.

Buck jumps and says, “Sorry sir. I just wanted to make sure you were alright.”

The man doesn’t speak, though his eyes just stay fixed on Buck.

He quickly exits the room after that rushing to one of the nurses who smiles when she sees him. 

“It’s good to see you, Buck. Your mother will be happy,” she says.

Buck swallows and says, “Yeah, well she was never much for thanksgiving so I think we’re in the same boat this year.”

“Not a fan of thanksgiving?” The nurse asks seeming appalled by the idea.

“Yeah, not a whole hell of a lot to be thankful for this year,” Buck says simply before saying, “ But I wanted to ask what’s up with the guy in the room next to my mothers?”

The nurse thinks and then says, “Oh he’s in the garden?”

“The what?”

“He’s in a permanent vegetative state. Has been for sixteen years.”

“Oh.”

“He was a firefighter actually. Injured by falling debris in the line of duty,” she says.

“Well he just looked at me,” Buck tells her.

She simply laughs and says, “Oh dear, he wasn’t looking at you.”

“Yes he was, I’ll show you,” he says guiding her to his room.

He tries to show her but she just doesn’t seem to see it and Buck sighs and finally says, “What’s the cut on his forehead?”

She hesitates and says, “Well he fell out of bed when we turned him, but it was nothing major so…”

“He opened his eyes and looked right at me,” Buck insists.

The nurse shakes her head though and says, “He didn’t look at you. It’s just a reflex,” she leaves him there after that.

Buck frowns and tries to think of what to do because he’s certain of this.

He tries Hen and then Chimney thinking a medic will help, but neither answers their phone. He even gives Maddie a try as she’s a nurse herself, but she too is stunningly unavailable and he groans fretting over what to do.

It’s then that he finally tries his last resort.

Eddie.

He presses the still programmed in speed dial and cringes before pressing the phone to his ear and he has to admit that a part of him hopes Eddie won’t answer.

But he does.

“Buck?” Eddie questions over the line.

Buck swallows and asks, “Eddie...are you...are you busy?”

“Well yeah, I was uh...what is it, Buck?” Eddie finally sighs.

“I’m at the nursing home with my mom and this patient has been in a coma for the past sixteen years but he just looked at me but the nurses don’t believe me. But you were a medic so maybe you could convince them…,” Buck tries to explain.

“Buck I’m sure he wasn’t looking at you,” Eddie says.

“He opened his eyes and looked right at me,” Buck argues.

“Yeah it happens it’s a reflex that’s often preserved but he wasn’t looking at you…,” Eddie insists.

“Eddie...please...I swear...I tried Chim and Hen but they’re not picking up,” Buck explains.

“Buck he wasn’t looking at you,” Eddie says sounding tired.

Buck is annoyed that Eddie isn’t taking him seriously. He would certainly never call him if he wasn’t sure and he huffs into the phone and says, “Eddie do you want to argue with what I know I saw?”

Eddie sighs heavily and says sternly, “No Buck, I don’t want to argue with you anymore. I gotta go. I’m late.”

“Right, fine,” Buck mutters ready to hang up when Eddie suddenly speaks again.

“Buck wait...he was looking at you?” He asks still sounding tired but apologetic.

“Yes, Eddie,” Buck sighs, “I swear.”   
  


There’s some silence before he hears Eddie let out a breath of air and says, “Fine I’ll be there soon okay.”

Eddie arrives shortly just like he says and examines him with Buck watching only for Eddie to stand up and say, “He should probably be checked but he’s not looking at you, Buck. He has a temporoparietal scalp lac with associated hematoma.”

“English please…,” Buck sighs.

Eddie huffs and shifts his posture before saying, “He has a cut on the temple area of his scalp along with bruising. He should probably be taken to the hospital to check for intracranial bleeding, but he’s not awake. He’s not looking at you.”

“I swear,” Buck whispers squeezing his eyes shut.

Eddie sighs again before walking over to the man and saying, “Here watch,” he starts by moving a light in front of his eyes and then says, “Look there’s no sustained visual pursuit. You might have just seen him respond to some external stimuli, but he wasn’t looking at you. I’m sorry.”

Buck frowns and then speaks, “I was sure he was,” and when he speaks he sees the man's eyes dart towards him again and says, “Look. He just did it again.”

Eddie huffs seeming annoyed but plays along and says, “Mr. McKee...can you follow the light? Can you hold up two fingers?”

The man remains still and does nothing and Buck drops his head finally and says, “Okay, well, I know you’re late for something so…”

But as Buck speaks Eddie notices the man's eyes darting towards Buck and Eddie pauses and says, “Keep talking.”

“What?” Buck asks confused.

“Walk over here,” Eddie says pointing to beside him.

Buck eyes him confused and begins walking and Eddie says, “Just keep walking, and talk.”

“Holden. Holden. Holden, can you hear me?” Buck asks using the man's name.

Eddie laughs and then says, “It’s you. He’s tracking you. He’s following your voice.”

With Eddie’s confirmation, they’re able to get Holden taken to the hospital and they go along with him. After they’ve been at the hospital for a while, Eddie talking to the doctor, and Buck staying at Holden’s side, Eddie comes into the room and says, “They found no brain atrophy.”

“None?” Buck asks before saying, “He’s been PVS for 16 years they said.”

“He’s not PVS he’s minimally conscious,” Eddie tells him.

“He’s minimally conscious and no one noticed,” Buck whispers.

Eddie frowns and says, “He was in a regular nursing home, so they just…”   
  


“Missed it…,” Buck finishes thinking of his mother for a moment before saying, “He’s been frozen, sleeping, for 16 years, and they missed it. That sucks.”

“There’s one thing to be thankful for.”

“What?”

“They might be able to wake him up,” Eddie says.

Buck nods and says “They say his wife is here. They said we could bring her up.”

Buck nods and walks down to the waiting room with Eddie who looks around and asks Buck, “Which one do you think she is?”

Buck looks and then spots a woman with sad eyes sitting beside a man and a teenage boy and Buck says, “It’s her.”

“How do you know?” Eddie asks while Buck is already walking towards her.

He doesn’t answer though and simply comes up to her and says, “Mrs. McKee.”

When she moves her purse though and stands it’s clear that she’s pregnant and the man and teenager stand too as she says, “It’s Mrs. Leonard now.”

They lead her up to the room where the doctor is waiting and explains the situation to her.

“Is he going to realize what’s happened?” Holden’s son, the teenage boy asks.

“Most patients in this situation have no idea how much time has passed,” the doctor explains.

“Oh my God. I’m gonna be sick,” the son says rushing to the bathroom.

The doctor smiles sadly and says, “I know this is a difficult situation…”

Holden’s wife stops him though and says with tears in her eyes and a sob caught in her throat, “I just got married. We’re having a baby in December. Coby turned 17 on Thursday. Difficult? This is unimaginable.”

The doctor gives a short nod and says, “Mrs. Leonard perhaps you should…”

The wife shakes her head though and says, “I can’t be here when he wakes up. He can’t see me like this or Coby.”

“Mrs. Leonard,” the doctor starts to say again but the wife cries now.

“Holden is going to wake up and find out that we didn’t wait for him,” she says just before she leaves with her son.

Her new husband waits behind and hesitates and says, “It took her a long time to move on,” before he follows her out.

Buck looks down sadly after the doctors left as well and says, “I’m gonna stay here till he wakes up.”

“Buck it’s not your responsibility,” Eddie says.

“He should have someone.”

“Don’t you have the thanksgiving party to go to?”

“Don’t you have something to be at.”

Eddie sighs and says, “If you’re staying I will. We got into this one together.”

“I dragged you into it,” Buck tells him before sitting down on the floor.

Eddie slides down to sit beside him and says, “Either way.”

They’re silent for a while and then Eddie turns his head and stares at Buck ducking his head.

Buck turns towards him and asks, “What?”

Eddie bites his lip and then whispers, “I tell you something, you tell me something.”

Buck thinks about it and then nods, “Okay. I feel like one of those people who’s so freaking miserable they can’t be around normal people…like I’ll infect the happy people...like I’m some miserable, diseased, dirty ex-mistress.” All of which is Eddie’s fault but, whatever in a sense Buck feels devoid of shame or embarrassment. He sees Eddie look at him sadly and sees the guilt there, so Buck quickly interrupts his thinking on this and says, “Your turn…”

Eddie swallows and rolls his neck before saying, “I still haven’t let Shannon see Christopher. I’ve taken her back and I’m trying but, I’m still terrified she’ll run again. But I just...I need the marriage to work...For his sake.”

Buck stares at him and sure it stings, but in a sense, he needs Eddie to tell him this. Eddie was more than just his boyfriend, he was his friend too, and he wants to still be in a way though he hates it.

“You should go be with her. Make it work...I mean don’t force yourself into anything you don’t want but you should go. Otherwise, you’re just...me,” Buck whispers.

Eddie looks at Buck and smiles a bit and says, “A miserable, diseased, dirty ex-mistress,” he whistles then and shrugs before saying, “Kind of hot. I feel better already.”

“See?” Buck laughs softly and it feels nice to talk to Eddie like this. To smile around him. 

Eddie looks up towards the hospital bed and says, “ I will go...when he wakes up. I’m still in this with you.”

“Yeah…,” Buck whispers.

It’s silent for a moment and then suddenly a voice calls out, “Hello? Is somebody there? Oh...somebody…”

Buck stands quickly and moves into his sight and says, “Yes. Somebody’s here.”

Eddie in that time has run to get the doctor and he comes back at which point the doctor explains the medicine of Holden’s condition, but not the harsh reality.

“Did you reach my wife yet? Is she coming? I mean, have you told her, or do you wait until she gets here? Because this is gonna....quite a shock. How long have I been out? What a year?” Holden asks.

“Will you excuse us?” The doctor nods at Eddie and Buck who begin to retreat.

But before they can Holden calls out to Buck and says, “No you tell me. Please. You found me. You tell me.”

Buck swallows and says, “ I’m only a firefighter I’ve never done this before.”

“Me too. But...you’ll do it quickly. Rip off the bandage,” Holden whispers.

“No anesthesia,” Eddie says.

“Exactly.”

Eddie gives Buck a soft smile and says, “I’ll be right outside if you need me,” to which the doctor nods in agreement and follows him out.

Buck watches them go and then turns towards Holden who stares at him and then says, “Truth time.”

“Truth time,” Buck nods.

He tells him the truth then, to which Holden lets out a sob to and shakes with it, and Buck stands there with him till he finally stops crying at which point he asks Buck, “What’s he like? My son?”

Buck swallows and says, “ You know, I didn’t really get a chance to speak with him. But he seemed nice. He’s, uh, tall, like you. And he’s got your eyes.”

Holden smiles a bit and lets out a shaky breath before saying, “That...that’s good.”

Buck lets Holden rest and meets Eddie outside and Eddie asks, “How’s he doing?”

Buck sighs and says, “As well as we could expect.”

Eddie nods and then tells him, “His MRI came back. He has an epidural hematoma.”

Buck huffs and says, “So what’s that mean?”

“When he fell out of that bed he hit his temple hard. They may be able to fix it, but maybe not. It’s complicated. They can operate or not, and it might resolve itself, or it might continue to bleed. His brain will swell and he’ll die...Equal risk,” Eddie frowns.

Buck nods sadly and when he goes back into Holden’s room with Eddie at his side, the doctors have told him the same.

“They say the risk is equal whether I do or don’t have the operation and I’m not sure what to choose. What should I do? What would you do?” Holden asks Buck.

Buck looks down and shakes his head and tells him, “I can’t answer this for you.”

They leave and get something to eat from the cafeteria, but when they come back up Holden’s son is in the room with him.

Eddie smiles a bit and says, “What do you know the kid came back so you can leave now….”

Buck watches and just shakes his head and says, “No, he didn’t.”

Sure enough, the son exits the room and stops in front of Buck and Eddie when he sees them and says, “He says we have the same eyes. I don’t see it,” before he runs off.

Buck looks at Eddie sadly before entering the room where Holden takes a deep breath before looking up at Buck.

He swallows and then says, “He said that he couldn’t stay because of the holiday. But he said he’ll come back sometime soon.”

“Good,” Buck smiles at him.

Holden swallows again and then says, “He said she’s happy. Uh, that this guy Hal is, uh, really good for her. She loves him. So I’ve decided to uh...go ahead with the surgery. You know, they’ve moved on. I should, too. You know, get this thing...out of my head and get on with my life.”

Buck feels the words wash over him and thinks about his own life and moving on from Eddie. The need to move on and move forward. 

Buck nods then and tells Holden, “Right. I’ll get the doctor for you.”

He goes to leave but Holden stops him and calls out, “Buck…”

“Yeah?” Buck asks him.

“Do you think he really will come back?”

Buck gives a sad smile and simply replies, “I hope so.”

They wheel Holden into surgery shortly after that and Buck goes down to the waiting room with Eddie.

  
“You’re staying,” Eddie states plainly.

“Yeah,” Buck whispers before adding, “but you should go though.”

Eddie stares at him for a moment before shaking his head and saying, “Nah, I’ve been in it this long, gonna stick it out.”

Buck nods and thinks that’s how Eddie is, the type of person who tries and sticks it out till the bitter end.

After sitting there for awhile Buck asks, “What would you have done if you were him? Would you have the surgery?”

Eddie looks over at him and gives a half-smile and says, “You would have the surgery.”

Buck shrugs and nods and replies, “ I would want the future. Or to be asleep again. One or the other. Nothing in between.”

Eddie nods at this before saying, “I honestly don’t know what I would want.”

And Buck knows this about Eddie too. Know how hard and impossible it is for him to choose, having been a choice for Eddie previously.

Buck sighs, “ I know you don’t.”

They wait there and wait there until the doctor comes out. His expression says it all though as he smiles solemnly and shakes his head before telling them Holden didn’t make it.

The doctors only just left when Holden’s son walks in and approaches them and asks if his dad made it out of surgery.

The emotion is already welling in Buck’s throat, but Eddie reaches out and touches Buck's shoulder and his eyes say, ‘I’ll take care of it.’

And he does.

They walk out shortly after that but they end up sitting outside the hospital on a bench after they do.

“You know today in the waiting room? How did you know which one was Holden’s wife?” Eddie asks him.

Buck sighs and says, “Waiting rooms are full of people hoping for good news. She was the only one who looked like she had completely given up.”

“Yeah,” Eddie whispers and gets up preparing to leave.

“Do you love her?” Buck asks suddenly.

Eddie stops then and walks back the few steps and sits back down and stares forward for a moment before saying, “I don’t know.”

He smiles sadly and Buck stares at him for a moment before giving his own sad sort of smile and saying, “It’s good that you’re trying...You wouldn’t be you if you weren’t the kind of person who was trying to make it work.”

Cause that’s what Buck liked about Eddie. He was a good guy. He did the right thing.

And Buck thinks that staying with Shannon must be the right thing, the good guy thing to do. Even if it hurts him.

“You think so?” Eddie asks.

Buck swallows around his tears and nods, “Yeah. It means I wasn’t wrong about you.”

“Thanks,” Eddie whispers.

This time it’s Buck who stands up and then turns towards Eddie and smiles softly, “Goodbye, Eddie.”   
  


Eddie smiles up at him in the same way and whispers, “Goodbye, Buck.”

When Eddie pulls up to his house a lot more than just a few hours has passed, and Shannon is sitting on his doorstep.

Eddie gets out of the truck slowly and walks her as she looks up at him, her face making it obvious that she’s been crying.

“You didn’t show. I waited,” she states and stares at Eddie as he looks down at the ground. She sniffs and then asks, “Eddie, are you done? Hurting me back, I mean. Cause I need to know because if not, I...I got to special order a thicker skin or something.”

Eddie nods and then sits down beside her and looks at her up close as she looks back at him.

“There’s no anesthesia in sight,” he says and she looks back at him hopefully as he leans in and whispers, “Here we go,” before placing his lips on hers and kissing her, and entering the house with her, their mouths attached.

Buck’s long missed the thanksgiving party and knows he’ll be screamed at the next time he sees Hen, but he can’t bring himself to care. He goes to the only place he cares to.

To the bar, with Joe pouring him drinks and giving him soft smiles.

After a drink or two a man comes up, he’s well dressed with dark brown hair and looks just enough like Eddie to make him even more wistful than he already is.

“Is this seat taken?” He asks.

Buck stares at him for a moment before asking, “Do you work at a fire station?”

“No,” the man says seeming amused.

“You’re not a fireman, police officer, or paramedic of any kind?” Buck confirms.

“No,” the man laughs.

Buck looks up at Joe who gives him one of his sort encouraging smiles before Buck says, “Then this seat isn’t taken.”

The man sits down and Buck looks at his drink for a moment before turning to him and giving him that easy flirtatious smile he knows how to work all too well and asks, “Do you want to buy me a drink?”

The man just smiles and then says, “Actually, I do.”

And Buck thinks it’s a start, a start to moving on.

  
  
  
  
  



	10. Much Too Much

Over the next two weeks Eddie and Buck both have a lot of sex, but not with each other. Even though sometimes they’ll both close their eyes and be able to trick themselves into thinking that they are. It’s more difficult for Eddie cause the similarities between Buck and Shannon are startling, maybe that’s why he thinks the sex isn’t all that great. They have a lot of it, but it’s...not the best.

When he rolls over Shannon always has a smile and sounds like she enjoyed it. She’ll smile at him and say, “That was amazing”, and Eddie always smiles back and nods and says, “Yeah.” Maybe she sees that he doesn’t entirely mean it cause her smile always seems to fade and he quickly rolls over and goes to sleep afterward.

It’s easier for Buck to pretend cause all the guys he picks up have something in them that reminds him of Eddie. But he’s always pulled out of the fantasy by something. Their skin feels different under his fingers, they taste different, and their hair never has that just right feel to it, silky but thick and strong. He always comes out of his fantasy and that’s normally around the time where the sex begins to become more bothersome than helpful.

Most of the time Buck fakes the ending with what little had leaked out from when the fantasy still worked.

The guy will chuckle like he’s proud of himself and ask if Buck came and Buck always nods and says, “Yeah. I did.”

Then he forces himself into sleep. But it helps him get through the day.

After this particular hook up Buck sneaks down the stairs to where Maddie has apparently let Chimney in and is sipping coffee.

Buck’s cheeks redden and he glances back up the stairs before sitting across from them and saying, “There’s a boy in my bed.”

Maddie chuckles seeming amused as she sips her coffee before saying, “What’s his name?”

Buck pauses as he thinks about it before saying, “Uh...Steve.”

“Where’d you find him?” Chimney asks seeming equally amused.

“Joes,” Buck answers before he hears a groan from upstairs and jumps up and says, “Crap I think he’s waking up,” sprinting up the stairs.

Sure enough, Steve is waking up and rubbing his eyes and running his hands through what originally seemed to be Eddie like hair.

“Uh, who were you talking to?” Steve asks.

Buck shifts and simply ignores the question and resorts to his script. The same one he gave to Eddie that first night.

“Uh, I have to go take a shower. And when I get back, you won’t be here. So, um, goodbye, Steve,” he smiles tightly before hurrying off to the bathroom.

Downstairs Chimney smiles at Maddie who’s been dealing with the parade of guys going through Buck’s apartment for the past two weeks.

“Another sleepless night in LA? Wonder if it’s another like hairy back guy,” Chimney asks having been here before.

Maddie laughs and picks up their coffee mugs and says, “You know who I miss? Inappropriate facial hair guy. You know he did his own dishes? And tattooed ass guy made coffee.”

Chimney hums and says, “Sounds like a keeper. You think Buck’s trying to set some kind of record?”

Maddie smiles softly and shrugs before saying, “Well at least he has a goal.”

Chimney goes to laugh before spotting the guy hurrying down the stairs and looking behind him, “Oh,” he says.

The guy quickly exits through the door and Maddie grins and says, “I shall nickname him running guy,” which makes Chimney laugh heartily.

Since the incident on Thanksgiving, Buck and Eddie have seemed to work just fine together.

Buck puts on a smile and moves ahead and deals with the little bothersome things that entail with it and they get along as well as they can. He’s even told Chimney and Hen they can stop being outright hostile towards Eddie. But he warns them that if he turns hostile towards Eddie again, he expects them to be good friends and follow suit.

Chimney laughs at this whole thing and seems relieved that he’s allowed to seem friendly towards Eddie again.

Hen however asks if she has to stop being hostile towards Eddie to which Buck raises his brows.

“I gave him express instructions not to break your heart or hurt you and he did. To act pleasant towards him would be breaking the very punishment I set out for him breaking those rules. Can’t take the punishment then don’t do the crime.”

He can’t help but smile at her loyalty or stubbornness, whichever it is he’s happy she’s his friend.

Their first call is the most simple of the day which is always nice, as everyone prefers to ease into work rather than be thrown right into the fire.

“Robert Martin, 45, collapsed and hit his head,” Hen says when they get there and begin examining him.

As Chimney begins examining him he notes, “He also appears to have uncontrolled eye movement and delirium.”

Robert who collapsed at the airport doesn’t seem to be totally conscious of what’s going on and starts shouting, “Hey, hey I’m still waiting on that drink. Are you the stewardess?”

Eddie laughs at this before playing along and telling Robert, “We’re called flight attendants now.”

Buck chuckles at this, which gains him a smile from Eddie, but the smile quickly fades when he looks over at Hen who just narrows her eyes at him.

So yeah, Hen may still not be too happy about Buck missing Thanksgiving and instead spending it with Eddie, though he assured her none of what happened had anything to do with Eddie.

“It’s not like it was my master plan to spend the holiday with him, Hen,” he had argued with her.

“I’m not mad at you,” she had insisted, “I’m mad at him. He didn’t have to stay with you.”

“I called him. Besides he was just being nice.”

Hen scoffed at that making clear her disapproval of all of it.

“I’m moving on Hen. I swear,” Buck promises her.

But Hen never seems convinced, and it doesn’t exactly help when Buck is struggling to convince himself what this digression into Buck 1.0 is all about. Moving on.

The next one involves a mother who’s experiencing contractions, which is particularly risking as she’s carrying quintuplets.

The woman Dory is pleasant and wears a bright smile as they begin examining her and she explains, “They said it was likely that at least three of the babies were surgical.”

“How far along are you?” Hen asks her.

“32 weeks,” she sighs keeping her hand rested against her stomach.

“Not bad 34 weeks is generally considered successful with quints,” he tells her.

“Well I plan on going 36 weeks, that’s why I’m going to the hospital. No one is leaving this uterus unless I say so.”

“Power of positive thinking,” Buck smiles.

She laughs and says, “Well that and bed rest and all the medical care you and the hospital can give me apparently.”

Dory’s husband walks in not long after and seems exhausted himself and says, “Adam has a fever so pretty soon they all will. I have to go relieve my mom.”

Dory nods and then smiles at them and says, “We have three four-year-old boys, Adam, Oliver, and Graham.”

Buck raises his brows and says, “Triplets? You already have triplets? Guess when you take those fertility pills, you should read the fine print.”

“Buck,” Hen whispers harshly.

Eddie wants to jump to Buck’s defense and say that Buck is the least likely to be judging this woman. Eddie can’t imagine Buck judging anyone really, and honestly, if you asked Eddie he’d tell you that of their crew that Buck is the most likely of them to end up with eight kids because he just can’t help himself. Thinking of Buck with Christopher or when the station would have a get-together and Buck would end up running around with Christopher, Harry, May, and Denny. But Eddie’s pretty sure Hen might rip his head off at any moment these days, especially when it involves Buck. She doesn’t seem to like Eddie even when he’s being kind towards Buck.

“Oh I’m sorry, I just meant,” Buck starts stuttering out.

“It’s okay. I’m used to it. I just really wanted a girl,” Dory says.

“Yeah, we just didn’t bank on five girls,” her husband says.

“But think of all the clothes and all that pink cuteness.”

“Honey, that’s your happy place, remember?” Her husband grins.

Despite his little outburst, Buck is sent in the ambulance alongside her and Eddie, who Hen frowns at as he climbs in, while Bobby grabs Buck before he climbs into the ambulance after Eddie and says, “Try not to say everything that pops into your brain.”

Buck blushes and nods before climbing inside.

During the ride, Dory groans and reaches for her stomach and Buck must look alarmed cause she says, “Oh it’s nothing it’s just Kate. She kicks me so hard. It’s like a belly burn every time.”

“You’ve named them already?” Buck asks.

“I know you think I’m crazy. Or maybe just a little bit stupid?” Dory says.

Eddie considers jumping in to defend Buck again but Buck is already replying by the time he thinks to do it.

“Mrs. Russell, I’m sorry if I’ve done something to offend you,” Buck begins to say.

“The only thing that will offend me is if you pretend that you haven’t been judging me since the minute we met. So just say what you’re thinking,” Dory interrupts.

Buck’s face goes blank and Eddie watches him as Buck sighs and says, “If you had reduced the fetuses even by two, the other three could’ve been carried longer, been more developed and born healthier.”

Dory sighs and nods and says, “And you’re about the 16th person who’s told me that,” but then she does something unexpected and grabs Buck’s hand and brings it to her stomach. “This one up here...this is Charlotte,” she starts to say, “She’s the stubborn one. Lodged into my rib cage, won’t budge.”

Eddie watches Buck’s face as Dory moves his hand to another spot and she says, “And over here...Lucy. She’s a badass. She gets kicked, she kicks back,” she moves Buck’s hand once again and continues, “Emily. She has the hiccups almost every day. And over here is Julie. She’s pretty mellow. Every once in a while, she just turns over. Which brings u back to...Kate.”

Buck smiles at every name and fact he’s told and looks like his full attention is on this woman and her bump now. Eddie knows that she’s caught Buck up in it all, cause Buck needs only to know a kid a little to feel accountable for them. Eddie knows this from experience. It only took him showing Buck a picture of Christopher with a few details for Buck to become invested.

As Dory says Kate’s name Buck beams and says, “Who gives you belly burn.”

“Every time she kicks,” Dory finishes with a smile.

By the time they drop Dory off, Buck seems emotionally invested in these babies and is wishing her luck and smiling as she leaves.

And Eddie, well Eddie wishes that Buck was just a little bit easier to get over.

By their next call, Buck is feeling a little tired and is yawning a bit as they walk up to the house.

“You good Buck?” Bobby asks.

Chimney laughs and says, “Oh don’t worry it was just another long night for Buck.”

“Really?” Bobby asks.

Buck doesn’t really hear any of this, emersed in talking to Hen about the previous night, “They always look so sad when I kick them out,” Buck tells her.

Hen laughs at this and Buck adds, “Seriously, why do guys not understand that when you pick them up in a bar and take them home for sex that there are no picket fences or kids in your future?”

But as soon as Buck walks into the residence his face falls because the caller is Steve who is breathing like he’s in pain, with a blanket on him as he sits on the couch.

Steve’s eyes land on Buck and he says, “Buck? You’re a firefighter.”

“Steve?” Buck questions before shaking his head and asking, “What’s wrong with you?”

“I’m having a little problem,” Steve whispers.

“Steve, Steve?” Chimney points and asks Buck.

“Actually I’m having a big problem,” Steve says moving the blanket.

“What?” Buck asks still looking down.

Chimney does though and coughs and says, “Steve, hi. Chimney.”

Steve gives a little embarrassed wave and then says, “Ever since you and I...It won’t go away.”

Buck is confused and looks to Chimney and then follows where Chimney is staring and sees Steve’s erection.

He jumps slightly before slapping Chimney’s arm and saying, “Chimney!:

Chimney laughs and says, “What? It’s right there looking at me.”

Buck feels like his face is on fire with the level of embarrassment he feels right now and of course, this would only happen to him, only the universe could hate him so much.

“Oh, there are so many things I could say right now,” Hen laughs before patting Buck on the back and saying, “Champ.”

Buck shakes his head and Steve asks, “Do you think it’s serious? It hurts like it’s serious.”

Chimney is still trying to hold in a laugh as he turns to Buck and says, “You realize this is completely insane.”

“Shut up before Eddie gets here…,” Buck whispers to him harshly.

“ It’s not my fault you broke this guy’s penis,” Chimney nearly shouts as Bobby and Eddie enter.

“Broke his what?” Bobby asks.

Buck blushes and swallows and says, “He just has a problem and he’s uh a friend.”

Eddie walks forward his eyes widening when he’s greeted with Steve’s erection.

“And what did your friend take?” Eddie asks.

“Take?” Steve asks.

“Which erectile dysfunction drug?” Eddie says.

“You took…,” Buck begins to whisper in Steve’s direction.

Steve blushes and shakes his head wildly and says, “Absolutely not. I swear. It was all natural between us.”

“Shut up,” Buck shouts at him wanting to literally drown himself at this point.

“Your condition is called priapism, usually brought on by the overuse of E.D.s,” Hen explains to Steve.

“I didn’t take anything,” Steve swears.

“Well, we’ll have to take your word for it because there’s no test to see if you’re lying. The hospital will have to look for other causes. There’ll be lots of labs. Lots of procedures, painful procedures, procedures which might make you wish you never had a penis. You sure you don’t want to change your story?” Hen says trying to bait him.

“I swear, I’m clean,” Steve pants.

Hen sighs and then says, “Alright, let's get him some meperidine for his pain.”

Eddie volunteers to go with Steve which makes Buck want to die on the spot but not so much as when Steve requests Buck to come along too.

Eddie can’t seem to hide his grin as Buck climbs in alongside him and as he gets the needle with the pain medication ready, Steve says, “I cannot believe this is happening.”

“Try being me,” Buck mutters.

“I mean you meet someone in a bar you have a few drinks, a few laughs, you make out in the car. You have a good time. Spend the night, wake up the next morning and…,” Steve begins explaining.

“Please shut up,” Buck says quickly.

Eddie pushing the medication asks, “So when did this problem begin?”

Buck, he just stares up at the roof of the ambulance.

“Well I had an erection last night and woke up with one this morning,” Steve tells Eddie.

“And when did you last ejaculate?” Eddie asks.

Somehow Buck doesn’t burst into flames on the spot, and he doesn’t know why.

“I’m not sure. Buck? Buck what time did we uh…you know…,” Steve asks.

Buck is about to choke on his tongue and Eddie only grins wider before turning towards him and saying, “Yes, Buck, what time did you two…”

“2 am,” Buck answers quickly.

Eddie smirks and hums at this before Steve swallows and says, “Buck? Can you call my mom? Her numbers in my wallet.”

“Yeah,” Buck says and takes Steve’s wallet and begins to open it just as Eddie asks, “Sp how long have you two been seeing each other?”

“We’re not...seeing each other,” Buck answers quickly.

“We met last night at Joe’s,” Steve tells him.

Eddie seems to freeze at this though and pales before saying, “Joe’s bar? Hmm...I met a guy there once myself. A very long time ago.”

Buck rolls his eyes at this point just annoyed and mutters to himself, “Funny you’re a funny man.”

Buck sends Steve off into the hospital, quickly refusing to go with him and practically sprinting back to the truck to hide with Hen and Chimney, though they hardly relieve him of the shame, having too fun at laughing over the situation.

When they get back to the station though, Eddie follows him and grabs his arm and says, “Buck.”

“What? You want to make fun of me some more?” Buck hisses at him.

Eddie sighs and shakes his head and says, “No, I’m sorry I just didn’t know you you were dating.”

Buck swallows and sighs and says, “Well, you knew it would happen eventually.”

Eddie nods slowly and says, “Eventually feels a lot different than actually.”

Buck stands silent in front of him for a moment and says, “Yeah, I guess it does.”

Eddie shifts before breathing, “ It’s surprisingly painful.”

Buck nods in agreement and tells him, “It gets better.”

“Does it?” Eddie asks.

Buck smiles sadly and then shrugs, “I don’t know. But I’m determined to be optimistic.”

Eddie smiles back and nods, “Yeah.”   
  


Buck gives him one last short smile before turning around and walking away.

When Buck gets home Maddie is sitting on the couch and smiles up at him and instantly Buck should know something is off cause it’s got something behind it.

He’s only just sat down when she says, “So how do you break a guys penis?”

Buck groans instantly and buries his face in his hands and asks, “You know about Steve?”

Maddie is grinning and Buck huffs and mutters, “Chimney.”

She nods and is silent as Buck sits back before letting out an annoyed huff and asking, “Why does every guy I meet come with his own unique set of nightmarish humiliations?”

Maddie bits her lip and then says, “Um...maybe it’s a matter of volume?”

“Volume? What’s that supposed to mean?” Buck hisses.

Maddie swallows and takes another sip of her wine before saying, “Just, you know, there’s quality and then there’s quantity.”

Buck blinks and then angrily asks, “So you think I’m sleeping with too many guys? You think I’m some kind of slut?”

“I think you’re taking some risks,” Maddie shoots back now sounding frustrated herself, “I think if you’re not careful you’ll find yourself in a hole in some guy’s basement being ordered to put lotion on the skin or else you’ll get the hose again.”

“Oh, come on,” Buck starts.

“Excuse me. I’m talking,” Maddie shouts and holds her hand up to him before setting down her wine and moving in closer to him. “So you’re not over Eddie,” she says, “You want to be, but you’re not. So you’re trying to find some replacement, some temporary way to feel better, but it’s not working and it’s not going to work because a future of meaningless one night stands and problematic penises is not what you want. You want better, and you deserve better. And not every guy’s a nightmare.”

All of it rings true and Maddie saying it only makes it seem more so.

He drops his head and stares down at his lap and shrugs his shoulders, “So I’m having a lot of sex what’s wrong with that?”

Maddie sighs, “Nothing Buck...It’s just…”

“It only gets problematic when you start to care. When you let your emotions get in the way, you know?” Buck asks.

“You don’t really believe that right?” Maddie inquires sadly.

“I don’t know,” Buck admits before laying out on the couch, resting his head in Maddie’s lap.

When Eddie goes to Shannon’s that night, he’s still thinking about Buck and how others are now getting to touch him in the same way he did.

As soon as he enters Shannon smiles at him and says, “I didn’t hear you leave the hotel room this morning. I missed you at breakfast.”

“I had an early shift,” Eddie replies shortly sitting down at the table.

Her smile remains but it’s hesitant as she asks, “You sure that’s all? Nothing’s wrong?”

Eddie looks up at her and shakes his head and takes a bite of the food she places in front of him, “No like I said had to get to work.”

“And we’re okay right?” She questions.

Eddie looks up at her and smiles softly before nodding his head, “Yeah, we’re okay.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Owner of a Lonely Heart

After the whole Steve incident, Buck tries his best to not end up in bed with another stranger. He doesn’t want to be Buck 1.0 again and he doesn’t want to move on by using sex with weird Eddie knock offs. He wants to move on, but it’ll have to be another way. A more positive one.

“I’m thinking of getting a dog,” he tells Hen one morning after spending some nice but still ultimately lonely nights in with Maddie.

Hen lets out a loud laugh and says, “You know a dog is not a replacement for a human being.”

Chimney elbows her and says, “Would you rather he end up with some loser from Joe’s?”

“No, but don’t you think he’s using an animal to…,” Hen starts before Chimney starts elbowing her some more and grumbling.

Buck wonders if they know he’s still sitting right in front of him or if they just don’t care and think Buck already knows how they’re thinking so there’s no reason to hide it.

It’s both miserable and relieving to watch cause he thinks it’s likely at least that they don’t talk about him behind his back since they do this right in front of him.

Their new plan of action becomes apparent the next day, and this time it seems that Hen, Chimney, and Maddie are working together in tandem.

“I was thinking me, you, and Maddie could go to Joe’s later and hang out,” Chimney starts to say as they walk into work but Buck finds himself knocking his hand into Chimney’s chest to shut him up as they walk behind Eddie and Shannon.

They’re arguing again and Buck finds himself unable to help himself from wanting to listen in.

“I’m still not sure if that’s a good idea,” Eddie sighs heavily.

“We’re sleeping together, I should be able to see our son, move-in maybe.”

“Woah that’s too much.”

“So we just have sex, and that’s all this is.”

Eddie winds on his heel a bit but doesn’t seem to notice Buck, nor does Shannon as he shouts, “So what you think we have sex and it’s some kind of transaction and you get to see Christopher?”

Shannon says something else but he doesn’t hear as they walk around a corner and away from Buck’s view and hearing range.

Buck watches and swallows before looking over at Chimney and saying, “Sorry what were you saying?”

Chimney smiles tightly and quickly seems to just accept it before saying, “Me, you, Maddie, Hen, Joe’s, tonight.”

Buck processes it and knows what they’re doing but he’ll accept it nonetheless. He smiles and says, “Oh right, yeah. That’d be uh...good.”

“Good. Get you out, but with chaperones,” Chimney laughs.

“I’m starting to really regret ever introducing your guys to Maddie. It was a big fucking mistake,” Buck says as they enter the locker room where Hen is sitting.

“Sure was. Has he told you…,” Hen begins to say.

Chimney kicks at Hen’s ankle and Buck glances at them but they’ve suddenly gone mum.

Buck doesn’t have long to think about it though cause Eddie now makes an appearance sans Shannon.

“Morning,” he says.

Hen rolls her eyes and leaves, while Chimney glances towards her and just sort of follows. Buck looks after them but smiles and quickly says, “Morning Eddie.”

Eddie’s eyes find his face and he smiles just a bit, though his eyes drift towards Chimney and Hen’s retreating forms, “Morning Buck,” he says his voice sounding just a bit relieved as it reaches his name.

Buck nods and hurries on after Chimney and Hen who are muttering something quick and tempered before throwing a look in Buck’s direction and going silent.

So maybe they do talk about him behind his back too.

The day starts with your rather routine calls until just before noon when they’re called to a prison.

“Constance Ferguson, 40, inmate, swallowed a razor blade,” Hen says.

“Attempted suicide?” Eddie asks.

Hen seems rather annoyed just at the sound of Eddie’s voice but replies, “Attempted field trip. Worked too.”

“What do you mean field trip?” Buck asks.

“She was in solitary. This is her way out,” Hen answers.

“So she’s crazy?” Buck asks.

Eddie huffs and says, “Yeah, if you call a murderer crazy.”

“Ms. Ferguson, are you experiencing any discomfort?” Hen asks the lady with wild auburn hair.

Constance grins and says, “You mean apart from these snazzy handcuffs you’ve got pinching my wrists?”

Eddie sounds just as annoyed with this woman as Hen sounds with Eddie as he asks, “Did you at least put tape on the blade?”

Constance rolls her eyes at him and says, “I’m not an idiot.”

“You swallowed a razor blade,” Eddie says pointedly.

Fair point, Buck thinks.

Hen however seems to think Eddie’s in no place to be deciding who is and isn’t an idiot and rolls her own eyes at him before asking, “So you’re not gonna tell us what hurts?”

Constance shakes her head and then says, “What, and shorten my vacation?” She then looks to Buck and says, “Hey since you’re just standing around, why don’t you get me some chocolate pudding? Make the blade go down smoother.”

Buck may imagine it but it looks like Eddie steps directly in front of him blocking him from Constance’s view before pressing his hand against her chest so that she lays down.

As they roll her out Bobby starts to say, “Eddie and…,” but as he looks around Hen and Chimney are both not looking in his direction and keeping their distance.

Bobby sighs and says, “Eddie and Buck transport her.”

“Maybe Hen and Buck can do it,” Eddie says.

“I’m sure they can, but I chose you. So go,” Bobby says and Eddie sighs and follows Buck into the ambulance as Constance grins and says, “ Come on baby. I’m not gonna hurt you. I only murdered three people, and none of them were firefighters.”

Eddie’s posture is as rigid as a board as he works and asks short snippy questions from Constance trying to extract information from her.

Eventually, she answers one of them by saying, “I didn’t swallow just one I swallowed four.”

“You swallowed four,” Eddie repeats.

“Means surgery most likely,” Buck says plainly.

Constance seems stunned by this and looks to Eddie and says, “ What is he talking about?”

Eddie shakes his head at her before saying, “You’re at risk for a perforated intestine and half a dozen kinds of infection.”

Constance shakes her head and says, “No... I don’t... I taped up the blades like I always do. It passes the next day. What’s the big deal?”

“You swallowed four blades this time. That’s the big deal,” Eddie snaps at her.

She pauses and then says, “ I...I just thought it would buy me an extra day. Does the operation for that have a nice long recovery time?”

Buck stares at her and then says, “You realize that it’d be a major surgery? You could die.”

Eddie almost looks so pissed at this lady that the idea of this seems to be the only thing that pleases him.

Constance stares at him and blinks seemingly unbothered before asking, “So how long?”

“36 hours, maybe,” Eddie states.

“Only 36 hours. I swallowed four razor blades,” she says and then reaches her handcuffed hand out to touch Buck, “Come on sugar plum. I thought we were having fun.”

Eddie forcefully pushes her hand away and extends his arm across Buck like mothers sometimes do when they hit the breaks too fast. He glances at Buck and looks almost embarrassed before he shakes his head at Constance and looks to Buck and says, “Don’t respond.”

This seems to distress her and she says, “Wait don’t ignore me.”

Buck can’t help himself as he blinks at her before asking, “Why not?”

“Just maybe a little conversation. I mean I’ve been all alone,” Constance elements.

Eddie straightens up and then says, “Okay. Why’d you kill three people?”

Constance stares at him and replies, “Start off with a little small talk, why don’t you?”

When both Buck and Eddie remain silent she finally says, “Fine...I was high...on meth. And I had this boyfriend who...had this robbery all planned out. He said that he would leave me if I didn’t help him. Things got out of control. He was gonna leave me. He...he was all I had. I would’ve been all alone.”

And Buck thinks maybe he understands that a little. Not the murdering part. But the being lonely part. He understands loneliness better than most.

Eddie just stares at her unsympathetically before saying, “Clearly, being alone has its benefits.”

They send her into the hospital and Eddie seems all too relieved to be rid of her, but less relieved about the prospect of getting into the firetruck with Chimney and Hen, so he drives the ambulance back on his own.

When they get back to the station and have lunch Eddie sits down as they’re discussing Constance and huffs, “Unbelievable who would do that to themselves?”

Hen can’t seem to help but disagree with Eddie, “The woman wasn’t just in prison, she was in solitary confinement.”

“Well, she was seriously deranged,” Buck replies.

“You try spending a month locked in a room with no windows, no one to talk to 23 hours a day, see how deranged you’d be then,” she answers back.

“She’s a murderer,” Eddie states sounding upset.

“I didn’t say she wasn’t. I said try having no one to make your snarky comments to for a solid month. My guess is you’d swallow the entire razor,” Hen spits back.

Eddie gets up and leaves the table after that, seemingly gauging that he’s not the most welcomed person there.

Buck doesn’t really see Eddie much of the day after that. He says nothing during their calls and at the station, he is never near the rest of them.

Near the end of the day, Buck spots him in the locker room by himself and walking inside.

“You’ve been lying low,” Buck says as he sits down beside Eddie.

Eddie sighs and shrugs before coughing, “Well nobody’s been talking to me so it makes it kind of easy, right?”

Buck smiles sadly, “I told them to stop it.”

Eddie shakes his head, “Yeah, well...I was the jerk so…”

“Well I’m talking to you…,” Buck offers, “In short monosyllabic sentences laced with an acceptable level of disdain and contempt,” he jokes.

Eddie doesn’t seem to be in a laughing mood though and says, “I just don’t get it. Like according to bro or friend code rules you all have to hate me.”

Buck frowns and shakes his head, “I don’t hate you. If my mother hadn’t gotten Alzheimer's maybe I’d be you,” he tells Eddie who looks up at him speculatively.

“I was going to join the seals,” Buck explains, “but I didn’t have the right temperament. Even still I think they’d have let me go. Then maybe I would have settled down sooner. But people always leave me sooner or later so maybe I’d still be you in that regard too. You instead of me.”

Eddie doesn’t seem convinced and hums, “Oh really?”

“Really,” Buck insists, “Before she got sick I mean I was going to go, even with the personality disagreements I really still could have. But I couldn’t when mom started getting bad and Maddie wasn’t around to do anything, and my dad ran as soon as things looked bleak. But before that, I was sure I’d go off to the Seals and then come back settle down right away. I’d be disciplined and not interested in bouncing around and partying. But with my mom, one night stands seemed the only way to go when I couldn’t let anyone in close enough to see what I was going through. So instead I’m the one at family reunions everyone’s embarrassed to talk about.”

“And you think I’m not?” Eddie whispers dejectedly.

Buck stares at him before touching the inside of Eddie’s elbow and asking seriously, “Are you okay?”

Eddie lets out a huff and says, “Buck, your friends that used to be our coworkers and even my friends hate me. And you should hate me! And Shannon wants to see Christopher but I’m not sure I should let her when she might leave again. So no, nothing is okay.”

Buck frowns and rubs Eddie’s arm and says, “Well sit down and talk to them yourself I’ve done my part and told them not to ignore or act hostile to you, but clear the air. Hen will yell but then she’ll get over it, I think,” Buck tells him though he’s honestly not sure, Hen seems to be pissed at Eddie all on her own maybe. “And Chimney, he doesn’t hate you,” Buck assures Eddie, “I doubt he’s being cold on purpose, might just be Hen and him going along, they’re partners after all. As for Shannon...if you need to talk about it you can…to me even.”

Buck’s not all too sure he can handle that but Eddie in the short time they were together became like a best friend too. The person he wanted to run to and talk to and they were partners the way Hen and Chimney were. They had each other’s back. Maybe he missed that.

Eddie shakes his head and says, “Buck you don’t have to be my friend.”

“I know…,” Buck whispers, “But someone has to.”

Eddie looks at him, right in the eyes and it feels like it lasts forever. Them staring back at one another. Buck feels Eddie’s hand curl around his wrist and the warm pressure both steadies him and sucks all the air out of his middle.

“Thanks,” Eddie says keeping his eyes on Buck.

The moment is interrupted though by Hen who’s been standing in the doorway for how long, Buck doesn’t know, but she’s not happy.

“Unbelievable,” Hen says shaking her head and speeding off.

Eddie gives Buck a sad knowing smile and lets go of his wrist and Buck returns the smile before racing off after her and calling out, “Hen. Hen come on.”

Hen wheels around on him and shouts, “Come on? Come on? You’re fraternizing with the guy that broke your heart and you’re telling me to come on?”

Buck freezes and stutters out, “Eddie and I are sort of friends.”

“Since when? Since when are you and Eddie friends?” Hen asks before shaking her head again as if erasing the question, and instead grabbing Buck’s shoulders and yelling, “Buck you shouldn’t be friends with him you’re only hurting yourself. You’re better off without him.”

Buck’s cheeks flush, maybe because she’s a little right, maybe cause she’s embarrassed about what he knows she might say next, “Hen you’re making way too big a deal outta this,” Buck argues.

She scoffs and lets go of his shoulders and says, “Right, of course, because I’m the unreasonable one. You know what, Buck? Do whatever you want. Be a dirty mistress and sleep with him on the side for all I care.”

Buck was expecting something like that but it’s far less minced down than he imagined it would be. Hen’s starting to walk away from him again and Buck races after her and says, “Well, obviously I’m not going to sleep with him, Hen.”

Hen throws a look back at him her next words coming like a punch in the gut that stops him in his tracks, “Why not? You’ve slept with everyone else.”

She walks away with Buck falling short and staring at his feet in the middle of the fire station.

Hen still goes to the bar that night cause she promises Chimney and Maddie and sure enough they’re all there before Buck.

“I’m telling you, Chim. Buck was all over him,” Hen explains.

Maddie frowns and defends her brother and says, “Seriously? He was all over him? What, like uh mounting him in the middle of the station?”

Hen blinks at her and says, “Well he might have if I hadn’t interrupted.”

Maddie seems unconvinced and Chimney sighs and says, “So he was talking to him.”

“You don’t talk to bastards who break your heart. That’s the rule,” Hen exclaims.

Maddie is still frowning and then says, “Can you not mention that when Buck gets here?”

Chimney nods and adds, “Yeah this is supposed to be a fun alternative to him sleeping around or talking to Eddie or moping over him.”

“Well he’s talking to him,” Hen hisses annoyed at how on Maddie’s side Chimney is.

“Let him,” Chimney says quickly, “Maybe it helps him move on. He doesn’t have to hate him.”

“He should,” Hen shoots back quickly taking a sip of her drink as Buck walks in smiling brightly even at Hen though the smile falters just a bit when she barely looks at him.

They play nice for a while, but when Hen goes to get another drink, Buck follows her and says, “Hey Hen. I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

And Hen is a little drunk and can’t help herself and turns on him and says, “ What are you sorry for?” She sees Buck’s face falter as he looks for the reason and she sighs and says, “When he broke up with you I was there. I’m always there for you. But you put yourself in these situations, I have a kid and a wife that I take time away of to support you, but yet you put yourself in a position to get hurt again.”

Buck looks down and like he feels guilty for taking time away from her family and then looks up and says less than convincing, “I’m not going to let myself get hurt by him again. I...I won’t, but he’s a part of the team. No matter what happened between us...he doesn’t deserve to be alone.”

Hen shakes her head cause sometimes she really can’t stand Buck and his too-big heart. His capacity to forgive. It’s too much and it’s one of those times. So she leaves it at a head shake and leaves after that.

She feels bad in the morning though. Even if it was true. She still feels bad about it. She knows Buck. And she knows he just can’t help himself.

She feels grateful for that capacity to forgive in the morning though because even though she’s yelled at him twice now he still walks into work and sits down beside her in the locker room and says, “Hey Hen.”

Cause Buck will always try. She knows that much. He won’t give up.

“Yeah, Buck?” She sighs.

He smiles just a bit maybe because she isn’t yelling at him again and he swallows before saying, “ I know I’ve been a lot to handle lately and Denny & Karen need you and I’m…”

“Buck you don’t need to it’s fine,” she stops him, “What I said was out of…”

Buck stops her though and says, “No you’re right you’ve been for me a lot. So maybe tonight you and Karen can go out and spend time together and I can watch Denny.”

Hen sighs and says, “Buck you really don’t need to.”

“I want to,” Buck says quickly and Hen looks up to and can see that he really does. She watches Buck shifts uncomfortably at the next part and says, “If it makes you feel better I’d really like to watch Denny. I...I kind of miss taking care of a kid, and Maddie and I are going to go choose a dog and I could use the insight.”

Hen maybe always misses that bit of puzzle with Buck. Maybe because he seems so young himself. Maybe because she could understand why a guy like Eddie would make Buck so lovesick that she doesn’t even think to add in the second part to it. That Eddie wasn’t the only one Buck loved, he loved Christopher just as much maybe more. He had thrown himself headfirst into caring for him. Had come to love Christopher like he did all of their kids, like his own and his responsibility, but he knew it was different still. Christopher was like Buck’s own in that short time. She thinks of the times Buck and Eddie had different shifts and Buck didn’t spend those by himself but with Christopher. She thinks of how in the few times she saw Christopher while Buck and Eddie were dating, he was always at Buck’s side as much as Eddie’s maybe even more. She remembers how Buck was running around trying to make things easier for Christopher and Eddie before he was even dating him and she’s not sure how she was able to forget that bit of it.

She swallows and grabs Buck’s hand, “Buck...if that’s what you want of course. But maybe it’s alright if you talk to Eddie, at least maybe ask him to see Christopher. I mean I’m sure he wants to see you, Buck…”

Buck shakes his head though and says, “No, Eddie doesn’t need that. He needs to figure out how to make things work with Shannon. And me, I have to just move on. Christopher doesn’t need me, he needs Eddie and his mom. And I just need to stay out of it so they can work.”

Hen smiles sadly and rubs Buck’s back before saying, “Alright Buck. Yeah. I think Denny would like picking out a dog with Maddie and you.”

“Great,” Buck says smiling tightly and standing up and she knows he wants to retreat from the emotion, from the thoughts, maybe hide in the bathroom and compose himself, but she grabs him instead and whispers, “And Buck.”

“Yeah?” He questions.

“Even if you do need to stay away so Eddie, Christopher, and Shannon can be a family again, I want you to know that kids don’t need a mom and a dad. They just need people who love them and can look out for them. And you gave all that to Christopher, Buck. You did. Please don’t think that’s why Eddie feels the way he feels, cause you were more than good enough for both him and Christopher. I promise you that,” Hen tells him.

She can see in his eyes that he doesn’t believe it but he smiles just the same and envelopes her in a hug and shuts his eyes and whispers, “Thanks Hen.”

Buck and Maddie pick up Denny who is all too excited to be helping them pick out a dog from the shelter.

“I can visit sometimes and play with it right?” Denny asks happily.

“Of course,” Buck says, “All of you can, I’m determined to get a dog that can represent the 118.”

Denny laughs at this alongside Maddie who asks, “Do you think you’re maybe asking too much of a dog?”

“Hey, I need a good strong dog,” Buck says, “No little purse thing.”

“God this dog is going to be so huge,” Maddie whines.

And sure enough, she’s right cause it only takes about five minutes before Denny and Buck are fawning over a humungous dog by Maddie’s estimate.

“He’s actually quite small for his breed,” the lady at the adoption place says as Buck and Denny scratch and cuddle the large animal.

“And what is that?” Maddie asks.

“Well he’s part great dane and dalmatian,” the lady tells her.

“Of course,” Maddie says cause Buck would go for that.

“Come on Mad’s,” Buck says scratching the dog's belly, “He’s perfect. Dalmatians are literally the mascot of firehouses and Scooby-Doo was a great dane.”

Maddie smiles tightly cause truthfully as wide and open as Buck’s apartment is it’s still rather small for her, him, and this gigantic dog.

But Buck is smiling in a way she hasn’t seen in a while and she can’t help but let it happen.

The dog is beautiful, creamy white with camo like black spots all over and a large spot over one of his eyes like an eye patch. 

They struggle on the name for a while cause Buck doesn’t seem to want a typical common dog name and Maddie and Buck are kind of a drought on cultural and movie reference names.

“Well he is a great dane like scooby doo, so maybe that?” Maddie finally suggests.

“No,” Buck mutters.

“One of those dalmatians from the Disney movie?” Maddie asks.

“No,” Buck groans at a loss.

“We’ll find tomorrow,” Maddie finally relents, “maybe Chimney and Hen can suggest a good one.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Buck yawns and she watches as he walks up the stairs to bed with the dog following right behind already absolutely loyal to Buck. As for Maddie, she doesn’t think the dog thinks much of her at all, if anything it’s sort of ignorant to her, but to Buck, it trails him around every time he so much as gets up off the couch.

When she wakes up in the morning she hears the dog running around with Buck in the kitchen making breakfast and this time he has a name.

“Come on sit Plissken, sit,” Buck calls happily a smile bright on his face.

“Plissken?” Maddie asks.

“Yeah, I came up with it last night,” Buck whispers and pets the dog's head.

“What’s that from?” She asks.

“From this one movie I saw. It’s called Escape from New York. He kind of had the same look. Wore camo and had an eye patch,” Buck explains and he sounds shy about it.

“Chimney make you watch that?” She asks.

“Uh, no,” Buck say and he doesn’t elaborate, just goes back to cooking and playing with the dog and Maddie knows instantly from that who he saw the movie with.

Eddie.

She doesn’t say anything though. She just sits down and sips her coffee and watches Buck as happy as she’s seen him, with a dog who worships him.

Eddie spends the morning with Shannon after Carla has taken Christopher to school and sips his coffee.

He watches her carefully and feels a pang in his stomach as she sips from a cup Buck once did.

Suddenly she says, “I’m lonely Eddie.”

Eddie looks up at her and nods and says, “I think I might be too.”

She sighs and gives him a soft smile and asks, “Can we stop arguing over Christopher at least? It won’t help.”

“Yeah,” Eddie nods.

“You’ll tell me when you’re ready?”

“Yeah.”

“Soon?” She asks hopefully.

He smiles and nods, “Yeah. Soon.”

  
  
  
  
  



	12. Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer

Chimney struggles all the way up the stairs with the large tree and while squeezing it in through the door of Buck’s apartment, especially as his horse of a dog barks and growls at him.

He kind of despises it already, the dog’s a beast and runs around and barks at anyone who isn’t Buck. With Buck, that dog listens to everything he asks and never barks or chases him away.

He finally gets the tree in and sets it upright when Maddie walks down and eyes the tree dubiously before saying, “Uh...what are you doing?”

Chimney blushes slightly and says, “Oh, well you know...I just thought you might like to decorate. I know Buck’s not feeling festive this year, but I thought maybe you…”

Maddie shakes her head quickly and says, “No, I’m not...I’m not big on the holidays either so…”

Chimney freezes and looks up at the tree and says, “Right then I’ll just…”

Maddie shakes her head again and says, “No it’s fine, just leave it, uh Buck will probably take care of it later. Maybe have his reindeer sized dog pull it away,” she jokes though the smile on her face doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Right,” Chimney nods.

If the holidays are absent at the Buckley’s they’re in full effect at the station where Hen has decorated the space entirely into a Christmas wonderland.

Chimney stands alongside Buck and Eddie as they first enter the station and look up at the space wide-eyed.

“It looks like Christmas threw up in here,” Chimney finally says.

“Just go with it. We’re being supportive,” Buck tells him and throws on a smile as Hen comes over to them smiling.

“Oh, hey! What do you think? Did I go too overboard? Oh, I know. I know sometimes I can go a little overboard.”

“No it’s great,” Chimney says at the same time Buck says, “No, we love it.”

She beams and says, “Oh yay! I love Christmas,” Hen cheers.

“We know,” Buck says.

“Clearly,” Chimney adds.

She’s still smiling before she says, “You guys we should all get together and have a little party or at least organize some sort of secret Santa thing.”

“Sounds great,” Buck says quickly, “Secret Santa.”

“Okay,” Hen nods and walks off a big smile on her face.

“I thought you hated the holidays,” Eddie says leaning in towards Buck.

Buck goes to reply but then Chimney mutters, “Only recently,” under his breath before walking off.

Buck swallows and just smiles up at Eddie and shrugs, “We’re being supportive. Maybe it’ll help you get on her good side…”

Eddie shrugs and they start walking to the locker room together at which point Eddie mutters his signature, “Hey” in Buck’s direction.

Buck looks up at him and says, “Hey,” back and then looks Eddie over and asks, “You okay? You seem…”

“Yeah. You know...holidays,” Eddie tells him.

“Oh. Yeah,” Buck nods, “I do know.”

Their first call is right up Hen’s alley as the house is just covered in festive decorations, and the man and his family are true lovers of Christmas.

When they pull up the kids are running around and singing Christmas carols and playing with toys as the wife sits on the ice by her husband who’s still laying there on the ground.

They descend on him quickly as Chimney says, “Tim Epstein, 38 fell off the roof of his house.”

The man groans as they start examining him but says, “I was stringing Hannumas lights, and a shingle came loose.”

“Hannumas?” Hen asks.

“Hannumas, Chrismukkah. We go all out,” Tim tells her.

“Awesome,” Hen grins.

“He fell twelve feet,” the wife tells them.

“The good news is my head broke my fall,” the husband tells them with a smile.

Buck who’s been examining him alongside Hen calls out, “There are no visible deformities, but he’s definitely having some focal left arm weakness.”

“He’ll probably be fine. He’s always been a little hardheaded,” the wife says as if for the benefit of the kids who have started listening in.

The man laughs but cringes as he does at which point Eddie approaches and asks, “Does your head hurt when you laugh?”

“Is that a bad thing?” The man asks.

Eddie squeezes in beside Buck to kneel in front of the man and says, “Follow my finger with your eyes, please.”

He begins moving his finger in front of the man's eyes just as one of the kids comes up to Chimney and says, “I know karate.”

Chimney looks around at the kids who are all running around and shouting and says, “Uh you know what? Maybe we should move the kids while we work.”

“No, no, let them stay. Pain or no I don’t wanna miss out on the holidays with my kids,” Tim assures them.

When they get back to the station Hen is still smiling and says, “What a great family. Hannauhmas, Christmakkah.”

“Really Hen? Chrismukkah?” Eddie asks.

“I think it’s sweet,” Hen hisses back at Eddie.

Buck cringes already seeing the makings of a fight and sure enough, Eddie snaps back, “Do you happen to know what time of year neurosurgeons are the busiest, Hen?”

“No, there’s a time of year?” Hen asks indignantly.

Eddie huffs annoyed and says, “Well, there’s no hard or fast rule, but brain injuries tend to pile up around the holidays. People fall off their roofs while they string up lights, or they go skating for the first time in a decade and break their heads open. And every year, people drive through blizzards to get to parties where they kiss germ-infected strangers under poisonous mistletoe, and then they get so drunk that they smash their heads through their windshield on their way home. Like I said there’s no hard or fast rule.”

Hen takes this in but by the time she does, Eddie’s already walked away from her.

The next day, Eddie drives Shannon to work before his shift and Shannon is leafing through Christmas catalogs and says, “Okay, for your mom, I got a lambswool blanket, handmade in Edinburgh. It’s soft, comfortable. It says, “Don’t hate me for hurting your son,” except with fabric,” she beams.

Eddie grips the wheel and lies as he tells her, “Shannon, you know my mom loves you.”

Shannon shakes her head and says, “No, she used to love me. I’ve got a lot of ground to make up for with these gifts. So what do you think...plain or plaid or both?”

Eddie shrugs his shoulders and says, “I don’t know...whatever you know?”

She frowns and says, “I thought you love Christmas shopping.”

Eddie huffs and replies, “ I’m just really not in the mood for it right now, okay?”

“Okay,” she sighs and smiles again before revealing her next suggestion, “Well what about Italian food and Scottish catalogs tonight, around 9?”

“Well, I guess that depends. But I’ll let you know,” Eddie sighs before she gets out of the car to go to work.

“Okay,” she nods and kisses him before going inside.

He’s still frustrated when he goes into work and is lacing up his boots when Buck enters.

“Morning,” Buck smiles at him, as good as always.

“Morning,” Eddie replies a smile coming to his face.

“You doing okay?” Buck asks.

“Yeah. Chris won’t tell me what he wants for Christmas though,” he tells Buck.

Buck frowns and then asks, “Why not?”

“I don’t know. I’ve tried everything,” Eddie huffs.

“Have you taken him to see Santa?” Buck asks.

“The creep guy at the mall with a fake beard? No,” Eddie replies to which Buck smiles.

“Yeah, maybe to us, but most kids like him,” Buck tells Eddie.

“Maybe,” Eddie groans running his hands over his face.

Buck grins and pats Eddie’s back and says, “ It’ll be okay. You’ll get it out of him one way or another.”

Buck exits the locker room after he changes and meets Hen who seems to have watched the conversation with Eddie and seems to want to redirect his attention elsewhere.

“Hey Buck, I was wondering if maybe you and Maddie might want to have dinner over at my place tonight?” She asks.

Buck smiles at her and says, “Thanks for the offer Hen, but I kind of feel like just stay in tonight. Some other time maybe?” He asks.

She gives him an encouraging smile before nodding and saying, “Sure thing.”

Their first call is a little boy about to undergo a heart transplant who needs to be transported to the hospital.

“Justin Matthews, awaiting a heart transplant, they already have one waiting at the hospital,” Eddie announces as they start getting ready to transport him.

“You hear that baby?” The boy's mother asks him, “Santa Claus is bringing you a new heart for Christmas.”

Justin takes this in before frowning at all of them and shooting back, “Tell the fat ass to give it to someone else. I don’t want it.”

His mother pales and says, “I’m sorry he’s tired today.”

“I’m tired every day, I hate Christmas every day, and I’m not having another stupid operation,” the little boy fumes.

“Justin, I know surgery can be frightening, but you need this heart. You’ve worn out your last one,” Hen tries to assure him.

“His last one?” Buck asks.

“Justin had a heart transplant as a baby, but his heart hasn’t aged as well as he has. You understand that, Justin? Your heart just can’t keep up with you anymore. You need a new one,” the boy's mother tries to explain.

“I don’t care. I don’t want it,” Justin retorts.

“Can you tell me why not?” Buck asks him.

Justin looks at him and hesitates before turning his head away.

“He’s really a good boy. You just met him at a difficult time. He’s been down. I don’t know why,” the mother whispers to Eddie in explanation.

Eddie stares back at her for a moment before saying, “No offense, but your son doesn’t seem to be a fan of the holidays. He doesn’t believe in Santa.”

Justin’s mother swallows before sighing and saying, “Yes, well, a mother’s job is to protect her child’s innocence, and this Christmas could be his last time, so…”

Justin seems to hear this and mutters, “That’s what you said last year and the year before that.”

Eddie and Buck are charged with taking Justin to the hospital and he only seems to become more frustrated and yells at them, “I told you I don’t want the heart, why are you doing this?”

“Cause you need it, and until you’re 18, your mother calls all the shots,” Eddie replies.

“My mother’s a liar. You heard her. She said the heart came from Santa Claus. She shouldn’t get to decide anything,” Justin growls.

“Yeah, well, you could make a run for it, but the heart you have won’t get you very far,” Buck jokes making Eddie grin.

“My mother told me Santa brought me my heart and some elves made it in a factory. But that’s not true is it?” Justin finally states before looking up to Eddie in question.

“No it isn’t,” Eddie admits.

“Yeah, I know. I heard the nurses talking when I went to the hospital. Where it really came from was some other kid. Some other kid had to die so I could live and now I’ve outgrown that kids' heart. So for the last two years, my mom has been praying that another kid would die for me. That’s what she prays for all the time. How does God feel about that?” Justin coughs.

Buck looks down sadly at Justin before shifting in his seat and saying, “You know, I don’t believe in Santa either, Justin. But I think we can both believe in science and medicine, and it’s medical miracle you’re alive, and that’s cause a doctor figured out how to give your someone else's heart so you could live. Which is so much cooler than Santa. So I’m just saying, I think you should decide to live, live so maybe you can become a doctor and you can find a way to do heart transplants without someone having to die. Or you know, live so you can grow up and have kids, and then you can raise them not to believe in Santa if you want. That would really upset your mom. Just decide to live though, cause in your case dying really isn’t the best revenge.”

Justin stares up at him silently for a moment before nodding his head slightly.

When they exit the ambulance Eddie stares at Buck before saying, “You were really good back there.”

“Just needed someone to be level with him I guess,” Buck shrugs.

Eddie swallows nervously before saying, “So I think I am going to take Christopher to see Santa tonight.”

“That’s good,” Buck smiles encouragingly.

Eddie nods and then says, “But I was wondering if maybe you’d come with. Chris has been asking to see you and I think he’d like if you tagged along.”

“Oh,” Buck replies and blinks at Eddie before shifting on his feet and saying, “Yeah. That’d be nice I’d love to for Christopher.”   
  


“Yeah, for Christopher,” Eddie nods in agreement.

Eddie is taken off guard when Shannon Ubers to the station after work as he’s getting ready to leave entering the locker room and smiling in Buck’s direction before saying, “Hey Buck.”

Buck glances up at her and nods before slipping quickly past her.

“Okay,” she mutters before looking back at Eddie who stares off at Buck leaving not hearing her as she asks, “So tonight at nine?”

He doesn’t respond and she frowns and asks, “Am I invisible? I’m feeling strangely invisible...And inaudible…”

Eddie’s head snaps in her direction suddenly and he asks, “Sorry what?”

She pauses and then repeats, “Dinner-shopping tonight?”

“Oh, sorry yeah, can’t happen tonight. Sorry,” Eddie tells her.

“No, you’re not. I’m just trying to figure out why you’re not. It’s Christmas, Eddie.”

“Yeah, I know,” Eddie sighs.

“It’s our season! What’s going on? Are you mad? Are you depressed, what?” She asks.

“No, everything’s fine,” he tells her quickly, “We’re fine, you know...Tomorrow night we can talk,” he affirms kissing her quickly.

That night when he meets Buck at the outdoor mall he is there with a large moose-like dog with dark spots and his eyes widen slightly.

“Hey, Buck, and dog,” Eddie comments with a laugh.

“Bucky!” Chris screams before throwing himself into Buck’s arms.

Buck catches him quickly and hugs him tightly to his chest and says, “Hey buddy.”   
  


“I’ve missed you,” Chris says tugging directly on both Eddie and Buck’s heartstrings.

“I’ve missed you too buddy,” Buck says still clutching Chris close.

Eddie watches as the dog stands dutifully at Buck’s side with watchful eyes. It eyes Eddie carefully before seeming to decide he’s alright. He looks at the rest of the surrounding crowds dubiously though and even barks at a few of them. His attention though is quickly called back to Buck and Christopher though. He seems particularly intrigued by Christopher, his tail wagging happily when Chris finally turns his attention to him.

“He’s so pretty,” Christopher says reaching out to pet him.

Eddie thinks to call out a warning but the dog instantly stands at attention and lets Christopher pet him and then licks Christopher for good measure.

Christopher giggles and leans his weight on the dog to hug him. The dog doesn’t try and get out from under him and supports Christopher’s weight like a human might and stays perfectly steady as he does this.

Eddie’s slightly impressed as it seems that Buck has gotten a dog that is seemingly only perfect for himself and Christopher.

“When’d you get a dog?” Eddie finally asks once Christopher is in line for Santa and the large dog is laying at his and Buck’s feet watching Christopher carefully from afar.

“A week ago. Felt like I could use one. Plus he’s perfect. Well for me, he doesn’t seem to like many other people. Though I knew he’d of course adore Christopher.”

“He seems relaxed,” Eddie comments.

“Around me,” Buck nods and then says, “And well Christopher. He doesn’t seem to like many others. Not even a huge fan of Maddie or Chim,” Buck laughs.

“You know who he reminds me of?” Eddie asks.

“Hmm…,” Buck hums.

“Snake Plissken from…,” Eddie starts to say.

“Escape from New York,” Buck finishes, “Yeah, I actually named him Plissken cause of that.”

“Oh,” Eddie says thinking of how he’d introduced Buck to the movie while they were dating.

“Yeah, just uh seemed fitting,” Buck coughs his cheeks turning red before he straightens his back and turns his attention back to Chris in line.

Eddie gets the signal to move on and looks back at Christopher and says, “I offered to wait in line with him, but he said this is, uh private.”

Eddie pulls out his phone and points it in his son's direction calling his name to get his attention, “Christopher.”   
  


Christopher smiles widely in their direction and Buck smiles beside Eddie and says, “I really admire that kid. I love the way he always wants to do everything on his own.”

“Yeah,” Eddie laughs and then shifts beside Buck and says, “So you’re not gonna say anything?” He asks references Shannon showing up today but him still not having her around Christopher.

Buck frowns and shrugs his shoulders before saying, “Nah about what.”   
  


Eddie looks at Buck pointedly in the eyes cause Buck always sees through him and he knows that, “You know what about,” he replies.

“I figured it was none of my business,” Buck replies quietly.

“It’s not but...it’s just complicated,” Eddie huffs.

“Never said it wasn’t,” Buck replies with a soft smile.

Eddie realizes he shouldn’t be talking to Buck about this of all people, but he finds he doesn’t really have anyone else to talk to nowadays.

“I’m determined to make this work but...I’m sneaking around behind my kid’s back with his mother,” Eddie sighs.

“Christopher really doesn’t know?” Buck asks.

“I don’t know what he knows. These kids sense things, right? The other day, I made her sneak out so he wouldn’t see her there,” Eddie tells him.

Buck nods and says, “You’re trying to protect your kid. I mean she ran out on him right?” He swallows nervously as this is definitely not his place, even if Eddie is the one who’s brought it up.

“I ran out first,” Eddie admits suddenly to Buck’s raised brows, “I ran out on both of them,” Eddie adds.

He looks over at Buck whose face is open and supportive and warm still and he feels safe with Buck. Like after all the awful things he’s done he’s still safe with him. He swallows and says, “See when Christopher was first diagnosed I was in Afghanistan. Right at the end of my tour. Instead of going back home...I reenlisted. I told myself it was to pay the bills.”

Buck stares at him for a moment before saying, “But you were running away, too.”

“Yeah. But I got to pretend like it was for a noble cause. Serving my country. But when Shannon broke, nobody thought she was a hero. She just got called evil.”

“And now she wants back in his life,” Buck says softly.

“Yeah.”

“So why don’t you let her?” Buck asks carefully, “I mean she’s already back in yours.”

“Maybe that’s what’s got me confused. Would I be doing it for Christopher or for me?” He questions.

“You’ll make the right decision at the right time, Eddie, you will. You’re a good dad,” Buck tells him.

Eddie stares at him for a moment before he notices Plissken stand because Christopher’s approaching.

Buck and he both stand then as one of Santa’s helpers walks Christopher towards them.

“How’d it go, pal?” Eddie asks Christopher.

“It went great,” Christopher smiles.

“So what’d you ask for?” Eddie asks.

He glances at Buck and his dad and says, “Can’t tell. Santa said he’d work on it.”

“Oh man,” Buck chuckles.

“Let’s go,” Eddie says and lifts Christopher into his arms before walking off and Buck turns to follow before the elf stops him.

“You two have an adorable son,” she says to Buck.

Buck freezes his hand still wrapped around Plissken’s leash as his cheeks turn red and he looks off in Eddie and Christopher’s direction hesitating. He swallows before quickly saying, “Uh...thank you,” and running after them.

Eddie and Buck part ways with a lot of difficultly as Christopher wants both him and Plissken to spend the night.

That night when Eddie tucks Christopher in he asks, “Dad, is Santa real?”

Eddie freezes and thinks of the other mom protecting her son's innocence and how in a way he’s doing the same.

“Is Santa real? Why? Did someone say he wasn’t?” Eddie asks.

Christopher doesn’t reply so Eddie decides to ask, “What do you think? Do you think he’s real?’

“When you were gone, I asked Santa for you to come back, and you did,” Christopher tells him.

“When I was in Afghanistan?” Eddie asks. 

Christopher nods and Eddie swallows before saying, “You know buddy, Christmas wishes aren’t like birthday wishes. You can say them out loud and they’ll still come true.”

“I asked him to find Mom and to keep her and keep Buck around more too. Will he?” Christopher asks.

Eddie blinks and he knows he’s fucked everything up, making his son miss two people who both can’t be in his life it’s one or the other. And he’s already made the choice he thinks is right, there’s no going back on that. Still, he knows Buck will try and be around for Christopher if Eddie so much as asks. Tonight said as much.

“He’s sure gonna try,” Eddie tells Christopher brushing his hair back and kissing his forehead.

On their first call the next day the whole team's patience is tested by a very loud family.

Instantly when they walk in they hear arguing between the lady they’re supposed to be attending to’s elderly mother and husband.

“Should we have a dog?” The mother asks to which the lady’s husband responds by shouting out, “No dog.”

“Come on get a dog,” the woman yells back.

“Nadia Shelton, 41, appears to have an ulcer,” Buck tells the rest of the team as they enter.

“Took long enough for you to get here,” the mother shouts at them.

“We’re sorry for the inconvenience,” Bobby tells her.

“Inconvenience, you try watching your daughter in pain and come and talk to me about inconvenience,” she shouts back at him.

“We get a lot of calls over the holidays,” Bobby tries to explain.

Instantly the husband snaps back with, “Are you saying my wife’s not important?”

“Not at all,” Bobby says quickly sounding slightly frazzled.

“We have reservations to eat at the top restaurant in LA you know? We’ve had them for months,” the mother suddenly shoots off.

Bobby seems at the edge of his temper and says to the rest of them, “Alright guys get her moving. Quickly.”

“Did you have any questions?” Buck asks the woman as they begin to move her.

“No I’ve had three bleeding ulcers in the past five years,” she says politely.

“Yeah, we said that on the call,” her husband shoots at Buck coldly.

They’re quick to get out of there and after Buck is running his fingers against his temple.

“Easy to see how you get an ulcer with that family,” Eddie sighs when they get back to the station.

“Yeah. You think they’re better or worse than that snotty girl's family from last night?” He asks.

Buck should know to look around to make sure Hen isn’t listening in, but he just forgets and as Eddie seems to think on it Hen asks angrily, “You went out with Eddie last night.”   
  


Buck’s cheeks turn red and he says, “No. We just took Christopher to see Santa and…”

“You went to see Santa with Eddie and Christopher,” Hen repeats and then shouts, “Buck.”

“Hen,” Eddie starts to say.

“No,” Hen says holding a finger up to Eddie, “You don’t talk to me,” she turns to Buck then and shouts, “And you are unbelievable!” She starts to walk away and Buck turns to Eddie and says, “Sorry,” as Eddie just nods in understanding.

Buck chases after Hen and calls out, “Hen, would you wait?”

“I try to help you and even invite you out last night and you say you want to stay in. He asks you and you’re at his beck and call as his new best friend,” Hen yells still walking away from Hen.

“Hen,” Buck calls again.

Chimney joins in beside Buck and asks, “Busted?” Having known from Buck earlier.

“Yeah, I’m bused,” Buck huffs.

“Hen,” Chimney tries to appeal to her, “It was for Christopher.”   
  


“Of course you knew about this,” Hen hisses at him before turning to Buck and saying, “Buck he dumped you!”

“I told you she’d find out,” Chimney mutters.

“Oh shut up,” Buck shouts a Chim.

“I can’t believe you,” Hen says to Buck.

Buck throws his hands up and says, “I know! I’m pathetic and everything else. But I’m trying to be the bigger person and be happy and move on. That’s why I didn’t say anything or let anyone else say anything when you decorated this whole firehouse like Santa’s freaking village.”

“What?” Hen asks brows furrowing.

“None of us are big on the holidays. You know! But I was trying to be supportive. But Eddie for all the things he might have screwed up needs some goddamn support too. It’d be nice if there was someone other than me, but there isn’t cause you two have decided to absolutely gut hate him enough for the entire station,” Buck shouts back at her.

“Why do you care?” Hen asks. “He hurt you. You should hate him.”

“Because he’s a part of the family, a part of this team.”

“So?”

“So he is family,” Buck says frustrated before sighing and saying, “I have a mother who doesn’t recognize me, no dad, and a sister who has just now decided to reappear. As far as family goes, this team, you guys are it, so I know you are pissed at Eddie Hen, but maybe you could try and treat him decently anyway, sort of like in the spirit of this holiday you keep shoving down everybody’s throats,” he fumes before turning on his heel and walking away.

It’s a long frustrating day after that, filled with little talking and narrowed stares at one another.

But when Eddie and Buck start to leave Eddie calls out, “Hey,” again.

“Hey,” Buck sighs.

“You okay?” Eddie asks this time.

Buck smiles a bit and repeats what Eddie said a few days ago and replies, “Yeah, yeah. You know, holidays.”

“Yeah. I do know,” Eddie grins.

Buck stares at him and Eddie thinks about telling him Christopher’s Christmas wish, but Buck just sort of smiles before saying, “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” Eddie says back and is ready to leave when Hen suddenly calls out his name.

“Eddie.”

Eddie turns and says, “Hen.”

She comes to stand in front of him and sighs, “I just wanted to say sorry. I’m still not happy with you...but I think maybe I need to just get past it. For Buck’s sake and the team's sake.”

Eddie swallows and looks to the ground before replying, “Look Hen, I’m sorry I really didn’t want to…”

“Stop. I know. I know. I do. We can just move on and be good again alright?” Hen asks.

Eddie stares back at her and then nods, “Yeah. Yeah, that would be nice.”

“Good,” she smiles and then tells him, “Also I wanted to invite you to Christmas. We’re all getting together. The whole team at Bobby’s. You could bring Christopher or...Shannon. Or both.” Though she says this bit reluctantly, but Buck told her to offer it.

“Thank Hen. For the offer but I do have plans,” he tells her to which she nods and looks somewhat relieved about.

Later that night Shannon shows up at his door and Eddie opens it and says, “Hey.”

“Hey,” she replies and smiles as she walks into the house and asks, “So how was work?

“Good,” Eddie smiles tightly as they sit down at the kitchen table.

“Happy Christmas Eve,” Shannon smiles at him.

“Yeah,” he mutters.

“Christmas, Eddie. We love Christmas. At least we used to,” she sighs holding his hand from across the table.

He looks at her and finally says, “Yeah...Christmas makes you want to be with people you love.”

She smiles at him but he slowly takes his hand from her and sighs, “I’m not saying this to hurt you or because I want to leave you because I don’t,” he looks at her and she’s staring at him and he swallows before saying, “Buck wasn’t a fling. He wasn’t revenge. I fell in love with him. And that doesn’t go away because I decided to stay with you.”

Shannon’s smile is gone and she swallows before nodding and whispering, “Right…”

Eddie coughs and then says, “ But uh...Christopher wants to see you and I think it’d be good, for Christmas.”

She looks up at him and says, “Yeah? That’s great.”

He gets up and takes a drink and whispers, “Good.”

When Maddie comes home she sees the tree is now fully up with lights and decorations and presents underneath. But not only that, Buck is laying underneath it with Plissken laying beside him underneath it.

“Pretty,” Maddie mutters before getting on her knees and laying down beside him and staring up at the bright lights above.

“Yeah. I know,” he swallows and then turns his head towards her and starts to say, “You don’t…”

“It’s fine,” she assures him and then asks, “What are we doing?”

Buck just shrugs and whispers, “Just watching the lights.”

Maddie looks up at them for a while longer before relaxing beside Buck and saying, “It’s nice.”

Buck shuts his eyes before whispering back, “Yeah.”


	13. Begin the Begin

It’s been two months since Buck got his dog and in that two months, he’s not let Chimney in the apartment several times, peed on Maddie’s bed twice, and eaten two pairs of her shoes. She’s pretty sure he’s doing this on purpose cause he never eats Buck’s shoes even though he leaves them strewn around the apartment. Nor does Plissken pee on Buck’s bed or try and jump on him when he walks through the door.

Maddie has taken to hiding in the bathroom but Chimney has somehow made it into the apartment this time only to be chased around by the dog.

“Maddie. Maddie,” he calls out to her as she cringes in the bathroom, “Incoming,” he finally shouts and she quickly opens the door for him to run inside and quickly shuts it right after. She can hear Plissken scratch at the door once it’s shut.

Maddie passes her coffee to Chimney who takes it and takes a sip from it with a groan.

“You know I’m thinking about coloring my hair. Maybe red,” Maddie says in conversation as Chimney tries to catch his breath.

“Red’s good,” he sighs, “I’m thinking about cutting mine.”

“Yeah?” She asks smiling. “You’d look good shorter.”

“You think?” Chimney asks.

“Yeah.”

Suddenly the barking outside stops and they both exchange a look before hearing Buck’s voice cooing outside, “Who’s a good boy? He’s a good boy. What a good dog. Daddy’s little boy.”

Maddie and Chimney slowly open the door to see Buck crouched down scratching Plissken’s belly.

Buck suddenly looks up at them and raises his brows, “What are you guys doing in there? We’re all going to be late to work,” speaking to Maddie as well as she’s working as a nurse at the hospital.

“We need to talk about the dog,” Chimney says.

“That’s not a dog,” Maddie says, “It’s a hyena escaped from the zoo dressed in dog clothing.”

“Whatever,” Chimney says.

“But Chimney is right. I don’t chew up his clothes. I don’t urinate on his bed,” Maddie tells Buck who is still petting the dog.

“Yeah, and I don’t try to mount him from behind,” Chimney adds.

“People, he’s our dog. We love our dog. He loves us,” Buck tells them before descending back into his babying talk of the dog.

Buck finally stops petting the dog and goes to grab his shoes at which point Plissken looks back at Maddie and Chimney and growls and barks.

“He tries to mount you from behind?” Maddie asks staring warily at the dog.

“Tries to,” Chimney mutters, “He tries to.”

Eddie starts the day arguing with Shannon over money, or at least that’s what they pretend to be fighting over, they’ve been arguing since Christmas.

“It is a big deal,” Shannon yells as he’s packing up the car to drop Christopher off at school before going to work, “Christopher’s surfing lessons 150 dollars an hour, Carla, the private school, physical therapy, the after school program,” she lists off, “Eddie, I know what all that costs.”

“It’s under control,” Eddie tells her, “Don’t worry.”

“Yeah, every time we talk about money, about anything you tell me not to worry. Guess what? I worry,” she tells him.

He wrinkles his nose before taking her face in his hands and kissing her, “Don’t. I gotta get going now,” he sighs but he’s taken extra shifts at work, swapped shifts to make do.

On one of these shifts, it’s just him and Hen working out of the team and that makes him even more grateful that they’re no longer constantly arguing.

“55-year-old male complaining of severe abdominal pain,” Hen says when they get out and hurry forward to the male.

Eddie feels along the groaning man's abdomen before asking, “Sir is there anything you’ve eaten that might be causing the distress.”

The man blinks before looking Eddie straight on and uttering, “Garbage. Absolute garbage.”

“Excuse me?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah, could you be more specific?” Hen reiterates.

There’s a silence and the man's girlfriend sighs and says, “Tell him what you ate, Mauer. He’s a writer. Suffering for his art.”

“Okay…,” Eddie says still not understanding.

“He ate his novel,” the woman finally says.

“I’m sorry what?” Eddie asks.

“I ate my novel, okay? The whole damn thing. Every last piece of that unmitigated crap,” Mauer shouts.

Eddie looks to Hen who seems amused and shakes his head as they get him on the gurney, “Okay then Mauer, it’s time to return your book to the library.”

Hen snorts in amusement and Mauer who’s at this point sweating profusely asks, “What’s up with this flop sweat I’m having?"

“Probably just nerves,” Hen tells him.

“But I’m sweating like...like...like Nixon, president Richard Milhous Nixon. That guy could sweat. And I, Mauer Paskowitz, I wrote an epically crap novel, but I sure as Shinola can sweat like Nixon,” Mauer chatters on.

“Come on. It’s not even that bad of a book. I read practically every draft,” the girlfriend groans.

“Forgive me, honey, but you are not exactly Lionel Trilling. It blows,” Mauer shoots back.

“Lionel Trilling?” Eddie asks.

The girlfriend sighs and replies, “He seeks the approval of deal literary critics. The dead don’t read, Mauer.”

“You ever think about being something other than a writer?” Hen thinks to ask.

“No. I am a writer. Mauer Paskowitz. I have no plan B,” Mauer replies frustratedly.

The girlfriend rolls her eyes before grumbling, “We can’t get married for three years, till the damn book is done. Three years, I listen to him piss and moan. For what, so he can eat the thing?”

Mauer laughs and Hen raises her brows and asks Mauer, “Your computer have a delete button?”

Mauer swallows and says, “I wanted to literally put it behind me and start a new book.”

The girlfriend lets out another long-suffering sigh and says, “Okay we all get the symbolism. It’s painfully obvious.”

“And obviously painful,” Eddie adds smiling to Hen.

“My mouth feels all weird,” Mauer then says.

“Chewing paper will have that effect,” Eddie replies rolling the gurney.

“Weird how?” Hen asks.

“Pins and needles. No, needles and pins. Needles and pins, yeah, sprouting from my fingers and toes like...like...like lord give me a simile.”

“Is he always this way?” Hen asks the girlfriend.

“The man ate a novel he’s not exactly normal,” Eddie reminds her.

“He got weirder though the more he ate. He’s like obsessed,” the girlfriend tells them.

As they load him into the ambulance the man shouts to his girlfriend, “I poured my heart and soul into that freaking book and now it’s stuck up my ass. Put that on my tombstone, Audrey. On my tombstone.”

After that shift, Eddie is getting ready to go home when Buck and Chimney come in for their shift. Buck’s one the phone and looks bothered and hangs up just as he walks into the locker room.

“Hi,” Buck says to Eddie as he walks in.

Eddie smiles at him and says, “Hi.”

“You’re leaving?” Buck asks.

“Yeah,” Eddie says looking at Buck and grinning as he looks him over. They hold that gaze for a while and Buck turns and starts looking through his locker. Eddie’s eyes stick on him though a small smile playing on his lips before Buck stops and looks over at him again.

Buck shakes his head and suddenly says, “I have a dog.”

“I know you have a dog,” Eddie laughs.

“And I know you know that,” Buck shoots back.

Eddie grins and then says, “I love dogs.”

“I know,” Buck replies.

Eddie smirks and hums to himself.

Buck sighs and holds onto the door of his locker, “What I’m trying to say is I’ve moved on so don’t give me that look.”

Buck pulls his shirt over his head and begins changing and Eddie grins some more and asks, “What look?”

Buck pulls his work shirt on and begins buttoning it and looks at Eddie and says, “That look. Our look. I’m over you.”

“I’m over you too,” Eddie quips back turning his head forward but smiling into his locker.

“You are?” Buck asks raising his brows and looking back at Eddie.

“No,” Eddie laughs.

Buck smiles a bit and says, “Oh. Well, I am. Over you,” facing forward again.

Eddie smirks and replies, “I’m over you too....”

Buck quickly turns to Eddie and says, “You just said…,” being met with Eddie’s grinning face, “Oh shut up,” he shoots back.

Eddie laughs and then leans against the lockers, stepping closer to Buck, “But are you uh doing okay…”

Buck looks at him and then sighs, “They need someone down at the nursing home today to pay the residency bill, by one or they’re giving my mothers room up. But I work and Maddie’s working so I’m going to have to find a new place for my mom, cause I just a lot going on and I forgot or I don’t know,” Buck huffs.

“Oh,” Eddie says and leans his head against the locker.

“Yeah,” Buck sighs and then turns his head, his cheeks reddening before he stands up and quickly closes his locker.

Eddie looks over and sees Shannon standing in the doorway waiting for him, “Hi,” Eddie says to her.

“Bye,” Buck says quickly to him and nodding at Shannon before scurrying off.

Eddie looks back to Shannon who just lingers there and sighs heavily before walking towards her, “There is a land called passive aggressiva, and you are their queen.”

She follows him out and shrugs her shoulders and says, “I am fine.”

“You were shrieking about money this morning,” Eddie tells her.

“I was not shrieking about money,” Shannon grumbles.

“Right, you weren’t. You were shrieking about Buck,” Eddie says as they walk.

“No,” Shannon replies as they get to the car.

“Okay, so we’ve been arguing since Christmas because…,” Eddie starts.

“Nothing. I don’t know,” Shannon says shaking her head and passing the keys to Eddie.

“And it has nothing to do with the fact that I said I love Buck,” Eddie asks starting the car.

“Loved,” Shannon says quickly.

“What?”

“You said you loved him, past tense,” she says staring at him.

Eddie nods and then says, “Right, yes. Past tense.”

“Well then we haven’t been arguing about that,” Shannon insists as Eddie starts to drive.

Buck eventually explains the situation with his mom to Bobby and he tells Buck he better go take care of it and take the rest of the day off, that it’s okay.

Buck hurries into the nursing home a little before one and walks up to the nurse money in hand, “I’m here. My boss let me off early so I can pay for it now.”

The nurse gives him a look and then shakes her head, “It’s already taken care of. They’re visiting her right now.”

Buck sighs and grabs his phone expecting to see a text from Maddie saying she got off and had taken care of it, as he unlocks his phone he says, “Oh, Maddie came?”

The nurse frowns and then says, “Uh, no, he did.”

Buck follows her finger and he stares wide-eyed at his mother sitting at a table with Eddie chatting away before Eddie smiles at her and gets up to go to the coffee station.

“I…,” Buck begins to stutter in front of the nurse.

“She’s in good spirits too. Really enjoying the visit,” the nurse smiles and walks away.

Buck gawks for a second longer before storming across the room to Eddie, “What are you doing here?” Buck hisses at him.

Eddie pales upon seeing him, “I knew you had work and Maddie too and I wanted to make sure you didn’t have to move her. So I just...paid the bill so…,”

Buck stops him and his breath is uneven as he says, “Okay, me, you can screw with. My mother? No, not acceptable.”

Eddie blinks at him and shakes his head before saying, “I wasn’t Buck. I was just trying to help.”

Buck looks up at him and he feels tears welling cause it is a ridiculous nice thing. But it hurts deeply cause Eddie is being his Prince Charming, but he’s not, cause Buck doesn’t get to actually have him.

“Well, see, this, what you’re doing, being dreamy, it doesn’t help. It hurts me. It messes with my head,” Buck says voice shaking.

Eddie looks back at him and says, “I know the feeling.”

“I don’t doubt that. But you have a wife to go home to. And I’m guessing she has no idea where you are right now,” Buck tells him.

Eddie laughs nervously and shakes his head, “Yeah. No, she doesn’t.”

“That’s what I thought,” Buck replies and shoves the money he brought into Eddie’s hands before quickly walking to sit with his mother.

Eddie watches sadly and sighs and looks at the money in his hand before tucking it into his pocket.

Their next shift Eddie can’t get Buck to even look at him really and he keeps his head down until they have a call from a man with cardio issues who’s due to receive a new heart.

As soon as they arrive at the residence Buck looks wary until he enters and sees a man only a couple of years older than himself, sickly but not in immediate distress.

Buck smiles then and walks quickly to the man and says, “Charlie Tuckett.”

“Hey Buck,” Charlie laughs and takes Buck's hand with a tight quick squeeze as he sits up in his bed.

“Uh, who’s this?” Eddie asks dubiously perhaps thinking back to the last call they had from someone Buck knew.

Hen seems to read this and snorts before saying, “Relax, Ed’s, he’s just a regular ride for us.”

Buck smiles down at Charlie who has dark brown eyes and dark brown hair, with a bit of scruff growing from his face. His skin is a grayish blue from his poor circulation but anyone can tell he’s still a handsome man.

“I hope us being here and you not crashing means they finally found you a heart,” Buck says as Hen listens to his heart.

Charlie laughs and says, “No offense, Buck but I’m not a huge fan of hospitals so it’d take something pretty special to get me to call you.”

Buck grins and says, “Well then I’m glad.”

Buck spends the next couple minutes updating Charlie on his life, particularly his sister coming to move in with him.

Charlie smiles after and says, “Well make sure to tell her I’m a Capricorn, single, and love to travel and cook.”

The team chuckles and Buck shakes his head and says, “Charlie, be quiet. But if you feel the need, tell her yourself. She’s a nurse at the hospital we’re taking you.”

Charlie grins at his and says, “Well if I get the chance to meet her I will.”

Buck shakes his head at him and says, “You’re terrible.”

Less than an hour later Maddie is walking into a new patient's room when the man says, “Maddie Buckley right?”

Maddie freezes and for a moment fear moves through her cause she can’t think of how this man might know her, “Uh...yeah...how di…”

He smiles warmly and says, “ I met your brother Buck. A few times actually. He told me you worked here when he brought me here today.”

“Oh,” she sighs relieved and approaches his bed, and begins to listen to his heart.

“Can I ask you something personal?” Charlie asks suddenly.

Maddie looks up at the guy and sees a playful smile on his lips and Maddie can instantly see why Buck would like this guy and talk openly with him.

“If I say no?” Maddie asks with a grin.

Charlie smirks and says, “ I’ll hold my breath, which will stop my heart, killing me. And you’re right here, you’ll be charged with murder. A lifetime in prison being loved by a big old girl named Hilde.”

Maddie thinks about this with a grin and says, “ So my choices are homicide charges or inappropriate personal questions from a patient?”

“I know,” Charlie smiles, “it kinda sucks.”

Maddie laughs, “You know what? Hold your breath. I’ll take my chances with Hilde. I can do girl on girl.”

“Oh, see, you’re bring up girl on girl. How can I blackmail you if you bring up girl on girl?”

Maddie laughs and then shakes her head and says, “Okay, what do you want to know?”

“Are you seeing anyone?” He asks.

Yeah, she really sees how Buck and Charlie get along so well. She hesitates before says, “No. Not anymore.”

“Good,” Charlie grins.

“Good?” Maddie asks.

“Yeah, good. It means I don’t have to fight anyone for you,” Charlie remarks.

Maddie raises her brows and says, “And what makes you think I’d want you to?”

Charlie scoffs playfully and says, “Hello. You are in love with me.”

Maybe with someone else, this would be embarrassing or uncomfortable, but Charlie has such a good-natured attitude and humor that it doesn’t come off wrong in any sort of way.

“Am I?” Maddie asks playing along.

“Yeah. It’s not your fault,” Charlie says sounding understanding as to how it could be impossible to resist him, “I mean, I’m well off, but I’m not into money, I’m smart, but I’m not a know-it-all, I’m funny, I’m...I’m really nice, I love animals, and I’m hot. I’m a catch, you know, if you can wrap your head around the enlarged failing heart and dependency to I.V. meds,” he says self deprecatingly.

Maddie smiles a bit and says, “You’re right. I am so in love with you. It’s a shame, really, since I’m with Hilde and all.”   
  


They both laugh before she leaves his room with a smile to go check on her other patients.

On the team's next call they are called to look at a teenager who has a large bump growing on her pelvis.

“It just appeared one day,” the mother explains to them sounding nervous.

The teenager is simply sitting on the couch drawing and grumbles as Hen feels along the bump, “My stupid parents shouldn’t have called you. It’s just a bump. It doesn’t even hurt.”

“Mind if I take a look anyway?” Buck asks with a soft smile at which point the girl just sort of shrugs.

Buck feels alongside Hen and they exchange a look as Hen says, “It’s big.”

“I know,” Buck nods and sees the girl looking elsewhere.

He smiles at her again and asks, “What are you drawing?”   
  


“Just a dumb comic,” she shrugs.

Buck looks at it and says, “No, you’re really talented.”

She gives a weak little half-smile and moves her arm at which point Buck notices self-harm scars and frowns, and she quickly pulls her sleeve down.

Hen stands and turns to the mother and says, “You did the right thing by calling us.”

“I knew it,” the mother says.

  
  


“There’s no need to panic. We’ll get her to the hospital safely,” Hen reassures her.

Buck and Eddie end up in the ambulance with her and Eddie asks, “Are you taking any medications?”

Bex freezes and seems to hesitate and Buck looks at her and asks, “Bex?”

“I’ve been taking birth control pills okay. Please don’t tell my parents,” she says quickly and Buck is stunned cause the girl is barely thirteen.

“No, I won’t,” Buck assures her, “I just need to know why. Do you have a boyfriend or…?”

Bex scoffs and says, “Like anybody would want to have sex with me.”

“Well, then why?” Buck asks her.

“I’m as flat as a board. I took like five of those pills a day, and nothing’s different,” Bex shrugs before seeing the confused look on Buck’s face, “Boobs dude,” she tells him.

“Oh,” Buck blinks, “You...were trying to make your breasts grow?”

She blushes and scatches at her arm, “I wanted to be normal for once in my life. Is this what caused the bump?”

“No, no. The pill wouldn’t have that effect, but the amount that you were taking is really dangerous and can cause a pretty major hormonal imbalance. Have you been feeling different than usual?” Eddie asks.

“ I feel like I always feel,” she sighs, and Buck eyes the scars on her arm again.

She notices and says, “ You’re a firefighter haven’t you ever seen scars before?”

Buck sighs and says, “ I was just trying to figure out why someone with so much talent would want to do that.”

Bex looks down and says, “It’s just a comic book.”

Buck gives her a small smile and shes sighs, “It’s about me and my best friend Jenn when we were kids. Satisfied?”

“Does she write it with you?” Buck asks.

“Jenn has a boyfriend, like everyone else. I get to be a freak all by myself,” Bex mutters.

“Oh, a freak? That’s not the easiest thing to be in high school, is it?” Buck asks.

“You sound like my shrink,” she tells him.

Buck sighs and then says, “Hey, I wasn’t always a firefighter. In high school...I was secretary and treasurer of the board games club.”

Eddie gives him a look and Buck glares at him and says, “Shut up.”

“Oh, man,” Bex giggles.

Buck bites his lip and then says, “ I also had really bad acne. And couldn’t sit still in class long enough to make many friends. People called me Spaz. I’d love to tell you that had girls or guys knocking down my door but, it didn’t.”

Bex nods and Buck smiles at her softly, “You know...you just have to get through high school. Cause high school sucks for anyone who’s the least bit different. But then there’s college or work and then out in the real world, you’ll find where you fit in.”

“You think so?” Bex asks Buck.

“Yeah, I know so. I have,” Buck assures her.

Eddie watches in slight awe cause he doesn’t think he’ll ever get over how good Buck is at handling their child victims. At getting them to trust him, at getting them to feel okay about themselves. It always stuns him.

Maddie goes into Charlie’s room later and sees him nervously playing with his hands and asks, “You doing okay, Charlie?”

Charlie sighs and says, “Yeah I’ve just been waiting for this a long time you know. They open up my chest, take out my heart, and replace it with another one,” and she catches the tail end of his southern drawl.

Maddie smiles encouragingly, “Well not just another heart, a better heart.”

“What if something goes wrong?” Charlie asks.

Maddie frowns and takes Charlie’s hand and squeezes it, “Don’t be nervous. You have an incredible surgeon and you’re getting a new heart today. Just keep thinking about that.”

Charlie nods his head and says, “ Okay, okay.”

Suddenly Buck appears in the doorway and calls out, “Charlie.”

“If it isn’t my favorite firefighter,” Charlie beams as Buck enters and grips his hand in greeting

“Thanks for that designation,” he sighs, “Maddie told me she got stuck with you so I figured I’d visit.”

Charlie chuckles and says, “Yeah, well I’ve gotta say that while you’re a handsome man, you’re sisters a lot better looking than you.”

“I’m hurt Charlie,” Buck tells him and sits down in one of the chairs.

“You’ll get over it,” Charlie smirks.

“You know I don’t appreciate you casting me aside so quickly. I mean I’ve saved you how many times? And my sister comes to town and you’re done with me? It’s hurtful. Also, I came all the way down here to see you, I should be your favorite,” Buck tells him.

Charlie grins and says, “Probably just can’t stand to be alone without Maddie.”

Maddie giggles and says, “I think he’s got you there Buck.”   
  


“Excuse me, I have a dog.”   
  


“A demon wildebeest is what you’ve got,” Maddie replies before leaving Buck and Charlie to chat away for an hour.

The next time she comes back, Buck’s gone home and she thinks maybe that’s good cause she doesn’t bring good news from the doctor.

When she first walks in she thinks Charlie might be sleeping but he peeks his eyes open at her and grins, “You’re stalking me. You’re a stalker.”

“Well, can you blame me?” Maddie says playfully to hopefully help soothe the blow.

Charlie sighs seeing right through it though and says, “So it’s bad, huh?”

“You have time,” Maddie assures him.

“Liar,” Charlie grins.

“Fine, there’s no time,” she says sarcastically.

Charlie laughs and says, “Oh, now that’s just spiteful.”

She gives a short smile before Charlie sighs and says, “I didn’t get the heart.”

She looks down sadly and nods, “You didn’t get the heart.”

She wheels him out later that night and he stands slowly taking his cane and wrapping his scarf tighter around his neck.

“Goodbye Charlie. We’ll see you,” she says with a tight smile.

“Goodbye, Maddie,” Charlie nods and gives her a smile and waves before walking away.

When Maddie gets home she walks up to Buck’s room where he’s sleeping next to Plissken, arms wrapped around the massive dog.

She eases herself onto the bed, laying on the other side of him.

Buck opens his eyes and rolls towards her and asks, “Maddie?”

She sighs and lays her head on his shoulder and whispers, “Charlie left the hospital.”

“He did?” Buck asks confused cause it doesn’t add up.

“Yeah, he didn’t get the heart,” Maddie tells him.

It’s dark but in the moonlight the streams through the windows she can see Buck’s whole face drop and he’s silent for a long moment before he says, “That sucks.”   
  


“Yeah,” Maddie mutters and cuddles closer to Buck who tightens his arm around her.

“ He’s a good guy,” Buck sighs.

“Yeah,” Maddie whispers shutting her eyes, “He is.”

When Eddie gets home from another extra shift Shannon is waiting with dinner and sits down beside him for a moment before sighing, “There is a land called passive agressiva...and I am their queen.”

Eddie smiles slightly and says, “That’s all I’m saying.”

Shannon swallows and then asks, “So what...with Buck...Am I supposed to just wait it out, wait until it passes?”

Eddie is silent for a moment before grabbing her hand and saying, “That’d be good.”

She nods sharply then and gets up from the table and walks to bed leaving Eddie there to think about it all.

The next night Chimney and Maddie are eating pizza on the bathroom floor to stay away from the dog when they hear Buck shouting, “That was Maddie’s laundry. You don’t eat her laundry, bad.”

Maddie sighs and shakes her head and looks up as Buck opens the bathroom door and stares down at the two of them.

Buck sighs before shutting the door behind him and sitting down beside her and taking a slice from the pizza box on the floor.


	14. Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

Buck is coughing after he comes out of the fire carrying a child in his arms and he’s woozy but he’s fine. He swears this up and down even as the team drags him to one of the ambulances.

Eddie’s hand is tight on his shoulder as he says, “You had to be the hero.”

Buck coughs and shrugs and says, “Couldn’t stand around and wait for one of you guys to be,” he jokes.

Eddie shakes his head and forces him to sit down and then comes the argument as Eddie gets ready to put an IV in him.

“I’m already on oxygen, I’m fine I don’t need to fluids. I’m,” he coughs hard again, “good,” he finishes.

Eddie rolls his eyes and continues to get it ready and has the needle as Buck says again, “I’m fine, Eddie. Really. I don’t need the IV.”

“Quiet,” Eddie tells him.

“Fine,” Buck huffs and takes a deep breath as the needle goes in. He’d like to keep his eyes elsewhere but he just watches Eddie. Watches the delicate way he sticks the puts the IV in and the way when he’s finishes his eyes float up to Bucks's face.

“There. All done. How’s that feel?” Eddie asks softly his eyes locked with Bucks.

Buck stares up into that face that he’d know anywhere. Into eyes that look dreamy and warm in the same way, they used to before they kissed him. He drowns in them and he breathes out, “Feels good.”

By morning he feels ridiculous and annoyed though. Annoyed with how easy it still is for Eddie to pull him in.

He’s sitting at the island sipping his coffee when Maddie comes in and asks, “Why are you still here? Aren’t you going to late for work?”

Buck shrugs and says, “That’s the hope.”   
  
“What? Why?” Maddie asks eyes widening.

“If I’m late I won’t have to be in the locker room at the same time as Eddie and have to deal with him being dreamy again,” he replies.

Maddie frowns and sits beside him and asks, “Why are you avoiding Eddie? I thought you were getting along alright.”

“We were,” Buck sighs, “But then he went and saw mom and there was the look after the fire.”

Maddie’s hands come up and she starts waving them before she says, “Wait Mom? Our mom.”

“Yeah, he paid for this month.”

“He did what?” Maddie shrieks.

Instantly Buck thinks it was wrong to tell her and his cheeks flush as he tries to backtrack, “Well I mean he did cause I thought we weren’t going to be able to get there in time and we’d have to move her and I told him that so he went and paid. But I did get there, while he was there and he was talking with her.”

“What the hell?” Maddie asks.

“I paid him back of course,” Buck says quickly.

“What is wrong with him?” Maddie asks.

Suddenly Buck feels defensive of Eddie and he says, “Maybe he was just being nice. But I yelled at him. Maybe I shouldn’t have…”

This sets Maddie off and she snaps at him and shouts, “I mean it’s nothing.”

Maddie groans and runs her hands over her face the same way Hen has, “What are you doing Buck?”

“I know, I know,” Buck says.

She huffs and drops her head to the counter and then sighs before saying, “This might be a bad time then to tell you I’m moving out.”

“What?” Buck asks suddenly springing up.

Maddie sighs and then says, “I mean I should probably be on my own, and Buck your dog hates me and eats all my clothes and barks at me. He pees on my bed.”

“Maddie…,” Buck whispers.

“But he’s our dog…,” Buck says.

“He’s not my dog,” Maddie replies sadly.

“But we rescued him for certain death. Come on Maddie,” Buck argues.

“I have to put my foot down Buck and I don’t want to leave and I don’t want you to have to get rid of him, you love him,” Maddie says.

“I love you too,” Buck whispers.

Maddie smiles sadly and strokes Buck’s hair and then says, “It’s the dog or me Buck, and really I’m fine with it being me.”

He goes into work eventually, late as it might be, and tells this to Chimney.

“You’re even hesitating between the dog and Maddie?” Chimney asks with a groan.

“I’m not hesitating. I was just thinking,” Buck mutters.

“You have to think about it?” Chimney fumes.

When they arrive on the scene of their first call Eddie reads out, “Yumi Miyazaki, 22, persistent hiccups with a possible esophageal perforation.”

“When did your hiccups start?” Hen asks the hiccupping lady.

“A few days ago,” the man beside her says before explaining, “She doesn’t speak English.”   
  


“Are you her boyfriend?” Hen asks him.

“Her coach,” he answers.

“Oh, she’s an athlete,” Buck says.

“Yumi’s a competitive eater,” the man tells her.

“Eating is a sport?” Eddie asks.

“Oh yeah, Miyazaki,” Buck suddenly says, “She’s like a rockstar in Japan. I saw her on TV.”

“Again, eating is a sport?” Eddie asks.

“She previously had 50 of chlorpromazine which stopped them for a while?” Hen asks the coach.

“Yes. We’re hoping you can just give her a stronger dose it seemed to work. She has a competition this afternoon,” the coach replies.

“Did the hiccups come back?” Hen asks him.

“Yes…,” the coach mutters.

“Then it didn’t work,” Hen shoots back at him.

“Better make sure she has a translator at the hospital. Make sure she’s getting the whole truth,” Chimney whispers as they load her into the ambulance.

At lunch Buck, Eddie, and Chimney come to the table with large plates full of hot dogs to eat competitively against each other.

“Are we gonna do this or what?” Buck asks as he sits down.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Eddie replies.

“Don’t start without me,” Chimney shouts rushing to sit down.

“Well, we’re not gonna start if Hen doesn’t focus,” Buck tells him.

“Hey,” Hen shoots back, “I’m trying to write your dog flyer. What should I put on it?”

Chimney thinks about it and says, “Destructive, aggressive hell dog available?”

“I liked his dog, he seemed nice,” Eddie says suddenly.

Hen and Chimney give him a look before Hen looks back at Chimney and says, “That’s not helping Chimney.”

“Fine. Uh, playful, protective puppy needs loving home?” Chimney suggests.

“Good,” Hen says and starts writing it down.

“Well at least put that he’s not fully housebroken,” Buck tells her.

Hen stares at him and Buck says, “ What? It’s the truth?”

“Okay, so you want the truth?” Hen asks before saying, “Vicious, hyper devil mutt is available and will pee on anyone he doesn’t likes bed.”

“He’s my dog,” Buck says.

“He’s barely your dog,” Hen huffs, “He doesn’t really know you yet. You’re not home enough for him to know you.”

Buck looks down sadly and then says, “Whatever just start timing.”

“Fine, keep your panties on,” Hen says before pulling out the stopwatch.

“Hey, no touching,” Eddie yells at Chimney who yanks his hand back.

Hen observes them for a moment before clicking the stopwatch and shouting, “Go.”   
  


So they start shoving the hot dogs as quickly down their throat as they can. Buck and Eddie go at eating the whole hot dogs while Eddie takes his apart and eats the dog and then once he’s finished with all of them starts scarfing down the buns.

“Done,” Eddie finally shouts after four minutes at which point Buck and Chimney with their mouths still full start letting out inaudible complaints.

“It’s a record,” Hen laugh.

Buck finally swallows and says, “He’s cheating.”

Eddie stands though and starts laughing and singing, “I beat your asses. You wanna be me, but you can’t be me. You wanna be me but you…”

Eddie stops suddenly and covers his mouth at which point Buck shouts, “Uh oh.”   
  


“Crap he’s gonna blow,” Hen calls.

“Run,” Chimney adds as they all scatter.

Eddie’s packing up to leave when he suddenly turns and spots a woman of short stature in the doorway of the locker room. She has her arms crossed and is looking at him with narrowed eyes.

“You’re Eddie right?” She asks.

“Uh yes...do I...know you or?”   


“No,” she replies shortly.

“Then how do you…,” he starts to ask.

“Because your picture is on my brother’s wall. You’re cuter in the photo. Or maybe it’s just that your son’s really cute,” she says venom in her voice.

“I...who...wait...you’re Buck’s sister, right? Maddie,” he finally says.

She gives a short nod before narrowing her eyes even further, “Do you know the meaning of the word compassion, Eddie?”

“Excuse me?” Eddie asks frozen in his spot.

“He’s barely back on his feet, and you acting all dreamy is not going to help him move on. He needs what’s real, not what makes you feel good,” she hisses at him.

Eddie swallows and he feels guilt, but also a wave of anger cause who is she to talk. Did Buck not tell him while they were together that she wasn’t around. That she left him to handle their mother alone.

“You don’t know me,” he says quickly.

“I know enough. We’re in a locker room. That’s your specialty, right? Dreamy moments in locker rooms?” She shoots at him.

“Maddie,” he starts to say.

“No. Don’t Maddie me. You’re the guy who screwed up my brother, the guy that drove him to get a dog he can’t keep. A dog he only got because his boyfriend lied to him about his wife,” she shouts at him.

“I never lied to him,” Eddie shouts back.

“I know a liar when I see one cause I’m a liar. You want me to lie and say I think you’re worth a red cent, and my brother shouldn’t hate your guts, fine I’ll lie,” she says and starts to turn on her heel.

“Maddie, wait,” he calls.

“What?” She says whipping around and at that moment she kind of looks like Buck when he did get angry at him.

“ I was just being nice to him,” Eddie tells her.

Her eyes shone with disbelief but she says, “Okay,” but it reads more like a sentence to hell from her lips.

“I can be nice without being you know...dreamy…,” he argues.

“Yeah, sure I know.”

“I really can,” Eddie says.

“Okay,” she says and again it feels like a big fuck you.

“Okay, then,” he shoots back and it really feels like arguing with one of his passive-aggressive sisters, especially after she gives him a pointed look and walks away from him.

Buck only sees the ending, sees Maddie storm off away from Eddie and Eddie’s pale face. He knows Eddie’s face cause he has worn it himself after one of Maddie’s tongue lashings. It’s even more clear cause when Eddie leaves he spots Buck and ducks his head and almost goes running.

When Buck comes into the apartment he walks right past Plissken who jumps up at him happily upon his arrival and over to Maddie.

“Did you yell at Eddie?” Buck asks her.

She doesn’t bother to look up from the magazine she’s reading and simply replies coldly, “Why did I hurt his feelings?”

“Maddie,” Buck groans.

“No,” Maddie shoots back at Buck finally throwing the magazine down, “You don’t need to start falling for him all over again.”

“We’re just friends,” Buck argues.

“Uh-huh,” Maddie nods in her dismissive way.

“We are.”

“Okay, then,” she says and turns away.

Buck feels the same frustration he did as a kid when she handled him in this passive way and he honestly spends the night considering keeping the dog over her.

The next day Buck keeps his head down for the most part and avoids Eddie as much as he can.

“Rick Freeark, 29. Severed three fingers on his left hands,” Hen says as they arrive.

“Control the bleeding, Hen. Buck and Eddie, start looking for the fingers,” Bobby orders.

Buck and Eddie do but it’s obvious that they’re avoiding each other’s path.

“Give him five of morphine,” Chimney calls out.

“They’ll be able to sew them back on right. I mean they sewed that guy’s penis back on when his wife chopped it off right?” He asks.

Hen raises her brows and says, “Penises and fingers are like apples and oranges.”

“How did it happen?” Chimney asks.

“I was loading my gear onto the truck for a gig, and they got caught in the liftgate,” he breathes heavily.

“You’re a musician?” Buck asks after finding a finger and putting it in the cooler.

“I play the freaking guitar. You can sew them back on, right? This is not that big of a deal, right? Oh, dude, I better not be out of the band,” Rick says.

“Well the cuts look clean that’s good. Clean sever makes reattachment easier,” Hen tells the guy.

“Keep this elevated okay?” Chimney says moving the guy's arm.

Their next call is a woman with a failing heart valve who is as bubbly as can be that it almost makes Buck’s teeth hurt.

“Naomi Klein had her tricuspid valve replaced three years ago with a porcine valve. It seems to be failing,” Buck tells the crew.

“Don’t those valves normally hold up for ten to fifteen years?” Eddie asks towards Hen, eyes pointedly away from Buck.

“Oh, heart valve, schmeart valve. I got married. I found him...my true love, my you jump, I jump. Look isn’t it beautiful? And look...look at that beautiful, beautiful man,” the woman says and points to a rather average middle-aged man.

Buck blinks and looks back at the woman and thinks yeah she’s possibly insane.

“Ha uh...we met in the grocery store,” the man laughs uncomfortably.

“Oh, honey,” she calls and waves her husband over.

He walks over slowly and Hen smiles at them and says, “Well it’s good to see you’re so happy.”

“Yeah,” she sighs dreamily.

Her husband still looks uncomfortably as he stands beside her and asks, “So Naomi’s heart valve is failing? That’s why she’s had these attacks?”

“That’s our best guess. We’re going to transport her to the hospital for further tests,” Eddie tells him.

“Why has it failed so fast?” The husband questions all while the woman runs her hands all over his chest.

“Could be rheumatic fever, chronic use of migraine meds, or IV narcotics…,” Hen lists.

“Oh, I don’t use drugs. Don’t need them I have Tom. He’s my drug. Aren’t you baby?” She asks.

“Yeah,” he coughs.

When they get back to the station Buck says, “She’s totally high.”

“No,” Hen argues, “She’s happy and in love.”

“Nobody is that happy. She’s on drugs,” Buck insists.

“Well, she didn’t seem like a liar to me,” Hen says.

“Everybody’s a liar,” Buck sighs thinking about Maddie.

Buck’s getting ready to leave when Eddie comes to him and says that he thinks he can take Plissken, that he’d be a good dog for Christopher and that since they’ve already met they know it’s a good fit.

Buck looks at Eddie incredulously and Eddie smiles and says, “Really, Buck. I think it’d be good. And this way you’d have updates right?”

“Yeah, sure,” Buck nods.

He’s miserable still when he goes home and knows he has to take Plissken away, even if it’s to Eddie and he knows he’s safe and loved with Christopher. He loves the dog so much. He’s his perfect dog. But Maddie’s also his perfect sister.

He wraps his arms around Plissken and sobs into the dog's shoulder and it lets him and even whines as if knowing exactly what Buck is feeling.

He really cries then, cries harder than he let himself when Eddie broke up with him and he thinks maybe he’s feeling that now too. It can’t be just the dog. He loves the dog, but it’s Eddie as well. The dog is Eddie all over and he’s losing him again, and now his dog is going to be not only Eddie and Christopher’s dog but Shannon’s too. And he cries even harder till he thinks maybe he can’t do it. Till he can’t breathe

Maddie walks in and swoops in on him and Buck’s so distressed and Plissken’s at such a loss that he doesn’t even bark at her when she does.

“Buck, I’m sorry. Really you don’t have to give up the dog. You should keep him and I should move out,” she says holding him.

Buck lets out a sob that almost sounds like a scream and Maddie feels like she may be breaking too, “No, Maddie. I can’t I need you. I need…,” he croaks out till his throat hurts.

“Okay,” she says and tries to wipe the tears from his face like she did when he was a kid, but this is almost as bad as when their mother called him worthless when Buck was ten. It’s close to that. The only time she can think of that was worse was when their mother glared at him and pretended like she didn’t know him and told him to get out of the house when Buck was fifteen, but now that she thinks about it she wonders if their mother was pretending. Maybe she really hadn’t remembered Buck.

She feels him tremble in her arms and she clutches him tighter as he shakes till he finally starts to steady and says, “I found a home for him.”

“Oh,” she says sympathetically.

“Eddie’s gonna take him,” Buck sniffs.

Anger moves through her veins like ice-cold venom and she thinks ‘of course he did’ and that’s the only explanation for Buck being like this.

“You shouldn’t Buck. We can wait for someone else and…,” Maddie starts to say.

He shakes his head wildly though and says, “No. If I can’t have him the only person I’d want to is Christopher. I just have to think of it that way. He’s going to be Christopher’s dog. Just Christopher’s,” he repeats to himself.

Maddie nods and holds Buck for a while longer and Buck feels relief when she insists on going with him to drop Plissken off.

Maddie thinks Buck almost starts crying again five times on the way there, and he sits in the back arms around the dog the whole time. He does cry one more time and Maddie pulls over for that while he gets it out. She waits even longer cause she’s not going to give Shannon or Eddie the satisfaction of seeing Buck like that. She wants her brother to look his best. To show what Eddie’s missing, and that her brother is a lot better than Shannon, even if it’s Eddie that Maddie’s really pissed at. Buck lets her fix him up but she thinks it’s more because Buck doesn’t want Chris to see him hurting. 

Fuck Eddie. What idiot would pick anyone over her brother?

When the house comes into view though and Maddie sees Christopher waiting outside practically bouncing up and down she feels her heartache for the little boy in the middle of it all. And when she looks at Buck she suddenly sees someone composed and collected, cause he won’t be anything but here with Christopher.

Yeah, fuck Eddie. Really fuck, Eddie.

Maddie watches as Buck gets out of the car and calls, “Okay, Plissken let’s go.”

Maddie sees Christopher wobble forward and thinks he’s excited running for the dog but instead the little boy screams out, “Bucky!” Right before crashing into her brother’s arms and hugging him so tight, she sees the imprint of the small boys hold in his shirt after he lets go, which takes a while.

She pointedly looks at Eddie who avoids her eye and she looks at Shannon who looks bothered and somewhat hurt because she’s seen Buck and she’s seen Buck with her husband. But she’s never seen Buck with their son. Seen that Buck’s hold was not only like a strong unbreakable vice on Eddie, but on Christopher as well.

“Hey buddy,” Buck whispers to Christopher stroking the little boy's hair. He expects Christopher to let go but he keeps clinging so Buck does too. He lets his head dip into Christopher’s shoulder to breathe him in. He smells like childhood, Crayola crayons, pancake syrup, and just a bit like Eddie’s hugs. He’s warm and Buck feels so safe in his tiny arms and he doesn’t want to let go either. He kisses Christopher’s forehead and that finally gets Christopher to loosen his hold and pull back to stare into Buck’s face.

He’s still clinging to Buck though as he does. He smiles up at him though and says, “Daddy said you’re giving me your dog.”

Buck smiles tightly but then lets his smile relax as he says, “Yeah. Maddie struggles with him and I just knew the only other person he could love just as much and be good for was you. So you’ll take good care of him for me right?” 

He knows Plissken will be good for only himself and Christopher and Eddie. He knows this in his bones. Knows that the dog will love Christopher the same way Buck does. Be loyal to him and there for him the way Buck can’t be now. Knows that he’ll act alright towards Eddie, with the same sort of ignorance he showed at the mall cause Christopher and Buck were there and much more important.

“Of course,” Christopher tells him, “Bucky. He’s your dog too you know. I can share him.”

Buck smiles and brushes his hand through Christopher’s hair again, “Thanks, Christopher.”

Christopher’s face turns down suddenly and Buck aches and wants to fall on his stomach and let Christopher walk right over him if it’ll make that look disappear.

“Buck?” Christopher asks.

“Yeah?” Buck questions back.

“I miss you a lot,” Christopher whispers and Buck swears he sees his lip quiver and he thinks maybe Christopher thinks he’s abandoned him.

Buck wraps Christopher up in his arms again and clings to him tightly and whispers into his ear, “I know. I miss you too. But you know if you ever miss me, you can just hug Plissken. I mean he’s kinda like me right? Big and goofy,” Buck asks which makes Christopher giggle and nod. “And he’ll love you just as much as I do too. I’ve hugged him lots too when I’ve missed you,” Buck assures him.

“You did?” Christopher asks.

“All the time,” Buck says truthfully.

“And...you’ll visit him, right? And me?” Christopher asks sounding most unsure and nervous about this.

“I’ll try my best,” Buck says cause he will, and he looks up at Eddie whose head moves in the slightest nod.

Eddie and Shannon both approach slowly and Buck releases Christopher slowly as Eddie walks up and takes the leash, “Hey, Plissken. Welcome home, how are you? Yeah,” he chuckles as he pets the dog.

“He’s beautiful,” Shannon smiles and pets Plissken who just sort of accepts it his eyes focused entirely on Buck and Christopher.

Maddie looks at Buck and tries to save him from having to talk to Shannon by saying, “We brought his toys. And here’s his food and his water dish,” and hands them to her.

Buck still stands slowly though and turns to her and says, “Thanks for doing this. I know it’s a lot to ask.”

Shannon smiles softly at him and shrugs, “h, it’s all right. It’s just a dog. Right? Come on, Chris, Plissken,” she calls and Christopher slowly detaches from Buck and waves sweetly at Buck before following his mother and the dog.

Buck watches as Christopher leans on Plissken who guides Christopher loyally even up the steps, though he hazards a look back at Buck who feels his stomach clench. He sniffs and he feels Maddie’s hand on his elbow ready to pull him back as she feels his resolve slipping.

Buck smiles in her directions and nods to tell her he’s okay and she steps back as he turns back to Eddie.

Buck swallows and says, “So he chews everything if he doesn’t like you. But he uh...he likes Christopher so I’m sure it’ll be okay. And he seems alright with you. Uh...but Shannon might want to watch her shoes till he gets used to her,” Buck tells him.

“Right,” Eddie laughs.

“And he hates cats and small little yappy dogs,” Buck adds and Eddie nods.

Buck stares at him and says, “You don’t have to do this, you know?” Offering Eddie an out.

Eddie shakes his head and shrugs his shoulders before saying, “ You know Christopher loves him, and he loves Christopher. And he can help him around as big as he is. And we have a yard.”

“Eddie,” Buck whispers.

Eddie looks Buck with that dreamy gaze cause he just can’t help it and says, “It’s just a dog. It doesn’t mean anything. He’ll be fine.”

Buck swallows the lump in his throat and nods, “Yeah. Okay. Uh, good night,” cause that is the very last of his resolve, the resolve that forces him to turn and walk back to the car with Maddie.

Eddie watches him though, longfully and pathetically before he forces himself to turn and walk into the house with his wife, kid, and new dog.

Maddie drives them back to the apartment and watches Buck carefully. He sniffs but he is stubbornly not letting any more tears fall and she takes his hand in hers when they get back walking him up the stairs.

They sit on the couch silently for a while before Buck finally lays his head in her lap so she can just stroke his hair.

“I lied about Eddie,” Buck whispers into the dark, “We’re not just friends…,” he breathes. “I mean, I’m not. And he’s still dreamy,” he sniffs.

“I know,” Maddie sighs and runs her hand along his arm, “And I know you loved that dog and now...he’s with Eddie and that makes it more complicated. I made your life more complicated,” she says regretfully.

Buck shakes his head a bit and says, “ I gave up the dog cause...cause I need you here Maddie. I need you more than you know.”

“Yeah?” She asks.

He nods and sniffs, “I’ve needed you since I was born. I’ve needed you since the day you left home. When I was stuck with mom and dad I needed you. When I was bumming around I needed you. When Abby left I needed you. When I started dating Eddie I needed you. I needed you when he dumped me. I need you now. I’ve always needed you. I always will. But right now...I need you really close...I like having you here. In the same apartment.”

Maddie smiles weakly and says, “Yeah. I like having you in the same apartment too. And Buck, I know you miss Eddie. I know it’s been bad without me and since the breakup especially. You get points for breathing in and out Buck. But you need to be a little selfish Buck.”

Buck shuts his eyes tightly and Maddie knows even as he whispers, “Yeah,” that her brother still won’t act selfishly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amount I myself cried during this chapter is ridiculous. Like I should not have struggled so much to have Buck hand over this fictional dog to Eddie. Like it is an essential plot point but the struggle to do so. Just wow.


	15. Break on Through

When the crew comes in for their shift they’re taken aback with some startling news.

“Bobby’s out for the week? What does that even mean?” Eddie asks.

Chimney shrugs as they all lean against the side of the truck, “That he’s sick?”

Buck gives him a look and frowns and says, “We’re firefighters though we don’t get sick and when we do we just you know keep going.”

Hen laughs and says, “Maybe he didn’t want to embarrass himself the way you did when you came into work with the stomach flu and threw up all over the fire engine.”

Eddie’s head jerks a bit as he smirks and glances over at Buck, “You threw up on the fire engine?”

“Barely,” Buck says quickly cheeks turning red before elbowing Hen in the ribs.

“Yeah, most of it ended up on the floor I know cause I was on floor duty that week,” Chimney recalls on grinning when Buck glares his way.

Buck shrugs it off though and says, “Still what’s this mean? Do we have a new captain? One of us?” He asks looking to Hen and Chimney.

“They didn’t ask me,” Chimney tells Buck.

“Or me,” Hen replies.

Eddie frowns and then says, “So one of the other team's captains is going to fill-in? Who?”

“Devins?” Buck asks.

“Ugh no, that guy's a mouth breather,” Chimney groans.

“But he’s really laid back,” Buck supplies.

“Hale?” Hen asks.

“He doesn’t like talking unless absolutely necessary,” Buck groans.

“Sounds good for us,” Hen jokes.

They’re about to suggest another name when they suddenly hear, “Buckley! Diaz! Han! Wilson! Here you are. I was looking for you guys in the locker room, but you weren’t there. And then I thought, maybe you were looking for me too. And then I come out here, and here you are,” the voice says approaching them, and they all sort of cringe. 

Eric Harron.

He’s not bad he’s just really perky and happy all the time. He likes weird things and is the kind of guy who has the bright outlook of a hippie from the seventies.

“Yeah, you guys look like a great group, which is awesome because my horoscope said it was gonna be a very challenging day, and I was a little worried, but, no. You guys...yeah you look like a good group,” Harron says stopping in front of them and looking them over, his face cracked open in a wide smile.

None of them say anything, instead, they just look at each other in shock. But Harron is still talking and sighs happily and says, “Which is great cause we’re gonna have so much fun. Hi. Hi. First of all, hi.”

At this point, he moves forward and embraces Eddie in a hug and it takes all of Buck’s strength not to snort. He turns slightly to cover his mouth while Hen and Chimney have a look amusement on their faces.

Eddie meanwhile looks horrified his arms plastered to his sides as he’s squeezed in a hug.

“Ow. Ow. Ow,” Eddie starts to call out.

Harron pulls away and looks at Eddie sympathetically and asks, “Oh. Sorry. Am I hurting you?”

“Uh, no, you’re you’re touching me,” Eddie answers dryly glaring at Buck who has his hand firmly clamped over his nose and mouth laughing.

“Right,” Harron says and stands up straighter before saying, “I’m Eric Heron, and my philosophy just so you know is to heal and save with love. Okay so wonderful. So Buck, Hen, Chimney, and Eddie,” he says pointing to each of them to remember their names.

The bell luckily rings then and Eddie practically dives away and Buck is still laughing even as they all climb into the truck

Buck has his face turned most of the ride because he keeps seeing the hug in his mind and laughing even despite Eddie’s kicks in his directions when it becomes super obvious.

“That could have been you. How would you feel then?” Eddie whispers harshly in his direction.

“But it wasn’t me. It was you, which made it a thousand times better,” Buck laughs loudly.

Eddie narrows his eyes and Hen starts laughing and saying, “He’s right Eddie. You being the receiver of that made it much better.

When they get to the call it’s a couple on a trail path and upon approaching them Buck sees them full out making out on the ground.

He stops in his tracks his eyes widening as he says, “Oh.”

The woman pulls her lips from the male's lips upon hearing him her cheeks flushing just a bit as she says, “Sorry.”

“We’re on our honeymoon,” the man says in explanation sitting up, the woman still on his lap.

“Sweet,” Chimney mutters.

Eddie perhaps still unamused from this morning shifts beside Chimney and asks, “You called 911?”

“Yes. I just cut my leg it’s nothing serious. But he insisted,” the woman smiles gesturing to her husband.

“You couldn’t walk Claire,” the man tells her.

“Alright,” Buck mutters still staring at the woman on his lap.

Eddie finally seems to reach his peak of annoyance and says, “Yeah can you uh please uh...dismount then?”

The woman swallows clearly embarrassed before saying, “Yeah,” and getting off her husband to sit on the ground.

Eddie and Chimney kneel to examine her leg and Eddie says, “There seems like there’s some kind of rash or infection already,” Eddie frowns.

“Draw a line to see how fast it’s spreading,” Chimney says pulling a sharpie from his bag.

Eddie takes it and draws where the rash currently stops.

“What happens if it crosses the line?” The woman asks.

“That would mean the infection’s aggressive. The hospital would do a muscle biopsy,” Eddie says continuing to examine the cut.

“They’d have to take out a piece of my muscle? I’m supposed to run a 10k tomorrow,” she tells him.

“On this leg? I doubt it,” Hen comments.

Harron takes it upon himself to jump into the conversation at this point, smile wide on his face, “You do a lot of climbing huh?”

“Yeah. We just got back from Seattle. We climbed Rainer,” the woman beams.

“That’s hardcore. Hi, I’m their Captain Eric Harron, by the way,” Harron says.

“Hi. I’m Claire. This is Wade. It’s our honeymoon,” the woman smiles and leans her head against her husband's shoulder like she hasn’t already just told them this.

Eddie feels annoyance and looks back in Buck’s direction and earns a knowing smile from him and Eddie shakes his head at him.

“Wow. That’s amazing. God, and look at that rock,” Harron says like this is the first time he’s heard it and looking at the ring of the woman’s finger.

Eddie’s bored of the conversation and quickly interrupts and asks, “Is this the only trauma to your leg?”

“Yeah. Like I said it’s no big deal,” she says quickly.

The man frowns then and says, “She did uh cut her foot on some oysters a couple of days ago though. We were windsurfing.”

“Oh, wow. Sounds like you guys are gonna need a honeymoon to recover from your honeymoon,” Harron laughs.

Buck is pretty sure he can see Eddie’s head vein about to explode from here and smirks to himself as Eddie begins examining the woman's foot.

“Ow. My leg’s gonna be okay though, right?” She asks.

“Oh, yeah, yeah it’s probably just a simple skin infection,” Harron says waving his hand.

“Uh no it’s not, look,” Eddie calls out and getting them all to look at her leg to see that the rash has already spread pretty far over the previously drawn line.

They load her up pretty quickly after that now that it’s clear this isn’t some simple fix it and then leave thing, but one the hospital has to see to.

When the day is over they’re all a little relieved and Eddie walks to the locker room and spots Buck already there.

“Oh, hey,” Eddie says like he’s surprised to see him almost.

Buck looks over at him and says, “Hey.”

Conversations between them alone are always so different than those with other people around. They can go working together and talking the whole day and still it’s not until these moments when they’re alone that it feels like they actually are. Feeling like it’s the first time they’ve spoken.

Buck’s gaze lingers on Eddie for a little and Eddie finally smiles and says, “Your dog’s fine.”

“He’s your dog and uh Christopher’s dog and Shannon’s now,” Buck says quickly.

Eddie hums to himself and Buck bites his lip though and then says, “I miss him.”

Eddie opens his mouth to say something but then Shannon speaks from the locker room doorway, “He misses you, too,” she says, “You should come visit.”

Buck and Eddie both stare at her for a moment before she supplies, “The dog, I mean.”

Buck swallows and smiles tightly before pulling his bag up and says, “I’m walking away now,” and sliding past Shannon.

To Eddie having Plissken has been even less trouble than he thought it might be. He tolerates them all for the most part. Sure he ate one of Shannon’s shoes and Eddie didn’t say anything just threw them away and when Shannon asked she thought she lost them somewhere in the house.

But with Christopher’s he’s been great. He can be rambunctious but only around them, not Christopher. With Christopher, the dog seems almost wary of when he trods. He’ll run around with Christopher, but even while doing this he seems careful not to knock Christopher over or do anything that might make Christopher over-exert himself. Around the house, it’s like Christopher hardly needs his crutches cause Plissken just walks by his side and lets Christopher hold onto him and lean his weight on him.

They originally planned to have the dog sleep in the living room but that lasted for about a night. Now he sleeps in Christopher’s room on the side of his bed with the door.

When Eddie goes to wake Christopher up in the morning the dog lifts it’s large head and eyes him from the doorway before eventually relaxing. And when Christopher has to get up the dog stands and lets Christopher use him to get out of bed.

It takes very little time for Christopher to start asking for a bigger bed so the huge dog can sleep with him. Normally Eddie would tell Christopher no that they weren’t going to do that because the dog might crush him or roll over on him and suffocate him, but he’s honestly convinced that would never happen with Plissken. Plissken just loves Christopher too much to lay on him, rather it’d just be Christopher sleeping on top of the big dog, which despite his big side probably isn’t good for him either.

Despite all this when he walks into Christopher’s room one night he sees that his son has devised a way to sleep with Plissken. The room now possessing a fort, it’s clumsily made and less stable and put together than the one Buck built for Christopher, but it’s a fort none the less.

Eddie sighs and gets on his knees to look inside and sees Christopher laying down on blankets and pillows with his arm and leg flung over Plissken. The dog is asleep beside him snoring, one ear flopped over incorrectly.

The scene reminds him just a bit of Christopher and Buck cuddled in the fort together and Eddie finds himself crawling inside and brushing his fingers through Christopher’s hair.

His son stirs a bit and blinks his eyes open at him weakly before shutting them again. He’s quiet for some time before whispering, “Daddy?”   
  


“Yeah, kid?”

“You think we could rename Plissken?” Christopher asks.

Eddie freezes a part of him stubbornly wanting to say no cause he likes the dog's name. The dog's name is from his favorite movie, it fits the dog, and it was a movie he and Buck saw together.

But quickly he forces himself to just ask, “Why? What would you want to change it to?”

“Bucky,” Christopher whispers.

And yeah, Eddie should have expected that. This is Buck’s dog after all, and the dog is ridiculously like Buck both in size and overall personality.

“Cause of Buck?” Eddie asks though he already knows the answer.

Christopher nods solemnly and says, “I just...I miss him.”

“I do too buddy,” Eddie whispers and Christopher looks over at him and says, “Then you should hug Plissken. That’s what Buck told me to do. He said it’d help. It does sometimes.”

Eddie smiles and kisses his son's forehead and says, “You know Buck named him Plissken?”

“Yeah?” Christopher asks.

“Yeah cause he kind of looks like this character from this movie we saw. So I like to think he was thinking of us both when he named him,” Eddie tells him.

Christopher nods and says, “I like his name. I just miss Buck.”   
  


“I know. I’ll try and see if Buck and you can take Plissken for a walk sometime if he is able to,” he tells Christopher not wanting to make any promises on Buck’s behalf.

“Okay, daddy,” Christopher agrees and cuddles in closer to the big dog. Eddie lays there with both of them for a while longer before kissing Christopher’s forehead and going to bed beside Shannon.

When Eddie goes into work he kind of hopes Bobby has miraculously gotten over the flu they discover has. They had called him with a slew of complaints about his replacement which he listened to before Athena got tired of their complaining and hung up on all of them.

Sure enough, they’re stuck with Harron. But they at least seem to be wearing on his resolve.

He’s still too perky for Eddie’s taste though.

Still, he’s a little less in their face throughout the day and has at least learned that they have personal boundaries.

At the end of the day, they respond to the call of an elder couple after their jeep rolls and crushes one of the men against the gate.

It turns out to be too late and when they get there they’re really just there to move the car and take the body.

Eddie and Harron move the body while Buck attends to the other half of the couple. He’s in shock and distressed, but all he really needs is oxygen which Buck supplies him.

Buck sits with him as he watches Eddie and Harron move the body and place it on the ground and cover it in a sheet.

“When we got married we thought what the hell, we have so little life left, we might as well live. That was Mitchell, always daring the clock. And me, I always followed along. All those foolish things we did. We only ever wanted to go together. That’s love,” the old man says beside him tears rolling down his wrinkled cheeks.

Buck looks towards Eddie and frowns sadly before turning to the elder gentleman and saying, “I’m sorry. I really am. I guess I can only hope to find something that good.”

He sighs and then says, “You don’t find it, son. You make it.”

Buck nods and then the man looks towards his husband's covered up body and asks, “Son, you mind if I have just a few moments alone with him?”

“Of course. It’s no problem here,” Buck says and guides him over to him. He then walks over and begins picking up strewn about pictures. He looks at them and sees a life lived together, not alone. A happy life.

Suddenly he turns and sees Thomas slumped over his husband's body. He frowns and goes to check on him but as soon as he puts his hand on the man’s shoulder he falls over and Buck calls out, “Thomas?”   
  


He checks for a pulse and immediately starts calling out, “Eddie...Eddie...come here I don’t know what happened. He was just talking he was responsive and then…,”

He looks to Eddie helplessly but it’s Harron who says, “Alright start compressions. Stay with us, Thomas.”

Buck starts pumping on his chest feverishly while Eddie gets the air ready. He moves back when Eddie has it and goes right back into doing his chest compression once it’s in place.

“Go. Go. Go. Come on, Thomas. Come on. Stay with me. Come on. Come on, Thomas. Come on,” Buck shouts as he does.

After awhile Harron and Eddie exchange a short head shake and Harron says, “Buck. He’s gone.”

“No. No. He’s gonna be okay...he’s…,” Buck says continuing to press down before Eddie’s hand wraps around his wrist.

“Buck. It’s okay. He’s gone,” Eddie says looking into his eyes.

Buck hesitates and squeezes his eyes shut before leaning back on his haunches.

Once he does he sees Thomas’s hand still tightly clutching his husband's hand.

He looks down at Eddie’s hand still wrapped carefully around his wrist and whispers quietly to himself, “That’s love…”

Buck is silent the whole ride back, his head down and staring at his lap carefully the whole time. 

Eddie watches him during this and sees something stewing in Buck on the way back to the station. He’s prepared to reach out to him but when they get back Buck jumps off the engine and practically sprints away.

Eddie’s eyes follow him and soon his legs do too, all the way to one of the supply closets. When he gets inside he sees Buck crumbled on the ground sobbing his arms wrapped around himself as he gasps for air.

Eddie quickly shuts the door behind him and says, “It’s okay.”

Buck sobs harder and Eddie slowly kneels down beside Buck sitting beside him his hand touching his shoulder.

“I…,” Buck gasps out.

Eddie watches Buck and moves in closer and whispers, “Buck.”   
  


Buck feels it crashing over him. All of it. He feels the loneliness of it all and he feels like he’s dying alone. Dying alone and watching Eddie slip further and further each day.

“I don’t...I can’t...I can’t…I don’t...I can’t…,” Buck gasps and tries to cover it up. Tries to cover up that he’s crying over himself and sobs out in gasping breaths, “I don’t want my mother to die alone.”

Eddie looks at Buck sadly and places his hand on his back and rubs in slow circles and whispers, “ Slow...slow down. Slow down. Shh…Slowl deep breaths,” he guides Buck as he cries. 

Buck tries and gasps out and Eddie’s voice remains to guide him and says, “That’s it. Slow, deep breaths.”

Eddie stands suddenly and finds a paper bag and hands it to Buck and says, “Breathe into this. Breathe slow.”   
  


Buck takes it and gasps into it, his breathing still fast, and Eddie whispers, “Slow down. It’s okay. Just breathe in and out. There you go.”

Buck grasps the bag and tries to slow his breathing, but his hand finds Eddie’s and clutches it tightly as he sobs and tries to get a hold of himself.

Eddie tightens his hold on Buck’s hand and wraps his arm around Buck’s shoulders as Buck’s breathing starts to slow down. He can still see the tears rolling down his cheeks though.

Slowly Buck leans over until his head rests on Eddie’s shoulder and Eddie holds him tighter and rests his cheek against Buck’s forehead. Buck’s arm drops the bag slowly, but his head remains there and Eddie keeps rubbing his arm up and down.

Eventually, and too quickly for them both Buck lifts his head slowly from Eddie’s shoulder, his nose brushing against Eddie’s as he raises his head.

Their eyes meet in the dark supply closet and Eddie smiles softly at Buck who looks back at him softly and whispers, “I’m okay.”

“You’re okay,” Eddie whispers back.

Buck reaches up and wipes the tears from his eyes and Eddie reaches up and pushes a curl out of Buck’s face and back into place.

“Thank you,” Buck breathes and smiles softly at Eddie.

“You’re welcome,” Eddie whispers back staring into Buck’s eyes but they slowly fall to Buck’s lips and he feels Buck’s fall to his. There stay they for a moment staring before Buck turns his head and Eddie forces himself to look away his chest tightening.

He watches as Buck gets up and leaves the supply closet and after a few minutes he leaves as well his head swimming with thoughts of Buck.

The bed dips and Maddie would freak out if she wasn’t used to it by now. Used to Buck deciding to sleep next to her or the other way around. It becomes a comforting sort of habit on bad nights.

“You okay?” Maddie asks.

“Yeah,” Buck replies his voicing coming in a whisper.

“What happened today?” Maddie asks.

“Nothing,” is all Buck says in response.

Maddie nods and whispers back, “Okay.”

After a while, Buck’s voice breaks through the darkness again and asks, “Do you think we don’t know everything about each other?”

Maddie pauses at this and turns over to face Buck. She surveys his face for a moment, “Probably not.”

Buck sighs, “Yeah.”   
  


Maddie bites the inside of her cheek and asks, “ Do you want us to?”

“Maybe,” Buck starts to say before letting out a huff and replying, “I don’t know. Maybe we’re better off with our secrets.”

Maddie gives a small half-smile and runs her hand over Buck’s shoulder before saying, “Yeah.”


	16. It's the End of the World as We Know It

Buck is moping or finally accepting his depression Maddie thinks. It’s about time too, that’s the last step before moving on for good right. Acceptance. Maybe he’ll finally feel good again. Maddie hopes for that. But letting Buck mope around won’t do any good either. And that’s exactly what he’s doing by holding his pillow over his head as she shouts at him to get up and go to work.

“I’m just not going,” Buck yells back at her as Maddie crosses her arms and Chimney stands beside her leisurely sipping his coffee.

“You have to go to work you’re a firefighter and you’re not sick so saving lives is not optional,” Maddie argues.

“Yes, it is. I’m staying home,” Buck grumbles from underneath his pillow.

Maddie gives a huff of annoyance before turning to Chimney and elbowing him, “You’re supposed to be helping.”

Chimney blinks and then walks over and leans down and said, “Uh...Buck...maybe there’ll be a big fire today for us to rescue people from lots of Buck heroics for you to take part in. That’d be fun for you right?” 

He’s unsure how to help, but he gives that a try, but Buck just shakes his head and calls back, “I don’t care about fires.”

Then Hen shows up.

“You have a feeling?” Hen asks.

Buck peeks over the pillow before saying, “Yes.”

“Okay, what kind of feeling?” Hen tries.

“Like I might die,” Buck mutters.

Maddie’s tired of the childish antics and self pitty and shouts, “Today, tomorrow, in fifty years? Cause we’re all gonna die eventually. But now you’ve made everyone late. Let’s go,” she says pulling on Buck’s leg.

Buck tosses the pillow at her and sits up and shouts, “Maddie come on.”

Maddie sighs and then sits down on the edge of the bed and says, “Fine. Okay. This is us all being supportive.”

Buck eyes them all speculatively and asks, “Really?”

Maddie gives Chimney and Hen a look and they both sit down and say, “Yeah.”

“See?” Maddie asks, “Totally supportive go.”

Buck frowns and then huffs and says, “Okay, the man I love has a wife, and then he chooses her over me, and that wife takes my dog...Okay, she didn’t take the dog, I gave it to her.”

“Yeah,” Hen nods.

“But I didn’t mean to give it to her, I gave it to him and Christopher. But that does not change the fact that she’s got the man I love and my dog. She’s got my damn life. And what have I got?” Buck asks angrily as they listen on. Then he turns downcast and whispers, “Do you know I can’t remember the last time we kissed? Like before everything went wrong...Cause you never think the last time is the last time. You there’ll be more. You think you have forever, but you don’t.”

At that point, Buck just collapses on the bed and says, “Plus, my conditioner decided to stop working and I think I have brittle bones.”

Maddie struggles not to roll her eyes at him for those two comments, and Buck quickly starts talking again and shouts, “I just...I just need something to happen. I need a sign that things are gonna change. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope. And in the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed and feel like I might die today,” and then he rolls over.

Maddie pauses for a second before she jumps up and stands on Buck’s bed and shouts, “Whatever, everybody has problems. Now get your ass out of bed and get to work. Now! Move! Move! Move!” She kicks at Buck who jumps up and rolls out of the bed to sprint away from her kicks.

He smiles tightly at Chimney and Hen and then goes into the bathroom.

Hen and Chimney exchange a look before looking back at Maddie who brushes her hair back and says, “Well there, we’re good to go.”

“She can be really scary,” Chimney whispers to Hen.

“Yeah,” Hen says in agreement. 

Buck goes into work with Chimney and Hen complaining about how they’re late now because Buck wouldn’t get out of bed.

“Well you could have just left me there,” Buck grumbles back.

When they get to the station Buck stops outside of it and stares up at it frozen for a moment, cause he still has that feeling. That feeling of dread. The feeling that he might die today.

He swallows and hesitates thinking maybe he’ll just go back to the car and lock all the doors and refuse to come out.

“You alright?” A voice asks though and he’s pulled out of his thoughts. When he looks over Eddie’s standing there with his bag slung over his shoulder.

Buck shifts in his place and swallows before saying, “I have a feeling.”

Eddie smiles softly in his direction, “I get those.”   
  


“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“And?” Buck asks.

“If you wait long enough it passes,” Eddie says.

“Promise?” Buck asks.

“I promise,” Eddie smiles.

Buck nods before walking inside and Eddie watches him go and hesitates when suddenly Shannon has her head out the car window and calls out, “You forget something, Eddie? You okay?”

“Yeah,” Eddie sighs, “I’m just waiting for it to pass.”

“For what to pass?” She asks.

“Nothing. I’ll see you, have a good day,” he tells her before walking into the station.

If they’re supposed to all be yelled at for being late no one does it and they all linger in the locker room as they wait for whatever hellish replacement captain they’re getting stuck with today.

“I hope we get a decent captain today,” Eddie sighs.

“It doesn’t matter which we get they all suck,” Buck tells him.

“The last two weren’t that bad,” Hen tries before getting a look from all of them and saying, “Fine they all sucked.”

“So which captain are we gonna have to suck up to today?” Buck asks.

“That would be me,” says a familiar voice from the doorway.

When they turn Bobby is standing there with his arms crossed.

“Bobby,” Chimney says.

“I’ve been gone less than a week and you ran off three captains? I’ve got people phoning me while I’m sick, screaming that my team is made up of Rosemary’s Babies,” Bobby complains.

“Who?” Buck asks not understanding the pop culture reference.

“Later,” Eddie says knowingly and patting Buck’s arm.

“Nobody wants you. I was sick. But now here I am, back early cause nobody else can handle you. Did I raise you to be pariahs?” Bobby questions staring at them with a look he must have learned from Athena.

“You’re back,” Buck says and goes to hug him.

“God,” Bobby groans before finally relenting and clapping Buck on the back.

The workday is quiet with only a single call, that is over quickly and by the middle of the day, they’re all getting antsy.

“Quiet day,” Chimney says to Bobby who’s already pacing.

“I know that,” Bobby groans.

“That’s a bad sign,” Hen says.

“I know,” Bobby says with a huff.

Eddie walks up the stairs and sits down and sighs, “Really quiet day.”

Bobby groans and Eddie looks to Chimney and asks, “Is he in a bad mood?”

“Quiet day,” Chimney replies.

“Right, he hates a quiet day,” Eddie says.

“I can hear you talking about me,” Bobby shouts at them.

“We’re just saying…,” Chimney starts to say before Eddie interrupts.

“A quiet day means trouble. A quiet day is death. A quiet day bodes bad news,” Bobby tells them before walking off.

It’s not long after before they get two separate calls and Bobby shouts, “ It’s an MVC. They also need us for a large intrusion injury so Buck, Hen, Chimney you take the injury. Eddie and I will get started on the MVC and you can meet us there, after, probably will take a while for extrication.”

So Eddie climbs in the engine with Bobby while Buck goes with Chimney and Hen in the ambulance. 

When they get to the scene there’s a man with a large gaping chest wound and a woman covered in blood shrieking at the top of her lungs.

Hen grabs the woman and says, “Take her Chimney,” while Buck reaches the man and examines the strange wound unable to figure out what could have made it.

“What happened?” Buck asks, but the woman is in no place to answer still just screaming as Chimney examines her and Hen comes to work alongside Buck.

“No luck we’ll now till she stops screaming,” Hen says as the pair of them try and work on the man, “We’ve got a large sucking chest wound.”

“What the hell made this?” Buck asks trying to stop the bleeding.

“No idea. God, he’s losing blood quickly,” Hen says before beginning to listen to the man breathing.

“We gotta move him,” Buck says what he’s doing accomplishing very little in terms of stopping the bleeding.

“Yeah,” Hen agrees helps Buck get him on the gurney and moving towards the ambulance where the woman is still screaming with Chimney.

“How’s she?” Hen asks Chimney.

“Fine. Just in shock. What about him?” Chimney asks over the woman’s shrieks.

“Bleeding way too quickly,” Buck answers.

“Yeah and I’ve got absent breath sounds on the right side and air bubbling at the site of the wound. He’s shocky and getting a little cyanotic,” Hen says as Buck and her climb into the back of the ambulance, while Chimney is stuck up front with the screaming lady.

  
  


As they go towards the hospital Buck says, “He’s gonna bleed out if we don’t do something.”

“Hold more pressure,” Hen tells him.

“ It’s not doing anything if I just…,” Buck starts and then lets his hand enter the wound which immediately stops the bleeding, “There, there I got it.”

“Buck don’t put your hand in,” Hen yells at him.

“Every time I try and move it he starts bleeding out. We need to at least until the hospital,” Buck argues.

“My wife…,” the man mutters as he finally becomes conscious.

“She’s fine sir,” Hen says before turning back to Buck and shouting, “You don’t stick your hand inside of a patient when you don’t know how he was injured, Buck. You don’t stick your hand in at all.”

“I got it. But something had to be done,” Buck tells her as the ambulance lurches to a stop telling them they’re at the hospital.

Buck goes into the hospital as they roll him in Buck and Hen go with cause Buck’s hand is still in the patient as the doctors begin examining him.

“We need to get him intubated. Now, why do you have your hand inside my patient?” The doctor asks.

“We tried tamponading the wound with gauze and pressure pressings but he just kept bleeding. The only thing that stopped the bleeding was my hand. Every time I try and move it he starts bleeding out,” Buck tells the doctor.

“I told him not to do it,” Hen mutters.

“Okay Hen!” Buck shoots back at her before looking up to the doctor, “Can I take my hand out now?”

“No. You have your finger on a major bleeder, and Mr. Carlson is running out of time. So you’re coming to the O.R. with us,” the doctor tells him.

“You and Chimney should go Hen,” Buck tells her, “Meet Bobby and Eddie at the other scene. By the time you guys get here, I should probably be done.”

“Alright. Try not to do anything else stupid while we’re gone Buck,” Hen tells him before leaving.

Buck sighs and then hears a voice shout, “Evan? What are you doing here?”

He sees Maddie in the doorway of the trauma room and says, “Holding a bleeder apparently.”

“Oh God,” Maddie says.

Buck grins and then says, “I’m going into the OR too. So I’m practically a surgeon now,” he kids.

“Shut up,” Maddie says shaking her head.

Maddie leaves and goes to help with the man’s wife who is covered in blood and still screaming at the top of her lungs.

“She’s been going at least fifteen minutes. Must be some kind of record,” one of the nurses says.

“Look at her she’s not even turning red,” another says.

“Ma’am. Ma’am, Mrs. Carlson are you injured? I need you to try and calm down. Mrs. Carlson? Can you hear me?” Maddie asks.

Then one of the nurses gets the idea to scream back at her at which point the woman freezes, but she does stop screaming.

Maddie widens her eyes and says, “That’s one way of doing it. Good. Okay. Now can you tell me exactly what happened to your husband?” She asks her.

But the woman just starts sobbing into Maddie’s arms and Maddie mutters, “Okay…”

Eddie and Bobby have been at the car crash for thirty minutes trying to remove a man who’s car rolled into the guardrail from his car when Bobby asks, “Hen, Chimney, and Buck aren’t here yet?”

“I haven’t seen them,” Eddie says without looking up cause he’d know cause he always seems to keep track where Buck is in a room and he knows Buck isn’t here.

They get the man out and Bobby says, “ Damn. He’s got a chest contusion.”

“And a left-sided depressed skull fracture by the looks of it. G.C.S is 14. But his motor functions seem to be intact,” Eddie says after examining the man just before he starts having a seizure.

“He’s having a seizure. Roll him on his side. Where the hell are Chim and…,” Bobby starts to ask.

“We’re here,” Hen announces approaching them quickly.

“Where’s Buck?” Eddie asks instantly recognizing his absence.

“Still at the hospital, he stuck his hand in the patient to control the bleeding so he’s probably in the OR but he should be done by the time we get this guy there,” Hen tells Eddie and he nods and internally logs this. He finds this only slightly discomforting as the only other person whose every move he keeps track of so closely is Christopher’s. He never quite does this with Shannon.

At the hospital, Maddie assesses the woman who’s no longer screaming and says, “All this blood and none of it’s yours. You’re fine,” Maddie assures her, “Just an acute anxiety reaction. I gave you 2 of Diazepam to calm you down. You were in shock.”

“I’ll say,” the woman says finally speaking.

“Can you tell me exactly what happened?” Maddie asks her.

“I mean the shock part. It was shocking. I’m shocked. You tell my husband when I get my hands on him, he’s a dead man. Do you hear me? Scaring me like this,” she shouts.

“Exactly how was your husband injured?” Maddie tries again.

But before she can answer the ER fills with shouts of, “Mindy? Mindy, are you in here?”

“I’m over here, you moron,” the woman calls, and a man in an old military-like uniform approaches and asks, “How’s James doing?”

“Oh, he’s bleeding all over the place. That’s how he’s doing. The boy in the ambulance put his hand inside of him,” she shouts.

“What are you yelling at me for?” The man asks.

“Because! Because you and James are like idiots, playing like 8-year-olds,” Mindy shouts.

“Excuse me um…,” Maddie says trying to break in.

“We don’t play look, we reenact,” the man argues.

“You play. You put on your costumes, and you build your stupid toys and you play.”

“No, we reenact.”

“Nobody reenacts World War II, you moron!”

“Again, exactly what happened?” Maddie asks trying to question the man this time.

“You wanna know what happened? What happened is my husband and his moron best friend…,” the woman says calling back Maddie’s attention.

“Could you stop calling me a moron?” The man asks.

“Moron best friend," she shouts, "decided to build some kind of big gun."

“Yeah, an exact replica of the finest allied antitank weapon of World War II, the m981 Bazooka,” the man says happily.

“So they put on their stupid costumes, and they got out into the backyard, and they try to shoot the thing.”

“I’m the gunner. James is the loader, okay? We followed the specifications exactly. You should see it. It’s a 60 millimeter 1 ½ pound rocket. I mean, it’s a beauty.”

“It didn’t work, so like an idiot, my husband has to go and stand in front of his big gun to see what went wrong. That’s when the stupid toy starts working,” the woman shouts.

“Stop calling it a toy,” the man retorts.

“ It’s taking up half my garage. I’ll call it whatever I want,” she shouts back as Maddie processes all that’s been said.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on he shot himself with a bazooka?” Maddie asks.

“Yeah,” the woman replies.

Maddie’s eyes widen and she repeats it again “He shot himself with a bazooka?”

“Like I said, morons, the pair of em,” the woman huffs.

  
  


Maddie shakes her head and turns to the man and asks, “Was there an explosion?”

“Huh?”

“Was there an explosion?” She shouts.

“No, why?”

Maddie gives him a hard look and he mutters, “Oh, crap,” but Maddie barely hears him say it cause she’s sprinting toward the OR fear coursing through her veins.

Buck has been outfitted with a surgical mask and cap as well as a smock at this point and it’s all too amusing to feel like he’s some sort of doctor.

“How you doing?” The surgeon asks.

“Hands a little numb but fine. So what’s going to happen?” Buck asks him.

“Once everyone’s scrubbed in you remove your hand and we’ll operate,” the surgeon explains.

Buck grins and sighs, “Good cause I know how medicine I know and it’s just enough to not be in the OR,” if the crew could see him now.

The doctor nods and says, “Alright everyone I’m going to do a thoracotomy and Buck here is going to pull his hand out. And someone else is going to use a clamp on the bleeder when we have more exposure. You ready?”

“More than ready,” Buck nods and the doctor gets ready to make the cut when Maddie bursts through the OR door and shouts, “Evan don’t pull your hand out.”

“Why are you interrupting my OR?” The doctor asks angrily.

“Doctor I need to tell you something,” Maddie pants out of breath.

“I am in surgery,” the doctor replies harshly.

“You want to talk to me, sir,” Maddie insists.

The doctor’s eyes narrow and he puts the scalpel down and walks over to her and growls, “If you interrupt me it better be for good reason.”

“Was it through and through?” Maddie asks quickly.

“What?” The doctor frowns.

“The wound was it through and through?” Maddie rephrases.

  
“No, it was just an entry. No exit. Why?”

She pales and then whispers the situation to the doctor who peers back at Buck who now has a sickening feeling in his stomach again.

“Buck,” the doctor says turning towards him.

“Yes, doctor?” Buck questions.

“What do you feel inside Mr. Carlson? What is your hand touching?” The doctor asks.

“What do you mean?” Buck asks confused.

“Is your hand touching anything hard?”

“Hard?” Buck frowns.

“Like metal,” the doctor says.

Buck’s frown grows deeper and he says, “Um...I don’t know,” and he thinks to flex his fingers but the doctor seems to sense this, “Don’t move your hand. Just tell me...what you feel.”

“What’s going on?” Buck asks his chest tightening.

“Buck,” the doctor says again.

Buck swallows and forces his eyes shut and focuses on his hand and what he feels other than blood and insides. He realizes that his fingertips are touching something and bites his lip and then says, “Um...yeah my fingertips are touching something...kinda hard. Yeah. Yeah, definitely.”

“Oh my god,” the anesthesiologist says beside him.

“Doctor Milton,” the surgeon warns.

“What?” Buck asks and looks at Maddie and says, “What’s wrong? Maddie…”

The doctor raises his hands though and says, “Buck, I don’t want you to move...not your hand, not your body, not an inch.”

The panic settles in his bones and Buck stares hard at Maddie and says, “Maddie. Tell me what’s going on. You’re starting to scare me. Maddie. You have to tell me.”

“Buck, don’t be scared just...everything’s going to be fine,” Maddie says a tight smile on her face.

Then the doctor turns to her and says, “Maddie walk from this room. Don’t run. Tell the charge nurse to call a code black, tell him we are sure, and then tell him to call the bomb squad.”

When the team drops the man off at the hospital the staff tells them Buck has only just gone into surgery so they decide to go back into the station telling the staff to have Buck call in when he’s out.

But they don’t get a call instead they are informed that the hospital has just issued a code black.

When Eddie comes up the stairs Bobby and Chimney both look grim and he pauses and asks, “What’s wrong?”

Bobby glances at Chimney shortly before swallowing and saying, “The hospital just issued a code black.”

Eddie’s blood runs cold cause he knows what that means and his mind screams cause the last logged location for Buck is at the hospital.

“A code black…you’re sure?” Eddie asks.

“Yes,” Bobby says slowly.

The panic grows and he starts sputtering out, “Buck...has he called in…?”

“No,” Chimney mutters.

His blood goes from ice cold to boiling inside him and Eddie tenses and says, “Well then we have to go there. Bobby! We have to go there,” Bobby starts to stop him and Eddie just shakes his head and shouts, “Bobby it’s Buck. We have to be there. We...if he’s…,” his chest tightens.

“Eddie…,” Bobby starts to say.

“No. I have to. I’ll go myself if…,” Eddie shouts back.

“No. We’ll all go. But no one goes into the hospital. This is for the bomb squad to do. Buck is probably fine. We can’t let our emotions get to us,” Bobby warns cutting him off.

Eddie forces himself to pretend to agree and calm down but his heart is racing and his head is shouting something like ‘Damnit Buck’ over and over again.

He can’t lose him. Not like this. It’s one thing to not have him in the exact way he may want. But he needs him here, he needs him alive.

Maddie comes back after calling the code and approaches the doctor and asks, “What now?”

“I go back in there and wait for the bomb squad. And you leave. You all leave,” he says turning to the rest of the surgical staff.

“That’s my brother I’m not going anywhere. He needs me,” Maddie insists.

The doctor sizes her up and says, “Fine. But you wait by the elevator. No one who doesn’t need to be in the OR shouldn’t be. When the bomb squad arrives, we’ll take it from there. Until then Milton and I are doing this alone.”

Maddie agrees and walks over to the elevator her mind racing. Why is it always Evan? Why is it never her? Realistically she knows why. But it still feels unfair and she still feels responsible. She’s his big sister, she’s supposed to have his back and protect him, but she doesn’t know how to protect him from this.

The doctor enters the operating room again and asks, “How you doing Buck?”

Buck looks up at him his mind swirling before simply nodding and asking, “So I’m touching live...unexploded ammunition?”

“I’m afraid so,” the doctor replies.

“Not the greatest feeling in the world,” Buck jokes with a nervous laugh.

“No. I guess not.”

“And he’s still out?” Buck asks looking down at the man who’s body his hand is still inside, next to a bomb, the thought makes him feel sick and he’s trying his best not to think about it. It’s in no way easy not to though.

“Yeah,” the anesthesiologist replies.

“But he’s not hooked up to the machine anymore?” Buck asks eyeing the ventilator.

“I had doctor Milton take him off the ventilator. The flow of oxygen posed a danger,” the doctor begins to explain.

“Right. I know that. Oxygen. Explosion. Fire. Yeah,” Buck mutters staring off his thoughts starting to race.

“So we’re using the Ambu bag instead…,” the doctor says but Buck doesn’t really hear him till he calls back his attention, “Buck.”

Buck looks at him nervously and shakes his head and asks, “What I just take my hand out really quickly?”

He knows it’s not possible but he still needs to be told. He knows that it’s not that simple. He’s been in tense but lesser situations than this before. With Eddie. 

“We’d have to ask the bomb squad that when they arrive, you probably know better than me though,” the doctor says.

Buck swallows and nods, “Yeah. It might cause the ammo to shift and explode.”

He wishes Eddie were here. He’d be better at this. He put Buck at ease. But at the same time, he wants Eddie nowhere near this place. In danger.

He must look panicked cause the doctor says his name again, “Buck…”

“Yeah?” Buck asks.

“Your hand is keeping Mr. Carlson from bleeding out. You’re doing a good job. You’re doing your job. You’re saving him. You are keeping him alive,” he tells him.

This is his job. He’s just doing his job and he’s good at his job. It’ll be okay, he tries to convince himself.

“Yeah,” Buck whispers, “And the bomb squad is coming?”

“The bomb squad is coming,” the doctor confirms.

“Okay. I can do this. I can,” Buck says to himself again and again.

When the team arrives on the scene they instantly spot Athena and Bobby approaches her quickly with the rest of the crew trailing behind him.

“Athena. What’s going on?” Bobby asks.

“A bomb was in a patient,” Athena tells him exasperated.

“How?” Bobby asks.

“Friends made a replica World War II Bazooka, and one shot himself with it. So stupid. What are you doing here?” She finally asks.

“Buck’s inside. He went in with a patient whose bleeder he was stopping. He hasn’t checked back in,” Bobby explains as Eddie paces on the side.

“I’ll make some calls,” Athena says.

Maddie is standing by the elevator when the bomb squad arrives and the head guy looks at her and the remaining surgical team.

“You’re the surgical team?” The man asks.

“Yes,” Maddie replies.

“Dylan Young. Bomb squad,” he says introduces himself before calling out to the rest of his team, “Spread out check the area and then we’ll secure the patient.,” he then turns to Maddie and asks, “Where are they?”

“In there,” Maddie points.

Soon the bomb squad guy and the doctor are looking over the Xrays and the bomb squad leader frowns and says, “There is no telling how dangerous it is. We need more info.”

“The longer we wait the great chance he’ll bleed out and die,” the surgeon says.

“And Buck,” Maddie calls to them, forcing them to look at her, “Buck could panic.”

“Will he run?” The doctor asks.

“No. But if you want him to stay perfectly still you need help. He needs to stay calm. He was never good at standing still to begin with and he’s having a rough time. I’m his sister. He needs me to talk him through it,” Maddie argues.

“It’ll be fine,” the doctor tries to assure her.

The bomb squad guy looks back to the Xrays and sighs and says, “It’s difficult his hand is holding that device steady.”

“Or his hand may simply just be in there with the ammo. We can’t know,” the surgeon sighs.

“Well, the device is homemade and very unreliable. It could be a dud, but we have no way of knowing. Add that with a nervous firefighters hand inside the body cavity and it’s…,” the man explains.

“Bad,” Maddie finishes for him.

“Yes,” he agrees.

Buck is deep in his thoughts when the anesthesiologist suddenly whispers, “Pink mist.”

“Excuse me?” Buck asks.

“That’s what the bomb squad calls you when you blow up. Pink mist. I read that somewhere. The bomb goes off and in anyone in range explodes into a billion pieces. You’re liquid. There’s nothing left. Just flecks of human flesh and blood. Pink mist. Sometimes they don’t even find a finger. One minute you’re a person...the next you’re...bloody rain,” the guy tells him before saying, “Here, take this,” and giving him the Ambu bag.

Buck shakes his head and says, “What?”

“You can do it. Even beats. You know how…,” the anesthesiologist says and Buck does know how, and he starts doing it but he’s panicking, “Not too fast…,” he warns and Buck glows down his squeezes and he breathes out, “There you go,” and he starts to turn and walk from the room.

“Doctor Milton?” Buck questions.

The anesthesiologist stops in the doorway before turning to Buck and saying, “I’ve got kids. Even beats. Okay?”

Then he leaves and Buck has to stop himself from shaking as he gasps and tries to keep the proper rhythm with the bag.

Eddie stares at the hospital as if willing Buck to come out of it, to join the countless number of people who pour out as they’re evacuated. But he doesn’t.

He tries to believe the best that Buck is just busy helping evacuate everyone before coming out himself. He’s being a hero but he’s going to come out. He has to. But he doesn’t and Athena still hasn’t come back.

Chimney approaches him and holds out a salad and says, “Eddie you gotta eat something.”   
  


Chimney’s right, he should, because he should be hungry. He didn’t really eat breakfast and they missed lunch responding to the calls. But he doesn’t feel hungry, he’s too consumed with worry.

“Yeah,” Hen says watching him and when he doesn’t respond she shakes his arm and says, “Eddie?”

Eddie grinds his teeth and glares at the hospital before asking, “Why is it always Buck? Always Buck. Only he’d end up in the hospital the day that there’s a bomb,” Eddie fumes.

Chimney swallows and says, “Try not to think about it. I’m sure he’s fine.”

They leave Eddie when it becomes clear that he’s not going to eat or relax and Hen finally sighs, “Maybe we should have let him stay in bed.”

“You think?” Chimney asks her sarcastically.

He goes to sit on the side when his phone starts ringing and he looks to Hen and announces, “Maddie.”

He answers the call and instantly he hears her voice and he knows it’s not good, “ Chimney,” she says.

He freezes and then says, “Don’t tell me.”

Maddie sniffs though and then says, “It’s Evan. It’s his hand in there with the bomb.”

“Maddie,” Chimney sighs.

“I don’t know how they’re going to get it out without killing him Chimney,” Maddie says sounding on the verge of tears.

“Is he okay?” Chimney asks.

“I...yeah I haven’t seen him in a while,” she says and starts to walk down the hall and peeks into the arm and freezes when she sees Buck in there by himself squeezing the Ambu bag, “Oh my god,” she shouts.

“Maddie what?” Chimney shouts over the phone.

“Evan is shaking the damn anesthesiologist left him alone to do the ventilating, I gotta go,” she says hanging up quickly and entering the OR.

“Evan,” she calls out, “Where’s doctor Milton?”

Buck swallows the lump in his throat and sniffs before saying, “He left. He didn’t want to die.”

“Evan,” Maddie starts to say.

“You should all go. I don’t know if I can do this,” Buck sniffles trying his best still not to move or cry.

“Evan. Yes, you can. I’m going to get the bomb squad and they’re going to get you through this I promise.”

Buck lets out a short sob while forcing himself to stay still, “You shouldn’t have to move out…if I…”

“Evan, stop it. Just stay still,” she says and pokes her head out the door and shouts, “Hey, somebody help! We need help in here.”

The bomb squad guy and the surgeon both come racing in, where Buck is shaking and Maddie has moved to take the ventilation over for him.

“You should all go. I...It’ll just be me and him and not everybody it just…,” Buck cries softly.

“No, we’re going to get you out of this. Okay. Buck. Look at me. Look at your sister. You’ve got this,” the surgeon tries to talk to him.

“Evan,” Maddie says when he doesn’t look up and shakes his head. “Evan, look at me,” she insists.

He does and his bottom lip is quivering as she takes a deep breath trying to guide him to do the same.

“Chimney, Hen, Bobby, Athena, Eddie they’re all outside waiting for you, just hang on,” she says softly, “They’re all waiting for you.”   
  


Buck trembles but he starts to come back, she can see the rationale starting to come back to his eyes.

“Okay. Okay,” Buck whispers before looking up at Maddie and whispering, “Why did I do this Maddie?”

Maddie smiles at him softly and says, “You were saving a life. It’s what you do Buck. And you’re so good at it. I’m so proud.”

“I love you, Maddie,” Buck sniffs.

“I love you too, Evan,” Maddie assures him.

Buck swallows and whispers, “I really don’t want to be the guy who kills us all Maddie.”

“And you won’t,” Maddie insists as the bomb squad comes around and velcros a vest to Buck.

“But you do realize how stupid it was to put your hand in, to begin with, though right?” The bomb squad guy asks.

“Stop,” Maddie growls at him.

Buck rolls his eyes and says, “Okay, you know when you don’t need to be made fun of? When you’ve got your hand inside a body that’s got a bomb in it!”

“You’ve got a sense of irony,” the bomb squad guy chuckles.

“Only when things are really ironic….,” Buck sighs and then looks up at Maddie and whispers, “I had a feeling.”

She freezes then remembering Buck this morning begging to stay in bed because he had a feeling he was going to die today. It was so ridiculous then. But now when Buck is looking right in the face of death, it’s nothing less than terrifying.

“What’s that?” The bomb squad guy asks.

“Nothing,” Buck whispers.

The bomb squad guy then turns to Maddie and says, “Time for you to go.”

“I’m staying,” Maddie tries insisting.

“There’s nothing more you can do here,” the bomb squad guy tells her and she opens her mouth ready to argue.

“You need to go Maddie. I can’t do this with you here. I can’t think. I’ll be fine,” he smiles weakly trying to set her at ease.

Maddie stares at him and then steps forward and carefully grabs Buck’s free hand and says, “You how in the movies there’s always the hero and then there’s the other guy who sees danger and runs in the opposite direction. Maybe try being the other guy if you can.”

Buck stares back at her and then gives a small nod before watching her reluctantly make her exit.

He shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath when the doctor’s voice reaches him, “Buck are you okay?”

Buck swallows and nods his head and then opens his eyes and says, “Yeah. You guys have a plan right. You have a way to get me outta this?” He asks looking back from the doctor to the bomb squad guy.

Eddie is watching Bobby closely and when Athena comes back and tells him something he instantly sees Bobby’s posture tense. 

“Chief what’s happened?” Hen questions.

“A quiet day. That’s what’s happened,” Bobby says.

Eddie tries to keep his composure at first, but it falters quickly, “Where is Buck sir? I need to know where Buck is,” he insists.

“Eddie,” Hen whispers.

“No,” Eddie hisses, “Tell me now,” he says narrowing his eyes at Bobby.

“Maddie called he’s fine,” Chimney tries to say quickly, but his face reveals him and there’s an exchanged look between him and Bobby that gives it away.

Eddie frowns and says, “If he’s fine then why isn’t he out here? They finished evacuating a long time ago,” Chimney looks conflicted and Eddie steps closer to him so that he’s now looming over him, “Chimney...that’s not all she said. You have to tell me. Please, Chimney.”

“Eddie,” Bobby warns.

“No. I need to know and I do know. But you need to say it to me. I need you to tell me it’s Buck or if it’s not then I need you to tell me that. But I need to know for sure,” Eddie says his whole body shaking.

Chimney swallows before saying, “He’s the one with the bomb. It was in the guy who he stuck his hand in.”

Eddie’s whole body tenses with the truth he subconsciously knew, but knowing for sure is another thing. It doesn’t make him feel any better. Now the dread just weighs on him.

“Buck,” Eddie whispers to himself before turning on his heel and marching in the direction of the hospital.

“Don’t panic Eddie wait,” Chimney calls out as he and Hen chase after him.

“I have to get in there. I can’t…,” Eddie says his chest starting to feel heavy.

“He has Maddie. He doesn’t need you to mess him up,” Chimney shouts grabbing onto Eddie’s arm and pulling him back.

“I have to see him...if he…,” Eddie starts his mind going to the worst ending to this day.

“He’s done this before. Remember the two of you in the ambulance. He knows what to do. You taught him,” Chimney tries to comfort Eddie.

“This is different,” Eddie growls.

“Not that different.”

“It’s in his hand Chimney,” Eddie shouts tears springing to his eyes, “His hand. His hands,” he whispers. His mind goes to Buck’s hands, the way he used to hold it in his. His hands that used to touch every inch of his body. The hands he at one point thought he might hold forever.

“Eddie,” Chimney tries again.

“Don’t Eddie me,” Eddie whispers and slumps down to sit on the asphalt, “Any minute Buck could die. Actually die. Just stop...living. Dead,” he mutters weakly.

Chimney and Hen sit down beside him and after a while Hen sighs and says, “Should we do something? Like, call his family?”

“We are his family. Us and Maddie and I think we’re all accounted for,” Eddie tells her.

Chimney thinks on it and then says, “Well there’s Christopher and his dog, but I doubt we want to tell Christopher this and Plissken well I think he could have helped sniff out the bomb possibly but with extraction no. And his mom well she’d just forget or not know who we’re talking about.”

“Stop making jokes,” Hen huffs.

“Just how I deal in these kinds of situations,” Chimney mutters and looks back up at the hospital before saying, “Damnit Buck.”   
  


“Yeah,” Hen and Eddie both say, “Damnit Buck.”

On the other side of the parking lot, Bobby is running his hand angrily through his hair as he looks over the hospital blueprints.

“Bobby, calm down,” Athena tells him.

“How can I stay calm. Buck’s in there with his hand on a bomb in a body cavity. Really calm down?” Bobby asks.

“Okay don’t calm down,” Athena scoffs her voice laced with heavy sarcasm.

“And that’s not it look at this,” Bobby huffs and points to he blueprints.

Athena looks at it and shakes her head before saying, “Damn it,” and shouting out, “Get me the head of the bomb squad.”

Buck stands steady and looks to the doctor and asks, “Is this the strangest thing that’s ever happened in your OR?”

The doctor smiles slightly and then says, “I’d have to say that it is.”

“Good cause I’m very competitive,” Buck jokes.

“All the best people are,” the doctor smiles

Buck wishes the jokes helped. Buck wishes his mind was going to something more important than trying to remember that last kiss with Eddie before Shannon showed up. He can’t remember it though. He thinks he remembers the where and when, but he doesn’t actually remember the kiss and he wishes it didn’t bug him so much.

“I’m here. What we’re good to go. My team’s in place. The doctor is ready. We can have the bomb out in under ten minutes if I’m not interrupted,” the bomb squad guy says as he approaches Athena and Bobby in the parking lot.

“And Buck?” Athena asks.

“He’s hanging in there,” the bomb squad guy nods quickly.

“See to it that he does,” Athena warns.

“Is there a reason I’ve been called other than to be threatened?” The bomb squad guy questions.

“ In the OR the patients are put under general anesthesia,” Bobby tells him.

“Yeah?”

“That involves a steady flow of pure oxygen,” Bobby explains.

“Well can’t they turn off the oxygen in my OR?” The bomb squad guy asks sternly.

“They can and I’ve had them do so, but… that OR is right over the OR floors main oxygen line,” 

  
  


The guy gives an annoyed groan and then says, “So they need to be moved…”

“Yeah,” Bobby says.

“Great,” he mutters and turns to go back inside.

“Wait,” Bobby calls out to him causing the man to turn towards him, “Help Buck in there. He’s a good kid. He needs to come out of this,” Bobby 

“I’m gonna try,” the bomb squad guy says before disappearing.

When the bomb squad guy returns he pulls the doctor aside and begins whispering back and forth with him, throwing sideways glances in Buck’s direction.

“Stop it,” Buck finally shouts, “I’m not a patient.”

“What?” The bomb squad guy asks.

“The two of you are looking at me the way we all look at the people we help. Like I’m gonna freak out at any minute. I’m not gonna freak out. So whatever it is just tell me straight out,” Buck sighs.

“The main oxygen line runs directly under this room,” the bomb squad guy tells Buck.

Buck swallows and sighs, “Not good,” he nods though and says, “Well I need one of you to tell me exactly what that means for me. Cause I think I know what it means, but I tend to be glass-half-empty these days. And what I think it means is that if the bomb were to explode here, the whole hospital would blow up. And that’s crazy right?” Buck asks.

“It means we have to move,” the bomb squad guy replies.

“Move?” The doctor asks.

“That’s right we have to move and now, cause I don’t want to spend another second in this room,” the bomb squad guy insists.

“Wait,” Buck says, “I can’t wiggle my fingers because we can’t shift the ammo. And now you want to roll out the entire gurney?” He asks brows raised.

“Well, that’s our safest option,” the man explains.

“So we move,” the doctor sighs, “Not a problem. We can do this,” he nods and then turns towards Buck, “You handling this, Buck?”

Buck nods and says, “Yeah, I’m handling this.”

So they start moving slowly rolling the gurney out into the hall with slow and easy steps.

“You’re doing great,” the bomb squad guy tells him.

“Let’s go over it again,” Buck breathes.

“The device is shaped like a rocket. It’s about 8 inches long. We have everything ready. My team is in place and when we’re ready I’m going to ask you to take the hand that you have in Mr. Carlson and wrap it around the device.”

“And pull it out,” Buck finishes.

“Level. Pull it out while keeping it level,” he reminds him.

Buck lets out an annoyed huff, “You know I don’t like you very much.”

“I don’t like you either,” he replies shortly just before Maddie comes around the corner.

“Evan, what are you doing?” She asks standing wide-eyed in front of them.

“Stop. Stop right there. What are you doing?” The bomb squad guy asks angrily.

“What are you still doing here?” Buck asks.

“I left the room, not the hospital. I need to be here with you,” Maddie says smiling at him sadly.

“We’re moving to an OR further away from the oxygen line. You know in case we blow up,” Buck says with a weak smile.

“You stay over there,” the bomb squad guy tells Maddie pointing off to the side. She follows his direction and he looks back at Buck and asks, “You ready?”

Buck nods and starts walking slowly again and looks to Maddie and says, “Tell me something.”

“What?” Maddie asks.

“Maddie I have my hand of a bomb. I’m freaking out and most importantly, I really have to pee. Tell me anything,” he begs.

Maddie thinks and says, “I filed the paperwork to change my name back to Buckley. Just Buckley,” she smiles.

Buck sighs and gives a soft smile and says, “You’re a Buckley.”

“I’m a Buckley. Nothing more of him,” she smiles softly.

“That’s good. Might be the only sane one left after today,” Buck jokes.

“Excellent point,” Maddie says playing with Buck to set him at ease.

But then the gurney hits a metal separator on the floor and it jolts all of them. Buck’s stomach drops and his chest tightens his eyes shutting.

The bomb squad guy frowns and says, “Alright, everybody. Let’s just keep placing one foot in front of the other. Nice and slow. We’re almost there Buck nice and easy.”

Buck nods and takes a deep breath before moving forward and over the separator careful to keep his whole body still as they do.

“You had to say you were gonna die today…,” Maddie whispers.

“I told you,” Buck smiles sadly as they push the gurney into the new OR.

When they get inside everything is readied and the doctor comes to stand behind him and says, “We’re ready when you are.”

“We’re good,” the bomb squad guy says nodding to his team before looking back at Buck, “Buck?”

“Yeah,” Buck says shakily.

“I’m going to extend the wound. When I cut, the bleeding’s going to intensify. If we’re going to save Mr. Carlson, you have to pull the ammo out immediately,” the doctor tells him.

“But remember, remove it while keeping it as level as possible. Nice and easy, no quick, movements. Level,” the bomb squad guy reminds him.

“Right level,” Buck mutters.

“Ready?” The doctor asks.

“I uh...Do I have a choice?” Buck asks nervously.

“You have to be ready,” the doctor says.

“Yeah, I guess,” Buck replies.

“Scalpel,” the doctor says quickly and begins cutting.

“I guess I’m ready,” Buck mutters to himself but the room is spinning, the walls closing in. This is the moment and he’s going to die, he’s going to die.

“I’m good he can go,” the doctor says.

“All right, now, Buck...wrap your hand around the nose cone….,” the bomb squad guy starts to say before noticing Buck frozen with tears springing to his eyes, “Buck”

“Buckley? Buckley?” The doctor asks.

The world is falling in on him though and he can’t, he can’t do this. He can’t breathe.

“Buck,” the bomb squad guy says again.

Buck finally looks up and gasps as he tries to breathe, “Maddie shouldn’t have to move out of the apartment,” he finally says. 

“No. You hear me?” The bomb squad guy says sternly.

And tell my sister to make sure that Bobby, Hen, Chimney, and Athena know that I love them. They were good to me,” Buck sniffs the tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Buck,” the bomb squad guy says again.

“And Eddie...Eddie, it’s not his fault...I know...and I love...and Christopher,” Buck whimpers body starting to tremble.

“Buckley. His pressure is dropping. Buckley,” the doctor calls to him trying to reach him through the panic that Buck is now feeling

Buck shakes his head his eyes darting around the room wildly, “I can’t. No. I can’t. This is crazy. You’re both gonna go. You go,” he insists.

“Nobody’s dying today, Buckley,” the doctor says.

Buck looks at him tears pooling in his eyes in disbelief when the bomb squad guy speaks again and says, “Buck, I want you to look at me. Look at me. I know this is bad. And I know that I’m this ass who’s been yelling at you all day. So you pretend that I’m not. You pretend that I’m someone you like. Whatever you need. But you need to listen to me. Okay?”

Buck stares at him for a moment and looks down at his hand and tries, tries to see something else.

When he looks up it’s like the room has melted away, it’s still there but it’s empty looking and bright, white. There’s no body in front of him, no bomb squad guy, no doctor, just his hand hanging in the air and Eddie standing in front of him.

And Buck can imagine it’s real. Imagine he’s here to guide him through it.

He’s staring into Eddie’s eyes and he’s got that soft comforting and easy smile on.

“I’m scared,” Buck whispers.

“I know,” this Eddie says with a little nod his eyes not leaving Bucks. He smiles then soft and encouraging, “You can do this,” he insists, “It’ll be over in a second,” he whispers. His smile drops and his eyes grow serious and he repeats, “You can do this, Buck.”

Buck’s heart is beating out of his chest, but he can believe it coming from Eddie. Like he believed he’d be alright in the ambulance. 

“Okay,” Buck whispers.

“Okay,” Eddie nods back and Buck knows he can do it, even as the room fades back into reality. But he barely notices his eyes focused on his hand inside the body.

Slowly Buck moves his hand and wraps his hand around the bomb squeezing his eyes shut for a moment.

“Gently,” the bomb squad guy whispers.

And slowly Buck starts to pull his hand out even as his heart beats out of his chest as the black rocket comes into view.

A tear streams down his face as he holds the bomb level, wrapped in his blood-covered glove. Slowly he moves his hand toward the bomb squad guys outstretched hands and places it into his hands. It leaves his hand and his stomach drops but nothing happens. It just sits there in the other man’s gloved hands.

Slowly Buck raises his eyes to the man’s face and he whispers softly, ‘You did good.”

He watches as the bomb squad guy steps away and starts walking carefully with the bomb in his hands. Buck’s breathing is fast even as he steps away from the table so the surgeon can move in and start working.

Buck remains frozen for a moment just hanging back behind the surgeon as he tries to process. Process that he’s not dead, and that the bomb is being walked out of the room and down the hall. He doesn’t think he can believe it.

He flexes his hands and swallows before watching the guy disappear into the hallway. His feet start to carry him though, and he walks just outside the operating room as the bomb squad guy walks slowly down the hallway.

One second he’s there and the next there’s nothing as the bomb goes off and explosion throws Buck backward. The sound fills his ears and the windows beside him explode before he hits the floor and slides across it.

Then it goes eerily quiet, with just the sound of papers floating through the air, rubble hitting the ground, and the sizzle of electricity.

His head hits the ground and he must go unconscious for a while cause when he wakes up Maddie is hanging over him and calling out, “Evan? Evan? Thank god you’re okay. Evan?” 

His ears are ringing and he sits up slowly and sees the smoke-filled hallway and the small fires all around, “Gotta put...fire’s out,” he begins to say.

“No, Evan. Your team will. We need to get you to checked out,” Maddie insists.

Buck nods weakly and lets her pull him to his feet and he finds that he does have full use of them, he’s just a little off-kilter. But once he’s in the elevator and taken down to the ER he starts to gain himself again. The shock slowly wearing off.

When they clear him Maddie guides him to the showers as he’s still walking like a zombie and she has to lead him.

He’s little help and she does all the work stripping him of the gloves, smock, and surgical cap till he’s left in his unharmed tee shirt and pants.

He jerks slightly as she tries to lower him under the spray and she rubs his shoulder and says, “It’s okay.”

“Clothes,” he mutters out weakly.

“It’s fine. I’ve got clean scrubs over there for you to change into. Just relax, Buck, let me clean you off,” she whispers.

So he lets her, lets her hold him under the spray of the shower while using her hands to start cleaning off his face.

It’s then that he sees all the blood as it turns the water red. Only a small part is from him, which is what makes it worse. The rest is the bomb squad guy. It’s like the anesthesiologist said. Pink mist and Buck has it all over him. He has a whole person on his skin, and he feels sick. It turns out that only a small bit of that blood is his cause the only cut he has is a very small scrape on his forehead above his left eye. It’s so minor he doesn’t even need stitches. It seems so odd to him, to end up with nothing but a scrape and a body that’s sore from being thrown back. He starts sobbing sometime during the shower. He thinks Maddie keeps him under the water longer than necessary allowing him to hide it.

When the explosion happens they all hear it in the parking lot and instantly Eddie’s blood runs cold, and he sees the windows of the floor he knows Buck is on blow out.

No one can stop him from running in. He just does, sprinting inside and running up flights of stairs as quickly as he can in his equipment.

He knows Hen and Chimney are probably a minute behind him having gotten Bobby’s approval unlike him.

When he gets to the floor it’s obvious a bomb has gone off. The whole hallway is filled with smoke and bits of paper on fire. There’s blood all over the floor. What remains of a person and he feels sick.

‘It’s not Buck. It can’t be Buck,’ his head says over and over again.

His eyes dart around but he doesn’t see Buck and he hasn’t even started to put out fires when the rest of the team reaches the floor.

They force him back into himself. What he’s supposed to do. Fight fires.

So he puts them out. They’re just small fires and they’re stopped quickly. But Buck’s still nowhere to be seen.

Soon the surgeon walks out of the OR rolling the patient out and Eddie is instantly on him, “Where’s Buck?” He asks.

“Buck? The surgeon asks, “He left just before the explosion I think.”

“Did he? Was he?” Eddie starts to stutter out.

“Maddie took him,” one of the nurses offers.

“What?” Eddie asks.

“His sister. Maddie. She took him down to the ER to get checked over. The explosion sent him flying backward, but he looked alright, a little shaken,” she says watching him curiously.

“Uh..okay...thanks,” he says and starts down the stairs and runs into Bobby and Athena who are standing in the ER waiting room.

“Where are they?” Eddie asks looking around for any sign of Buck or Maddie.

“You had to be the hero,” Bobby says.

“Where are they?” Eddie asks again.

“Diaz they’re here. Your family,” says one of Athena’s officers, and when he turns his head he sees Shannon striding towards him with Christopher in her arms.

She pulls him in and cries, “Oh thank god. I heard on the news and I thought it might be you.”

“Daddy. Daddy,” Christopher calls out.

He holds them tightly but looks down sadly his eyes darting up towards Bobby and Athena.

Athena observes him for a moment before turning to Bobby and saying, “That was not the they, he was asking for.”

Maddie takes him home soon after the shower texting the team that he’s fine, but needs to rest, which he does. His head still swims and his whole body feels tired and unsure about everything that has happened.

It feels more like some dark twisted nightmare than real life.

Maddie gets him into bed and lays there with him for a while before he tells her that he’s fine.

She nods slowly and leaves him alone to try and sleep.

But he doesn’t. He can’t. He just stares at the wall and relives the day.

Sometime late in the night Maddie comes up the stairs and says, “There’s someone at the door for you.”

Buck raises his brows and she says, “I could tell him to leave,” she seems all too happy with the prospect and that keys Buck in on who it is.

Slowly he lifts himself from the bed and walks down to the bottom of the stairs where he spots Eddie inside the apartment in front of the door.

“Hey…,” Buck says holding onto the railing.

Eddie’s eyes rake over Buck cataloging every inch of him to make sure he’s alright. He can see the way he’s holding himself, see that he’s aching, tired, and bruised. He notes the cut on his forehead crossing right over his birthmark. But he’s alive. Buck’s alive and he’s, he’s okay relatively speaking. So Eddie feels like he can breathe again.

“Hey,” Eddie says breathlessly as he stands four feet from Buck. He pauses and then whispers, “You almost died today…”

“Yeah. I almost died today,” Buck whispers back.

Eddie stares at Buck and Buck stares back at him and his chest stirs. He hesitates and opens his mouth to say something but he’s not sure what, so he shuts it again, nods, and turns to go his hand on the door when Buck finally speaks.

“I can’t…,” Buck says causing Eddie to stop and turn back towards him, “I can’t remember...our last kiss,” Buck continues, “All I could think about was, I’m gonna die today, and I can’t remember our last kiss, which is pathetic, but...the last time we were together and happy, I...wanna be able to remember that,” Buck sighs. 

Eddie looks down sadly his head starting to swirl, starting to remember all of Buck all at once in a way that he’s forced himself not to.

“And I can’t, Eddie. I can’t remember it,” Buck finishes his eyes pleading with Eddie.

Eddie nods and tries to dig shift through the memories, but it doesn’t come to him right away. He doesn’t remember it right away and stares back at Buck and says, “I’m glad you didn’t die today.”

Buck nods weakly and Eddie turns towards the door to leave again when the memory suddenly comes back pouring into him, tight in his chest.

Buck’s turning back towards the stairs when suddenly Eddie’s stepped back into the apartment and is looking at Buck, “It was right before we were going to go out on our date. We’d just gotten yelled at by Bobby, but we were going to go out. Before Shannon showed up. I’d just helped you put on your jacket and your tie actually. You looked good and we’d just gotten out of the shower,” Eddie recounts to Buck whose back is still turned towards him.

“You’d gotten ready and you smelled like some kind of tropical fruit or flower…,” Eddie laughs before trailing off trying to think as Buck slowly starts to turn around to face him.

“Then we leaned in you put your hand on my chest, my fingers were in your hair and we kissed. Soft. It was quick, kinda like a habit. You know, like we’d do it every day for the rest of our lives,” Eddie smiles to himself slightly before sighing, “Then we opened the door...and Shannon was there. That was the last time we kissed and we were happy,” Eddie finishes and starts to leave again when Buck suddenly speaks.

“Pineapple,” Buck says.

Eddie stops and turns toward him confused.

“And orange with lavender. That’s what I smelled like...from my cologne…,” Buck finishes.

“Pineapple. Orange, and Lavender...huh….,” Eddie says and smiles to himself before smiling up at Buck, turning around and leaving.

Buck watches him go and goes up to bed and finally sleeps dreaming of that last kiss over and over again.

When Eddie goes to bed though he finds he can’t smell anything except the odd mixture of pineapple, oranges, and lavender.

  
  
  
  



	17. Yesterday

Buck processes the who nearly dying thing in a forced week off. It doesn’t take long for Buck to feel restless and annoyed. He’s fine. As fine as someone can be after all that. He’s having some trouble sleeping but he’s still looking forward to going back to work.

He’s pouring himself and his mother a cup of coffee when his mother lets out a sigh, “I’m exhausted.”

“Me too,” Buck replies before setting his mother’s cup in front of her before sitting down.

She eyes him speculatively before sipping her coffee and saying, “I was going at it all night with the district attorney. What’s your excuse?”

Buck freezes and nearly drops his coffee as he shouts, “Mom!”

Buck’s mother simply laughs and says, “I tell you, that man makes me purr like a kitten.”

“Mom,” Buck tries again.

“When he isn’t making me growl like a tiger,” she grins.

“Stop,” Buck says his brain combusting.

His mother simply lets out a huff and says, “And my husband wonders why I’m not interested in him anymore or have time to help him with the kids. If he had any balls at all, he would leave on his own. But he only gets those when he’s drinking,” she scoffs.

Buck blinks as he filled in on this part of his family's marriage, and his mother just continues. 

“But no he spends his time playing stupid or yelling at the kids cause he doesn’t have balls to take me on. I come home with a hickey on my shoulder, a hickey, for god’s sake like I’m a sex-crazed teenager,” she enthuses while Buck’s eyes bulge.

“Which, let’s face it, these days, I am, and what does Robert do? Yells at the kids, makes Evan cry, and yells at him for not being a man. Like he even knows the meaning of the word. Besides Evan’s just like him anyways, soft,” his mother finishes in a way he’s used to, with a dig at him.

Buck’s left speechless and drives into work where he remains at a total loss for words. He can tell that Hen is talking to him in the locker room but he’s just not hearing it, too stuck in his head.

Hen seems to pick up on this cause she eventually presses her hand into his shoulder and asks, “Buck, what’s wrong with you?”

Buck looks up at her blankly and mutters, “My mommy’s a filthy whore.”

Hen gapes at him and says, “I have no idea what that means.”   
  


“Means exactly what I said,” Buck mutters.

“Well then at least you know where you got it from,” Hen grins.

Buck looks at her offended and stands up before saying, “You’re a really bad friend. You know that?”

“Yeah, yeah, welcome back Buck,” she smiles and clamping him on the shoulder and giving him a gentle squeeze as they walk out the locker room.

“Buck,” Bobby calls as he and Hen walk towards him, “How are you doing?” He asks in the typical concerned tone.

“I’m fine,” Buck confirms.

“Fully functional?” Bobby asks.

“Fully functional captain,” Buck nods with a short smile.

As they ride to their first call, all Buck can think about is his father. He left when he was eleven and Buck hadn’t seen him since. All his memories of him were bad, or maybe that’s all Buck decided to remember. From Buck’s point of view, his father had always been the drunken bastard who screamed at him and Maddie. Not this meek man who was cheated on by his wife and took it out on his kids. It didn’t excuse anything but it was a different picture than the one he had nonetheless.

He remembers that Maddie told him that their father had gotten remarried after the divorce and started a new family, but he couldn’t remember how she knew that. He’d never thought of it before today. He didn’t think about his father all that often except out of annoyance that he’d left meaning Buck had to care for his mother all on his own.

But maybe now Buck understood his father a little more at least while he left, but he also found himself wondering why his father hadn’t just left sooner or left instead of going after him and Maddie.

But those thoughts are quickly stalled as they arrive on the scene of a minor multi-vehicle collision.

Athena is already there navigating through the mess and hangs nearby as the begin extracting a young woman from her car.

“I’m fine really,” the woman says trying to wave them away.

“You should really let us determine that Ma’am,” Eddie tells her.

“Witnesses said she appeared to be having a seizure, she was screaming, shuddering and clamping her jaw,” Athena tells them as Eddie examines her.

“Do you have a seizure disorder that you’re aware of?” Buck asks.

“Epilepsy?” Chimney questions.

“It’s not epilepsy. I don’t have any…,” the woman starts to say before freezing and crying out, “oh, no. Oh, God. It’s happening again. Oh no.”

At that point the woman starts moaning and arching her back, her hands clenching at her side as she moans out, her toes curling before she falls silent again.

All of them have frozen at the sight and it’s Athena who finally speaks and starts to ask, “Was that a…”

“Did she have a…,” Eddie begins.

“Orgasm,” Buck whispers out.

They begin rolling the gurney towards the ambulance where Hen is waiting and relay the scene to her.

She stares at them in disbelief and asks, “Spontaneous orgasms? Are you sure?”

“Oh, yeah,” Buck says.

“Kinda hard to miss,” Eddie adds before walking back towards the fire truck while Hen and Buck climb into the ambulance with the woman.

“Uh, Pamela...can you tell us how long this has been happening to you?” Hen asks.

“For a few months I guess…,” she replies.

“How often?” Hen asks.

“About, I don’t know, seven or eight times a day,” Pamela says.

“Every day?” Buck asks a little too excitedly.

“Buck,” Hen warns.

“I’m sorry. Every day?” Buck says in a more serious tone.

“Yes, every day,” the woman nods.

“And have you seen a doctor about this?” Hen asks.

“It’s not exactly something you want to cure, is it?” Buck questions.

“Buck!” Hen shouts again.

“Sorry,” Buck says again before adding, “Is it?”

Pamela sighs and says, “I went to my doctor. He sent me to a shrink.”

“Oh, well…,” Hen starts to say.

“Oh, no,” the woman says, “Dang it,” and then she starts to writhe and moan again before their eyes leaving them struck.

When she finishes the woman groans and huffs, “I’m a junior at UCLA, a math major. I made the honor roll three semesters in a row. Do you know how embarrassing this is?”

“I mean it’s not so bad right?” Buck asks

“Buck,” Hen says frustratedly.

“Look I like sex as much as the next person like in bed or even in private. But when you can’t go to the movies or drive a car or go to church with your parents…,” Pamela starts to explain her cheeks flushed.

“Oh,” Buck whispers.

“You know that dream where you show up at high school and you’re naked?” Pamela asks.

“Yeah,” Hen nods.

“Well I would really really like to wake up,” Pamela finishes.

“Spontaneous orgasms,” Buck says when they get back to the station.

“Yeah,” Eddie chuckles.

“Unbelievable,” says Hen.

“Any chance they’re contagious?” Buck asks.

Eddie laughs and shakes his head slightly before sighing and saying, “That would solve so many problems.”

“Did you not hear what she said in the ambulance Buck?” Hen snaps at him.

“Yeah, I guess. But it’d still be nice a good chunk of the time,” Buck shrugs with a laugh.

When Buck goes home that night he decides to ask Maddie about their dad.

“Hey, Maddie?” Buck asks.

“Yeah,” Maddie says stirring a pot on the stove.

“Remember how you told me once that dad remarried and had another family. How’d you find that out?” Buck asks.

Maddie looks at him curiously before saying, “Mom told me I think.”

“Did she tell you she cheated on him too?” Buck asks.

Maddie stops stirring and turns to him and asks, “What?”

“She told me that today. She said that’s why he used to get drunk and scream at the two of us,” Buck says.

“Why would she tell you that? She never has before?” Maddie questions.

“Well, I think she thought I was someone else. Maybe a friend, plus she thought she was still a lawyer as usual, so she wasn’t telling me a memory so much as something she believed to be happening in the present,” Buck replies.

“Right,” Maddie nods, “And no she never told me that bit, nor did I know. I thought dad was just a drunk jerk.”

“You saying he’s not?”

“No, he’s definitely a drunk jerk still. He’s just a drunk jerk whose wife was cheating on him,” Maddie shrugs.

“Did mom say who he married?” Buck asks.

“What’s it matter? No one we knew,” Maddie replies.

Buck gives a simple shrug and Maddie sighs and says, “I don’t know I think her name was Amy or something like that. I don’t really remember mom just sort of said it in passing in that brushed off comment sort of way,” Maddie tells him.

Buck nods cause he knows what she means.

“Why all the questions about dad though? I mean so mom told you she cheated on him, doesn’t really change things, does it? He was still terrible to us for no reason, not like it was our fault mom cheated,” Maddie says.

“No reason, just made me wonder is all,” Buck reasons quickly.

He can’t help but think about it even as he goes into work for his next shift. He’s just barely walked in and is striding towards the lockers when someone calls out to him.

  
  


“Hey, uh do you work here?” The guy asks walking up to Buck.

“Yeah. You looking for somebody?” Buck asks.

The man laughs and shows a bright white smile and ducks his head before saying, “ I was but...I think I’ve become a little distracted.”

Buck takes note of the way the guy looks him over and Buck himself does the same in return. He was visibly very attractive with tanned skin, jet black hair, and hazel eyes. His lips were plump and pink, his nose perfectly straight, and his jaw strong. All this along with him being visibly fit was more than enough to catch his eye and it seemed like the guy might even be flirting with him. Not that Buck was interested or anything.

Buck chuckles and says, “Yeah?” You here for an interview? If you are the captains upstairs,” Buck points.

“No,” the guy grins, “Why would you think that?”

Buck shrugs and says, “I don’t know you’re just built like you might be.”

“Would it help my chances if I were here for an interview?” The guy asks running his hand through his thick and tousled dark hair.

Buck thinks that if he’d run into this guy at Joe’s during his sleep to forget phase he’d have probably taken home cause he’s more Eddie like in appearance than most and it wouldn’t have been that hard to pretend that he was. But he’s over that stage, he’s moving on in a more mature manner. At least he tells himself he is.

“No, I make it a habit not to sleep with co-workers,” Buck replies. There’s a now that he doesn’t say but it lingers somewhere in the air.

The guy beams that white smile at Buck and says, “Then I am so glad that I don’t work here.”

“Subtle,” Buck laughs.

Alex shrugs his shoulders and gives a soft chuckle, “Being subtle was never my strong suit.”

Buck grins to himself and asks, “Are you hitting on me?” There’s no way this guy isn’t but Buck still thinks he ought to ask.

Alex quirks a brow, his grin remaining before asking, “Would that be wrong?”

Buck smiles a bit and then sighs before offering out his hand, “Buck.”

The guy has just taken his hand and is opening his mouth to say something when a fist collides with the side of his face and Alex is left on the ground in front of Buck.

Buck looks to the side and sees Eddie groaning and clutching his hand in pain, while Shannon stands sheepishly in the doorway off to the side.

“What the hell was that?” Buck asks Eddie.

Eddie groans in pain and flexes his hand before saying, “That was Alex.”

When Eddie walks into work it can be said that the last thing he expects to see is his ex-best friend talking to Buck.

But as soon as he gets past that his blood boils cause he’d recognize the look on Alex’s face anywhere. Whether it be from their teen years when Eddie played wingman to Alex and watched him flirt with men and women, or from the years Eddie sat by ignoring it as Alex flirted with his wife.

The flirting with Shannon had been something he never paid much attention to. He never saw it as threatening. He thought it was just the way Alex was and it was harmless. But when he came back from Afghanistan things were...different.

Still, Eddie gave it the benefit of the doubt. Then Shannon left. And well Alex...Alex had yelled at him, revealed his feelings for Shannon, and that was the end of their friendship.

He feels Shannon freeze beside him, but that’s the last thing he notices from her, cause as soon as he looks at Buck that’s all he can focus on. He’d know Alex flirting anywhere, but he’d also know Buck responding to someones flirting anywhere having been on the opposite end of that.

Before he can even tell himself to control his temper he’s made long strides across the room and slammed his fist into Alex’s face.

The pain races through his hand instantly as well as the acknowledgment of what he’s just done.

“Punching out people in my fire station. One of my team punching out people in my fire station?” Bobby yells at Eddie once the whole fire station has raced down to see the commotion and Bobby has dragged him aside, while Hen and Chimney look over Alex’s face.

Buck walks over with an ice pack and tries to hand it to Eddie, “Put ice on your hand, Eddie.”   
  


“My hand is fine,” Eddie grumbles.

“Put the damn ice on your hand. Now would someone tell me what the hell happened?” Bobby asks looking from Buck to Eddie.

“He won’t sue if that’s what you’re worried about. Not his style,” Eddie huffs and then hisses as the ice presses against his hand.

“How do you know that?” Bobby asks.

Eddie shrugs his shoulders and says, “We’re ex-friends. He had a habit of hitting on my wife. So we stopped being friends,” he answers shortly.

Bobby looks at Buck and says, “You better go. See if Hen and Chimney have got Alex fixed up.”

Eddie sighs and looks after Buck, eyes narrowing as he walks in the direction of Alex, before turning back towards Bobby and waiting for him to yell.

As it turns out Bobby doesn’t really yell, he tells him it’s unacceptable and to not do it again, but he doesn’t yell. He just nods in the direction of Shannon who’s still standing by waiting and tells him to do what he needs to do.

Eddie looks back at Shannon and the frustration builds as he walks over to her, “What the hell is he doing here?” Eddie asks her.

“I...I have no idea,” Shannon says quickly.

“Have you seen him since Texas?” Eddie asks furiously.

“I...ran into him once in LA when we were separated, but it was quick, and I told him to go back to Texas, so…,” Shannon starts.

“And you didn’t think to tell me this?” Eddie hisses.

“Eddie...nothing happened so…,” Shannon starts to say.

“You know what. I...I can’t deal with this, I have work to deal with,” Eddie huffs running his hand through his hair angrily before walking off towards the locker rooms.

“You doing alright over here?” Buck asks Hen and Chimney.

“Yeah. It was a good punch but no permanent damage,” Hen tells him before turning to Alex, “But if I were you I’d get out of here, the next one might not be.”

Alex nods in her direction but his eyes quickly float to Buck and he grins like the Cheshire cat as he says, “Eddie and I always did have the same taste in both men and women. Probably why we got along so well as teenagers.”

Buck blinks at him and asks, “Excuse me?”

“Well, you’re Eddie’s lusty little ex-fling right?” Alex asks and Buck turns red which seems to be all the confirmation he needs. Alex grins and says, “Yeah, I heard about you all the way back in Texas. You’re famous.”

Buck swallows and shrugs before saying, “Well I heard nothing about you till today.”

“He tell you about me hitting on his wife?” Alex asks.

“He mentioned something about it after he decked you,” Buck says and offers him some ice.

Alex nods just a bit before saying, “He never did treat her right.”

Buck just steps back as Alex puts the ice on his cheek before asking with raised brows, “He treat you right?”

Buck doesn’t say anything and Alex laughs before saying, “Obviously not. I mean he stayed with her right? Must be painful. If you’d like a little revenge I’m here,” he grins.

Buck frowns and shakes his head before saying, “I’m good. I’m not looking for revenge. I’m all good.”

Alex chuckles and gives a short not before saying, “Yeah, well my $150 an hour shrink says I do because, behind this rugged and confident exterior, I’m self-destructive and self-loathing to an almost pathological degree.”

Buck nods and says, “Well, I find I can be that way too sometimes, never works out though does it?”

Alex shrugs before biting his lip and saying, “You know it’s funny though. I hit on Eddie’s wife in front of him for years. I even curse him out when she runs off and say I’m going after her and he screams at me, obviously. But he never throws a punch. I so much as talk to you and I’m on the ground bleeding. Interesting don’t you think?”

Buck chews on the inside of his cheek for a moment before tucking his hands into his pockets and replying with a quick, “No,” and stalking off.

They get a call soon after which relieves some of the tension, even if Eddie still looks upset.

“Jake Burton, 15, has advanced craniodiaphyseal dysplasia complaining of severe headaches,” Hen says when they get to the house.

“What’s that?” Buck asks.

“It’s more commonly known as lionitis,” Hen replies.

“Lionitis,” Buck repeats confused until they walk inside.

The fifteen-year-old has a skull much bigger than normal and misshapen and yeah, kind of like that of a lion.

“We had to call, they were so bad and he’s...he’s not a complainer,” the boy's mother says.

“He’s been having some nausea as well,” the father says.

Eddie nods and kneels down before asking, “Jake, can I get you to sit up, please?”

“Yeah,” Jake replies.

“All right, I want you to look right here for me. Thank you,” Eddie tells him pointing to the area around where Buck is standing before using a light to check his eyes.

Buck stares back at Jake shifting on his feet slightly when Jake says, “You know, if you pretend I’m a lion, it helps.”

“Sorry?” Buck asks.

“If you pretend I’m a lion instead of a really messed up kid, you get a talking circus animal, which is way easier to look at,” Jake replies.

“I’m not seeing anything, but we might want to take you in, it could be that the bony tumors are growing inward and encroaching on his brain,” Eddie tells the rest of them.

They all agree and load Jake in the ambulance with Eddie and Buck riding to the hospital with him.

“We’ll be there soon,” Buck tells Jake while Eddie starts the IV his forehead wrinkled in concentration, which always makes Eddie look like he’s furious even when he’s not.

“I know,” Jake says, “I’ve been taken to the hospital in an ambulance many times before.”

“Right,” Buck laughs.

  
Jake’s eyes turn to Eddie then watching him for a while before saying, “You have really nice eyes, you know?”

Eddie looks up to Jake sort of surprised when Jake continues by saying, “Well, I’m just saying that you’re mostly all surly and hardcore, but your eyes aren’t. I’m really big on eyes. They’re the only part of my face where tumors aren’t growing.”

Eddie’s cheeks turn pink and he glances at Buck who grins slightly before nodding in agreement. Eddie turns toward Jake again and smiles a bit before saying, “Yeah, you’ve got nice eyes.”

Jake stares up at Eddie before grinning and saying, “You...you get that I’m jailbait, right?”

Buck snorts and Eddie laughs and shakes his head and says, “Yeah, I get it.”

When Shannon gets home from work she discovers Alex on her doorstep waiting and freezes in the walkway her eyes narrowing at him.

“Oh come on,” Alex says standing up, “You’re not even a little bit happy to see me?”

“Go home,” Shannon says walking past him and up to the door, “Whatever it is you came here to do, just drop it and leave.”

“Hey, we all made mistakes Shannon, all three of us…,” Alex starts to say.

“Alex…,” Shannon begins.

“But somehow I lost my best friend and the woman I loved.”

“Please, don’t say that.”

Alex steps closer to her so that he’s looking down into her eyes, “He doesn’t know how we felt, while he was gone...what happened when we ran into each other after you left. How do you expect to work out a marriage if you can’t even be honest with him?”

Shannon hesitates in front of him before saying, “Why are you here?”

“For one reason, you. I miss you. You know it’s us, Shannon,” Alex says reaching to brush her hair back.

“I’m in love with my husband, Alex,” Shannon insists.

“But he’s not in love with you. He’s in love with that firefighter, Buck. And he’s not even trying to hide it. Now, why would you want to stick around for that?” Alex asks.

“For Christopher and he does love me and he’ll get over Buck, one day,” Shannon whispers.

Alex sighs and steps away from her before saying, “Your marriage is over Shannon. All you have to do is admit it. Then we can be together. I’m going to be at the bar two streets over tonight. Meet me there,” Alex tells her before walking away.

Buck begins changing out his uniform when he hears Eddie from behind him, “Hey.”   
  


Buck turns and smiles softly and says, “Hey.”

“I’m sorry about before. Punching him in front of you,” Eddie explains.

“It’s okay,” Buck shrugs, “There’s obviously some bad feelings there.”

Eddie sighs and sits down on the bench beside Buck, “Yeah. Him and Shannon it’s always been complicated. Relationships aren’t really good with three people in them.”

Buck frowns and asks, “You think she left for him?”

“She says nothing ever happened. She didn’t take him with her...he would have gone. So no…she had her mother and…,” Eddie replies shaking his head, “well me.”

Buck swallows and asks, “Why? Were you different then? A bad husband?”

Eddie rubs his face and sighs, “I was uh...I was just a little absent. I was in the military and away while Christopher was young...and when I did come back...I was tired and not good. Though it’s not an excuse for her leaving or for me being gone…”

Buck nods sympathetically and then asks, “Do you think things would be different if you didn’t have Christopher?”

Eddie stares back at Buck and swallows, “You mean do I think she would have left me sooner, or would I have stayed when she came back?”

Buck shifts uncomfortably and shrugs at Eddie who sighs and shakes his head, “I don’t know. I really don’t.”

When Buck gets home he finds himself at a new low, one fueled partly by Eddie’s loyalty to Shannon for the sake of Christopher, and one fueled by his father leaving. He knows the issues with Eddie, he’s lives through them, he’s talked through them. He’s doing his best to move past them. But it’s his father that’s got Buck stirred up, so he goes full Buck and looks for him on the internet and finding him is a whole new wound, cause he doesn’t find his father in Pennsylvania with a new family like he expects.

He finds him in Santa Monica and it’s another gut punch, his father is living twenty minutes away from him.

He doesn’t know the semantics of how he ends up in front of his father's house. He isn’t sure what he’s going to say. What he expects. He hesitates in front of the house thinking maybe he should have talked to Maddie before he did this, but he doesn’t perhaps because he knows she’d tell him to just leave it alone.

Buck stops in front of the front door before finally leaning forward and ringing the doorbell. He waits there when suddenly a man shorter than himself approaches the door and stops staring back at him.

It’s been years since Buck’s seen him but it’s obviously his father. He can see bits of himself in the man, but more than anything he can see Maddie as they share the same dark hair and dark eyes.

His father stops on the other side of the door and stares at him looking him over as Buck stands there before his eyes seem to land on Buck’s forehead. On his birthmark. What will always distinguish him from everyone else.

The door opens slowly and Buck’s father pauses before asking, “Evan?”

Buck swallows and tucks his hands in his pockets. He didn’t plan for what to say, but something does decide to come out of his mouth.

“She had an affair. She was cheating on you,” Buck states.

Buck’s father hesitates for a moment before saying, “Yes.”

Buck nods his head and then swallows before asking, “Why blame us for that? Why not fight for us? Why just push us all away?”

Buck’s father looks away and then says, “I wanted to. But...I couldn’t…”

“Cause of the alcohol?” Buck supplies.

“Yes,” Buck’s father nods.

“You should have tried,” Buck huffs.

“I know,” he replies quickly.

“You just...you took it out on us...on me...on Maddie...and then you just...left,” Buck fumes.

Buck’s father looks uncomfortable and shifts before saying, “Evan...Is there anything you need...anything at all?”

Buck stares at him and then gives a small laugh and shakes his head, “No. I don’t need anything from you,” before running back to his car.

Buck goes to an old staple and goes to Joe’s sitting across from Joe is just somehow comforting.

“Been a while,” Joe smiles.

“Yeah, I decided that the men I was picking up here only seemed to cause more trouble than good,” Buck chuckles.

Like clockwork, a voice asks, “This seat taken?”

Buck turns and looks up at Alex, his look quickly turning speculative before shrugging, “I guess not.”

Alex nods and settles into the seat and looks to Joe and says, “Double scotch, single malt.”

Buck sips his drink and feels Alex’s eyes before he says, “You look sad.”

Buck sighs and says, “I just saw my father for the first time in eighteen years. I didn’t even know he was here.”

Alex groans and says, “How’d that go?”

Buck chuckles and nods, “Could have gone better,” Buck looks over at Alex and raises his brows, “What are you still doing here?”

Alex sighs and sips his scotch before saying, “I’m hoping Shannon shows up.”

Buck blinks at Alex and grins, “You’re still in love with her.”

“You’re still in love with him,” Alex shoots back almost petulantly.

Buck stares at Alex for another moment and looks back down at his glass before throwing the rest of it back. He turns back to Alex and says, “She won’t show you know?”

“No?” Alex asks.

Buck nods and hums, “He’s not the kind of guy you leave if you can help it.”

“She left once,” Alex tries.

Buck smiles sadly almost and keeps looking down as he says, “But she came back, she won’t do it again.”

Buck hears Alex shift beside him before asking, “What if you’re wrong? What if just this once life comes down on our side?”

Buck tilts his head from side to side in consideration before looking back to Alex who’s looking at him hopefully. Buck smiles just a bit before sighing and throwing down money for his drink and saying, “It won’t.”

Buck knows that now. Hoping for that for any of it would be pointless wishing and hoping.


	18. What Have I Done To Deserve This?

Eddie and Shannon sleep back to back in their bed after Alex shows up. Not that they were exactly all cozy and cuddly, to begin with.

It’s early when Plissken makes his way from his usual place in Christopher’s room to their bedroom and starts barking. This is the normal routine for Plissken. He never wakes Christopher up to go to the bathroom always them. As if he knows Christopher can’t take him out on his own.

He and Shannon switch off on taking him out in the morning cause it requires getting out of bed early and taking him on his morning walk.

Eddie groans as he hears the dog and runs his hands over his face, “Oh, I’m coming. I’m coming, Plissken. Just hang on,” Eddie groans.

Eddie just barely gets himself to roll over though and the dog begins barking at him again, “Just hold it until I get there, please,” Eddie whines.

Shannon sighs beside him and lifts herself from the bed before saying, “I’ll walk him.”

“No, it’s my turn,” Eddie says still not even sitting up.

  
“No, that’s okay. I’ll go walk Plissken. You just sleep. It’ll be good the fresh outdoors, spring morning. You just sleep,” Shannon says.

“Okay,” Eddie mutters and lets his body relax again.

“Unless you want to talk,” Shannon offers.

“Oh, God here it comes,” Eddie groans.

“I’m not saying that we have to talk. I’m just saying if you want to talk, we could. You know, I can start, you know? And then you can talk about anything...at all you want to talk about,” Shannon stammers.

Eddie moans and lets out a huff before saying, “It’s just too early for me to interpret girl flip out into normal conversation.”

Shannon sighs and says, “It’s just that usually you start yelling, you know when you get mad. Then Alex showed up yesterday and you haven’t really yelled yet. I’m trying to give you a chance. So just go, yell.”

“I don’t wanna yell,” Eddie sighs.

“You don’t want to yell? You?” Shannon questions.

“I just want to sleep,” Eddie huffs scratching his eyes before sighing, “And Plissken, he wants to pee, preferably not inside this house.”

Shannon nods and whispers, “Okay,” and starts to walk out of the bedroom before stopping in the doorway and repeating, “You could yell if you want to.”

“Shannon!” Eddie calls out with a long groan.

“I can take it. I’m ready,” she tries before giving in and saying, “All right, I’m going. Come on,” she says to the dog leaving the room with the dog trotting at her side.

“You did what?” Maddie shouts.

“I visited dad last night,” Buck sighs.

“Again, I say, you did what?” Maddie screams.

“I told you what I did and I can already tell from your volume that you’re unhappy, so how about you get to the substance of your complaint,” Buck grumbles.

“The substance…the substance. Buck, the guy was an asshole, he left us and that was probably the best thing he ever did for either of us. He spent the years he was around hurling insults at us. So why?” 

“I didn’t intend on doing it. I wasn’t thinking,” Buck starts.

“Of course not.”

“I just...I wanted to look him up and then I saw he was here and I...couldn’t stop myself,” Buck shrugs.

“Evan. He was a bully. He bullied you worst of all you had no business going to see him,” Maddie proclaims.

“He’s my father. I think it’s plenty my right to visit him and demand answers if I want them,” Buck argues back.

“Oh, yeah? And what illuminating answers did he have?” Maddie asks.

“None. I didn’t stick around and have tea with him, Maddie. I just called him out and it was done, so it’s out of my system. I’m never gonna see him again,” Buck reasons.

“I can’t believe you. You wonder why you’re so mixed up, the damn situations you put yourself in. You just have a desire for rejection,” Maddie groans.

“I do not. Besides he didn’t reject me and even if he had I’d be fine, he doesn’t mean anything to me,” Buck mutters.

“Buck, you care about everything it’s why you’re a mess all the time.”   
  


“I’m not a mess. Just cause I’m not bubbly and happy all the time doesn’t mean I’m a mess.”   
  


“I didn’t say that. God, I can’t talk to you about this. You don’t ever listen anyways, you just continually walk into the skid. Maybe I should just let you,” Maddie shouts.

“Maybe you should. I survived just fine without you the last thirteen years when I was lucky to get so much as a word back to my texts,” Buck shoots back.

He regrets it instantly but he’s still frustrated and he gets no more than a short shake of her head before she storms out of the apartment and slams the door behind her.

When Buck goes into work it starts and stays busy the entire day.

Their first call is a test of all their patience, not cause of the person they’re treating so much as his hellish girlfriend.

“Keith Paulus reportedly has chest pains, possible MI,” Hen says as they pull up and hurry into the house but when they enter they don’t see someone struggling with the beginnings of a heart attack alongside a panicked loved one, but rather a man sitting idly by while a woman plans her wedding.

“Well how about Gardenias like masses and mountains of gardenias?” The woman asks.

“Are we worried about bees?” The man asks cringing.

“Okay, that’s why I love him,” she says looking to them as they enter before sighing,    
“No gardenias.”

Hen looks at them strangely before asks, “You reported chest pains possible heart attack?”

“Oh I didn’t see the fuss but I thought better safe than sorry, he’s complaining so much. But I’m sure he’s fine. He’s healthy as a horse,” the woman says waving her hand about as if brushing it all off.

“Yeah, a horse with really bad chest pains,” the man groans.

“It’s just a false alarm. You’ll see they’ll confirm it,” the woman says quickly as Eddie and Hen begin examining him.

“She talks when she gets nervous,” the guy explains.

“Well just to be on the safe side we’ll have to take him in,” Eddie says after listening to the man’s heart.

“What, but it’s nothing…,” the woman starts to say.

“We take chest pains very seriously ma’am,” Eddie tells her.

Her panic seems to start to affect the guy cause he looks to Eddie and asks, “I’m gonna be okay right?”

“Before you answer that,” the woman starts, “I just want you to know that we’re getting married, we’re in love and we’re getting married, and we’re not so young, so we’ve been waiting a long time for this. I have my dress and everyone’s coming and it’s supposed to be the happiest day of our lives,” she explains as they all began glancing at each other because of the ridiculousness, “And now the only reason that I’m telling you this is because you have this look on your face, this dark, ominous look,” she continues looking at Eddie.

“That’s just his face,” Buck offers quickly earning a short snort from Chimney and an offended look from Eddie, who Buck just shrugs at.

“Be that as it may we’re silver lining kind of people. So I just thought it might help if you knew that,” the woman finally finishes.

“Well we’re gonna take him to the hospital and hope that he’s alright,” Eddie assures her with a heavy sigh.

When they’re about to load him into the ambulance the woman starts sobbing, “This can’t be happening.”

“It’s a lot to process but we really should get moving,” Hen says pushing her along.

“We’re getting married,” she sobs.

“Honey,” the man tries to comfort her.

“We’re getting married,” she sobs again just before they shut Hen in the ambulance with the two of them.

“They seem like a really nice couple,” Chimney says somewhat amused.

“That’s not gonna last,” Eddie says plainly.

“You think?” Buck asks seriously.

“Come on you saw the woman Buck, someone that obsessed with a wedding isn’t going handle the difficulties that come with marriage,” Eddie says.

“People who shouldn’t stay together do all the time,” Chimney comments shortly looking at Eddie before exchanging a look with Buck, and Buck hides his grin just in time for Eddie to look in his direction.

Their next call takes place shortly after and is an eleven-year-old with a baseball injury.

“Shawn Begleiter, 11 years old, intractable vomiting along with a minor head injury,” Chimney says as they stride across the field.

“Do you need to throw up again?” The boy's father asks the kid as they come up.

“No,” the kids says shaking his head.

“Because there is no shame in needing to throw up,” the dad assures the boy.

“Dad, I don’t need to throw up,” the kid groans as Buck kneels beside the kid along with Eddie to check him out.

“So you hurt your head a little huh kid?” Buck asks.

The boy nods just as the dad says, “I wouldn’t say little.”

The boy's other father sighs and explains, “He was hit in the head with a baseball.”

“Playing first and this little dolt, Harry Doppelhammer hit this line drive out of nowhere when Shawn wasn’t looking. You know what? This is my fault. I knew I shouldn’t have let him play little league. It is clearly a dangerous sport,” the boy's dad says flying into a tirade.

“Settle down,” the boy's other father says.

“It’s alright. I had my share of little league injuries. Nothing permanent,” Buck says trying to put both the boy and his father’s at ease.

“What about that scar above your eye? That come from little league?” The father asks frantically.

“Birthmark actually,” Buck laughs.

“Just let them work, Rick,” the second father sighs.

“They needed to know what happened, Michael. I’m telling them what happened,” the first father insists.

“Shawn’s gonna be fine. Right?” The other dad asks.

“Yeah. We’re gonna take him to the hospital to get him checked out. The vomiting is a little concerning, but he’s doing well,” Eddie assures them.

“You’ll get to ride in an ambulance which is pretty cool,” Buck nods earning a small smile from the kid, and their able to get him into the ambulance without the dad having another panic episode, though Eddie does get stuck with him in the ambulance with the kid.

“Are you sure you don’t need to throw up?” The kid's dad asks for the third time.

“Dad,” the kid groans.

“This brain injury isn’t going to result in a loss of IQ points right? Because he is very smart and that’s important to him. He likes to be smart,” the dad questions Eddie.

“No,” Eddie replies equal parts amused and annoyed.

“Maybe we should sue that little brute who hit the ball or the coach,” the dad starts to say.

“I love the coach,” the kid argues.

“Honey your brain is injured,” the dad hisses.

“Really he could be fine,” Eddie starts to say.

“But he also could not be.”

“Dad, I’m fine.”

“Yeah, he’s awake, alert, minimal pain. These are all good signs. We just want to be sure,” Eddie tells him.

“Okay. Good. You hear that Shawn? Good signs. That means, honey, you shouldn’t be scared,” the dad says appearing to calm down a bit.

“I’m not,” the kid insists.

“Well I am,” the dad sighs.

“I know,” Shawn giggles.

When Eddie sends the boy and the father into the hospital he’s relieved and joins the rest of the team in the truck.

“That dad was a lot,” Eddie says shaking his head.

“I think it was kind of sweet,” Buck shrugs.

“Really? He was totally overprotective and…,” Eddie starts.

  
“Eddie like?” Buck asks.

“Excuse me,” Eddie asks.

“You’re exactly the same way. If Christopher was injured by some kid in the same way, I’d be prepared to call Athena to rescue the kid who did it, cause you’d be just terrible,” Buck says shaking his head.

“I resent that,” Eddie says.

“Because it’s true?” Chimney asks.

After lunch, they get another call for a man with shortness of breath but as soon as they pull up to the house Buck feels sick.

“Oh my God, it’s Charlie,” Buck says and races inside with Eddie not far behind.

“His pulse is rapid and irregular,” Eddie says.

“Charlie?” Buck asks.

Charlie squints up at him and breathlessly questions, “Buck that you again? We gotta stop meeting like this.”

Buck smiles and chuckles before saying, “Hang on there Charlie...Charlie?” He asks as Charlie’s eyes fall shut.

“He’s lost consciousness,” Eddie says.

“We need to get him moving, Eddie,” Buck tells him.

“I know. I’m moving quickly, Buck. I promise,” Eddie assures as they get him on the gurney.

When they get him into the ambulance Eddie sighs and says, “Okay, let’s give him 40 of Furosemide and 6 of Adenosine.”

Buck hands the drugs to Eddie and watches the monitor and shakes his head, “No rhythm change.”

“Damnit he’s got acute dysrhythmias and his CHF vitals are all over the place,” Eddie says looking up at the monitor.

“Eddie. His heart is beating way too fast. If we can’t get it to slow down it’ll give out,” Buck insists.

Eddie grinds his teeth and then says, “Alright, get me 300 of amiodarone.”

They both look up at the monitor and Eddie nods as the rhythm starts to slow enough for Buck to relax and pass Charlie off to the doctors without worrying too much.

After Charlie disappears behind the hospital doors Buck hesitates and Eddie grips his shoulder gently, “You all right, Buck?”

Buck sighs and says, “Yeah it’’s just...Charlie’s a really good guy. I mean we treat jerks all the time, but Charlie he’s a really good guy with a bad heart.”

Eddie observes Buck closely and says, “You really like him don’t you?”

Buck shrugs and says, “He just doesn’t deserve this. He’s...a good person.”

When Maddie sees him roll into the hospital she races to his side and goes with him up to the cardio floor where the doctor begins reviewing the chart.

“Maddie,” Charlie mutters not long after they have him situated in a room.

“Hey, you’re awake,” Maddie smiles.

Charlie smiles weakly and says, “Hey. I was hoping I might get to see you.”

“Yeah, you’ve been working us pretty hard around here,” Maddie says.

“Yeah, think I gave Buck a big scare,” Charlie sighs, “But you know the things I have to do to get a girl's attention,” he smiles tiredly.

Maddie smiles softly as the doctor says, “Charlie, we’re about to send a series of electric currents through your body. Hopefully, the shocks will be enough to slow your heart rate back to normal.”

Charlie looks slightly panicked and glances at Maddie who nods and says, “I’ll be here the whole time.”

“This gonna hurt?” Charlie asks the doctor.

“It won’t be fun,” the doctor nods.

Charlie looks to Maddie and gives attired sort of grin before saying, “I guess maybe you oughta hold my hand then, huh?”

Maddie bites her lip and nods before grabbing Charlie’s hand, “Ready?” She asks.

“Yeah, hit me,” Charlie sighs.

The doctor ready’s the paddles and then looks up at Maddie and nods before saying, “Clear.”

Maddie drops Charlie’s hand just before the doctor presses the paddles against Charlie’s chest shocking him.

Charlie cries out and the doctor looks at the monitor and says, “No change. Let’s try it at 100. Clear.”

This time Charlie really shouts and then curses before coughing, “Ah. Oh. Holy smoke.”

But Charlie’s heart rate stabilizes even as he’s gasping out in pain, “Charlie you are a lucky man,” the doctor says.

“Oh, doc. I oughta kick your ass making me yell like a baby in front of the girl I’m trying to impress, man. Oh jeez,” Charlie gasps and Maddie smiles to herself taking Charlie’s hand again.

The doctor laughs softly before saying, “Take care man.”

“You going to see Charlie after work?” Chimney asks Buck when they’re eating dinner at the station.

“Probably not. Maddie’s not happy with me,” Buck answers shortly

“Why what’d you do?” Chimney asks.

“Nothing,” Buck says frustratedly.

“Oh God you didn’t sleep with that Alex guy did you?” Chimney whispers harshly.

“No! God. Why is the first thing you jump to?” Buck says elbowing Chimney.

Chimney jerks away and shrugs, “Because when you’re down you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people it’s you’re thing. In a way, I guess it’s kind of charming.”

Buck gapes at him and says, “It’s not my thing.”

“Kinda is,” Chimney nods.

“But no I didn’t do that!” Buck insists.

“Then what?” Chimney asks.

“I said I don’t wanna talk about it,” Buck insists.

Maddie comes back into Charlie’s room after a few hours while she assumes Charlie’s sleeping but his eyes open as she replaces his IV bag.

“I’m just adding nitro. Your blood pressure’s stable now, your CHF has improved and the atrial fibrillation is resolved,” Maddie tells him.

Charlie grins and says, “ I like the way you say fibrillation.”

Maddie laughs and repeats, “Fibrillation.”

“Tease,” Charlie chuckles.

“How you feeling?” Maddie asks him.

Charlie smiles and then raises his brows and asks, “Do you believe in karma?”

Maddie thinks about it and says, “I think I might.”

Charlie smirks at this before saying, “Well I think you might be mine.”

Maddie blushes a bit before saying, “Well you must have been very very good to deserve me.”

“I must have,” Charlie grins back.

When Eddie’s getting ready to leave work he notices Buck hanging back in the locker room.

“What are you doing?” Eddie asks leaning in the doorway.

Buck shrugs and says, “Trying to keep away from Maddie, I figure I’ll hang back till she’s likely gone to sleep.”

“Why?” Eddie asks raising his brows.

“I did something to upset her,” Buck mutters.

“Well I figured that but what?” Eddie asks.

Buck shakes his head though and says, “We’re not talking about this.”

“But…”

“Don’t,” Buck states.

“Don’t?” Eddie asks.

“Don’t be nice to me,” Buck insists.

“Why not?” Eddie frowns coming to sit down beside Buck.

“We’re not friend,” Buck sighs.

“Yes, we are,” Eddie insists.

“Eddie,” Buck frowns.

Eddie chews on the inside of his cheek before saying, “Well we can be. I’m a very good friend.”

Buck stares at him for a moment before shaking his head, “No, we can’t be friends.”

“We could be friends. You’d be lucky to have me,” Eddie retorts with a slight smile.

“How?” Buck asks. “How can be friends?”

Eddie thinks about it for a moment before saying, “We could hang out. I walk Plissken every other morning, take him to the park by my house. We could have coffee, watch Plissken play, and discuss the complex nature of our existence. I’ll even bring Christopher. He misses you, so does Plissken.”

“Right,” Buck mutters.

Eddie sighs and says, “I’m just saying we could. It could be fun. I could be your friend, Buck.”

Buck looks at him for a long moment before shaking his head, “No. We can’t be friends,” before he gets up quickly and leaves.

Maddie doesn’t go home that night, instead, when she gets off she changes out of her scrubs and walks back to Charlie’s room with dinner and juice.

“Hey,” she says when she enters and places the food in front of Charlie before pouring the juice.

“Hey yourself,” Charlie replies before grinning, “I gotta say not how I envisioned our perfect first date.”

“Are you kidding you know how hard I’ve had to work to get a cute boy in bed before?” Maddie asks with a laugh.

Charlie chuckles from his hospital bed pushing back his hair before smirking, “You think I’m cute.”

Maddie simply shakes her head still smiling before saying, “Okay, shut up and drink your juice.”

When Buck gets home he doesn’t find Maddie and he doesn’t even see her in the morning when he first wakes up. There’s no making up, so Buck finds himself going to the park near Eddie’s house.

He’s barely there five minutes before he hears a familiar dark and a dog rushes toward him dragging its owner not far behind.

When Eddie takes Plissken out for his walk he doesn’t expect Buck to be there at all, and it doesn’t even register when Plissken barks and starts sprinting, dragging Eddie behind him.

“Plissken,” he shouts after him honestly stunned cause the dogs never done anything like it before, but it all becomes apparent when the dog stops right in front of someone wagging his tail happily.

And Eddie watches as Buck gets down to scratch Plissken behind the ears saying, “Hey, Plissken. Good boy. Good boy.”   
  


Slowly Buck rises up smiling down at the dog before looking up at Eddie who smiles back softly.

Buck swallows and says, “So.”

“So,” Eddie says back with a little nod.

“Just friends,” Buck says staring into Eddie’s face.

“Just friends,” Eddie agrees even though he’s not sure he can ever really mean it.


	19. Band-Aid Covers the Bullet Hole

Buck and Eddie meeting up at the park becomes a regular thing, every other day. Sometimes just them and Plissken. Other times, Christopher comes along and Eddie has to say that maybe he and Buck being friends is the best idea he’s ever had, cause Christopher’s happy, Plissken’s happy, and Eddie’s happier too.

“So Maddie’s still mad about whatever it is you did?” Eddie asks as he and Buck watch as Christopher throws a ball to Plissken who no matter what little distance it goes, always runs to fetch and bring it back to him.

“The thing I won’t tell you about?” Buck smiles watching Plissken dashes out for the ball that only goes a couple of feet and runs with it in a wide circle back to Christopher, making it seem like it went farther than it actually has. “Yes, she is. Haven’t really seen her a lot. When I do I get a quick update on Charlie but nothing else,” Buck tells Eddie.

Eddie grins and says, “Well whatever it is that you did. I don’t want to know. Even if I beg, don’t tell me,” funny given that he’s been trying to get it out of Buck for awhile now.

Buck grins and says, “Okay, I won’t.”

“Good. Okay. Although, we are friends,” Eddie offers.

“True, we are friends.”

“Technically, you tell a friend stuff. You come to me with a problem and I’ll give you the answer. After, maybe we celebrate the moments of our lives,” Eddie kids making a large hand gesture.

“I will keep that in mind next time I do something. Which knowing me will be soon,” Buck laughs before looking over at Eddie, “But what about you? Don’t you have any problems you want to tell me about?”

Eddie looks out at Christopher and smiles before turning to stare back at Buck, “Truthfully? At this moment in time, I don’t have any problems. Not a single one,” and he means it. Things feel right again. Christopher is happy now that Buck is around again and he has a great dog, and he has Buck in his life what seems like the perfect amount. He has just enough of Buck that he doesn’t feel guilty like he’s cheating on his wife, though he hasn’t exactly told her he’s meeting Buck here or that they’re friends. And he doesn’t have so little of Buck that he feels a deep ache of missing him. Things are perfectly right.

“So, she’s still not talking to you,” Chimney says shortly after Buck arrives at work, not too long after finishing up at the park with Eddie and Christopher.

“I’ve tried, Chimney,” Buck groans, “She won’t listen to me or spend any time with me.”

“Try harder,” Chimney prods.

“She’s never around Chimney,” Buck retorts, “She’s always at the hospital with Charlie. If I don’t annoy her by trying to speak to her, I’m lucky enough to get an update on him, but that’s it.”

“Well, why don’t you go visit Charlie,” Chimney suggests.

“I have. I think that’s the only time she leaves his room,” Buck huffs.

  
“Well, what does Charlie say?”

“What do you mean?” Buck asks.

“Well, you haven’t talked to Hen or me about your issue or asked to spend any more time with us, since you don’t have Maddie around, so you have to be talking with someone. You’re incapable of being by yourself Buck,” Chimney tells him.

Buck knows why he hasn’t needed that, and it’s because of his new friendship with Eddie and their visits to the park, even if they don’t talk about him and Maddie. But he certainly doesn’t think telling Chimney this would do any good.

“I am not,” Buck argues back.

“You are and I just figured maybe you talked to Charlie,” Chimney shrugs.

“Yeah, cause it’d be really appropriate to burden my sort of friend, Charlie who’s got his own huge problem of needing a heart to deal with, with something like this,” Buck scoffs.

“So who are you talking to?” Chimney asks again.

Buck bites his lip and shuts his locker before shooting Chimney a quick smile, “No one. I don’t need to talk to anyone. I’m taking some much needed alone time.”

At the hospital Maddie stands in the room with the cardiologist and starts to present the latest details of Charlie’s case, “Charlie Tuckett, age 35,” she begins before being interrupted.

“36 in 3 weeks,” Charlie interrupts.

Maddie smiles and adds, “36 in 3 weeks. Is still having difficultly breathing and chest pains.”

“Breath sounds?” The doctor asks.

“Still a little junky. He has a buildup of fluid in his system,” Maddie tells him.

“Hey, did you just call me a junkie? That’s not very nice,” Charlie shoots out earning a smile from both her and the doctor.

“Charlie, your congestive heart failure is getting worse despite the meds,” the doctor informs Charlie who sighs and nods before saying, “All right. So how do we proceed?”

“First we’ll titrate up your nitrate drip and continue with diuretics as well as ace inhibitors, beta-blockers, and start dobutamine. But I’m also gonna have Maddie here monitoring your ins and outs at all times,” the doctor nods.

“Lucky me,” Charlie beams.

At work, they respond to a call of a bad hockey injury and when they look at the guy's hand they all seem to cringe.

“Wow that’s bad,” Eddie says as he begins to examine the teenagers purple and broken hand one finger bending in a full curve even when held straight.

“Yeah, it is. How’d this happen?” Hen asks.

“After hockey practice, I didn’t have my glove on because I was getting a drink from the goalie’s water bottle, next thing I know, this ass hat crashes into the net, my hand gets tangled in the mesh, and I start hearing pops, big pops,” the teen says cringing only slightly as Eddie looks over the hand.

“Looks like there could be several fractures and possible dislocation of the P.I.P joint,” Eddie notes.

“You must be in a lot of pain,” Buck says.

The guy just shrugs though and says, “It’s just a finger. Last season I took a puck to the face, broke two teeth.”

Hen raises her brows and after awhile the teen asks, “Can’t it just be put in a split or something? I’ve got a really big game this afternoon. “

“Not likely. It’s probably certain you’ll need surgery and you won’t be using your hand till some time after that,” Hen tells him.

The teen looks taken aback and shakes his head, “Look, I get...I get that this is a bad break, but it doesn’t hurt that much. I’m telling you I can handle this. I play today and then they can do whatever they want.”

“You’re not playing today! There is no playing today,” the boy's mother pipes in finally.

“Heath, your mom’s right,” Eddie agrees.

“Thank you, you hear that?” The mother asks her son before turning to Eddie and saying, “Your mother must be very proud.”

Eddie’s cheeks flush ever so slightly before the son fumes and says, “Scouts are coming today, college scouts. I could get a scholarship today. Don’t you get that?”

“If you don’t get this treated you risk doing permanent damage to your finger,” Eddie insists.

The teen frowns, anger and despair sinking into his features before Buck sighs, “I’m with you, man, but I’m sorry, there’s no way you can put your finger into a glove today.”

“There must be something you can do or the hospital...I need to play this afternoon. This game is what I’ve been training for my entire life. This is my chance to go to college. This is my whole future,” Heath pleads.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie says.

As Hen joins the boy and mother in the ambulance Buck says, “Sucks.”

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees, “It does.”

When Buck gets off of work he goes to the hospital to visit Charlie, but as soon as he walks in the room Maddie takes one look at him and narrows his eyes.

“You know, at some point, you are going to have to talk to me,” Buck calls after he but she just keeps walking as he sighs and takes a seat beside Charlie who appears to be sleeping.

Charlie peeks his eyes open at Buck and yawns before saying, “You’re not Maddie.”

Buck smiles a bit and shrugs before saying, “Sorry to disappoint.”

“Not disappointed just saying where is she?” Charlie asks.

Buck sighs and says, “I think she’s busy with other patients.”

Charlie looks at him speculatively before saying, “Come on Buck. Whenever you show up she disappears. And I’m happy to see you I am. Even though you’re just not as much my type. No offense.”

Buck chuckles, before replying, “I’m everybody’s type.”

Charlie chuckles and then raises his brows before asking, “Like that firefighter that’s not as cute as you, you’re his type right?”

“Excuse me?” Buck asks completely taken off guard.

“I mean I was unconscious for most of the second time I saw you both, but he doesn’t seem to take his eyes off you. Seemed rather concerned that first time that we might have something. I could play it up you know? Make him jealous if I ever get out of this damn place,” Charlie grins deviously.

“There’s nothing going on there,” Buck denies.

“Come on Buck. It’s really boring being confined to a hospital bed. And I mean we’re friends, right? We can be friends. If Maddie’s not talking to you, you could certainly use one,” Charlie says pointedly.

Buck sighs and shakes his head before asking, “Why does everyone suddenly think I need friends? I’m doing just fine without Maddie, I’ve done fine without her in the past too. So, why does everyone want to be my friend all of the sudden?”

“You’re just that irresistible Buck. If we can’t have you in the fun, sex against the walls way, we gotta settle for friends,” Charlie jokes.

“I thought I wasn’t your type Charlie,” Buck shoots back.

“I said you weren’t as much my type as your sister. But I mean you are related so there are some similarities…,” Charlie winks.

“Hardly,” Buck says.

“Yeah, you two really do have a real contrast but still, maybe it’s your fierce determination and stubbornness that’s attractive in the pair of you,” Charlie grins.

“Charlie you’re really pushing my limits with all this flirting you know? I’m like a recovering addict and it’s really unfair to taunt me when I can’t exactly jump you without risking your heart giving out,” Buck warns jokingly.

“Ah, you couldn’t handle me either way, Buck,” Charlie shoots back.

“No?” Buck asks raising his brows in a challenge.

  
“No, plus I think it’d really piss that Diaz guy off,” Charlie adds.

“You think too much,” Buck quips back before adding, “Besides, there’s nothing there. We’re just friends.”

“Just friends can be a slippery slope,” Charlie says with a tilt of his head.

“Yeah, like you and me,” Buck shoots back.

“Right, like you and me,” Charlie says with a full smile.

“Well it’s not so slippery,” Buck says with a shake of his head, “He has a wife and a kid. Real cut and dry.”

“That sucks,” Charlie sighs.

“I don’t know. I mean the wife maybe a little, but the kid, he’s great,” Buck sighs.with a small smile to himself as he thinks of Christopher running around with Plissken this morning.

“Yeah.”

“But I mean it’s not the wife’s fault, right? It’s no one's fault really,” Buck tells Charlie.

“I guess not. But he really should get a handle on his thing,” Charlie replies.

“His thing?” Buck asks.

Charlie raises his brows and says, “I mean he has a wife, right? And if he’s planning on sticking with that then he should really not look at you the way he does.”

Buck feels his cheeks burn and says, “He doesn’t look at me in any particular way.”

“You should probably talk to Maddie about your poor eyesight, I think as a firefighter it could become a real problem,” Charlie says looking at him like he’s ridiculous.

“Does this help you? Focusing on my disastrous life, is it a good distraction?” Buck asks sarcastically.

“Yeah, it actually is. Thanks,” Charlie replies with a big grin that Buck can’t help but return.

Buck’s smile falters for a moment though as he asks, “Do you have other friends? You know besides me and Maddie?”

Charlie swallows his own grin falling as he bites the inside of his cheek and gives a little nod, “I do. Or I did, but all this is a lot,” Charlie says gesturing to the machines and room around them. “You’ve known me for two years, Buck, and you’ve picked me off the floor a whole lot,” Charlie states, “and I was sick for a good while before that too. It’s not exactly an easy thing to deal with. I mean...it can be a real burden to sit around and watch someone die,” Charlie sighs looking elsewhere for a moment, “So I...I just sort of left after it became apparent I was probably going to die. Figured it’d make it easier for everyone if they didn’t have to sit around and wait for me to die slowly in front of them, moved here.”

Buck listens to Charlie and asks, “So you’re telling me that southern drawl you’ve got doesn’t come from you watching Gone with the Wind several times over?”

This makes Charlie smile again and he shakes his head, “No, it does not.”

“So whereabouts are you from, partner?” Buck asks, trying to do his own southern accent.

“That’s a Texas accent you’re doing there Buck, and I’m from Tennessee,” Charlie says.

Buck smiles and then nods a bit before saying, “Yeah, we could be friends. It wouldn’t be a burden to me, you know?” 

Charlie smiles softly, just a small upward quirk of his lips rather than the big wide grin he always wears before nodding, “Yeah maybe. You’ve picked me off the floor enough times and haven’t broken down. And I guess you watch people die all the time, you might be able to handle it.”

Buck frowns slightly and takes Charlie’s hand and squeezes it, “You’re not gonna die, Charlie.”

“That your expert opinion firefighter Buckley?” Charlie asks giving Buck a slight squeeze back.

“It’s my hope,” Buck states, “But I think you’re strong enough to make it a reality.”

Charlie gives a soft chuckle cause Buck’s got just the right degree of optimism and realism he needs in a friend, “Well, I’ll sure as hell try to,” Charlie tells him.

It’s a while before Buck leaves by Maddie’s estimation but she thinks it’s a good thing cause when she finally lets herself go back into Charlie’s room he seems to be in even better spirits than he previously was and the pair of them end up playing scrabble while Charlie flirts away as usual.

“I’m not just another pretty face you know. I got it going on up here as well,” Charlie says before tapping on his head with his index finger.

“So you keep telling me,” Maddie says smiling as she looks down at the Scrabble board.

“Yeah, I probably know hundreds of words,” Charlie says.

“Wow, really hundreds? A real brain trust,” Maddie replies sarcastically.

“Ouch,” Charlie laughs.

“Well, I’m highly competitive,” Maddie smiles before starting to put down her letters, “Screw. S-C-R-E-W. That’s 25 points, thank you very much,” Maddie announces.

“Wait a second. You didn’t tell me we were playing naughty word scrabble,” Charlie beams.

“We’re not playing naughty word scrabble. You just have a dirty mind,” Maddie shoots back.

“Oh, it’s filthy. But you’re the one that put down screw,” Charlie smirks.

“I was referring to hardware, not sex,” Maddie says pointedly.

Charlie smiles a bit before saying, “Oh. I guess maybe sometimes, it’s, uh...hard to tell where...where you’re coming from.”

Maddie frowns and looks up Charlie before asking, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you and Buck should really get along, was probably just a miscommunication. And family, family is good,” Charlie tries.

Maddie’s frown grows deep before replying, “Yeah? Then where’s yours?”

Charlie tilts his head from side to side before saying, “It’s complicated.”

Maddie nods and says, “Well Buck and me that’s complicated too.”

“Sure,” Charlie nods, “But there’s a lot of love there, so you should just make up. Buck’s a good guy.”

Maddie sighs heavily and replies, “I get it you’re friends. But I’ve grown up with Buck, I’ve had him around for a long time, Charlie, and he’s just...He can be a lot. He gets himself into a whole lot of trouble and only makes things harder on himself.”

Charlie laughs and nods in understanding before saying, “Yeah, well he’s a guy. We have a habit of doing that.”

“Yeah? Well, Buck does it to an extreme level,” Maddie replies.

Charlie chuckles and then sighs, “Yeah, well Buck has a big good heart. And I’d be more than happy to get a heart like that,” Charlie tells her patting on his chest over his own heart.

“Your heart is plenty big and good,” Maddie tells Charlie before shrugging her shoulders a bit, “It’s just not working on a biological perspective, and you don’t get into nearly the amount of trouble Buck does.”

Charlie laughs and nods before replying, “Well you’ll find being in heart failure for five years doesn’t exactly leave much time to get in a lot of trouble that’s within your control.”

Maddie thinks about it and then says, “Yeah, I guess not.”

Charlie opens his mouth to reply and gets out, “And…,” just before starts to gasp, his hand going to his chest.

“Charlie?” Maddie pauses before standing, “What is it?”

  
But Charlie can’t get a word out he just gasps and seems to claw at his chest as he tries to breathe.

Maddie jumps towards him, “No, don’t panic. Just try to breathe,” she tells him grabbing the oxygen mask and holding it to his face, before calling into the hallway, “Page Doctor McNeal.”

She turns back to Charlie who’s still gasping as he tries to get air into his lungs, his eyes straining. “It’s okay just try to breathe. Just breathe. Take it easy. Just try to breathe,” Maddie tries to guide him, her fingers moving through his hair.

The doctor and Maddie get Charlie’s breathing under control and Maddie explains, “He had flash pulmonary edema. I switched him to nesiritide, started milrinone, and put him on BiPap.”

“Good call, Buckley,” the doctor tells her.

Charlie sighs still a little breathless lowering his oxygen mask from his face, “Good call. Bad news, right?” He questions looking to the doctor.

“It’s not good. The fact is, Charlie, you need a new heart, and you’re running out of time,” the doctor tells him and Maddie feels sick to her stomach.

“Okay, so...what’s behind door number two?” Charlie asks in his typical good humor.

“I would like to install a left ventricular assist device. It’s a battery-operated machine to help your heart pump,” the doctor explains.

“Battery-operated? I knew it. You people are trying to turn me into a robot. It’s all part of your evil plan to take over the hospital,” Charlie jokes coughing out a laugh.

“It’s a bridge to transplant, Charlie. It’ll keep you alive while we wait for your new heart,” Maddie explains to him.

Charlie looks at her for a moment before looking to the doctor, “Yeah, that easy, huh? No catch?”

“There are some risks...increased damage to your platelets, increased bleeding. And if you do choose the assist device, you may not be able to leave the hospital until you get a donor heart,” the doctor tells Charlie.

Maddie sees Charlie’s face drop instantly at the prospect of being stuck in the hospital and watches as he swallows before asking, “Any other options?” When he’s met with silence he lets out a shaky breath and whispers, “I’m gonna need time to think.”

The doctor nods and says, “Don’t take too long, Charlie,” before leaving the room.

During Buck’s next shift he finds he faces much of the same grilling with Chimney as they sit down for lunch.

“Have you talked to Maddie yet?” Chimney asks instantly as Buck sits down.

Buck lets out a big huff before saying, “Tomorrow I’m gonna buy a shirt that says stop asking me about Maddie. And I’m gonna wear it every day until people stop asking me about Maddie.”

“Things would just be fine if you apologized,” Chimney tells him.

At this point, Buck stands and glares down at Chimney before saying, “I have apologized. I have apologized sincerely. And you know what? It takes two to have a fight. I’ve been the bigger person. Now even if she’s five feet tall it’s her turn to be the bigger person.”

He storms off and ends up eating his lunch on the back of the fire truck, splitting half of his sandwich with Eddie.

“I’ve got Chimney yapping at me too. So worried about Maddie and her feelings and how I’m supposed to be apologizing to her. As if it can’t possibly be on her,” Buck complains frustratedly to him.

“I agree,” Eddie says before biting into his half of the sandwich.

“You can’t agree. You don’t even know what I’m talking about,” Buck shoots back.

“You’re talking about the fact that your sister and your friends aren’t seeing your side,” Eddie says plainly.

“I hate them. I do,” Buck says shaking his head.

Eddie smiles a bit before saying, “No you don’t.”

“You’re right I don’t,” Buck sighs.

Eddie looks at him for a moment before grinning and asking, “So what the hell did you do that’s so unforgivable for Maddie?”

Buck narrows his eyes at Eddie and replies, “I’m not telling you.”

Eddie chuckles and sighs before saying, “You know, as a friend...you suck.”

Buck laughs softly before staring off for a moment and looking over at Eddie and asking, “Does Shannon know we’re friends?”

Eddie’s smile falls from his face and he just hums before muttering, “It’s a good sandwich.”

Buck stares at Eddie and blinks and faces forward again and nods, “Yeah, it is.”

They’re called out to a hotel restaurant not long after lunch and discover a woman with a fork sticking out of her neck and a man clutching his crotch and instantly the confusion is there.

“Um, what exactly happened?” Eddie asks as he examines the woman with the fork sticking out of her neck.

“This is so embarrassing,” the woman says covering her face.

The man, her husband looks to her before starting to explain, “We were having brunch. We had some mimosas,” he starts.

“Can we just skip that part? Can we pull this out and just go? I’m fine, really,” the woman says.

“We probably want the hospital to look at it and do that. Could be touching a nerve,” Eddie tells her.

The man swallows and then continues to explain, “Well, uh...Sylvia was uh...giving me some special attention...under the table.”

“Oh dear lord,” his wife groans in embarrassment.

Buck blinks and then says, “Oh, okay.”

“Sweetie, they’re firefighters. They’ve heard it all,” the man explains to his wife.

“Yes, we have,” Buck agrees in such a way that Eddie gives him a look and raises his brows at Buck who simply gives a little shrug of his shoulders.

It was another time, a different Buck.

The woman blushes but seems to open up a bit more and starts to explain herself, “While I was down there, something happened. It was like a shock went through my body.”

“And she...clenched,” the man states.

“Ohh,” Buck groans in understanding.

“Clenched?” Eddie asks.

“My jaw. It just shut,” the woman says.

“Oh and I panicked,” the man shudders.

“Oh yeah,” Buck agrees, shuddering to himself at the thought.

“Well, I grabbed the fork off the table, and it was just instinctual,” the man finishes.

“ It really doesn’t hurt that much. We just didn't want to pull it out cause it’s in there pretty good,” the woman says gritting her teeth.

Eddie nods and says, “No, you did the right thing calling us. Pulling it out could cause more damage so we’re going to transport you to the hospital. They’ll probably want to do an x-ray, just make sure that no nerve or major blood vessels are being compromised. But the clenching is a little concerning. Do you have a history of seizures?”

“No, nothing like that,” the woman replies glancing over to her husband.

He pats her hand before saying, “It may...it may have something to do with her brain aneurysm.”

“Kyle,” she groans.

“What?” The husband asks.

“I don’t want to do this now,” she tells him, “Can we really just get this fork out?” She asks looking back to Eddie.

“No,” Eddie asserts before looking to the husband for further explanation.

“She was diagnosed about six weeks ago,” Kyle tells them.

“And your doctor didn’t recommend surgery?” Eddie asks.

“All the surgeons have said it’s inoperable. That’s why Kyle and I are here in LA. The Hollywood sign. I’ve always wanted to see it,” she says looking to her husband with a soft smile.

“We wanted to see it together. But maybe there’s still a way…,” the husband starts to say.

“Kyle, no. I just want to go to Paris like we talked about. I want to live our lives. I want to go crazy. I want to crawl underneath the table. I want to go to Paris while we still can,” she interrupts angrily.

“Well maybe a second opinion could help,” Buck offers.

“It wouldn’t be a second opinion. It’d be a fourth opinion. And when the doctor says there’s nothing he can do. We’ll be devastated all over again. I just want to spend what little time we have left in Paris,” the woman shoots back looking at her husband pointedly.

“So do I. But I don’t want to go to Paris and wonder if maybe we should have just had one more opinion,” the husband says hopefully but the wife just shakes her head at him.

Buck takes the woman towards the ambulance while Eddie examines the man.

“You seem really accepting of your prognosis,” Buck says.

“Yeah, I’m a little in love with my prognosis. It woke me up, it woke my marriage up. Been sleepwalking for about fifteen years. Now I’m wide awake. He’s not ready to let go. But me and my aneurysm? We’re good friends,” she explains. She sighs then and says, “Even if there’s a chance I don’t know if I’d take it. I mean...I don’t want to die...but I also don’t want to go back to being Kyle’s bed warmer in a full-length flannel nightgown. Can you understand that?” She asks Buck.

Buck nods and says, “I can. You’re tired of settling. So why do it here? If there’s a chance, why not fight? Fight for your life. Fight for the marriage you want,” he tells her and she seems to consider it for a moment.

As Eddie looks over the man, the husband says, “I’m sorry if my wife is a little dismissive.”

“No not at all it’s fine,” Eddie tells him shaking his head.

“It’s just that...I didn’t notice her…,” the man sighs.

“I’m sorry?” Eddie asks confused.

“For fifteen years I didn’t notice her. When we got married, she was everything. Sometime, somewhere along the way, I stopped noticing her. I stopped seeing her. Since she’s been sick, she’s all I see. And I hate that that’s what it took. I...I hate it and I’m sorry. But I love her. And I don’t want her to...I don’t want my wife to die…,” he whispers.

Eddie nods sympathetically and says, “Well you should be fine. Just some bruising, no uh...permanent damage.”

The husband thanks him and joins his wife in the ambulance with Buck, while Eddie thinks about his own marriage.

“They were a cute couple,” Buck says when he rejoins Eddie after dropping off the couple at the hospital.

“They were weren’t they?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah,” Buck nods and begins to walk towards the truck when Eddie stops him.

“Buck, you know I was kidding the other morning right. I mean, you can tell me what happened with Maddie,” Eddie says. He sees doubt come to Buck’s eyes and he insists, “Come on. You can talk to me.”

Buck gazes at Eddie measuring him before stating, “As a friend.”

“As a friend,” Eddie nods in confirmation.

“Cause...There’s a line between friends and not friends, and if I tell you this...If I tell you this, you have to react as my friend...not my not friend,” Buck tells Eddie.

“I can do that,” Eddie nods.

Buck gives him a look and says, “That means you can’t go all...Eddie who...you know...You can’t fix it for me by having a conversation for me or yelling at someone or doing stuff for me in any way. It can’t be like with my mom. It’s too much…,” Buck begins to mutter.

“I promise. You tell me what’s wrong Buck, and I’ll tell you how to fit it. But I won’t do it for you. I’ll leave it up to you. I’ll just give you my advice,” Eddie smiles softly.

“Okay,” Buck whispers.

  
“Okay.”

Buck swallows before saying, “I found my father here. Well in Santa Monica, but it was close and...my mom said something and I just had to know and he was here and I couldn’t. I went and saw him and it...it went poorly and then I told Maddie. And she...she was pissed...she thinks I...put myself in situations that hurt myself and...she’d probably be pissed that we’re even...friends…,” Buck starts to think somewhat out loud before sighing as he forces himself back on track, “And then I yelled at her for not being around all those years and...yeah she...she’s not talking to me now...She won’t listen to me when I try to apologize. But...I don’t know how to repair it. I don’t know where to start...but I just know that I have to, and…,” Buck trails off not knowing where to go from there, looking to Eddie for help. “Just say something friendly,” Buck tells him.

Eddie smiles softly and says, “You tell her that. You find Maddie and you apologize.”

Buck groans and says, “That’s what everyone’s saying but she won’t listen.”

Eddie nods and then says, “You make her listen. You tell her you’re sorry and you just tell her again and again and again until she listens.’

Buck nods back at him and whispers, “Thanks…,”

“What are good friends for?” Eddie smiles back at Buck, though he feels that tug in his stomach, that tug that wants to do more, fix it all for him.

Buck smiles back and Eddie feels his chest tighten a bit, and it remains tight all the way back to the station.

When he and Buck get off the truck Eddie falls into step beside Buck and says, “It was good to work beside you today.”

“We do that often, Eddie,” Buck laughs.

Eddie smiles and says, “I know...Was still nice, you cause we’re friends and all now.”

Buck feels his cheeks burn but he smiles and nods, “Yeah. I guess I guess it was…”

After work, Buck goes to the hospital and spends time with Charlie but he hangs to the side after he leaves waiting for Maddie to come back and he steps into her way before she can enter Charlie’s room with the medicine he knows she has to deliver.

“You’re trapped,” Buck tells her as she narrows her eyes up at him, “and you don’t have to talk to me. I’ll do the talking,” he tells her before swallowing and saying, “Maddie...I am truly very deeply sorry. And I’m not going to make excuses. I'm just sorry. And I know you’re going to walk away from me and not look back. I know that, cause I know how upset you are at me. But Maddie, we’re brother and sister. Which means that whenever you finally do decide to look back, I’ll still be here.”

He feels her eyes elsewhere the whole time and when he finishes she glares at him shortly before shoving past him into the room just as expected her to do, but at least she knows, and he’ll keep trying, cause they’re family.

Maddie can’t deal with Buck. She hears him. She maybe even feel herself open a bit, but she shuts it right away, cause she has bigger things to deal with. Like Charlie. She has to convince him to get this operation.

So she sits at his bedside till Charlie’s eyes blink open at her tiredly, “Maddie,” he whispers.

“The LVAD will inhibit organ deterioration. It’ll allow you to get off most of the meds that you’re on, and it’ll give your heart a much-needed rest,” she says launching into her speech immediately.

Charlie sighs and whispers, “Maddie…I’m just...I’m just so tired.”

Maddie shifts and tries to stay professional and says, “I appreciate that. But the LVAD also has increased survival rates over conventional therapies. And I think that you need to…,”

“Hey…,” Charlie interrupts grabbing her hand to stop her. He sighs and then says, “Having this surgery...it means I don’t get to leave here. And you know how much I hate hospitals.”

“I do know. But as your nurse...I can’t support you making any other decision. The surgery will allow you more time and we need more time,” she insists.

“We?” Charlie asks softly.

“We...your medical care professionals...need more time…,” she tries to stay professional but it fails as she looks into Charlie’s tired eyes. She swallows and whispers, “And we...we need more time.”

Charlie smiles tiredly and says, “So...you’ll be here....”

“Every day,” she nods with a smile before adding, “And Buck. I’ll make him come every day too.”

She knows she won’t have to make Buck over even say anything to him to get him to do so. He’ll do it on his own cause he cares about Charlie too.

“An added bonus. Two Buckley’s for the price of one,” Charlie chuckles.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Maddie smiles softly.

Charlie lets out a long sigh before nodding his head a little and saying, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay,” he says agreeing to the operation.

“Okay. Okay,” she repeats to herself, leaving when Charlie closes his eyes again.

“Charlie agreed to have the surgery,” she tells the doctor.

“Great,” the surgeon says.

“I...I read that sometimes a patient's heart can remodel itself and they can be weaned off the LVAD,” Maddie says optimistically.

The doctor looks to her and sighs, “It’s not likely in Charlie’s case. His heart is too weak. He needs a new heart.”

Maddie’s there when Charlie wakes up from the surgery with a tired smile, “Hey,” he whispers, before swallowing and asking, “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

Maddie smiles softly and takes his hand, “Yeah, I’m there.”

When Eddie gets home Shannon’s already in bed reading a book and Eddie walks in and says, “Hi.”  
  


“Hey,” she says smiling up at him before looking back down at her book.

Eddie takes off his clothes before laying down on the bed and looking over at her.

Her eyes float over to him and she raises her brows before asking, “What?”

Eddie swallows thinking of the couple today before saying, “I was indifferent,” he can see the confusion settle on her face and he adds, “you know in Texas before you left. I was just indifferent towards you…”

Shannon assess him before saying, “Yes.”

And I was absent,” Eddie sighs.

She blinks and then nods, “Yes.”

“I’m partly to blame for what’s happened to our marriage,” Eddie admits.

“Yeah,” Shannon says shocked by the admission.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie says, settling down beside her and then adding, “I’m working on it.”

She smiles softly and strokes his cheek and then whispers, “Okay.”


	20. Superstition

The crew is five hours into their shift and they’ve already responded to four calls and each one has ended in a fatality. After the last call, they all come into the station and take off their gear before slumping down with a heavy sigh.

Chimney opens up a granola bar and takes a bite from it before saying, “Four calls and four fatalities and the day’s not even half over.”

Buck eyes the granola bar Chimney’s eating and asking, “Could I have a bite of that?”

“No,” Chimney says quickly.

Buck huffs and then says, “But these four fatalities are really bad.”

“Yeah, it’s four people dead, Buck,” Chimney replies like it’s obvious.

“No. You know the rule,” Buck shoots back.

“What rule?” Eddie asks.

“Fatalities come in threes and sevens,” Chimney explains.

Eddie reacts with a look of confusion and shakes head before saying, “What? You don’t actually believe that.”

“Holds pretty true. And if it does there’ll be three more before the shift is over,” Buck sighs.

“That’s bizarre,” Eddie says stunned.

Buck shrugs and then says, “I’ve worked here for a while. I know things about death.”

Eddie laughs for a moment before heading in the direction of the stairs to eat before they get another call.

When he’s gone Chimney turns to Buck and asks, “Maddie talking to you yet?”

Buck’s gotten used to being asked this every day by Chimney and sighs before saying, “No, she’s still ignoring me.”

“You sure you’re not ignoring her back?” Chimney questions.

Buck sighs and says, “I’m not. And Eddie says I should just apologize till she listens.”

“Eddie says?” Hen asks piping into the conversation.

“It’s good advice. He’s my friend. That’s good friend advice,” Buck replies.

“Buck…,” Hen starts to say before being interrupted.

“Hen,” a female voice calls happily and they all turn to see Shannon walking towards them with a drink carrier in her hand.

She stops in front of them before passing one of the drinks to Hen who blinks at Shannon before staring down at the drink in her hand and asking, “What’s this?”

“Coffee,” Shannon replies before looking at each of them and explaining, “I heard from Eddie you all were having a rough day so I brought coffee for everyone. I figure you could all use a little good juju.”

“And coffee equals juju how?” Chimney asks.

“Hey, hey, hey, don’t question the coffee,” Shannon laughs before passing a cup to Chimney. Buck tries to step around when Shannon smiles in his direction and says, “Buck, here you go.”

Buck blinks down at the coffee and swallows before saying, “Oh, thank you, Shannon.”

She smiles in his direction and shrugs, “Yeah, you know. I want you to have a good rest of your day.”   
  


Buck nods kindly in her direction before quickly retreating with his cup of coffee, just as Eddie comes back down and Shannon turns to him and smiles.

“Here you go,” she says handing him his cup.

“Juju,” Eddie hums.

“Yep,” Shannon nods.

“You jujed Buck,” Eddie says before sipping his coffee.

Shannon smiles before nodding, “I did...in the spirit of friendship.”

Eddie hums raising his brows at Shannon.

“What, are we not being friends with Buck anymore?” Shannon asks.

Eddie decided to tell her that he and Buck were doing the friend's thing and she had accepted it. Though he’s pretty sure she’s more comfortable with it because it’s not often that Buck and Eddie are without Christopher nearby.

Eddie shakes his head and says, “No, no, we are. Buck and I are friends,” he tells her putting an emphasis on the I.

She hums and says, “Yeah, and you and I are married. So by proxy, Buck and I are friends.”

Eddie blinks at her analyzing her before saying, “That’s very big of you.”

“Well…,” she shrugs.

“You don’t have to do that. It’s not like I’m gonna be friends with, let’s say, uh... Alex.”

“Yeah, well, neither am I. Now finish your juju before somebody else dies,” Shannon says with a tight smile before pecking Eddie on the lips and leaving.

Buck stares at the cup of coffee in his hand for a long time before throwing it away and going back up the stairs and relaxing on the couch alongside the rest of the crew.

“I think it’s fine, now. See no rule of seven. It’s dead quiet,” Eddie says after they’ve sat there in silence for a long period of time.

“Did you really just say that?” Buck asks.

“Eddie,” Hen groans.

“What?” Eddie asks.

“You said the Q word,” Chimney huffs.

“That’s like saying Macbeth in the theater,” Hen tells Eddie.

“Please. You think because someone says it’s quiet, that’ll mean…,” Eddie starts to say when the alarm goes off.

“Now you’ve done it,” Buck huffs and stands up.

When they get to the scene it’s a rear-end collision and they’re attempting to extract a male from the car.

“Jesse Fannon, 32, unrestrained driver in a rear-end collision,” Hen calls out.

“There’s spider webbing on the front windshield where I think his head hit,” Eddie says.

“B.P. is 120 palp. Pulse is 75,” Buck says quickly.

“Let’s get him moving,” Eddie calls but the man shakes his head and says, “Wait! I’m counting the siren whoops. We can’t go till it reaches 33.”

Hen blinks and watches the man as he counts each whoop of the siren on his fingers.

“He also seems to have a touch of OCD,” Hen tells Eddie.

“What happened?” Eddie asks as he helps Eddie pull the man from the car.

“I was cutting the clicks. The turn signal clicks. I couldn’t move till it hit 333. The light was green, but I couldn’t move. I can’t blame them for hitting me,” the man sighs.

“How long have you been feeling these compulsions?” Hen asks the man.

“A little bit all my life, but it’s been out of control the last three years. Onset at 30 is typical apparently. Ruined a marriage. I can’t hold a job,” Jesse explains and then jerks in Buck and Eddie’s hold before the get him on the gurney.

“Is it clean? I need to know if it’s clean,” Jesse insists.

“It’s very clean,” Eddie replies.

“Any relatives with OCD?” Hen asks writing down Jesse’s responses.

“My mother. Killed herself at 38. It ruined her life, now it’s ruining mine,” Jesse tells her jerking yet again when Buck and Eddie try to set him down. “Clean, clean, clean?” He asks Eddie.

“Yes it’s clean,” Eddie fumes.

“I think he needs you to say clean, clean, clean,” Buck offers.

Eddie huffs and then says, “It’s clean, clean, clean,” which gets Jesse to relax enough for Buck and Eddie to lay him on the gurney.

“Thank you. I know it’s annoying. I can’t help it. Find a penny, pick it up. All-day long, you’ll have good luck,” Jesse says, repeating the rhyme over and over again as Buck and Eddie move him to the ambulance and join him.

“Repetitive rhymes, prayers it’s classic. He feels he needs to say it a specific number of times, probably a multiple of three,” Hen explains as they load him.

“Well let's get him to the hospital before he decides to start again,” Eddie sighs before Hen shuts him and Buck inside.

Jesse looks at Eddie in observation before saying, “He’s judging me.”

“No, he’s not,” Buck defends though it’s obviously the truth.

“Yes, he is. I’ve been living with this for three years, and it’s always the people who are most like me who judge me the most. You’re type A right? Focused, driven, follow the rules to the letter?” Jesse asks.

“Yeah…,” Eddie mutters.

“Well, so you’ve managed to turn your compulsions into something productive. But we’re cut from the same cloth. That’s why you can’t stand me,” Jesse tells him.

“That’s not how I feel,” Eddie starts to say.

“It’s okay. I get it,” Jesse whispers before gasping and having a seizure.

His brain herniates and he’s dead before they can even get him to the hospital.

“That’s five,” Buck sighs rubbing his brow as he steps off the truck when they return to the station.

They’re barely there for five minutes when they get another call and find a woman on the ground underneath a tree.

“Nikki Ratlin, 30, complaining of chest and leg pain,” Chimney says as they begin to examine her.

“Her B.P.’s erratic,” Buck tells the rest of them.

“What happened?” Eddie asks looking her over.

“I got struck by lightning,” the woman mutters.

Eddie pauses and stares at her for a moment before examining her more.

“My horoscope said, ‘Stay close to home today.’ Aries couldn’t have been any clearer. Okay, I guess it could have said “Don’t leave the house today unless you want to get struck by lightning,” she complains before calling out, “Ow,” as Eddie examines her.

Eddie frowns and says, “I’m not seeing any signs of wounds from lightning.”

“It was a sign. Clearly, getting struck lightning is a sign. A sign that I shouldn’t have left my house,” Nikki replies.

“Nikki, normally people struck by lightning have a wound where the bolt entered and exited the body,” Hen explains.

“Well...well, I wasn’t struck, struck. I...the tree was struck and it fell on me,” the woman says.

“A tree fell on you?” Eddie asks eying the tree above them.

“A big, like, branch or limb...whatever. Same difference,” she replies.

“No, actually, medically, it isn’t the same difference. And it would be helpful if, from now on you told us the whole truth,” Hen tells her.

“You wanna know the truth? My boyfriend loves that tree. He’s totally gonna freak out. Oh, I never should’ve gotten out of bed. But I really wanted to surprise my boyfriend before he left for school. He had a huge exam today, and I just, you know, I wanted to wish him luck,” she tells them.

Buck and Hen get her into the ambulance and as Buck examines her further he finds injuries inconsistent with her story.

Buck frowns and says, “You’re bruised all up and down your left side. You sure a tree branch did all this?”

“You think my boyfriend did this? He would never hit a woman, ever,” Nikki laughs.

“The bruising doesn’t look like a tree branch hit you,” Buck says plainly.

“Fine. Okay, you guys are gonna think I’m really weird, but I was sort of up in the tree when the lightning hit, and, well…,” the woman sighs.

  
“You climbed a tree in a thunderstorm,” Buck says.

“I really wanted it to be a surprise, you know, for my boyfriend, and, I just...I had to see if his psycho dog was in the yard, because of like the barking and stuff and...I know it sounds really weird. Does it sound really weird?”

“Not at all,” Buck replies.

“No,” Hen says though both her and Buck are lying.

“And the thing is, I mean, he wasn’t even there,” she huffs.

“The dog?” Buck asks.

“No, my boyfriend. He wasn’t even home. I really shouldn’t have gotten out of bed,” she whines.

They’re silent for a while and Buck sighs and looks to Hen and says, “I got coffeed. Shannon coffeed me. It’s her juju.”

Hen chuckles and then says, “I don’t like people who say juju.”

“I say juju,” Nikki pipes in.

“I didn’t drink it,” Buck tells Hen.

“You’re not obligated to honor someone else’s juju,” Nikki says.

“Thought you were being friends,” Hen grins at Buck.

“I am, with him. Do I have to be friends with her, too?” Buck asks.

“Definitely not,” Nikki replies.

“Maybe,” Hen says gritting her teeth.

As they ride along Nikki whines and says, “I really don’t want to go to the hospital. Not today. My horoscope.”

“Yeah, well medicine trumps horoscope,” Hen says stopping her.

“But it wasn’t just my horoscope. I went out to my car this morning...flat tire. That’s a sign, but I just changed the tire. Then there’s a wreck on the freeway. Do I turn around and go home like it’s telling me to? No. I detour an hour out of my way so I can get to Kevin’s house. And when I get to Kevin’s house I get struck by lightning,” Nikki proclaims.

“But you weren’t struck by lightning,” Buck reminds her.

“I’ll die, okay? If I go to the hospital I’ll die cause I know I will,” Nikki cries out.

“If we don’t take you you’re going to kill yourself trying not to die,” Hen tells her.

“Nikki, is it possible you’re misreading the signs? Isn’t two firefighters telling you that you need to go to the hospital a sign that you should?” Buck asks her.

Nikki seems to consider this but then she suddenly starts to crash and though Hen and Buck work tirelessly to bring her back, she dies too.

“Six,” Buck says to Eddie when they get out of the ambulance.

On the ride back Eddie says, “What was she even doing standing under a tree during a thunderstorm?”

“She wasn’t standing under it. She was climbing it,” Buck tells him.

“Why?” Eddie frowns.

“I got the feeling that she was a little bit of a stalker,” Buck chuckles.

“What?” Eddie asks.

“Well more of a gentle stalker than a kill you with a knife stalker,” Buck explains.

When they get another call soon after Buck feels himself fill with dread ready for yet another death.

When they get to the house a young woman frantically says, “She’s coughing up blood.”

They get the older woman in her mid-fifties to not throw up as much blood and she looks to the worried young woman nervously pacing in the corner as they work.

“I’m a sponsor,” she explains, “She’s my new baby. 6 months sober. She’s already on the ninth step.”

“You must be proud,” Bobby says.

“Always,” the woman smiles weakly.

“You’re on the transplant list for a new liver?” Buck asks.

“For a few years now,” she says as Buck and Eddie get her loaded onto the ambulance.

“The Cirrohosis prevents blood from flowing into your liver, so it’s backing up into your esophagus, causing the ruptures. It’s serious,” Eddie tells her.

“Well, of course, it is,” she laughs, “I mean you don’t puke up blood if it’s not serious. The question is whether it’d treatable.”

Eddie frowns and says, “The hospital may be able to do something. But whatever they do, it’s a stopgap. You need a new liver.”

The woman sighs and says, “Yet another reason I shoulda laid off the sauce.”

Buck waits for the worst to happen but it doesn’t and they send her into the hospital.

When they get back to the station and are getting ready to leave in the locker room, Eddie leans into Buck and whispers, “It’s the end of our shift. Only six.”

  
  


Buck smiles and looks back at Eddie who grins and says, “Hi.”

“Hey…,” Buck whispers back.

“Oh, hey,” says a female voice from the doorway and they both turn to see Shannon smiling at them.

“Hi,” Buck says quickly.

“Hi,” Eddie himself says.

Buck glances between them and says, “I uh...have to…,” he points and walks away.

“Yeah,” Eddie nods.

“See you around Buck,” Shannon calls out cheerfully before joining her husband.

Buck nods in her direction and quickly hurries to his truck.

Buck arrives shortly after Charlie’s had another attack and sits beside him as Maddie listens to his heart.

“Sinus tachycardia, low-grade fever, pulse ox 75, and I’m hearing rales in your lungs,” Maddie tells Charlie.

“Yeah, a freight train rolls through at noon,” Charlie jokes.

“How bad is the pain?” Maddie asks him.

“I don’t know. A five or six when I breathe,” Charlie says.

“That means a seven or eight when you’re not trying to impress my sister,” Buck tells him.

Charlie smiles weakly at Buck, while Maddie just glares before Charlie sighs and says, “I’d really like to avoid the OR today Maddie, and I’m really not liking that look you’re giving me.”

Maddie swallows and then says, “This could be a pulmonary embolism, Charlie...a complication from the LVAD surgery. We’re gonna have to talk to Doctor Mcneal,” she tells him.

When the doctor comes in and reviews Charlie’s latest films he sighs and says, “It’s a big clot, Charlie. I was unable to get it with a catheter. I’m sorry. I’m gonna have to open your chest again.”

“It’ll be a quick procedure, Charlie,” Maddie says when the doctor’s left.

“You like horses, Maddie?” Charlie asks suddenly.

“Everybody likes horses,” Maddie tells him.

“That’s not true. You know, horses are a great judge of character. You don’t like horses it means they don’t like you,” Charlie explains.

“I had a friend in high school whose uncle was a rodeo cowboy,” Buck offers causing Maddie to roll her eyes.

“No kidding?” Charlie laughs.

When Maddie leaves to check on another patient, Charlie looks to Buck and sighs, “I know Maddie paints a pretty picture cause she likes me. So I need you to shoot me straight Buck. Tell me what the doctor said to you about the operation.”

Buck shifts uncomfortably in his chair and says, “She likes you, Charlie.”

“Okay. But I need to know. I’m asking you man to man,” Charlie insists.

Buck swallows and says, “With a clot in your pulmonary artery, it’ll cut off the oxygen to your lungs and you’ll die of hypoxia. If the hypoxia doesn’t kill you, the strain on your heart will.”

“And the surgery?” Charlie asks.

“It’s not a routine procedure. You’re at serious risk for bleeding because of the anticoagulants already in your system,” Buck tells him honestly.

Charlie nods and then looks up to the ceiling and says, “It’s gonna be hard on her...when I die.”

“It’s not a certainty Charlie. You can...you can make it,” Buck argues.

“Maddie likes me,” Charlie whispers.

“Yeah,” Buck agrees.

“And she’s not gonna be the one to pull away,” Charlie breathes.

They sit in silence for a while before Buck swallows and says, “No.”

Maddie helps the doctors wheel Charlie to surgery that night and asks Charlie, “How are you feeling?”

She should know instantly something is wrong cause he won’t look her in the eye. But he sighs and then asks, “Do me a favor, my will is in my nightstand, just make sure it gets in the right hands, okay?”

“Why are you talking about your will?” Maddie asks him.

“We have to be realistic, nurse Buckley,” Charlie replies shortly.

“Nurse Buckley?” Maddie questions.

“We gotta be realistic. And if you can’t, well, I can,” Charlie asserts.

“No, wait. Um, can you just wait a minute?” She asks the doctors before moving over to Charlie and saying, “Charlie, Charlie, listen to me, you’re not gonna die. You can’t go into surgery think you’re gonna die.”   
  


Charlie just blinks at her though and says nothing else before wheeling him into surgery.

Instantly she turns on her heel and rushes back to Charlie’s room where Buck is sitting with the whole intention of staying till Charlie gets out of surgery and wakes up.

“What the hell did you say to him?” Maddie shouts at Buck.

“What? Who?” Buck asks taken off guard by Maddie’s sudden outburst of rage at him.

“To Charlie. Why does he think he’s dying?” Maddie asks.

“I just told him the reality of his condition. He asked and he deserved to know,” Buck answers back.

Maddie shakes her head and says, “Just so we’re clear Buck, don’t talk to me. I want you gone before Charlie gets back here,” she tells him before storming off.

“Maddie,” Buck calls after her to no avail.

When Maddie comes back to the room Buck is gone and the doctors have wheeled a still alive Charlie into the room.

And she waits there, waits for him to wake up with tears streaming down her cheeks.

“So I survived,” Charlie whispers tiredly when he wakes up.

“You did,” Maddie affirms and sniffs, standing up and walking over to Charlie's side.

“Why are you crying?” Charlie asks.

“I’m not crying,” Maddie says wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

“You are, too,” Charlie shoots back.

“Oh, damn it,” Maddie suddenly cries out before shaking her head, “I cannot fall for a patient.”

Charlie smiles tiredly up at her and says, “Oh, okay. Good luck with that.”

Maddie looks down at him and laughs before leaning down and cupping his stubble covered cheek and kissing him gently.


	21. The Name of the Game

“Dude, is he knitting?” Joe, the bartender, asks Eddie as he watches Buck wind strings around two knitting needles.

“You know, as a...as a friend, I gotta tell you, you look a little weird,” Eddie tells Buck.

“I am making a sweater,” Buck grumbles not looking up from his needles.

“You’re knitting...in a bar,” Eddie says plainly.

“You can’t knit in a bar. You’re scaring the customers,” Joe complains.

“Come on. Have a drink,” Eddie says to Buck.

“I can’t have a drink. I’m celibate,” Buck shoots back.

“You mean sober? He means sober,” Joe explains.

“No, celibate. I’m practicing celibacy, and drinking does not go well with celibacy because it makes everything and everyone seem kind of porny, and then my head gets all cloudy, and the next thing you know, I’m naked. My point is, I’m celibate, and knitting is good for dexterity, so I’m making a sweater,” Buck insists.

Eddie grins and takes a sip of his drink, “You celibate? I just don’t buy it.”

“No more men,” Buck asserts finally looking up at Eddie.

“No more men, really? You?” Shannon asks coming to sit down beside Buck who looks over his shoulder at her, “And I’m asking because we are friends,” she attests.

Buck really isn’t sure how he ended up friends with Eddie and Shannon. He knows of course, but he sometimes feels like he doesn’t. And he really isn’t sure how he got roped into being the third wheel to Eddie and Shannon at a bar. He kind of wishes they’d just gone out on a date by themselves and had him babysit Christopher.

“Every guy I meet turns out to be married…,” Buck starts.

“Ouch,” Eddie cringes in response.

“Sorry,” Buck nods, “Or Alex…”

Shannon cringes and says, “Okay, I’m gonna go over there now,” pointing across the room.

“Sorry,” Buck says in her direction this time before looking back at Eddie, “Or remember Steve? That sucked too.”

Eddie sighs and takes another drink before saying, “You’re making a sweater.”

“I am making a sweater,” Buck nods.

“He’s not thinking straight. First, he sees our father and yells at me like I’m to blame for his poor decision making. Next, he makes you feel like shit before surgery. And now Chimney tells me, he and Eddie are like best friends. Eddie whose fault this whole thing is cause he broke Buck,” Maddie rants to Charlie as she sits on the end of his bed a scrabble board between them while she knits.

“Triple word score. 69 points. Woman, I am beating the pants off you. Pay attention,” Charlie announces before eyeing the knitting in her hands, “What the hell are you doing?” He asks.

“I’m knitting a sweater. Actually, Buck is knitting a sweater. Only he’s not really knitting a sweater because he cannot knit, and I’m fixing that for him too,” Maddie says with a roll of her eyes, “But Hen suggested it as a way to keep Buck in line and from having sex that doesn’t require me constantly supervising him or talking to him. But we want him to think he’s knitting a sweater. So him, Chimney, and I took a celibacy vow with him to keep him in line. So he’s replacing sex with knitting, and so I am knitting pieces of Buck’s sweater so that I can switch them out with his so that he can really believe that he is knitting. Cause if anybody needs to be celibate, it’s Buck, you know?” She fumes.

Charlie listens and then frowns, “You took a vow of celibacy?”

“Yes,” Maddie replies.

“How am I supposed to get in your pants if you took a vow of celibacy?” Charlie laughs.

“That is a very inappropriate thing to say to your nurse,” Maddie shoots back.

“Oh, you know what’s inappropriate? Promising sexual favors to a patient in order to get him to live and then backing out,” Charlie tells her making Maddie’s mouth drop open in shock.

“Charlie Tuckett, I so never, ever promised…,” Maddie starts before Charlie interrupts.

“In my head, you did. In my head, you delivered,” Charlie grins.

“Well…,” Maddie shrugs with a small smirk on her lips as she knits.

“But don’t worry. You weren’t very good.,” Charlie smirks.

“Okay. You know what? I was being nice. I was letting you win because you’re Mr. Sick Needs a New Organ Guy, but just for that comment, I’m gonna kick your ass.,” Maddie says putting her knitting aside, “Yeah, I’m gonna...you put down mount, Charlie?” Maddie asks after looking at the board and up at Charlie who laughs loudly.

Eddie ends up having a workday with just Chimney, while Hen and Buck have the day off, but finds that Buck is not altogether absent from his day when they respond to a call at an ice cream shop where a woman is having contractions.

“Mary Thomas, 18 years old, 32 weeks pregnant, having premature contractions,” Chimney announces as they enter the shop.

They begin working on the young woman with dark brown hair and brown eyes, she’s not very tall and has a familiar look to her face that Eddie can’t exactly place.

“Not to put any pressure on me but this is my baby carrying my grandchild, so I really hope you’re good,” the girl's mother says to them.

Mary smiles at her mother before saying, “Mom, you’re kind of threatening the firefighters. Don’t threaten the firefighters, it doesn’t help.”

The mother’s a short woman with soft features, blonde hair, and blue eyes who sighs and then looks at them apologetically, “Sorry. My husband tells me I have to try not to be such a mother lion because Mary’s a grown woman and has her own life and everything, but...roar,” she tells them looking over to her husband.

Her husband is a bit shorter than Eddie is and has the same dark hair and eyes as the daughter, and simply stands back quiet like he wants nothing more than to go unnoticed. 

“It’s okay we can take it,” Eddie assures with a smile.

“You can fix this though. I’m not ready to have this baby,” the daughter says.

“We’re going to do our very best,” Eddie assures her.

Eddie has just loaded the girl and her mother into the ambulance with Chimney and is walking back to the fire truck when Mary’s father approaches him.

“Uh...hi...hey...I’m Mary’s father,” he says in an awkward sort of introduction.

“We’re taking her to the hospital now. You can meet her there,” Eddie tells him.

“Oh, yes,” the man stutters before asking, “Uh...you’re the 118 right?”

“Yes,” Eddie replies.

The man seems to shift uncomfortably before him, before asking Eddie, “Do you have an Evan Buckley working today?”

He notes that not many people know Buck’s first name or know him by anything other than Buck, so it’s curious right off the bat as he tells the man, “Uh...he’s off today,” and then asks, “You know Buck?”

The man seems to male at the question and shrugs, “A little. Uh…”

“I could tell him you said hi,” Eddie offers.

“No. No. That’s…thank you,” the man says quickly starting to turn around for a retreat.

“Excuse me sir...uh...what’s your name?” Eddie asks stopping him.

The man stops and swallows, “Uh...Robert...Robert Buckley.”

  
“You’re…,” Eddie starts to say before the man nods quickly and says, “Yeah.”

“You’re Buck’s father,” Eddie finishes.

“Yeah,” the man sighs.

“You sure you don’t want me to tell him you said hi?” Eddie asks.

The man shakes his head and says, “No, I’m sorry it’s complicated,” he stutters out before quickly walking away.

Eddie frets on what to tell or not tell Buck for most of the night after he gets home, but in the morning he starts to notice Plissken’s not feeling well and busies himself with that. He cancels his meet-up with Buck in the park, instead taking the dog to the vet. He tells Buck this over the phone, but he doesn’t tell him about his dad.

When he gets back to the house after dropping Plissken off grabbing his stuff quickly for work Shannon walks out and says, “You’re leaving late.”

“Yeah. I know Plissken’s sick,” Eddie tells her, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

“He is? What are his symptoms?” Shannon asks.

Eddie grins at her phrasing and says, “Polydipsia, lethargy, and vomiting.”

“Any sign of fever?” Shannon asks back.

“Uh, it’s unclear. I was considering running a course of I.V. antibiotics and a saline drip,” Eddie jokes.

“Seriously,” Shannon asks looking surprised.

“No Shannon. He’s a dog. I dropped him off at the vet. They’re gonna run some tests and observe him overnight. Buck’s gonna check on him tonight,” Eddie tells her.

She nods and says, “Okay. I’ll let Christopher know he’s not going to be on his own, that he’s with Buck, that’ll help him sleep without him. I’ll see you after work?” 

“Yeah, thanks,” Eddie says and pecks her gently on the lips before leaving.

The whole drive in he thinks about Buck’s father and how he’s supposed to tell him. He thinks of how well Buck reacted to him interfering with his mother and he thinks Buck might react much of the same to Eddie running into his father. Like it was purposeful. He’s changing in the locker room beside Hen when the solution comes to him.

He turns to her quickly and sighs, “Hen I’m going to tell you something and it’s going to officially become your problem.”

Hen looks over at him in confusion before blinking and narrowing her eyes at him, “Do I look like I need more problems?” She asks.

“No. But it’s about Buck, and we’re friends but I know he definitely doesn’t want me in this part of his life, so you have to be the friend,” Eddie tells her.

She considers this and seems to be too intrigued not to accept it, “What?”

“We took Buck’s sister to the hospital,” Eddie says quickly.

“Maddie?” Hen asks raising her brows and Eddie knows immediately that he should have phrased than better.

“His half-sister, Mary. From his dad’s new family,” Eddie explains.

“They’re in LA?” Hen asks.

“Yes.”

“Does Buck know…,” she begins.

“No,” Eddie answers quickly before shaking his head, “I mean he knows his father is in LA and remarried but I don’t think he knows about the sister and he doesn’t know we were called…”

“Right…,” Hen says seeming to process this before nodding, “Okay I’ll take care of it.”

Eddie feels relief passing it off to Hen and it makes it easier to see Buck and work alongside him when they get a call to a school where a kid has a head injury and possible concussion.

“Andrew, I need you to keep talking for me can you do that?” Eddie asks as he and Buck load the young teen into the ambulance.

“I’ll try,” the kid says.

“Okay, great. Now, what grade are you in?” Eddie asks while taking his vitals.

“Um...seventh,” he answers.

“You into sports?” Eddie asks next.

“Not really,” Andrew sighs.

“How about baseball?” Eddie asks earning a look from Buck.

“Baseball’s a sport,” Andrew answers back.

“Right. Okay. What about uh...girls? Do you have any girlfriends?” Eddie asks.

“No,” Andrew sighs.

Buck sighs at how poor Eddie is doing before asking, “Well you probably don’t have time for girlfriends right, Andrew? Probably too busy, right?”

“Yes,” Andrew nods.

“What are you busy doing?” Buck asks.

“Um...getting ready for the national spelling bee. I won the great regionals last month,” Andrew tells him.

“Oh, well, in that case, you need to spell some words for us. Can you do that?” Buck asks.

“Sure,” Andrew says.

“Uh...good…,” Buck says mind suddenly going blank as he tries to think of a good word.

“You usually provide the word, Buck,” Eddie says a smirk coming to his lips.

“I don’t hear you coming up with one,” Buck shoots back sharply looking around the ambulance for a word and landing on one, “Uh, let’s see. All right, uh, acetaminophen.”

“Acetaminophen. Origin of the word?” Andrew asks.

“Hell if I know,” Buck says with a soft laugh.

Andrew spells the word perfectly and then tells them a bit more about the spelling bee.

“Appoggiatura was the winning word last year. The year before that...Akshay Buddiga...he fainted, then got up and spelled the word alopecoid. The kids a major legend,” Andrew tells them.

“Okay, now it’s my turn. Fibromyalgia,” Eddie says supplying Andrew with a word.

“Fibromyalgia?” Andrew asks as Buck frowns at Eddie.

“Yeah, what’s wrong with fibromyalgia?” Eddie asks looking at Buck.

“Andrew won the regionals. He’s going to D.C. he’s probably insulted by fibromyalgia,” Buck scoffs before adding, “Even I can spell it.”

“Fibromyalgia. F-I-B-R-O-M-Y-A-L-G-I-A. Fibromyalgia. He’s right. That was kind of easy,” Andrew laughs.

Shortly after they drop Andrew off they all have lunch at the station and while Buck is up grabbing his Hen asks, “So what is his father like?”

“Like?” Eddie asks, “He’s like an asshole that left his kids.”

“That your unbiased opinion?” Hen asks.

“I don’t know the sister and mom seemed nice but…,” Eddie shrugs.

Hen sighs and shakes her head, “Can you imagine? A sister, a whole family you know nothing about.”

“You think he’s gonna freak out?” Chimney asks looking at Eddie.

“I don’t know it’s Hen’s problem now remember,” Eddie says looking at Hen pointedly.

“Hey you guys what are we talking about?” Buck asks sitting down at the table.

“I have to go,” Eddie says quickly standing up and walking away.

“What was that?” Buck asks looking after Eddie as he walks away.

“Nothing...uh we have something to tell you about the shift on your day off, Buck,” Hen says quickly redirecting Buck's attention.

Buck looks back to them and frowns, “What?”

“We kind of saw your father…,” Chimney says.

Buck’s face goes blank before he coughs and says, “Why? Was he injured?”

“No uh...it was his daughter...she’s pregnant and was in premature labor which we helped stop. You uh have a half-sister…,” Chimney explains.

“How do you know it was…,” Buck starts to asks.

“He asked about you,” Hen answers.

“What?” Buck frowns.

“Just asked if you working,” Hen tells him.

“Oh,” Buck mutters, “Just...probably just wanted to make sure I didn’t see him.”   
  


“Buck,” Hen starts to say but Buck just shakes his head, “I’m fine Hen. Promise. Let’s just talk about something else.”

Maddie is changing out Charlie’s IV when her phone buzzes in her pockets. When she looks down she spots it’s from Buck and nearly discards the message, but she decides to look just in case.

From Buck: I know you’re not talking to me. But I just wanted to give you a heads up that dad’s daughter is probably in the hospital and he might be as well.

She stills as she reads it and maybe she can understand why Buck felt the need to find their dad when he found out he was in California cause she instantly feels the need to go searching for her supposed half-sister.

She finds her room and stands in the doorway observing her for a moment noticing that she looks a lot like her only with softer features. They share the same dark hair and eyes and small size.

  
Maddie freezes when she sees the young woman looks over at her and quickly switches into nurse mode to make up for it and says, “I’m just here to take your vitals.”

The girl smiles and nods, “Of course.”

Maddie walks over to her and grabs the blood pressure cuff and nods towards her arm, “Uh do you mind if I…”

“No, it’s fine. I’m used to being poked and prodded,” she says offering up her arm.

Maddie smiles at her and wraps the cuff around her arm before her eyes fall on the woman’s wedding ring, “That’s a...pretty ring.”

She blushes a bit and says, “Oh, thanks. It was my grandma’s and then my mom’s…,” before she pauses perhaps reading something on Maddie’s face, “You think I’m too young to be married.”

“No, I…,” Maddie starts to say.

“That’s okay. Everybody thinks I’m too young. If I saw me, I’d think I was too young,” she laughs.

“Uh...how old are you?” Maddie asks.

“Eighteen,” the girl answers and Maddie has to control her face cause it means her father started over right away after he left them. “Eric’s 19 and he’s in the army, and he’s getting shipped out. And I just...love him so much, you know? Anyway, I proposed,” she continues.

“Oh. And your, uh, parents, they approve?” Maddie asks.

“Oh, my parents are amazing. I mean, you know how dads can be. Mine’s pretty overprotective, but...you know, at my wedding, when he gave me away, my dad cried, which was...I had never seen my dad cry before. But it was good crying like he was proud of me. I mean I’m his first baby, I have a sister who’s four years younger than me,” she explains and Maddie feels it like a punch in the gut. She thinks of how Buck stood reluctant at her side as he gave her away to Doug.

Again Maddie’s face must reveal some turmoil cause the woman looks up at her and says, “I’m sorry. I’m just...I’m nervous, so I’m talking. Is my blood pressure…,”

“No,” Maddie says quickly taking the cuff off, “It’s good.”   
  


She nods and runs her hand over her pregnant belly before asking, “Do you think...is my baby going to be okay?”

Maddie puts a smile on her face before nodding, “Well I hope so.”

“Me, too,” the girl sighs shutting her eyes as Maddie leaves the room, but as soon as she does a petite blonde woman in her fifties stops her.

“I...I saw a picture once from a long time ago,” she says quickly causing Maddie to pause and turn to look at her, “You look just like him...your father. You look a lot like my girls, especially Mary. You were talking to her?” She asks.

“I didn’t say anything about anything,” Maddie denies shaking her head.

The woman smiles softly and shakes her head, “Oh, she knows about you. Or a little. He doesn’t talk about it often. But Mary knows that he had another daughter and a son. Or has.”

“No, had is right,” Maddie shoots back.

The woman sighs before saying, “Your father thinks about you. And Evan. He thinks about you a lot. I know he does. He just...your mother...your mother...she broke him.”

Maddie clears her throat before just nodding and saying, “I have to get back to work,” rushing away from the woman quickly.

Buck’s sitting on the couch knitting when Eddie comes up to sit beside him.

“Hey,” Eddie says.

“Hey,” Buck smiles up at Eddie for a moment but looking back at his knitting.

“Still knitting,” Eddie comments.

“Oh, yeah. I’m getting so good at it,” Buck chuckles before sighing and looking to Eddie, “So you met my father…”

Eddie freezes and swallows, “Hen told…,”

“No,” Buck says quickly, “But I figured it was you...Hen didn’t work that day either.”

“Right,” Eddie sighs and then explains, “I just...I didn’t want you to think I was interfering.”

“I know,” Buck replies with a soft smile.

“You okay?” Eddie asks.

Buck smiles and nods before saying, “I have my knitting,” causing Eddie to chuckle.

After his shift Buck visits Charlie for a short while and as he’s exiting he spots his father coming down the hallway and quickly flings himself down another getting a look from Maddie who’s sitting at the nurse's station in the middle of the hallway.

Maddie isn’t as quick cause their father spots her immediately and stops in front of her, “Maddie...I was looking for you...my wife said she saw you working here.”

Maddie narrows her eyes at him and shakes her head, “We have nothing to say to each other.”

S“Your brother came to see me awhile ago...but you know that of course. He never kept anything from you,” their father calls out to her causing her to stop before she gets too far away from him.

Maddie swallows and turns back to glare at her father, her eyes darting ever so quickly off towards the hallway she knows Buck’s hiding in.

“Yeah, he told me,” Maddie replies coldly.

“I didn’t know what to say to him then. He looks so much like your mother...and it’d been so long,” her father begins to explain.

“Not our fault,” Maddie shoots back.

“Of course not,” he stutters, “But he was never like her, but he looked like her when she was angry. I mean...she was cold and I know I was a coward. I left.”

“Yeah, you left,” Maddie agrees.

“Your mother would never let me know either of you after…” Robert starts to say.

“Maybe you didn’t deserve to. You weren’t exactly dad of the year,” Maddie tells him.

“I know I was bad then,” he swallows, “And now...I don’t know how to know either of you...or him if that’s why he came to see me…”

“Buck’s hard to figure out. I don’t know what he wanted,” she says crossing her arms again shooting a look to her right.

“He really looks so much like your mother and he was so angry. Seemed like maybe he was like her,” Maddie’s father starts to say.

Instantly despite her frustration with Buck, she finds her protective instinct triggered causing her to come to Bucks defense.

“Well, Buck is anything but cold,” Maddie asserts, “He smiles a lot. Not that often these days but when he does. He’s really going through a lot. Has gone through a lot. But it’s..it’s like you feel warm,” she sighs. She feels herself getting too descriptive and she shakes her head and says, “But he’s kind. He can be a lot of trouble, he causes a lot of problems but...he’s flawed, but he’s kind. He cares about people. And uh… he’s great to everyone, the people he saves. He’s one of the best firefighters in the LAFD. So he’s good and you would have been lucky to know him.”

She watches their father take this in before hesitating and asking, “Do you know where he is?”

“He’s probably at home,” Maddie lies, “but I’ll tell him you were here,” she says knowing Buck’s already heard everything.

“Thanks, Maddie,” he starts to say but she’s already turned on her heel and walked in the other direction and her father sighs and turns around himself going in the other direction. Buck sighs relaxing against the wall and whispers to himself, “Thank you, Maddie.”   
  


After leaving both Buck and her father Maddie enters Charlie’s room with a fully knitted maroon sweater and holds it up.

“Ta-Da,” she smiles.

Charlie smiles from his bed and says, “You made me a sweater…Today? In one day you made me a sweater?”

Maddie shrugs and says, “Yeah, well, you know, I just had some time, so…,” and a lot of frustrations to get out, she thinks silently.

“Wow. That vow of celibacy must really be something,” Charlie jokes.

“You know what? Just accept your gift and say thank you,” Maddie tells him.

Charlie takes it and looks down at it before raising his brows and asking, “Does this mean I don’t get any sexual favors? Sweater instead of sex?”

Maddie rolls her eyes and says, “Smell it,” Charlie looks at her curiously and she sighs and insists, “Go on smell it.”

Charlie smiles and dips his nose into the sweater breathing it in before sighing softly, “It smells like Maddie.”

Maddie smiles and nods, “Yeah. I wore it for three hours. So that is the closest you’re gonna be getting to this body, mister,” she grins before sitting down on the end of his bed and asking, “You wanna play some scrabble or are you too tired?”

Charlie sits up a bit more and says, “Scrabble, please.”   
  


“Okay,” Maddie smiles grabbing the board when Charlie suddenly says, “Just show me one boob,” causing her to laugh loudly.

After the hospital, Buck goes to the vet to visit Plissken and see how he’s doing.

He waits in the waiting room knitting while he waits while the receptionist answers the phones.

He’s been waiting for a while, but he takes it in stride. At least he has his knitting.

After awhile the receptionist looks up at him and asks, “You’re getting the hang of it?”

“Not really,” Buck sighs looking down at his sloppy knitting.

“You give up men?” The receptionist grins from behind her desk.

“No,” Buck answers quickly before sighing and grinning to himself and answering, “Yes.”

She laughs and nods to herself before going back to her work.

Buck sighs and then says, “You know, I don’t actually need to see the vet. I really just wanted to sit with Plissken. I just want to spend time with my dog,” Buck shrugs.

Suddenly he hears the door from upstairs where the vet is open and Buck looks up from his knitting and finds his hands stilling as the vet descends the stairs.

The man is somewhere between Buck’s age and his early thirties and is one of the most good looking guys Buck has ever seen. He has sandy brown hair and sparkling blue eyes with a bit of stubble on his cheeks. His smile is soft and charming in a gentle sort of way and looks a few inches shorter than Buck himself.

The man walks towards him with a friendly smile before extending his hand and saying, “Hi. I’m Adam Aldridge. I’m Plissken’s vet. And you’re Buck, doc’s other owner. We finally meet. Hello.”

Only one word goes through Buck’s mind before he forces himself to knit even faster.

‘Fuck.’


	22. Blues for Sister Someone

Eddie pants staring up at the ceiling before he hears Shannon giggle a bit beside him and say, “Thanks.”

Eddie starts laughing himself and shakes his head, “Oh. My God, you’re...you’re thanking me for the most boring sex ever?” He asks and rubs his hands down the length of his face.

Shannon laughs harder and says, “I didn’t know what else to say. I mean, you did your best,” she smiles at him.

Eddie gives a small huff and then says, “Oh, great, thanks. You, too. It was really nice work.”

“We used to be really good at this, didn’t we?” Shannon asks with a groan.

Eddie nods and then rolls over and moves to get hang over top of her and says, “We’re gonna do this until we get it right,” he lowers down to kiss her and their foreheads smash together in a hard jerk.

“Ow,” Shannon says before laughing.

“Ow. God,” Eddie groans rubbing his head and then laughing again as his phone starts to ring beside him.

“Perfect,” Shannon says relaxing against the sheets.

“It could be work…,” Eddie tells her before answering.

He hears Buck on the other end and tries to stop his laughing as Shannon groans into a pillow.

“Hello. Hi. No, no, no, no,” Eddie says over the phone to Buck before looking to Shannon and saying, “It’s about Plissken,” he pulls the phone back to his ear and says, “Yeah. No, I’m here. Yeah, I can pick him up this morning. Sure I…,” he gets out before Shannon snatches the phone from his hands.

“Come on,” Eddie groans trying to take the phone back.

“Hey, Dr. Aldridge…,” Shannon says over the phone.

“Come on,” Eddie gets out making another grab for the phone just before Shannon giggles and says, “We’re gonna have to call you back cause we’re trying really hard to have some decent sex here.”

Eddie should feel embarrassment course through him at Shannon saying that to Buck but he can only laugh as Shannon whines and asks, “What? What’s so funny?” Just before she hangs up.

Buck is left frozen after he’s hung up on and stares forward his mind running over Eddie and Shannon having bad sex.

It’s awkward.

So, so, awkward, right?   
  


But he’s forced out of his thoughts when the vet asks, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Everything’s great,” Buck answers smiling tightly before crouching down to pet Plissken, “Hey, Plissken. You look good. He looks good,” Buck says to the dog and then to the vet.

“It may just be a virus, but I’d like to wait till we get the blood tests and the x-ray work back before I say anything for sure,” Adam confirms.

“So he can go home today? Cause Eddie says he can pick him up,” Buck starts to say.

“He can go home,” Adam agrees with a nod of his head.

Buck smiles and turns back to Plissken and says, “You hear that, Plissken? You can go home.”

Adam busies himself with the paperwork before peeking up at Buck and asking, “So you and Eddie, uh...you’re together?”

Buck goes still again and swallows, “Uh...uh, Eddie and I are, um, just friends. He’s married, and I’m knitting a sweater,” Buck tells Adam who looks at him speculatively before Buck begins stuttering, “And, uh, well, I guess I’m rambling, which I tend to do a lot of lately, and I wish somebody would just tell me to shut up. But my point is, yeah, we’re...we’re, uh, he’s married, and I’m knitting a sweater.”

Adam nods at the end of Buck’s rambling and asks, “So you’re single?”

“Single?” Buck questions nervously.

“I ask because I was wondering if you would like to go out with me,” Adam says.

“Out, with you?” Buck questions.

“On a date, tomorrow night?” Adam asks.

“A date tomorrow night,” Buck repeats.

Adam narrows his eyes at Buck and smiles a bit before saying, “And you’re repeating everything I say so you can buy yourself some time and figure out a way to let me down easy. It’s okay. I get it.”

Buck shakes his head and stutters, “No, no, no. I...I...uh...You know, you’re very...It’s just that, if I were, you would…,” Buck pauses as the vet raises his brows before Buck bites his lip and simply says, “I’m not dating….”

When Buck gets to work he runs the idea past Hen and Chimney as he ties his boots.

“Obviously I can’t go out with him right?” Buck asks Hen.

Hen shrugs and says, “Do whatever you want Buck. I mean, he’s not in jail or on drugs or keeping body parts in his basement or married right? So I guess if you want to do him, do him.”

“Hey, hey, what about the celibacy vow?” Chimney suddenly pipes up.

Buck rolls his eyes and groans before saying, “I don’t want to do him. Not do. Date him. I’m not doing anybody. I’m knitting. But I mean it’s weird, right? He’s Eddie’s vet, he’s my vet, he’s Plissken’s vet. It’s weird to date him right?” Buck questions.

Hen shrugs again and says, “I don’t know could be good for you,” before asking, “What does Maddie say?”

Buck huffs and shakes his head before saying, “Don’t know. She is still not talking to me.”

“Still?” Chimney asks and goes to say something else when Eddie trudges in muttering angrily under his breath, “Damn it...hot sex...very funny…ha ha ha.”

Chimney and Hen give Buck a look of confusion while Buck stands up and whispers to them, “Must not have gone so well this morning?”

“What?” Hen asks

“Just run if he looks at you,” Buck tells them.

“What are you all staring at?” Eddie suddenly huffs in their direction.

They all shake their head and in unison answer, “Nothing.”

Their first call is to a courtroom where a lawyer has collapsed from a seizure.

“This is totally unnecessary,” she complains as they lift her onto the gurney.

“You had a seizure, we take that very seriously,” Buck informs her.

“Well I’m losing billable hours here unless one of you is looking to get out of a bad marriage,” she asks looking around at each of them.

“No,” Hen and Buck both answer before glancing ever so slightly in Eddie’s direction.

The woman's own hawkish eyes land on Eddie and she looks down at his name tag before asking, “Diaz?”

“Yes,” he answers quickly before processing the previous question and stuttering out, “No. I’m fine, thank you.”

“Really?” The woman asks.

“Yes,” Eddie says back quickly.

“Cause I’m an excellent divorce attorney,” the woman beams.

“I’m sure you are,” Eddie says as they begin to push the gurney.

“And there was a look, you know, between these two,” she says nodding towards Buck and Hen who blush.

“A look?” Eddie asks before looking back to Hen and Buck who shake their heads.

  
“No,” Buck says with an uncomfortable laugh.

“What is it, married young, and now you have nothing in common? Oh, no, don’t tell me. I know. The conversation is still good, but the sex has gone to shit?” The lawyer asks.

“I’m fine thanks,” Eddie tries to tell her.

  
“You sure?” She asks before saying, “I’m sure the bad sex probably isn’t your biggest problem, it’s probably just the bigger problems causing the bad sex, am I right?”

Eddie coughs uncomfortably before saying, “Um...I’m not gonna answer that,” quickly loading her into the ambulance with Hen and Chimney.

“You good?” Buck asks Eddie after since Eddie’s still grumbling under his breath.

“Yes. Let’s just get her out of here. This is not how I like to start my mornings,” Eddie huffs angrily before climbing back aboard the fire truck.

Eddie remains distant for most of the day until when they’re leaving and Buck walks into the locker room and says, “Hey.”

Eddie looks over at him and smiles a bit before saying, “Well hey.”   
  


“You picked up Plissken?” Buck asks.

  
“Yeah. He’s home,” Eddie confirms with a small smile.

“He seemed to be doing much better,” Buck tells Eddie.

“He seems to be doing good,” Eddie agrees before the pair of them both fall silent.

In that silence, Buck starts to giggle and Eddie stares at Buck and then shakes his head and letting out a breathy laugh himself.

“I’m not laughing at you,” Buck explains quickly.

  
“No?” Eddie questions with a smirk.

“No. It’s just, you know, bad sex isn’t really something that wives want announced to the dirty ex-mistress or whatever,” Buck chuckles.

“You’re not the dirty ex-mistress. You’re a friend. She’s your friend. I’m your friend. We’re friends,” Eddie tells Buck tilting his head to the side.

“But you didn’t tell her,” Buck hums.

Eddie shifts uncomfortably and then whispers, “No.”   
  


Buck laughs again and Eddie sighs before asking, “How’s your day been?”

“Good,” Buck answers back quickly still struggling to hold back a laugh.

“Good,” Eddie nods and holds onto the door of his locker looking over at Buck who holds his laughter back by smirking.

Buck shifts and then swallows before saying, “The vet asked me if we…”

Buck stops himself and Eddie smiles and asks, “What, what did he ask you?”

“If we were together. And I set him straight,” Buck says with a small nod.

Eddie sighs and nods at the reminder before smiling back over at Buck before leaving, “Have a good rest of your day, Buck.”

“You too Eddie,” Buck replies watching him walk away.

The next day Buck has the day off and decides to spend most of it with Charlie and is already there when Maddie shows up to make her rounds.

“How you feeling this morning, Charlie?” Maddie asks staring into the room like Buck isn’t there.

“Great. I’d be even great if you’d get me off this machine,” Charlie says nodding over at the LVAD machine beside him.

“You know I would, but then your heart would stop beating, and Dr. Mcneal would yell at me, and that would make for a very bad day for both of us,” Maddie tells Charlie with a soft smile.

Buck thinks about this and stares at the machine before looking to Maddie and asking, “Is he a candidate for the portable LVAD?”

Charlie shoots off a big grin then and claps Buck on his shoulder, “Now, see, that’s what I’m talking about. Half the size, twice the fun.”

“You researched it too?” Buck asks Charlie.

“I have,” Charlie says still smiling at Buck.

“I’ve already told him he’s not ready for it yet,” Maddie says quickly, shooting a glare in Buck’s direction, “There are several complications that could occur. You’d be risking air embolus, v-fib, and the tubing could kink inside of your body, in which case you’d have to be rushed to emergency surgery. Don’t be stupid like Buck, okay?” Maddie tells Charlie giving Buck a look before leaving to check on her other patients.

It should come to no surprise to Maddie that while she’s gone Buck and Charlie have worked together and the doctor has visited to test Charlie’s ability to be on the portable LVAD>

After a few tests, the doctor sighs, “Your E.K.G, echo, and nuclear are all within normal limits. So I see no reason why you can’t be up and walking, Charlie.”

“Music to my ears, Dr. Mcneal,” Charlie replies.

“Do you have any questions?” The doctor asks.

“ No it’s…,” Charlie begins to say.

“We would put it off. No harm in waiting a few weeks if you’re nervous,” the doctor suggests.

Charlie laughs and says, “I’ve got 20 tubes coming out of my body, one of which goes directly into my you know what. At some point, I’d like to use that you know what for something besides peeing into a bag,” this makes Buck snort and Charlie shakes his head at him before saying, “Like, for instance, peeing into a toilet. I just want some time.”   
  


The doctor nods in agreement leaving Buck and Charlie alone in the room together.

“You’re worried about Maddie,” Buck says when the doctor’s left.

Charlie sighs and nods before saying, “Yeah. I mean Maddie gave me medical advice and he’s giving me different advice. It just so happens his is the one I want to hear.”

Buck watches Charlie carefully before saying, “Well he’s a doctor, Maddie’s a nurse…” Buck offers up this back.

“I know,” Charlie says shutting his eyes.

“And you two are…,” Buck begins to say.

“I think...maybe,” Charlie replies peeking up at Buck for his reaction.

“Charlie,” Buck starts to say, “There are rules with...patients.”

“And you disapprove,” Charlie adds with a nod.

“No,” Buck says quickly and sits on the edge of Charlie's bed before adding, “As her brother, I think she’d be lucky to have you and you’d be lucky to have her. But..”

“You still disapprove,” Charlie laughs.

“No,” Buck says again before sighing, “It’s just. Charlie. This comes from nothing resembling a high horse. High horses want nothing to do with me. But you this thing with you and Maddie...it’s there are strict rules about nurses dating patients.”

Charlie smiles a bit before nodding and saying, “You probably know Maddie better than anyone, right?” 

Buck nods back to this question and Charlie smiles and then asks, “You think if I went to her and I said, ‘hey you know this is gonna be really bad for your career, and you probably shouldn’t come around to see me any more’, you think that’ll have any effect at all?”

Buck thinks about it and knows it wouldn’t cause he knows Maddie and how stubborn she can be.

Charlie swallows then and says, “The thing is Buck...I was healthy my whole life until I wasn’t. And for the last couple of years, I’ve had a lot of time to lay around in bed and think about my life. And the things that I remember best...well, those are the things that I wasn’t supposed to do, and I did em anyway. So the thing is, Buck...life is too damn short to be following all these rules.”

Buck takes Charlie’s hand and squeezes it in his own cause he understands Charlie better than he does most people. Charlie reminds him a lot of himself, and he wonders why Maddie can’t see that herself.

“Maddie,” Buck says as he exits Charlie’s room finding her with her arms crossed tightly over her chest.

“You’re convincing him to do this,” she says not as a question but rather a statement.

“I’m not. He wants to do it,” Buck answers back.

  
“It could kill him,” Maddie shoots back.

“Maddie, he’s ready...he…,” Buck begins to say.

“You don’t know what he’s ready for Buck. He may be your friend but you’re not his doctor or his nurse. You’re not here treating him every day,” Maddie shouts back at Buck.

“Yeah, but I know this is his decision and his doctor said he was ready,” Buck tells her firmly.

He can tell later when Charlie’s gasping for air that she blames him for this too.

“I can’t breathe,” Charlie gasps after they’ve switched him to the portable LVAD.

“Are those batteries charged?” The doctor asks Maddie.

“Yes, they’re charged. I checked them myself,” Maddie insists as both she and the doctor run around.

“He’s having runs of v-tach,” Buck announces looking at the monitor, trying to help them as they move around in a frenzy.

“Could be an air embolism,” the doctor states.

“Should we intubate?” Maddie asks quickly.

“We can call respiratory to do it,” the doctor starts to say when Buck notices the monitor start to stabilize.

  
“Wait. Wait,” Charlie starts to say as he gets his breathing under control, “I can I’m okay. I can breathe,” Charlie finishes.

The room slowly starts to settle and Charlie is sitting up with the doctor listening to his heart before he nods and says, “You sound good Charlie.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Charlie says before the man leaves and beams at Maddie and Buck who watch him nervously.

“I’m okay,” Charlie assures them before standing up, now able to walk around rather than confined to the bed.

Buck only stays awhile after that and when he leaves Maddie turns to Charlie and watches him carefully before saying “So you have it.”

“I do indeed,” Charlie smiles.

“And you’re okay?” Maddie asks nervously.

“Are you kidding me?” Charlie smiles. “I’m great. I mean look at this. Some nice-sized batteries, colorful wires. It’s what your best dressed LVAD patients are wearing these days you know?” He laughs.

Maddie smiles a bit and teases, “Really? Cause it seems so last fall.”

Slowly she steps forward until she is standing right in front of him and wraps her arms tightly around him, hugging him tightly.

He wraps his arms around her holding her close as she buries her face into his chest and whispers, “You’re tall.”

Charlie chuckles softly, and Maddie can hear the laugh rumble in his chest before he whispers back, “I know.”

After leaving the hospital, Buck rushes to the vet’s office and comes through the door, the bell ringing behind him as he comes inside.

“We’re closed,” Adam’s voice calls out before he steps down the stairs and pauses upon seeing Buck standing there.

“Hey,” Buck says smiling up at Adam.

Adam observes him carefully before smiling and saying, “I thought you were knitting a sweater.”   
  


Buck’s smile only grows and he says, “I am. But I’m also dating. You. If you still want to.”   
  


He watches as Adam looks around the room and seems to hesitate and Buck cringes and says, “I should've called. You know, I was going to call…”

“No, no, uh...don’t call,” Adam says quickly, “Never call. Always show up,” he insists coming to stand in front of Buck.

“Okay,” Buck grins.

“Okay. But I can’t tonight. I’ve got an errand I have to run,” Adam sighs.

Buck sways on his feet thinking for a moment before smiling and saying, “I run errands.”

So he goes with Adam in his car unsure of where they’re going and even more confused when they pull up to a farm looking place.

“This shouldn’t take too long, and we can grab some dinner right after,” Adam says as they get out of the car and walk together towards a barn.

“After?” Buck asks as they enter the barn where several horses in stables are.

“After she gives birth,” Adam says plainly stopping in front of a stable where a dark red colored horse lays on its side whinnying and throwing its head about.

“You’re birthing a horse?” Buck asks.

“Yeah,” Adam answers looking back at Buck with his brows raised.

Buck chuckles before saying, “That was your errand? You’re birthing a horse?”

Adam nods and grins before saying, “Yeah. I guess I...I could’ve mentioned it before, but, you know, I didn’t want to scare you back to your knitting.”

They both look back to the horse who lifts her head before throwing it again and Adam looks to Buck before saying, “She’s getting anxious, you can wait back here,” as he opens the stable door.

“Back here?” Buck asks.

“If you want. I mean it’s a little messy,” Adam explains.

Buck frowns and shakes his head before joining Adam on the other side of the stable door, “ Are you kidding? I want to birth a horse,” Buck tells him earning a smile from Adam.

They spend the next thirty minutes on the ground helping the horse give birth and it is in fact very messy, but Buck can’t bring himself to care cause at the end there’s a small, wet, baby horse trying to stand on its wobbly toothpick legs beside him.

He watches as it starts to get the hang of it enough to wobble its way to the mother to drink from her.

It’s beautiful and Buck rests his arms on the stable door as he and Adam watch from the other side of it.

“It’s pretty good, huh?” Adam asks.

Buck smiles widely and looks over to Adam before nodding, “Yeah, it’s pretty good.”

When they get back to Adam’s office, where his apartment sits above Buck spends some time trying to clean off the different liquids from the birth off his previously white shoes in the sink.

“Is it coming off?” Adam asks.

“Not exactly,” Buck laughs and holds up his shoes for Adam to see.

“I’m sorry,” Adam apologizes.

“Oh, don’t be. It was a great date,” Buck says beaming.

Adam frowns a bit and then grins, “Technically, it wasn’t the date. It was the errand. Now we could go up to my place, I could cook for you.”

Buck pauses and swallows before saying, “Go up to your place?”

Adam seems to catch on to Buck’s worry and looks at him carefully before asking, “Do you want to come up to my place?”

Buck gapes at him before stuttering out, “Yeah. I mean, no.No, no, I don’t. I...I do, but I don’t.”

“You don’t know?” Adam asks.

“No, I do. I mean, I...I know. No, I don’t,” Buck stutters out again.

Adam nods and then sighs before saying, “All right, well, here’s the deal. Um, you have two options. You could come up to my place, take off all your clothes,” Buck’s ready to quickly shut it down when Adam continues and says, “shower off the goo, borrow one of my shirts, and I’ll cook you dinner...that’s door number one,” Buck nods his head slowly as Adam continues and says, “Door number two, you go home. I...I think you oughta take door number one because you know it involves you naked in my apartment, but, you know, that’s just me,” he shrugs with a small smile.

Buck shakes his head and crosses his arms before saying, “I should point out that there is absolutely nothing you could say that would make me go upstairs with you. I’m kind of offended that you think that I would go upstairs with you. And you should know that I am...celibate. So…,” Buck goes on babbling again.

Adam smirks to himself for a moment before stepping to stand right in front of Buck before saying, “Shut up.”

Buck goes silent and looks at Adam wide-eyed before swallowing and saying slowly, “I absolutely cannot have sex with you.”

Adam laughs and shakes his head before saying, “If you choose door number one, I absolutely will not have sex with you.”

“You won’t?” Buck asks conspicuously.

“I promise I won’t. I won’t even try and kiss you,” Adam adds.

“Why not?” Buck asks frowning slightly.

Adam huffs out a laugh before sighing, “Buck.”

“What?”

Adam smiles and says, “Choose door number one.”

When Eddie and Shannon get home from their date he finds Plissken not with Christopher happily playing but in the corner on his side panting.

It causes him to take pause and he immediately walks over to his dish and sees that none of the food is missing.

“Abuela did you refill the bowl from this morning?” Eddie asks her.

“Oh, no sorry, dear I forgot to,” she says.

Eddie frowns and goes over to Plissken who doesn’t bother to lift his head and is reminded that he didn’t even look at him and Shannon when they came through the door. He didn’t bark.

  
He always barks and jumps up whenever the door opens or rings cause he immediately goes into protector mode for Christopher.

He runs his hand over the dog's coat and he doesn’t really bother to move as Eddie pets him.

Eddie grits his teeth and says, “Plissken?”

The dog's eyes dart to him put nothing more and Eddie stands and calls for him but Plissken doesn’t get up.

“Honey?” Shannon asks.

“I need to take him back to the vet. He’s not well,” Eddie says shakes his head, and leans down and lifts Plissken’s big body in his arms.

Plissken he thinks would fight him off if he was well like most big dogs, but he doesn’t and it worries him.

“Daddy, I need to go with you, he needs me there. He already had a night alone,” Christopher starts to cry.

“No, honey, it’ll be alright. He just needs some extra help. It’s late you need to go to bed,” Eddie assures Christopher as he puts Plissken in the back seat of his truck the dog's head resting immediately.

He sees Shannon holding Christopher tightly while their son cries as he pulls out of the driveway and heads for the vet's office.

Buck dries his hair after his shower and puts on the shirt and sweats that Adam’s laid out for him when he hears the doorbell from the office ring.

He hears Adam’s feet go down the steps and Buck starts to follow when the door opens and he watches Eddie enter with Plissken in his arms.

“I got home, he was listless and hadn’t eaten all day,” Eddie says.

“Oh, no let’s have a look,” Adam says and takes the big dog from Plissken’s arms and into the next room at which point Eddie’s eyes finally come to land on Buck.

Buck stares back at Eddie who feels a plethora of emotions go through him as he sees Buck standing there in a shirt that’s far from his style and wet hair at the edge of the stairs. His stomach sinks and he feels absolutely sick.

“Hey,” Buck says.

“Hey,” Eddie says his stomach caught in his throat forcing his eyes away from Buck.

Buck sighs heavily before asking, “Is he sick again?”

“Yeah,” Eddie answers the word coming out cold as ice as he tries to keep his stomach.

When he gets home he feels the anger bubbling deep in his veins after he left Plissken at the vet. With the vet. With Buck. With Buck and the vet.

When the fuck did that happen?

Buck whose hair was wet. Buck who was wearing a shirt that had to be the vets.

He enters the house and goes to his bedroom where Shannon is rubbing lotion on her hands and sighs when she sees him, “You would not believe the time I had convincing Christopher that Plissken’s going to be okay…I just got him down to sleep,” she sighs as Eddie tosses his watch aside and kicks off his shoes.

“Get in the shower,” he says roughly.

Shannon pauses finally looking up at Eddie before asking, “What?”

  
“Get in the shower with me,” Eddie insists pulling his shirt over his head.

Shannon looks him over before asking, “Really?”

“You want to have hot sex or not?” Eddie asks stripping down the rest of his clothes as Shannon watches from the edge of the bed.

A smile comes to her face suddenly and she nods, “Thank you. Yes,” and begins to strip her clothes off till her mouth meets Eddie and he guides her back into the bathroom, and he tries to think of anything but Buck in the shower with the vet. But he finds maybe all he can think of is Buck in the shower with him.

  
  
  
  



	23. Damage Case

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for jealous asshole, Eddie.

It’s been a week and in that time Buck has been on four dates with Adam and he just keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop.

He feels like any second he’s bound to screw this up, even as he sits in Adam’s apartment while the man cooks breakfast for them. It ends up just making him feel useless and Buck stands and starts pacing near the counter before saying, “I could uh...help you cook.”

“Nobody asked you to cook,” Adam says plainly not looking up from the pan.

“ I know. I’m just saying that you know, I could help, and you don’t have to cook for me,” Buck explains pacing behind Adam.

Adam sighs heavily before turning away from the stove to grab Buck’s shoulders and guide him into a chair before handing him a glass of juice, “Okay. You sit there. Sit down. I want you to drink this and try really hard to act like you aren’t scary and damaged.”

Buck blinks up at Adam as he walks back to the stove and Buck shifts in the chair he’s been sat in and says, “I’m not scary and damaged.”

“Yeah, you are,” Adam says.

“No! I’m not scary or damaged,” Buck argues back.

“Mmhmm. All right,” Adam says setting a plate of eggs in front of Buck, “Then why don’t you tell me about your family?”

Buck stares back at him his brain running on what about his family he could tell. Normally he’d just mention his sister, but even that relationship is fraught with drama now.

“Okay…,” Buck says quickly, “me not wanting to talk about my family does not make me scary or damaged.”

Adam nods a bit before leaning against the counter in front of Buck and saying, “Okay. Tell me about the last guy you slept with.”

Buck opens his mouth and then falls quiet, sucking in his bottom lip before smiling and shoving a fork full of food in his mouth and nodding, “It’s good.”

When he recounts the story to Hen as they’re changing in the locker room she chuckles before asking, “What did you say to him?”

“Nothing. I fled the scene,” Buck admits shutting his locker.

“You didn’t tell him about Steve or Eddie?” Hen asks.

“Nope,” Buck sighs.

Hen nods and then hums before saying, “Hmm...You like him.”

Buck shifts a bit his back leaning up against his locker, “I could like him,” he admits.

“Is the sex any good?” Hen asks.

“I don’t know,” Buck replies.

Hen raises her brows and says, “Four dates and two sleepovers at his place, and no sex?”

“Not even a kiss good night.”

Hen smiles widely and says, “Oh, I am proud. I’m like a proud mama.”

“Shut up,” Buck shoots back at her with a slight smile.

“But you’re happy it’s a good day,” Hen tells him.

Buck laughs and says, “Yes, I’m happy,” and begins to walk backward before bumping into Eddie. He turns around and smiles apologetically before saying, “Oh, sorry Eddie.”

“How’s my dog?” Eddie asks glumly.

“Much better. Adam’s running tests,” Buck tells him.

“Good,” Eddie grumbles before going to his locker.

“Our dog,” Buck says.

“What?” Eddie asks frowning as he looks over his shoulder.

“What?” Eddie asks as he’s changing.

“Our dog. You said ‘my dog’. He’s our dog,” Buck explains.

Eddie shakes his head and pulls on his uniform quickly, “Yeah, whatever.”

Buck frowns and asks, “Are you mad at me or something?”

Eddie finishes and shuts his locker loudly before squeezing Buck just as the alarm goes off, “Now is not the time,” Eddie says as he passes Buck.

  
  


They respond to a large car accident scene involving three cars and a total of five victims.

They all descend on the first car with the more damage and Chimney is able to quickly extract the driver and looks at his ID quickly before announcing, “25-year-old restrained driver, Noah Reynolds. Vitals seem stable.”

“My knee,” the man complains.

Buck and Eddie meanwhile struggle on the passenger side where the car was hit and the man’s wife is trapped.

“Noah, you still alive?” The woman calls out in a deep southern accent.

“I’m still alive, baby. My wife’s side took all the impact. Her parents were in the other car. Some jerk slammed into them and then they slammed into us,” the man explains to Chimney.

Buck’s doing his best to examine her while Eddie struggles to get the door open with the jaws of life.

“She’s pregnant we need to get her out of here,” Buck tells Eddie.

“How’s her B.P?” Eddie asks.

“90/50. Pulse in the 80s,” Buck announces once he gets a read.

“I’m fine, really. The airbags went off. Just help my family and when you get me out of here check out my baby. Noah? You saw momma breathing right? And daddy where the hell’s daddy?” She cries out.

Eddie looks up as he finally gets the door open to the other cars and sees Chimney and Hen working on them now.

“They’re right over there,” Eddie explains jerking his head in the right direction, “we’re helping them right now.”

“They’re still alive, right?” The woman asks jerking around to try and see.

“Please don’t move ma’am,” Eddie tells her.

“Mama and daddy. I need to know,” she pleads.

“Yeah, I’ll ask someone about mama,” Eddie says obviously annoyed.

“And daddy,” the girl whispers.

“Driver and front-seat passenger, both early 50s, both restrained, both stable,” Hen announces after she’s gotten both out of the car and onto backboards.

“Okay, what on you hurts?” Chimney asks the man.

“My chest,” the man says gruffly.

“Shoot. Dang, it all to heck! Excuse my French honey, but I need whatever kind of horse pills you got because my legs hurting like the dickens,” a southern woman yells loudly.

“That would be mama,” Eddie grumbles.

“Mama, you okay?” The daughter cries out from where Eddie is working on her.

“I am in pain,” the mom calls back.

“Get off. Get off,” the father begins to say pushing Chimney away as he tries to sit up.

  
“Sir, I need to clear your spine,” Chimney objects.

“My spine is fine and you can take care of my head later. Where’s my girl? Mellie!” The man calls out.

“Daddy!” the girl calls back.

“Jim!” Another voice yells coming from the man they pulled from the girl’s husband.

“Noah!” The dad shouts back.

“Mel,” the mother cries.

“Mama,” Eddie’s woman shouts again.

“The hillbilly picnic,” Hen mutters to herself with a shake of her head before going to the final car.

“We got another over here,” Hen shouts as she extracts him.

“That’s him! That’s the guy who hit us,” the mother shouts out.

“I’ll kill him. I’m gonna get you. You son of a bitch,” the father finally pushing past Chimney and running towards Hen and the last victim.

“Big Jim, just hold your horses. He’s already hurt,” the mother calls out to him.

“Daddy,” the daughter sobs.

“Please sir,” Chimney says getting the man to settle just a bit.

“Don’t ask me to be neighborly. He slammed into us,” Big Jim shouts out as Buck leaves Eddie with the daughter to help with the parents.

He begins going to examine the mother when she swats his hands away and shouts, “Whoa, whoa, whoa what do you think you’re doing young man?”

“I’m just trying to examine you,” Buck explains.

“I don’t think so,” she tells him before whispering to him harshly, “I don’t have any panties on and I do not know you well enough to let you see my good girl. Get me a lady.”

Buck’s cheeks turn pink just a bit before he calls out, “Hen,” and swaps victims with her.

“What happened?” The last victim asks as Buck helps him.

“I’m gonna say three words to you, okay? And I want you to repeat them back to Buck here can you do that?” Eddie asks the guy as he comes down beside Buck to check him.

“Yeah,” the driver mutters.

“Okay. Bat, orange, car. Do you think you can remember that?” Eddie asks.

“Mhmm…,” the driver hummers.

“He has a closed head injury watch for vomiting, confusion, and loss of consciousness, I’m gonna go help with the others,” Eddie says getting up from Buck in a huff.

“All right,” Buck nods.

“Good,” Eddie says quickly beginning to march off.

“Eddie,” Buck starts to say.

“Not now,” Eddie replies coldly.

Buck sighs sadly before turning back to the guy and asking, “Marshall can you remember those words?”

“What happened?” He mutters back to Buck.

Maddie’s morning starts with a page and when she shows up she finds Charlie collapsed on the ground in the hallway with some other nurses by his side.

“Charlie…,” she calls out rushing over.

“He collapsed,” one of the nurses explains.

“What happened?” Maddie asks.

“Too far, too fast,” Charlie pants.

“What were you doing?” Maddie asks.

“Stairs. Real bright huh?” Charlie laughs weakly.

“Okay, your LVAD battery is almost dead. Get him to his room I’ll get Dr. Mcneal,” Maddie says standing and rushing to find him.

When Maddie comes back with the doctor, Charlie is back in bed and has his eyes cast towards the window, his body completely closed off to everyone in the room including her.

“Charlie,” the doctor says, “you knew the LVAD wasn’t a cure.”

“I want to go home. I want to go home yesterday,” Charlie demands.

“I know this is hard to hear, but that’s just not an option at this point,” the doctor sighs.

“Since when do you get to decide what’s an option in my life and what isn’t? My heart may be on your battery packs, but it’s still my heart. It’s my decision. It’s my damn life,” Charlie shouts at the doctor.

The doctor accesses Charlie before nodding, “That’s right. It is your life. And it is your life that is at stake. And it is your life that will end if you continue to push like you did today.”

“You said the LVAD would make me better,” Charlie says his voice sounding cracked and broken.

“I told you the LVAD would buy you more time, and it will, if you respect its limitations and your own,” the doctor insists.

Charlie stares at both the doctor and Maddie before shaking his head and rolling over and whispering, “I wanna go home.”

Maddie follows the doctor out of the room, “What do we do?” She asks him. 

The doctor sighs putting Charlie’s chart away before glancing back towards Charlie’s room and sighing, “Put him on a tight leash. Keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn’t take any more endurance hikes in the stairwell.”

Maddie nods and then whispers, “Yeah. But...what do we do?”

The doctor looks at her sympathetically before saying, “The damage to his body we can try to control, but the damage to his spirit...for a man like Charlie to lie on this bed for years on end? That’s not something we could really understand. And his feelings about it aren’t something we should try to control. Give him room, Maddie. Just give him room to grieve.”

After leaves to take the husband of the daughter to the hospital, Buck is bouncing between his victim and her, while Hen examines the mother.

“None of the drugs will hurt the baby or nothing right?” She asks after Buck gets an IV in.

“No. Your baby will be fine,” Buck assures her.

“I was having a shower today. A baby shower. That’s why my mama and daddy are in town, cause I’m having a baby. How nice is that?” She smiles and seems overall fine other than a few cuts.

“Nice,” Buck agrees and nods at Hen when she comes back having sent the two parents off with Chimney and Bobby in the remaining two ambulances.

It allows him to turn his attention back to his victim who has an obvious concussion.

He’s getting an IV in him when Hen shouts, “Crap she’s crashing.”

“But she was laughing and talking literally two seconds ago,” Buck says as he watched Hen quickly start doing chest compressions.

“I know,” Hen shouts back and continues doing CPR and looks up, “God, where are the other ambulances,” Hen curses.

Buck looks around and doesn’t see any in sight or coming and says, “Hen what can I do?”

“I don’t know. She must be bleeding internally and have a number of injuries that we can’t see,” Hen pants still doing the compressions.

“She was talking,” Buck says again.

“Yes, I know it must have been the adrenaline. But she’s been laying her and now her bodies had time to feel the full extent of her injuries,” Hen tells him.

“How long has she been going down?” Buck asks.

“Three minutes,” Hen pants.

“The baby,” Buck says.

“A baby can only survive inside a mother for five minutes without oxygen,” Hen replies still pumping on her chest and looking for the ambulances. She swallows and then says, “It might be time.”

“Time to what?” Buck asks.

“If we can’t get her back. We need to do a c-section, it’ll save the baby,” Hen tells Buck.

“Out here on a highway,” Buck asks looking around.

Hen curses again and seems to decide it’s a foregone conclusion. The woman’s not coming back and the ambulances are nowhere to be seen.

“Buck, I need your help,” Hen says.

“Okay,” Buck says moving over to her.

“Grab me the scalpel,” Hen says and Buck digs in their bags for one before handing it to her.

“Okay, Buck I’m going to cut and then open the uterus, I want you to pull the baby out and cut the cord,” Hen tells him.

Buck’s eyes widen and he nods, “Okay.”   
  


Buck cringes as Hen cuts open the women’s lifeless body and opens her up before saying, “Now Buck.”   
  


Buck reaches in and finds the baby and pulls it from the mother and takes the scissors in his other hand to cut the cord.

“She doesn’t look good, Hen,” Buck tells her.

“Start doing compressions,” Hen tells him, “gentle,” Hen warns.

Buck nod and cleans out the baby’s sinuses before doing compressions while Hen tries to clear the baby’s lungs.

Eddie shows up shortly after and calls out, “How long has the mother been down?”

“Seven minutes, we had to deliver the baby,” Hen announces just as the baby lets out her first cry.

“She’s not coming back,” Eddie nods at the mother, and Buck and Hen both nod in response before Eddie pauses and asks, “Buck? Where’s the other guy?”

“What?” Buck questions.

“Your head trauma,” Eddie shouts.

Buck turns and finds the place he was empty and his eyes go wide, “I don’t...he was just here...but I had to help Hen…”

“God damn it, Buck,” Eddie yells at him before running off to find him.

“He’s pissed at me,” Buck whispers to Hen who frowns and wraps the baby up and takes her to the ambulance to transport to the hospital while Buck covers up the mother.

Eddie comes back with the guy and loads him into an ambulance before wheeling around on Buck his eyes burning.

“How in the hell do you let him get that far off your watch?” Eddie shouts.

“I had to help Hen deliver the baby,” Buck says quickly.

“He was walking around Buck,” Eddie screams back.

“I had to help Hen, Eddie. I turned my back to help her and she got up...I’m sorry, we didn’t have more…,” Buck begins to explain before Eddie cuts him off.

“No,” Eddie yells, “This is your fault. You had him and you lost him. You gotta take responsibility for your actions for once in your life,” Eddie says before storming off.

“Eddie!” Buck calls after him only to be ignored.

Maddie comes into Charlie’s room with a new plan to cheer him up and he seems to sense it cause he takes one look at her and her arms full of different goodies and groans, “Maddie, please.”

“Come on, Charlie, just…,” Maddie starts walking over to sit on his bed.

“Maddie,” Charlie says again.

“Smell,” Maddie says breaking off a piece of the chocolate bar and placing it under Charlie’s nose, “Smell. Chocolate,” she says putting a piece in his mouth, his face wrinkling up. “And not the crappy, processed waxy kind, but the really good swiss chocolate that you get at the gift shop that costs way too much money, but is totally worth it,” Maddie explains with a bright smile, “Try it,” she says encouragingly, “And exhibit ‘b’ tabloids. Good, old-fashioned, trashy celebrity gossip rags that are guaranteed to take your mind off your troubles,” she tries.

“ Damn it, Maddie, stop it. Just stop it,” he shouts shoving the tabloids away. “You think I’m feeling sorry for myself, right? Poor sad-sack Charlie just needs a little perspective?” He asks.

“You do need a little perspective,” Maddie whispers not meeting his eye.

“You have no idea what it is to lose what I have lost,” Charlie growls.

“I know loss, Charlie,” Maddie sighs.

“No, you don’t! I’m a man. I’m a strong, virile, horse of a man, stuck in the body of some weak, sick bastard that I don’t know, like, or recognize. Now if you knew what that feels like, you would’ve never convinced me to let a battery-run my heart. If you knew what that feels like, Maddie...you woulda let me go,” Charlie shouts at her tears rolling down his cheeks before turning his head away.

Maddie stares at him and slowly picks herself off his bed and exits unsure of what she can do to help him.

When they get back to the station Eddie marches away from Buck, but Buck follows him into the bathrooms and calls after him, “We never should have done this friends thing.”

Eddie winds on him wearing a sick sort of smile before shrugging, “Yeah, maybe not. Glad I know about the vet now. You really get around.”

“What did you just say to me?” Buck asks his blood starting to boil.

Eddie gives a simple shrug of his shoulders and says, “Just the truth.”

Buck looks to the side and then back at Eddie and shouts, “What’s it to you if I’m with the vet?”

“It’s unforgivable,” Eddie states with little emotion.

“I don’t remember ever asking you to forgive me,” Buck shoots back.

Eddie laughs and tilts his head before looking back at Buck, “So was the knitting a phase? Who’s next? Chimney, Charlie? I’m sure if it weren’t for his heart he’d sleep around. You’d have that in common.”

It’s knife plunging deep into Buck and as Eddie turns to finally enter the stall Buck shoves Eddie forward into one before shutting the stall door behind him.

Eddie looks stunned and Buck glares at him in the confined space before saying, “You don’t get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done,” Buck insists. “So all the boys and girls and all the bar and obvious mommy and daddy issues - who cared? Because I was done,” Buck says with finality the tears rolling down his cheeks, “You left me. You chose Shannon. I’m all glued back together now,” Buck tells Eddie though he’s not so sure how true it really is. Buck shakes his head and then adds, “I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don’t get to call me a whore.”

Eddie stares back at Buck before shaking his head from side to side, “This thing with us is finished. It’s over.”

“Finally,” Buck replies.

“It’s over. It’s done,” Eddie says again and Buck nods, “It is done,” before shoving his way out of the stall and running out of the bathroom. He stands on the other side of the door for a moment before sniffing and wiping his tears away and hurrying up the stairs to eat with Hen and Chimney.

At the end of the day, Maddie walks back into Charlie’s room and sits on the edge of his bed, while he eyes her dubiously.

She begins to untie her shoes though and sets them aside and Charlie seems to get the gesture cause he sighs and says, “You’re gonna get in trouble.”   
  


“I don’t care,” Maddie asserts before crawling into the bed beside him and laying her cheek on his shoulder.

“I’m not gonna cheer up for you,” Charlie whispers.

“You don’t have to cheer up. I’m not here for me. I’m here for you. Okay?” She asks looking up at him carefully.

“Okay,” Charlie whispers with a small smile.

After a while of laying there, Charlie whispers, “Maddie?”

“Hmmm?” Maddie hums.

“Would it be wrong for you to feel you up right now?” Charlie asks a small grin coming to his face.

“Not so much,” Maddie answers before bursting into laughter with him.

Buck goes to Adam’s after his shift and paces behind him again while Adam cooks at the stove.

“You’re driving me crazy with the hovering,” Adam finally says.

Buck sighs and leans up against the counter before saying, “This could be a mistake. This. Us. You...you’re a really nice guy, and...and well...you...you don’t want to get involved with me. If you knew me…” Buck starts.

Adam simply grins as he turns around and leans back against the counter with Buck, “Scary,” he finally whispers.

“Adam,” Buck huffs.

“Damaged. See, I told you,” Adam shrugs at Buck with a small grin still glued to his face.

Buck stares up at him and swallows and says, “If you knew me, if you knew my family, if I told you the people that I’ve slept with lately, the scary and damaged may actually be more than you can handle.”

Adam looks back at Buck for a moment before nodding and saying, “My mother’s dead. She got cancer when I was 10, and she suffered for a really long time, and then she died. My father never recovered. It was kinda like he died with her, except his body’s above ground and permanently placed in front of the TV with a bottle of scotch in his lap,” Adam explains before tilting his head and adding, “The last person I slept with was my wife. But she died, too. It was a car crash so it was quick. She didn’t suffer, which I appreciated,” Adam nods before looking back at Buck and stroking his cheek, “Don’t worry. I’m thinking my luck is beginning to change, because...I’ve met you. And you like dogs and you enjoy pony births and you have the ability to save lives,” he pauses just briefly before whispering, “I never said I wasn’t scary and damaged too.”

Buck analyzes him for a moment before stepping closer to Adam and closing the gap between them with his lips. He lets the kiss linger, soft, but long and sweet, as his fingers curl into his hair.

And maybe, just maybe Buck really is all glued back together.


	24. 17 Seconds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm still debating whether to combine the final 2 episodes into one chapter or to split them and add another chapter. We'll have to see once I outline it.

The morning before they’re supposed to go to the vet to get Plissken’s diagnosis the whole team plus Maddie all go out to the bar to celebrate Chimney’s birthday.

It’s an awkward occasion as Buck isn’t speaking to Eddie or Maddie and sticks to sitting at the bar with Hen while Eddie plays darts with Chimney and Shannon.

Buck watches them and notices how Eddie looks back at him his eyes on fire when he looks in Buck’s direction, just before he throws the dart hard at the board.

“He’s picturing my face,” Buck tells Hen, “He’s totally picturing that dart puncturing my skull.”

Hen looks over as Eddie takes a drink before furiously throwing another dart. She laughs into her drink and nods, “Yeah, yeah he’s definitely picturing you.”

Buck shakes his head to himself before sipping his drink and saying, “He called me a whore. He lost the right to picture me,” Eddie looks over in his direction, and Buck mouths, “Ass,” back to him.

It possibly only makes the vet office more awkward as Buck sits beside Adam and across from Eddie and Shannon while Plissken lays in the middle of the floor between them all.

Adam gives the terrible diagnosis and Eddie narrows his eyes at him before asking, “That’s it? That’s your diagnosis?”

Buck glares back at Eddie and says, “Yes, he said bone cancer. So that would be his diagnosis.”

“I heard him. I was double-checking,” Eddie snaps back causing Shannon to glance between Buck and Eddie.

Adam swallows and sighs before saying, “I still need to do a bone scan to see how far it’s spread. Osteosarcomas are aggressive, but, uh, we can try and treat it with chemo or remove the tumor entirely. If it’s spread too far, we may have to amputate the limb.”

“At that point, should we even bother?” Eddie asks.

“Oh, right, let’s just let him die,” Buck shoots back.

“I don’t want him to suffer, Buck,” Eddie says his voice like ice around Buck’s name.

“Right,” Buck scoffs turning his head away.

Buck, Eddie, and Shannon walk out of the office together and Shannon stops between the two of them and asks, “So what’s...I mean is there something going on?”

“No,” Buck and Eddie both say quickly.

Shannon still looks between the two of them before frowning and asking, “Did you guys have a fight or something?”

“No,” Buck and Eddie both deny.

“So...we’re all still...friends?” Shannon asks.

“Yes,” Buck and Eddie both answer before getting into their separate cars not bothering to glance in one another’s direction.

“So you’re not gonna tell me what’s going on with you and Buck?” Shannon asks when she drops Eddie off at work.

Eddie shrugs his shoulders and pulls his bag over his shoulder before saying, “There’s nothing to tell,” and walking into the station.

Maddie starts her morning off with good news when Charlie’s doctor informs her he’s leaving the hospital to harvest a heart for Charlie.

Maddie practically races to Charlie’s room and enters with a bright smile before saying, “I have some news for you.”

“Am I getting a better television? Cause this one is ridiculously small and it doesn’t get the porny channels,” Charlie jokes.

Maddie smiles before simply saying, “You’re getting a heart, Charlie.”

Charlie pauses and then smiles slowly before sighing and saying, “I don’t mean to be dramatic and all but I’m gonna need you to repeat that. And say it slow, because this is one of those moments in life that I’m gonna want to remember in detail.”

Maddie beams and comes to sit on the edge of Charlie’s bed, taking his hands in hers before slowly telling him, “You are getting a heart, Dr. Mcneal already left to get it.”

Charlie chuckles and replies, “I guess this means I’m gonna have to start taking you on some real dates.”

“I guess so,” Maddie grins before jumping up from the bed when she hears the door open and a hospital administrator comes in with a stack of papers and passes them to Charlie.

“Here we are Mr. Tuckett,” the administrator says.

“Thank you,” Charlie says taking the papers from her.

“What are these?” Maddie asks.

“DNR papers,” the administrator answers.

“Do not resuscitate?” Maddie asks nostrils flaring slightly as she looks back to Charlie.

“I’ll leave these here and come back,” the administrator says before stepping out of the room.

Maddie steps closer to Charlie and looks down at the papers before asking, “Why are you signing these? You’re getting a heart.”

“If this heart doesn’t come through for some reason…,” Charlie begins to explain.

“It will,” Maddie says quickly.

“The last one didn’t.”

“You are on an LVAD, okay? That could give you another two years right there,” Maddie argues.

“Maddie...If I don’t get this heart...I’m done. I’m...I’m just...I’m tired…,” Charlie sighs.

Maddie grabs the papers and shakes her head, “No. No. I’m not gonna let you make this decision, not now.”

“Well, that’s funny because I thought DNR was a patient’s choice. Listen to me. I believe in heaven, Maddie. And if I had to choose between this life here and one in heaven, I choose heaven. Okay?” Charlie tells her brows furrowed.

Maddie stares back at him and hesitates before dropping the papers in front of him, “Okay.”

“Okay,” Charlie nods before looking back down at the papers and signing his name, as Maddie watches on nervously.

Their first call comes early in the morning and is a big one at a popular breakfast restaurant.

“Employee went postal. Shot up the restaurant. We’re out looking for him now,” Athena tells them they arrive on the scene.

“He got away?” Buck asks.

Athena nods before speaking into her walkie as Bobby tells his crew to spread out and triage the victims and get them loaded into the ambulances as soon as possible.

As Buck’s luck would have it he begins to help a victim right next to the one Eddie has selected and even more punishing is the personality of the guy he gets stuck with.

The guy is one of the lucky few that’s missed out on a gunshot wound, but he does have glass embedded in his right arm. Buck picks out the glass as they wait for the next round of ambulances as his victim is hardly critical.

“Damn it,” the man curses as Buck tweezes out a piece of glass, “You sure you know what you’re doing because that really hurts, you know?” The man asks.

“You want to know what really hurts? Gunshot wounds. You’re lucky,” Buck tells him.

“Lucky? There’s no luck. Quick thinking,” the man replies tapping on his temple.

“Excuse me?” Buck asks.

“I’m a quick thinker, smart, always right on it. As soon as I saw him...Petey...He’s the shooter. Yeah, I knew when I fired him he was no good. As soon as I saw him, I thought, oh, here we go. I just knew what was coming,” the guy explains before watching as two members of the waitstaff who are injured are rolled by. At this point, he calls out to them shouting, “Hey, Chaz, Larry, no offense, but you guys gotta think quicker on your feet.”

Buck gapes at the total lack of self-awareness of the guy and says, “They have gunshot wounds, very serious gunshot wounds, life-threatening gunshot wounds.”

The guy doesn’t seem to even understand this and blinks at Buck before smiling and jumping back into his self-praise as he says, “It really helps that I’m an athlete, cause the second I saw Petey with that gun, I was, like, cat-quick, just dove right through the window. Those guys...not so smart.”

Buck hums and then says, “I’m gonna take a wild guess and say Petey was looking for you.”

Eddie works alongside Buck on a waiter with a gunshot wound to the left leg.

“Lower left leg deformity from GSW. Let’s give five of morphine,” Eddie decides after the examination.

“Is that a lot? Cause this hurts really bad,” the waiter groans.

“Probably got the tibia,” Eddie sighs before he is distracted by Buck’s patient who is so loud he can barely think.

He goes to glare over at Buck but it’s obvious he’s already being tortured by the man he’s treatings existence.

“Well the good thing is I can spend months in the hospital and it wouldn’t cost me a cent, cause I’m a manager,” the man announces loudly while Buck continues to pick out pieces of glass.

Eddie’s victim sits watching Buck’s and shakes his head before asking Eddie, “Is there any chance you can please up my morphine?”

“If he keeps talking, pretty soon, I’m gonna need some,” Eddie sighs.

“And you know what? Even with all these cuts, I don’t feel any pain. I swear I have the highest pain threshold of anybody I know,” Buck’s victim continues to gloat.

Athena is passing and eyeing the man with annoyance as Eddie’s victim groans and says, “My God. If I could say something to that guy and not get fired…”

Athena pauses and smiles at the victim before telling him, “He can’t fire me,” and walking over to Buck’s victim and saying, “Sir, I’m happy for you that you’re not feeling much pain from your very minor injuries, but there are a great many people here waiting to be taken to the hospital who are in a great amount of pain. See, they have bullets in their bones, in their chests and in their brains, bullets from a gun that was aiming for you. And although they can’t say it because you’re the boss of them, most of these people, at this moment, are praying not that they’ll live, not that the pain will stop, they’re praying to God for you, at this moment, to shut the heck up.”

Buck’s victim seems to pale at this watching as Athena strides off and Buck chuckles softly to himself. He finds that it shuts the guy right up and he’s able to pass him off into an ambulance shortly after relieving himself of the guy.

Buck finds his way over to Hen and Chimney to help them with a couple with gunshot wounds.

“Neal Hannigan and Hannah Harris. They were paying at the register when the gunman came in,” Chimney tells Buck when he arrives.

“She’s got a through and through to the right upper arm. Good distal pulses,” Hen informs Buck after examining the girl.

“He’s got just a graze wound to the right-back,” Chimney says about the male half of the couple.

“I’m gonna irrigate the wound and then we’ll get you to the hospital,” Hen says using the dropper to clean out the wound.

“Don’t worry about me. Take care of my Hannah first,” the man says when Buck goes to help Chimney with the man's graze wound.

“Oh, now you’re concerned,” the man’s girlfriend shoots back.

“I said I was sorry,” the man pleads.

“Sorry? The shooting starts and you duck behind me, and you’re sorry?” She shouts back.

“He ducked behind…,” Buck starts to say before standing up straight and asking, “You ducked behind her?”

“It was instinct. I couldn’t help it. Hannah, honey, you know I love you,” the man replies quickly.

“Love means never having to use your girlfriend as a human shield,” the girlfriend shoots back.

“We shared a bullet. Hannah, it went through you and into me. That’s a sign we should be together forever, a sign,” Neal pleads.

“No, Neal. This is a sign. She is squirting water through my arm. Look. I can see you through my arm. That’s another sign,” she hisses.

“Good luck,” Buck mutters.

“Whatever happens I want you to ensure they operate on my fiance first. Even if I’m dying,” the man says to them all.

  
“You’re not dying,” Chimney tells the man.

“I’m also not your fiance,” the girl says with a huff.

“We already sent out invitations. We’re getting married six weeks from now. Hannah, please. I love you,” the man calls out to her and Buck can see her face start to soften.

“Don’t buy it,” Buck says quickly, gaining her attention, “With the “I love yous” and the “move in with me’s” cause they suck you in, and he melts your resolve. And the minute you actually need something, something you totally deserve, oh forget it. You know, it’s not gonna happen because they’re just gonna pass you over and call you a whore or they’re gonna duck behind you when someone’s shooting.”

“Buck,” Hen whispers harshly and shakes her head at him.

The woman stares up at him for a moment before saying, “You’re very, very bitter.”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking. See? We’re meant to be together,” the guy suddenly says.

“Shut up Neal,” the woman shouts back at him.

After a few hours, Maddie calls the doctor to check on Charlie’s heart and his voice sounds harried even as he answers the phone quickly and says, “Hello.”

“I just wanted to know how the heart recovery is going,” Maddie says.

“I’m working on it,” the doctor replies with a heavy sigh.

“So you’re getting ready to operate?” Maddie asks.

“There were two donors. Our guy’s heart flatlined, and now I’m trying to get the other guy’s,” the doctor starts to explain.

“But there’s a list..,” Maddie says the panic starting to set in.

“Yes, and the higher guy gets the heart,” the doctor states.

Maddie feels her chest tighten and she begins stuttering before she manages to get out, “Charlie’s getting sicker. He’s getting worse by the second. His sats are in the 70s and dropping. I think it’s flash pulmonary edema.”

“Flash pulmonary edema? Is it the LVAD? Is the LVAD working?” The doctor asks.

“Absolutely,” Maddie confirms.

“Well did you put him on a nitro drip?”

“Um, I...yes. Yes, of course,” Maddie tells him.

“How’s his blood pressure?”

“It’s uh...still dropping. 82/40,” Maddie lies.

“Then take him off the drip and put him on dopamine, now. Don’t hang up..,” the doctor says and Maddie feels her breathing picking up as her heart races. She can hear the doctor talking to the UNOS people over the phone and when the doctor comes back to speaking directly into the phone he says, “UNOS wants us to run some tests, so have someone give him an echo and run tests to get his BNP.”

“Okay,” Maddie agrees nodding to herself and hanging up looking around the room she’s in as she tries to figure out the hole she’s just dug herself into.

When they get back to the station Shannon is waiting there, but upstairs and Buck finds himself up there alone with her while the rest of the crew is downstairs.

“Oh, Shannon,” Buck says, “Eddie is somewhere downstairs,” he informs her as friendly as he can before walking towards the kitchen to grab a snack. He doesn’t hear her go down the stairs though or leave. Rather he feels her eyes on him as he walks to the kitchen. He turns to her slowly and raises his brows in question and she immediately starts stuttering.

“Sorry...I...I mean I’m not sorry...I’m just having a little trouble because I need to ask you something. And I don’t usually have trouble, but what I need to ask, I’m not even sure I want the answer to. But I have to ask, so I’m just gonna ask you, and then you answer, and then, um...and we’ll go from there, okay?” She asks stumbling over her words.

Buck blinks and then nods, “Okay.”

Shannon nods and then slowly asks, “Are you sleeping with my husband?”

Buck frowns and shakes his head and says, “No. Not since before I knew he was married.”

Shannon lets out a sigh of relief and says, “Okay,” and then makes a move like she’s about to leave when she stops and turns back to Buck and says, “Except, you know, it just...it felt like in the vet’s office this morning and after, it felt a little like you two were having a lover quarrel?”

Buck shakes head again and says, “No, we’re not. I’ve moved on. I’m dating Adam.”

Shannon pauses at this and swallows, “You’re dating the vet?” Then she starts nodding to herself like it suddenly all makes sense and she says, “Okay.”

“Shannon,” Buck starts to say knowing what she must be thinking from her reaction.

“No, no, thanks. I’m good. I’m great,” she insists before walking off as Buck sighs to himself.

Buck ends up with Hen on the couch complaining about Eddie again but this time ranting about Plissken, trying hard not to think about the implications of Shannon’s reaction.

“You know I’m trying to help the dog and he’s standing there talking about putting the dog down like Plissken means nothing,” Buck tells her.

“I’m sure that’s not why. Christopher loves that dog, he wouldn’t be that cold just to hurt you,” Hen reasons.

“And he hates Adam, who, by the way, is great with dogs,” Buck tells her.

Hen laughs just before his phone rings and Buck looks down at it and frowns when he sees Maddie’s name come across.

He rarely gets even a text from her these days even though they live together. But ever since Charlie entered the hospital it’d be more true to say that Maddie lives there.

So Buck is worried when he answers the phone and says her name, “Maddie.”

“Evan, I lied to my boss,” Maddie says sounding somewhat distraught over the phone.

They’re certainly not the words he thought he’d be hearing over the phone nor the words to possibly end their fight. But Buck simply laughs before saying, “Good for you fight the power.”

“No, no, I need...um...God, I can’t think. I don’t know what to do. What do I do?” She asks.

“Well, tell me what’s wrong Maddie,” Buck says leaning forward on the couch.

“There’s this guy ahead of Charlie on the transplant list,” Maddie says her voice cracking.

“Oh,” Buck says and sighs taking in this news himself before turning on his optimism, “He’ll get the next heart, Mads.”

“No! He needs to get this heart,” Maddie shouts back at him over the phone.

“He’ll probably get a heart at some point. But as long as Charlie’s doing well on the LVAD and there’s someone ahead of him on the transplant list, he’s not gonna get this heart. Okay?” Buck asks trying to reason with her.

There’s a moment of silence before Maddie says, “Yes. You’re right. Okay. Thank you,” and quickly hangs up on him.

Eddie eats lunch across from Shannon and while he would commonly find her silence bothersome he finds himself staring off towards Buck who after talking rather loudly to Maddie on the phone seems to be retreating down the stairs.

When he falls out of sight Eddie looks to Shannon and sighs, “Can you talk to Christopher tonight about Plissken?”

“I thought we were going to do that together, with Buck?” Shannon replies watching him with curiosity.

“ I don’t know if I’ll have the time after work, might be too late when I get back home,” Eddie sighs.

“Fine,” Shannon huffs.

Eddie raises his brows at her and starts to say, “If you don’t want to…”

“I said I’d do it,” Shannon shoots back.

Eddie sighs and says, “What’s wrong?”

“Are we sure we’re even putting down the dog? Christopher won’t want that and Buck didn’t seem to want to either,” Shannon argues.

“Yes, because they love him and they don’t want to let go. But it’s not actually in the dog's best interest,” Eddie tells her.

Shannon scoffs at this before standing and saying, “Maybe they’re just a bit too much like you then Eddie.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Eddie asks following her as she retreats toward the stairs.

“Like how you pretend to love me, but really, you’re just using me to fill some need you have to be a good guy,” Shannon shouts back at him.

“Now is not the time to talk about this. We’ll talk about this later,” Eddie says in a harsh whisper and starts to walk around her when she stops him.

“You walk away? That’s all I get?” She yells after him.

“Just calm down, please,” Eddie says turning back to her.

“What? What? You’re not gonna yell at me, call me names, or I don’t know ignore me in a locker room?” She asks her voice still raised.

“What do you want from me, Shannon?” Eddie asks.

“I want you to care,” Shannon shouts back at him. “Your best friend hits on me for years. He even comes out here from Texas and rubs it in your face, and still, you get a good night’s sleep,” she states as Eddie tries to look elsewhere. “What do I have to do?” Shannon asks throwing her hands up in the air before laughing and saying, “Oh, I know. Maybe what I should do is go out on a date with the vet, because that seems to be something that sends you into a blind rage. Oh, but wait, that won’t work either, cause I’m not Buck,” she says shouting the last bit in Eddie’s face.

It’s silent then and as she pulls back she turns and sees the whole station including Buck staring up at them.

Eddie quickly retreats up the stairs leaving Shannon there to walk down and past the crowd to go to the bathroom and wipe her tears away.

It’s Hen who follows her into the bathroom and asks, “You okay Shannon?”

Shannon shakes her head a bit and wipes her eyes before saying, “I can’t compete.”

“Shannon,” Hen sighs and starts to open her mouth to say something else before Shannon shakes her head again.

“I mean he’s not having an affair, he’s not trying to hurt me, he just...the only people who don’t know Eddie loves Buck are Eddie and Buck. How do I compete with that?” She asks Hen, but she gets no answer from her.

After the call with Buck, Maddie devises a plan. A plan to ensure Charlie gets that heart, and she’s careful as she pulls in a plethora of different heart equipment into his room shutting the door and pulling the curtains behind her.

“What’s all that?” Charlie asks.

“Heart stuff,” Maddie replies.

“So you’re gonna put this heart in me in my room? I didn’t know transplants were so informal,” Charlie kids. 

Maddie goes still and sits on the edge of his bed again and whispers, “There...there may not be a heart, Charlie. Somebody else might get it instead.”

Charlie takes this in and nods his head sadly before saying, “So this isn’t gonna happen...again.”

“Not necessarily,” Maddie says before standing and pacing in front of Charlie bed, “I’ve been over this and over this, and it can’t be a lie and it can’t be fake. We need charts. We need test results. We need UNOS to believe us, so it has to be real,” she begins explaining.

“What are you talking about, Maddie?” Charlie frowns.

“In order for you to get the heart, you would have to get worse...much worse...and you would have to do it very quickly,” Maddie tells him.

Charlie chuckles and shakes his head before saying, “Well, I don’t see that happening. You see that happening?”

Maddie stops in front of his bed and says, “I’m gonna make it happen.”

Charlie raises his brows in confusion only getting some of what Maddie’s saying when she starts moving the equipment around.

“Maddie. Maddie, stop, and listen to me. We’re not doing this,” Charlie tells her.

“Don’t worry. You’re not gonna die. I will be here the whole time to make sure of that, and that’s what this stuff is for,” Maddie assures him.

Charlie shakes his head and calls out, “This isn’t about me dying, all right? This is wrong!”

“You’ve waited years to get this thing. Who knows when the next one is gonna come along?” Maddie huffs not swayed even a little from her task.

“I’ll take my chances,” Charlie replies.

“No! It may be too late by then,” Maddie shouts.

“Then it’s too late, all right? Now get this stuff outta here,” Charlie says waving his hand in dismissal.

“Charlie! Please...you have to do this. Please,” Maddie begs tears springing to her eyes.

“No, Maddie. I’m not about to steal a heart from another man’s chest. Not to mention this will be the end of your career,” Charlie reminds her.

“I don’t care about my career,” Maddie says firmly with a shake of her head.

Charlie watches her and shifts and says, “All right, you know what? This has gone on long enough. I’m gonna call another nurse.”

Maddie stops his hand from going to the call button and takes it in her own and sits on his bed before telling him, “Everyone who is entered into the transplant program is clocked in to the second. To the second, Charlie. You were clocked in to the second, and so was the other guy I checked with UNOS. The difference between when you entered the program and when he entered the program is 17 seconds. That’s it, Charlie. 17 seconds,” Maddie affirms before scoffing, “I mean, it’s not even the length of a decent kiss. So this other guy...I’m not saying that he doesn’t deserve this heart. I’m sure he does, but so do you. So do you. And if you tell me any more crap about heading towards the light or looking down on me from heaven, I swear, I will kill you myself right now!” She shouts at him.

Charlie has tears in his eyes as he looks back at her and he gently caresses her cheek before whispering, “ Maddie...just...I’m gonna be all right. All right? You don’t have to worry.”

Maddie nods a bit and then shouts, “What about me? What about me when you go to the light?”

“Maddie…,” Charlie starts to say.

“No, I get it. Okay? I get it. You’ll be okay. You’ll be fine. But what about me?” She continues shouting. “So don’t do it for yourself. Do it for me, please. Please, Charlie. Please do this for me. Because if you die, oh God you have to do this. You have to do this for me, or I’ll never be able to forgive you,” she sobs.

“For dying?” Charlie asks.

“No! For making me love you. Please. Please do this for me. Okay? Please,” she pleads through her heavy sobs.

“Come here,” Charlie whispers beckoning her closer and into his arms.

Her face buries itself in his shoulder as she cries, “Okay? I can’t do this if you don’t. Please do this for me. Cause if you don’t do this...please. Okay?”

Charlie holds her close and runs his fingers through her hair, tears pouring down his own cheeks as he nods and whispers, “Okay. Okay, I’ll do it.”

Maddie pulls herself from Charlie slowly and gets ahold of herself and her determination before calling Doctor Mcneal.

“Doctor Mcneal. Hello,” she says over the phone hardening her voice.

“Buckley, where the hell have you been? Have you got the lab results?” He asks.

“I’m working on that,” Maddie sighs.

“I need those results,” he affirms.

“You should get back here with the heart as soon as possible. Once I get the results to you,” she tells him before hanging up and going back to Charlie’s room.

When Buck’s getting ready to leave late in the night he ends up alone in the locker room with Eddie.

He’s been trying to steel himself against what he heard Shannon shout. But it burns deep within his skin and that pull, that pull Eddie has on him will always be there it seems.

He moves silently packing up beside Eddie and for a moment he thinks he feels Eddie’s eyes watching him, but when he turns Eddie’s facing forward. But Buck stares at Eddie and watches him carefully can’t tear his eyes away for what feels like too long.

And maybe it is cause he feels Eddie shift beside him sees his whole body turn in his direction even sees his mouth open before he shuts it and remains silent and leaves the locker room, and it feels like all the air in the room has been sucked out with him.

Buck ends up going to the vet clinic and when he walks in Adam’s already downstairs and smiles brightly in his direction.

“This is a surprise what are you…,” he begins to say before Buck cuts him off.

“Tell me the truth about Plissken,” Buck says quickly.

Adam frowns and then asks, “What about him?”

“You’ve been downplaying how sick he is, haven’t you?” Buck asks.

Adam shifts in front of him nervously before nodding and saying, “Best case scenario, I would say Plissken has maybe a year left.”

Buck lets that hit over him and he sniffs and nods, “Okay.”  
  


Adam’s mouth downturns before he adds, “And Plissken is not the best-case scenario.”

Buck nods again and whispers, “Okay,” and directs his eyes up at the ceiling as the tears well in his eyes.

“Buck?” Adam asks.

“Damn it,” Buck whimpers as the tears start to roll down his cheeks.

Adam steps forward and pulls Buck into his arms, holding him close and Buck is just slightly taken aback by it as Adam rubs his back and whispers, “Oh, I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I know how much you love him.”

Buck lets out a croak and he knows deep down it’s not just Plissken he’s crying about. Knows that the dog is like a piece of him and a piece of Eddie, and now he’s losing him too. Losing his perfect dog and losing Eddie too.

“I do. I love him so much,” Buck sobs back in response burying his face into Adam’s neck.

A part of Buck wants desperately to just go home to cry in his bed over Plissken and pretend that the dog is the only thing that has him crying. But he has an internal worry over Maddie after the call, and he thinks that perhaps if Charlie really is going to lose out on this heart he should go visit him and try and cheer him up.

So he drives to the hospital and frowns a bit as he notices Charlie’s room shut and curtained and he walks to it and opens it and sees Maddie in there with Charlie and a plethora of different medical equipment.

“Maddie. What’s going on?” Buck asks as he steps into the room.

“Shut the door,” Maddie calls back to him barely giving him a second glance.

Buck hesitates before shutting the door behind him and attempting to ask again, “Maddie what?”

But she just ignores him and walks back to Charlie’s bedside and says, “After we do this I might have to shock you a few times.”

Buck frowns and asks, “Do what?”

She continues to ignore him though and asks Charlie, “You feeling good?”

“I think so. Explain this to me again,” Charlie says and Buck looks between them in confusion.

“The, um, the LVAD has been inserted into your abdomen and is connected to your heart. This cord leads to the power source. This one is connected to the pump that pumps your heart for you. I have the crash cart, the defibrillator, the Ambu bag, saline…,” Maddie starts to explain and Buck finds that the situation becomes no clearer, and every word Maddie says only makes him more anxious.

“Do what Maddie?” Buck asks again only to go unheard as Maddie sits down on Charlie’s bed and grabs his hands in hers and says, “Um...I feel like we should say stuff. Charlie, do you want to say stuff?”

Charlie gives her a bright smile before saying, “Kiss me...right here,” and tapping on his lips. 

Buck watches as Maddie leans in and kisses Charlie for what seems like an unusually long time when you’re little more than a fly on a wall.

“See. A kiss is worth a thousand words,” Charlie whispers when the kiss ends.

“A picture. A picture is worth a thousand words,” Maddie giggles holding Charlie’s face in her hands.

“You’re gonna correct me at a time like this?” Charlie asks.

“I don’t mean to be intrusive…,” Buck pipes up.

“Just give me a second, Evan,” Maddie shouts back at him and Buck wonders whether that’s better than when she was saying nothing to him.

“Okay. You ready?” Maddie asks turning back to Charlie.

“As I’ll ever be,” Charlie replies.

“Okay,” Maddie nods and stands and grabs a pair of scissors.

“Wait. What are you doing?” Buck asks looking down at the scissors.

“Charlie, if there really is some kind of big, glowing light…,” Maddie starts to say.

“I’m gonna try like hell to stay out of it,” Charlie nods.

“Exactly,” Maddie smiles.

Buck shifts nervously and says, “I don’t like the sound of this.”

“Just make sure nobody comes through that door,” Maddie shouts back at him.

“What are you doing?” Buck asks again his eyes darting down to the scissors in Maddie’s hand.

She seems to hesitate as she looks at him, before saying, “I’m stopping his heart, Evan.”

She picks up one of the cords to the LVAD and lines up the scissors over it.

Buck tries to process this as Maddie’s hands shake and she looks at Charlie and as Buck starts to understand he whispers nervously, “Maddie…”

“It’s okay,” Maddie nods at Buck and Charlie, “the doctor will be here any minute,” she whispers.

Buck hears the snip of the scissors cutting the wire before he can open his mouth to stop her.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	25. Losing My Religion

The sound of the monitor is all that fills Buck’s ears for a moment. The moment after Maddie cuts Charlie’s LVAD wire. He isn’t sure how long they both stand there. It’s like the whole world stops for a moment and then goes white, cause he can’t remember seeing anything, but it certainly feels like he’s waking up when he finally does.

When he sees his sister with the cut LVAD wire in her fingers, the scissors still hanging in the other as she stares down at Charlie. Charlie who was smiling just a second ago but is instead laying back on the bed his eyes closed and still. And that noise, that long monotonous beep just goes on and fills his ears as his eyes dart around the room. Dart to the monitor where the green line is now nearly flat and shouldn’t be. It finally starts to make sense and he darts his eyes back to Maddie who is still just standing there.

It’s like a spark into action suddenly as he rushes forward and calls out, “Maddie. Maddie his heart’s barely beating. You need to call a code. I can’t feel a pulse. Maddie, you need to call a code.”

Maddie seems to awake from her daze at this point and shakes her head, “No! I have a plan.

“He’s crashing. You need to call the code,” Buck argues.

“No! If I call a code, they will rush him to surgery and replace his LVAD, and then he will stabilize. He needs to get worse if he’s gonna get this heart,” Buck takes in her words, running them through his head before shaking his head feverishly.

“Maddie, this is crazy!”

“He has to get this heart. He will die waiting for another chance. You know he will,” Maddie insists her eyes looking hard, back into Buck’s.

Buck pauses but then says, “No. No, Maddie, you have to call a code and he reaches for the code button but she drops the pump she’s been holding in her hands and lunges forward to shove him out of the way.

His back hits the wall and he’s a little surprised at her determination, though if he’s being fair he didn’t expect it, nor would he fight off his sister physically.

“No! You press that code button, I will hurt you. Not a lot, because you’re my brother and I don’t want to hurt you, but enough so that things will break, and you lie on the floor out of my way,” she shouts in his face.

Buck hesitates as she keeps him pinned and whispers, “Maddie…”

“You have a decision to make. You can stay here and help me with this, or you can go.

What’s it gonna be, Evan?” She asks quirking a brow.

When Chimney and Hen arrive at a high school prom they’re quite stunned to run into May.

“May? Are you alright?” Hen asks immediately when she sees the girl.

“Yeah,” May answers before glancing around, “Bobby’s not working right?”

“No, but,” Hen starts to say.

“t’s not me Hen, it’s my friend. Camille. She…,” May begins to say before looking embarrassed and simply deciding to lead Hen over to her.

When Hen gets to the girl she seems rather flustered by the whole situation and is laid out on a classroom couch.

Hen kneels and says, “ Alright, Camille what happened?”

Camille glances off nervously before whispering, “I...I passed out.”   
  


“While dancing,” Hen asks.

“While having sex,” Camille admits the blush rising to her cheeks.

Hen exchanges a look with Chimney before nodding, “Oh...alright.”

“She’s gonna be okay right? I mean no one ever died having sex right?” May asks.

“No,” Chimney answers back.

While they’re in the ambulance with Camille and May who’s come with them they get a 911 text from Buck asking them to come to the hospital right away along with the room number.

“Remind him that we’re working,” Chimney says to Hen.

“We’re going to the hospital anyway, maybe just check on what he needs us for. But I’ll let him know we’re working and I’ll drop her off while you check what he’s freaking out about this time,” Hen chuckles to herself.

“Alright,” Chimney says with a shake of his head and shrug of his shoulders. 

Buck is pacing back and forth at the edge of Charlie’s bed watching the monitor while Maddie is using the LVAD pump to pump Charlie’s heart for him.

It’s then that the door to the room opens and Eddie enters and Buck practically leaps at him to shut the door behind him.

“Buck, your text said it was an emergency...What’s going on?” Eddie asks before looking at Charlie in the bed and questioning, “Charlie?”

“You texted Eddie?” Maddie yells at Buck.

“We need help! Chimney and Hen are working I didn’t know who else to call,” Buck shouts back at her.

“What the hell is going on?” Eddie asks looking from Buck to Maddie, just before Chimney enters the room and Buck quickly shuts the door behind him.

Chimney glances around at Eddie, Buck, Maddie, and then Charlie’s barely breathing form and asks, “What the hell is going on?”

“You said you were working!” Buck exclaims.

“Yeah well we were already coming to the hospital so I thought I’d check up here since you said it was an emergency. What the hell is going on?” He asks again.

“Exactly what I said,” Eddie says throwing up his hands.

“She cut his LVAD wires,” Buck replies and gestures towards Maddie and Charlie.

“What do you mean she cut his LVAD wires?” Eddie asks Buck who runs his hands over his face.

“Are you trying to kill him?” Chimney asks Maddie.

“I’m trying to save him. All I have to do is confirm that his condition is worse, and then he can get the heart. The doctor will be here any minute,” Maddie insists.

Then they all begin talking at once and over each other.

“The cardio doctor he’s,” Chimney starts to say.

“She’s gone insane, right? It’s not just me?” Buck shouts running his hands through his hair and pulling.

“About the cardio doctor…,” Chimney tries again.

“Everything will be fine,” Maddie yells at Buck in response to his previous proclamation.

“Maddie,” Eddie says shaking his head.

“When the doctor gets here, everything will be fine. He will know what to do,” Maddie shouts at Eddie.

“About the doctor!” Chimney shouts over everyone.

“What?!” Eddie and Buck both yell back.

“He’s been shot,” Chimney says at which point all their mouths drop open and Chimney begins to explain, “The shooter from earlier today came here to finish off the manager guy Buck had. He did, but he also shot the cardio surgeon, if that’s who you’re waiting for. I heard them talking about it when Hen and I dropped off...nevermind. But he’s been shot,” Chimney huffs.

“The doctor’s not coming?” Maddie asks her voice beginning to sound hopeless and in disbelief.

“Oh God,” Buck mutters and presses his back against the wall before sliding down to the floor.

“Buck, are you okay?” Eddie asks walking to where Buck is sitting on the ground and squeezing his shoulder.

Buck waves his hand up in the air while he buries his face in his knees, “I’m fine, I’m fine, just...God,” Buck mutters shaking his head.

“Hen’s here?” Eddie seems to ask randomly still squeezing Buck’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” Chimney nods.

“Is Bobby?” Eddie asks next.

“No,” Chimney answers quickly before Maddie repeats in the same tone of disbelief, “The doctor’s not coming?”

Eddie begins to shake is head and pace the room muttering to himself, “Why didn’t I take the job at station 6? None of this would be happening if I had gone to station 6.”

“The doctor’s not coming?” Maddie mutters yet again at which point Chimney starts shouting back at her, “No, Maddie, the doctor is not coming. I know you’re having problems here, what with your possible murder charges and your unbelievably stupid idea about stealing a heart, but the doctor’s kind of busy right now with a gunshot wound.”

“Charlie’s gonna die. Charlie’s gonna die, and I killed him,” Maddie whimpers.

“You shouldn’t have done it!” Buck shouts back the situation starting to get to him.

“Buck,” Eddie warns but only receives a head shake in return.

“We have to tell someone,” Chimney says quickly.

“No, Charlie won’t get the heart, and Maddie will be arrested. Fuck, we might all be arrested now,” Eddie groans tugging on hair.

Instantly thinks of what he’s dragged them all into, but especially Eddie with Christopher and he begins to whimper, “Eddie I’m so sorry. I got you into this, oh my God.”

“Oh, my God,” Maddie whimpers still trying her best to keep pumping Charlie’s heart.

“Buck, stop it’s fine just give me a minute to think,” Eddie says waving his hand at Buck and trying to think of what to do how to solve this, but it becomes difficult as everyone around him seems to be in the middle of having a breakdown.

“None of this would’ve happened if you were thinking with your head,” Chimney shouts at Maddie.

“I did what I thought was best,” Maddie yells back.

“Did you think about the rules for one second?” Chimney asks angrily.

“The rules don’t always matter!” Maddie screams at him.

“Then why have we been arguing for the past month!” Buck decides to pipe up at this time.

“Because you don’t think about anyone else but yourself,” Maddie screams back at this point crying.

“Then what the fuck am I doing here for you now?” Buck asks, standing and moving towards the door.

It’s then that Eddie finally has enough and joins in the shouting as a means of stopping it.

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! No one is leaving,” he shouts looking at Buck, “and no one is dying,” he finishes casting his eyes in the direction of Maddie and Charlie.

Everyone goes silent for a moment before there’s a sigh released from Charlie who’s been silent and nonreactive up until this point.

“Thank you,” Charlie breathes before giving a slight chuckle before adding, “I knew I liked you, Diaz. It was kinda getting on my nerves, all this dying talk.”

“Charlie…,” Maddie whispers breathlessly as she keeps pumping.

“It’s okay,” Charlie whispers in her direction before casting his eyes to Eddie, “But I think uh maybe we should listen to Diaz. Looks like he might have a plan.”

Buck turns quickly towards Eddie and asks, “You have a plan?”

Eddie is chewing on his thumbnail and nods, “Just give me a minute.”

When Eddie finishes explaining his plan to get them all out this they all stare at him for a moment before Chimney groans and calls out, “Oh that’s a stupid plan.”

“Well if the doctor isn’t coming, Maddie has to confirm the results herself. Get the blood work, I’ll perform the echo and give it to her, and no one even has to know what Maddie did.”

“You can do an echo?” Maddie asks brows raised in surprise.

Maddie nods shortly and says, “I did them in the military with help and supervision, but I’m sure Maddie can help. Chimney, you can take the blood.”

“I’m not getting involved,” Chimney says quickly in reply.

“I would help you,” Maddie argues.

“This wouldn’t happen to me. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with a patient,” Chimney shoots back.

“That’s not the point,” Maddie huffs.

“The point is Chimney, we can’t help who we fall in love with,” Buck sighs.

“Yeah,” Eddie whispers under his breath.

Downstairs Hen has gotten Camille into the emergency room but stands with May, expecting at first to only stay with her for a few moments once Chimney’s back. But he doesn’t come back down and she begins to be concerned.

She’s watching May for a while and then thinks to say, “May you better get out of here. If your mother finds out…,”

“Finds out what?” A voice asks almost instantly and when they turn Athena is walking up to them.

“Mom what are you doing here?” May asks surprised.

“Shots were fired, the shooter from the restaurant today apparently decided to wait around for the manager to come out and shot him and another doctor,” Athena begins to explain.

“I heard,” Hen interrupts to try and distract Athena, but Athena is not a woman who is easily distracted.

“But why are you here May when you’re supposed to be at the prom? Did something happen?” Athena asks eyes darting towards Hen who begins to explain.

“There was a little incident at prom. A girl passed out while having sex,” Hen starts to say and Athena’s eyes instantly move to May who reacts immediately.

“God, Mom not me. Camille. I rode with her here,” May says quickly.

“Well is she alright?” Athena asks her voice turning concerned.

“She’s getting checked out but you know...she had...before...the cancer,” May says getting choked up.

Athena nods and wraps May in her arms and says, “I’m sure it’ll all be alright. Let’s just wait for her then huh?”

“Yeah,” May nods.

“You can go Hen I got it from here,” Athena smiles.

Hen nods her head and looks around still not spotting Chimney. She glances down at her phone and there have been no further texts since they replied to Bucks. She locks in on the room number and begins to make her way for the elevators when Athena calls out her.

“Hen where do you think you’re going?” She asks.

Hen freezes and glances off to the side before swallowing and saying, “Uh...there’s just something I need to see.”

“Like what?” Athena asks raising a brow.

Hen opens her mouth to answer and then forces a smile and shakes her head and begins to walk in the other direction back towards the ambulance waving her hand, “You know what it can wait.”

Athena clocks this as suspicious right away and asks, “Where is Chimney?”

Hen freezes and says, “I don't…,”

“He was working with you right?” Athena asks stepping towards Hen.

“ I...I’m sure he’s at the ambulance,” Hen tries to cover.

Athena stops in front of her and then shakes her head, “Oh, you are lying.”

“I don’t…,” Hen starts again.

“You know something,” Athena says plainly while Hen stands in front of her at a loss of words.

\---

Buck, Chimney, Eddie, and Maddie all come together to start Eddie’s plan. Chimney has drawn the blood and Maddie has run it to have the blood work done and is assisting Eddie with the echo. Buck uses the pump to pump Charlie’s heart for him and the room has remained rather silent though Chimney now sits surly in the corner.

“Can’t you just try to understand Chimney? I love him,” Maddie says breaking the silence finally.

“You don’t even know him,” Chimney argues.

“I do know him,” Maddie insists quickly.

“No, you’ve never even seen him outside the four walls of this hospital. You don’t know him.”

“I know him. Maybe I don’t work with him like Buck did with Eddie or meet him outside of here like anyone you’ve dated but I do know him,” Maddie says determinedly while Buck and Eddie avoid each other’s eyes at the sudden mention of themselves as an example. “And there’s possibility here. And given the choice of running or staying,” Maddie continues.

“You should run. It’s what you’d tell Buck to do,” Chimney interrupts.

Suddenly the monitor lets out a long monotonous beep that strikes them all cold and Buck looks up at the monitor and says, “He’s flat line.”

Eddie has jumped up from his place and grabs Maddie’s stethoscope and listens to Charlie’s heart and calls out, “No, no, no, he’s not flatline. There’s movement in his heart. Let’s shock him. Charge the fibrillator,” he says and Buck passes the pump to Chimney and grabs the Ambu bag.

“Ventilate, Buck,” Maddie says.

“I am,” Buck replies quickly.

“Charging to 200,” Maddie calls out.

“You got it?” Eddie asks Maddie.

“Yeah,” she nods.

“Clear,” Eddie calls and Buck pulls away the Ambu bag and Chimney drops the pump.

Buck stares up at the monitor and sees no change and begins to panic, “It’s not changing, what do we do? What do we do?”

“I’m starting dopamine and dobutamine drips,” Chimney shouts out to them passing the pump back to Maddie.

“What about neseritide that might help?” Eddie questions the stress starting to set in.

“I feel like my chest is running away,” Charlie rasps out to Buck who nods and looks up at the monitor.

“Heartrate 217. He’s in SVT,” Buck says quickly.

“Maddie stop pumping stop,” Eddie calls and raises his hand in a stop motion before looking to the monitor with the rest of them.

“No change,” Chimney says with a head shake and Maddie goes back to pumping while Eddie rushes to the med locker and begins digging through it.

“I need to find the medicine,” Eddie grumbles more so to himself than anyone else.

“What medicine?” Chimney asks.

“Adenosine. The one that stops the heart,” Eddie calls back.

At this Charlie starts to struggle against the mask Buck’s holding to his face and calls out, “No, the whole point is to keep my heart beating.”

“No, no, no, it only stops your heart for six seconds,” Maddie explains to him.

“His heart is speeding up, guys,” Chimney shouts the room descending into utter chaos.

“You have to do something, Eddie,” Buck pleads and Eddie stands up quickly and shouts, “I found it. Buck come over here. Lift up his arm. It gets into the heart faster.”

Buck jumps quickly in Eddie’s direction and raises Charlie’s arm as Charlie cries out, “Maddie! I’m gonna die.”

“No, it’s okay. It’s okay. It just feels like...You’re not gonna die. I promise. It’s just the meds,” Maddie tells Charlie as Eddie injects the adenosine.

They all watch the monitor carefully and Buck says, “We’re heading back to flatline.”

It’s silent for what feels like forever, for way too long but then the well-rhythmed beat comes back and Charlie gasps just before his breathing falls steady.

“All right,” Chimney sighs in relief that lasts for only a few seconds before a voice breaks the calm.

“You fools better have a good explanation for this,” Athena says from the doorway with Hen at her side. They all glance around at each other and Athena finally says, “Step away from the patient.”

Buck, Eddie, and Chimney all back up, but Maddie stays at Charlie’s side still pumping his heart.

“I said step away,” Athena demands.

“I can’t. I have to pump his heart,” Maddie explains.

Athena’s eyes cloud as she comes to realize exactly what’s going on and she seems to grit her teeth before saying, “I’m gonna get the doctor and they are going to take over,” Athena states before rounding on Buck, Eddie, and Chimney, “You three, outside. Now!” She demands.

They follow her out and all stand together in a small cluster with their heads down.

“Where was rational thought?” Athena starts yelling at them. “Where was cognitive thinking? Where was first do no harm? The morals, the ethics, where was the sanity when you three decided to help that girl?”

“She’s…,” Buck starts to answer before Athena holds up her hand and stops him.

“No, no. No speaking. Nobody speaks. I do not want to have to testify against any of you in a court of law. Not one word,” she warns.

They stand there silently for a moment before Eddie coughs and Athena shouts out again, “I said no speaking.”   
  


“I didn’t say anything,” Eddie replies quickly.

Athena glares at each of them as she tries to think over what to do and says, “I want you all to go back to the station and act as if you were never here. I will let Bobby deal with you. I will deal with this here,” Athena finishes pointing them in the direction of the elevators.

Hen who has been quiet this whole time begins walking in that direction with Eddie and Chimney but Buck says put and says, “Maddie.”

“Go,” Athena insists again.

Buck looks at her and hesitates for a moment before repeating, “Maddie.”

Maddie looks at Buck from where she stands still pumping Charlie’s heart and says, “Go, Buck. I never should have got you involved this is all me.”

Buck stares at her for a moment again hesitating before Maddie mouths ‘go’ again. Buck glances at Athena only shortly before making his way to where Eddie, Chimney, and Hen stand waiting for an elevator.

“You are going to tell me exactly what happened here,” Athena says to Maddie.

Maddie opens her mouth to explain but Charlie beats her and says, “I did it. I cut my own LVAD wire. Maddie was just here to save me.”

“Don’t…,” Maddie starts to say before Athena holds her hand up to stop Maddie.

“You might want to let him have this. If you have any wits you should say that’s what’s happened. You will call for help. Yourself. Like I wasn’t here,” Athena tells her.

Once Athena leaves Maddie finally hits the call button and explains what happened. The lie version and it’s a whirl as doctors pour in and do the remaining work and call UNOS.

It’s an hour later that it’s confirmed that Charlie’s got the heart and they’re wheeling him into surgery soon after.

“I love you,” Maddie whispers to Charlie as the surgeons begin to wheel him away.

“I love you too,” Charlie breathes as they roll him into the OR.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Maddie calls out and at that moment she’s unsure of who she’s reassuring, Charlie or herself.

Buck, Chimney, Hen, and Eddie all sit on the ground in the locker room their backs up against the lockers while they wait for Bobby and Athena to finish discussing.

“We’re about to be punished like children,” Chimney huffs.

“Yep,” Buck agrees.

“We’re not children. We shouldn’t have to sit in here, like we’re in a time-out of something,” Eddie complains.

“We did a lot deserving a time out,” Hen states.

“Maybe we did. You weren’t in the room,” Buck sighs.

“I still knew something was going on and hid it from Athena,” Hen replies.

“Yeah, but on a scale of how screwed, we all are you’re at the bottom and I’m at the tippy top,” Buck comments.

“You realize we could all be fired for this right?” Chimney asks.

“I don’t know...I mean...Athena sent us away. So technically we’re not being held liable for the crime right? So we’re like..safe that way so there’s nothing to get fired over,” Buck tries to reasons.

“We can still get fired, Buck,” Eddie huffs.

Buck is silent for a moment before burying his face in his knees and starts to say, “Yeah. I’m sorry I got you all involved I…”

Eddie and Hen open their mouths to say something but Chimney beats them to it, “You’re family Buck. We...for you we had to.”

“Yeah,” Hen nods in agreement just before Buck’s phone starts going off.

Buck answers it right away and says, “Maddie,” into the phone.

“He got the heart Buck,” Maddie’s voice says back in little more than a whisper.

Buck stands and walks to the far corner and begins speaking in a hushed tone over the phone, “Maddie are you...are you okay?”

“He said he did it.”

“What?”

“Charlie said he did it...and they...they believed him…,” Maddie replies sniffing as the tears start to come.

“Maddie,” Buck whispers again.

“He still might not make it,” Maddie cries.

“Maddie he...he’ll be alright…,” Buck tries to assure her.

“Buck I’m so sorry I...for the last month and what I said tonight, I didn’t mean…,” Maddie says quickly.

“I know,” Buck says interrupting her.

Maddie sighs and then whispers, “I should have just had you leave. I never should have gotten you involved.”

“You’re family. You’re my family. I can hate you, I can be angry at you. But I’m always gonna defend you and protect you, Maddie,” Buck tells her.

“Your team...m” Maddie starts.

“Are my family too. They...they were there for me and you, you’re family too,” Buck explains.

“You’re gonna be in trouble, all of you,” Maddie reminds him.

“I know. It’s okay.”

“I’m scared.”

“I know. I am too. Charlie...he’s good,” Buck sighs heavily.

“You probably have…,” Maddie trails off.

“Yeah…,” Buck agrees before adding, “But if anything...If Charlie...good or bad you’ll…”

“I’ll call you. No more going silent,” Maddie assures him.

“No more going silent,” Buck affirms.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” Buck smiles into the phone before hanging up and sliding back into place just in time for Bobby walks in.

“Are you going to tell me what the hell happened?” Bobby asks.

“It was me...I..,” Buck starts to say before he’s elbowed in the ribs by Eddie who says, “No, I was the one I came up with it.”

“No it was me, I had the knowledge to do it,” Chimney pipes up.

“No. I told them what to do, not them,” Hen adds in.

Bobby narrows his eyes at them all before saying, “So none of you are going to tell me what happened. Fine. I’ll talk to each of you, and while I figure out what to do with this you all will have one duty. Planning a prom.”

They all must gape at him for a while before Chimney asks, “A prom?”

“Yes, a prom. You have compromised Athena’s integrity to help save you all from jail time so you’re going to do something for her and for May. That means planning a prom for May’s friend who is dying of terminal cancer. You will make this your sole focus or I will fire each and every single one of you. Till I get to the bottom of this you’re all suspended,” Bobby adds before walking away.

Buck watches Bobby leave and turns to the rest of them, “Come on you guys we’ll tell him it was me, I got you all into this...he already knows…,” Buck argues.

“And get you fired? No,” Eddie says definitively.

“But it…,” Buck starts to argue again.

“Buck no,” Hen cuts him off.

“We will all keep our mouths shut,” Chimney asserts looking hard at Buck who eventually relents and sighs.

“Yeah, okay. So until this passes we just...we plan a prom. I mean how hard can that be?” Buck asks.

“Harder than you might think,” Athena says suddenly appearing in the doorway of the locker room.

“Athena we…,” Buck starts to apologize before she stops him.

“No. Still no speaking. You know May. You’ll be planning the prom with her and her friend Lucy, for their friend Camille and it’ll be the best prom ever. That is your one duty until otherwise told and it’ll be done by tomorrow night,” Athena demands before leaving at which point Bobby reappears.

“Chimney you first,” Bobby calls.

“Okay,” Chimney sighs and stands walking away.

Hen then sighs and says, “I gotta call Karen...tell her I’m gonna be home late or not at all.”

It leaves Buck and Eddie alone together in the locker room and Buck stares up the ceiling trying to not focus on that fact with Eddie says, “Thank you.”

It causes Buck to turn his eyes to him in confusion and Eddie continues, “For calling me. For asking for my help.”

Buck blinks at him and swallows before turning his eyes forward again and shaking his head, “I...I didn’t do you any favors.”

“Well, it meant something. That you called...meant something to me,” Eddie says.

“It didn’t mean anything,” Buck says quickly keeping his eyes from darting back towards Eddie.

He feels Eddie sigh beside him before saying, “Right. Okay. Sorry.”

Eddie’s called in after Hen and sits in front of Bobby who starts in the typical thing by asking what happened but Eddie’s mind isn’t exactly focused on that. It is. But it isn’t.

“I played a lot of sports growing up, you know? Basketball, Baseball...but we’ll go with football…,” Eddie starts to say.

“What does football have to do with what happened last night?” Bobby asks narrowing his eyes.

Eddie sighs and nods before saying, “Let’s say you were drafted to a team that wasn’t your first pick. You know you don’t always like the players, you hate the way they play the game, they don’t like you very much. You even think the quarterback is a pain in the ass. And he is, the quarterback is a pain in the ass that is always pulling a lot of risky plays and he often loses you a lot of points. But it’s your team. You don’t quit, you don’t talk to the press, you don’t complain to the coach,” he says gesturing towards Bobby before continuing, “You just...you just go out there every Sunday, and you make the blocks, and you take the hits, and you...you play to win. You show up, and you suit up, and you play, because it’s your freaking team.”

“That isn’t the point,” Bobby starts to say,

“Yes, it is the point, because I can’t tell you. I can’t tell you what happened in that room or how we got there. And it’s hard for me to sit in front of you and not give you the answers you’re looking for. A part of me wants to, but I can’t. I can’t tell you, and before, I could have. Before this team...before Bu…,” he stops himself and corrects, “before this team, I could have told you, I would have, because you’re in command, it wouldn’t have even been a question before. No guilt, no loyalties, no problem. Before...I wouldn’t have even been in that room. I wouldn’t have gotten involved,” Eddie explains before looking down and whispering, “But I’m not the same person I was before. Back in Texas, in the army. This job has changed me, he’s changed me,” he swallows and chews on the inside of his lip, “and I don’t know if I can be the person I was before. So I can’t tell you what happened. Not anymore,” he finishes.

Bobby seems to figure he’s not getting Eddie to reveal what happened and moves onto Buck after him. But with Buck, he just sits there in silence and Buck admits it’d unnerving, to say the least.

“Aren’t you gonna say anything?” Buck asks and gets no response.

He starts to squirm in his seat and swallows before saying, “I’m not gonna break. I’m starting to get a little freaked out, but I’m not gonna break.”

It’s more silence and Buck quickly babbles out, “It’s not because I don’t care, because I do care what you think about me, I do...care. I just can’t tell you.”

Buck looks down at his lap as the silence continues and does this for a while before speaking again, “Just cause you can’t say something doesn’t mean you don’t want to. You can want to very much,” and with his next babbling words it’s clear he’s gone elsewhere in his speech, “You can be with a person and be happy with them and not love them. Or you can love someone and not want to be with them. You don’t need to love someone to want them right...It’s just frustrating you know? When your brain tells you what you want, and what you actually want don’t match up, it’s exhausting. And well it’s complicated,” complicated like Eddie and Shannon and Eddie and him and him and Adam. Buck nods to himself and whispers out, “But that’s life and life...sucks.”

To his surprise, Bobby tells him to go after that, and not long after Buck gets a sobbing call from Maddie tell him that Charlie survived the surgery.

Buck tells her to give him his best since he’s unsure of when he’s going to be able to sleep, let alone get down to the hospital to see Charlie, with this prom he has to plan.

He ends up with Eddie at Athena’s barely on his feet from exhaustion and faced with two teenage girls who are chatting away feverishly as Eddie and Buck sit and wait for them to finish.

They watch the girls for a while, Buck tapping his pen on his notepad when Eddie leans over and whispers, “I didn’t like prom even when I was a teenager.”

Buck chuckles to himself and says, “I...I wore a lot of black.”

“Ooo,” Eddie hums.

“Yeah…had the whole angry dark red hair thing going on. I don’t really remember the night to be honest,” Buck chuckles.

Eddie swallows and then whispers, “My mother made me go. My date barfed on my tux and then tried to make out with me.”

The admission makes Buck laugh loudly as he imagines it and this seems to call the girl's attention to them.

Instantly they jump in and May says, “We need a theme.”

“A theme,” Buck repeats before writing it down.

“Oooh. Can we have sparkly lights? Cause sparkly lights are amazing!” May’s friend Lucy proclaims.

This goes on for more than an hour a constant back and forth and Buck is just barely able to write anything else down cause he’s done it so many times and scratched it out at this point.

“Central high- two years ago, they went with all black. And they had, like, purple lights,” May recalls.

“Oh, yeah, I remember that. Everybody looked like ghouls,” Lucy says.

“Fine,” May sighs before suggesting, “We could go with all white.”

At this point Eddie gives a loud annoyed groan and Buck eyes him before whispering, “Are you having a seizure?”

Eddie’s head shoots up and he shouts, “Will that get me out of here? Fine. Let’s go with a seizure. For the love of God, you need to just pick something.”

Eddie stands up and runs his hands over his face and Buck mutters under his breath repeatedly, “Athena’s daughter. Athena’s daughter. Captain.”

“It’s okay,” May tells Buck.

“Yeah, the hot ones are always mean. It’s like a rule or something,” Lucy decides to add.

“But don’t judge us for trying to throw a prom to make our sick friend who’s dying of cancer feel better,” May says giving Eddie a steely stare very similar to Athena’s.

“Color does matter. Maybe not to you. But it does matter,” Lucy insists before turning back to May and discussing it over again.

Even still Buck and Eddie are at the end of their rope and end up calling Hen.

“Hen we need your help,” Hen whines over the phone.

“Another love squabble or something that I can be held criminally liable for? Either way, I’m out,” Hen replies.

“No,” Buck answers glancing over at Eddie his cheeks bright red.

Eddie takes the phone and shouts over it, “No, the problem is the colors and the balloons. And the under the sea, no it’s titanic. Hey, let’s go with tears in heaven. No that’s too morbid. It should be pink. It should be red. It should be a freaking rainbow,” Eddie rants mimicking the girl's voices while doing it.

Buck steals the phone back from him and sighs, “What he’s saying is that we’re very, very hopeful that you speak teenage girl.”

In fifteen minutes Hen is at the house standing in front of Buck and Eddie and dictating to the girls.

“Silver and white,” Hen says, and when the girls try to interrupt she cuts them off and says, “It’s mystical and magical without being over the top. Ever seen fashion week in New York? Lots of silver and white runways and backdrops. That’s because no matter what color the clothes are, they pop.”

“They pop?” May asks speculatively.

“They pop,” Hen nods before turning to Buck and Eddie, “Buck and Eddie, get 500 balloons in silver and white and a hundred in black. Shiny black, not the matte. I’ll have Chimney move the trucks outside so we can use the area as the dance floor. Now go,” she says shooing them away.

Charlie has been awake for a few hours when Maddie finally walks into his room and stands in the doorway as Charlie’s face lights up at the sight of her.

“You look…God, you look amazing. They always tell you that transplant patients rebound fast, but you know to see it in person,” Maddie smiles.

Charlie grins a bit before whispering, “I have warm hands. I’ve never had warm hands because of my circulation. Feel,” he says holding his out. Maddie walks forward and takes his hand in hers and it’s warm, but they’re still Charlie’s hands.

“Warm hands,” Charlie repeats, “and check it out. I have a regular heartbeat,” he grins holding Maddie’s hand to his chest.

Maddie blushes and then begins stuttering, “Yes, you do. I should um...I gotta go...I should tell Buck you’re alright and he’ll want to come see you but he got in trouble so it might be…I guess his captain has him planning this prom thing. I’m supposed to go too. It’s so...you look woo hoo. Charlie. Okay, I’m gonna go.”

Charlie eyes her curiously during this before saying, “What?”   
  


“Huh?” Maddie says stopping in the doorway.

“You like your men sick and feeble? You don’t dig healthy guys?” Charlie laughs.

“I dig you,” Maddie giggles uncomfortably.

“Then why are you all swirly and twitchy?” Charlie asks.

“No, I’m not,” Maddie tries.

“Then what? Charlie asks raising his brows.

Maddie swallows nervously before saying, “There’s a lot we don’t know about each other.”

“Yeah, probably,” Charlie agrees.

“And there’s a lot with me…,” Maddie starts to say.

“Maddie, whatever it is I want to know...you don’t have to tell me now but...I want a future with you,” Charlie begins to say.

“But…”

“No. No. No. It’s my turn now,” Charlie says cutting her off.

“But...,” she tries again.

“No, we’re taking turns. I’ve decided. It’s fair and it keeps me from yelling. It’s my turn and then when it’s your turn you can say whatever you want,” Charlie dictates.

“Okay,” she whispers.

Charlie looks at her straight on and says, “For five years, I’ve had to live by the choices of my doctors. The guys that cut me open decided my life. There wasn’t one choice that was mine. And now...I have this heart that beats and works. I get to be like everybody else. I get to make my own decisions, have my own life, do whatever the damn hell I choose. Now here’s the good part, so listen close. What I choose...is you. You’re who I want to wake up with and go to bed with and do everything in between with. I get a choice now. I get to choose. I choose you, Maddie Buckley.” He smiles at the end of his speech, soft and gentle and Maddie feels herself filled up with so many emotions at once, but she’s not prepared in the slightest.

“Okay...it’s your turn again,” Charlie ends.

Maddie blinks up at him for just a moment before running out of the door of his room.

Buck walks into the station with boxes of sparkly lights, balloons that need to be blown up, and streamers.

He’s holding the box high up on his chest and doesn’t see another person walking in front of him when he slams into them dropping the box.

“Sorry,” Buck starts to say before looking up as both him and the other person crouch down.

“Oh, hey,” Buck says as he comes face to face with Adam.

“I’ve been calling your cell all night,” Adam begins to explain.

“Oh it um...a long story,” Buck says waving his hands about before he picks the box up and looks down into it and then adds, “which essentially ends with me inviting you to a prom.”

“ An actual prom? Like with corsages and tuxedoes…,” Adam begins to describe.

“Yeah, I know, it’s stupid, but…,” Buck sighs.

“No, I’m in. I loved prom. I mean, I...I don’t want to brag or anything, but I was crowned king,” Adam tells Buck with a big smile.

“Really? You were that kid in high school?” Buck asks amused.

“What is wrong with being that kid?” Adam asks a smile still plastered on his face.

“Nothing. It’s very cute, actually,” Buck says tilting his head.

“Hello,” Adam says in greeting clearly moving away from the topic as he leans in and kisses Buck’s cheek.

“Hi,” Buck laughs before looking back at Adam and finally asking, “What are you doing here?”

Adam’s smile falls off quickly as he sighs and says, “Plissken had some seizures last night. Pretty serious. The cancer has spread to his brain. I’m sorry.”

It’s a gut punch Buck foresaw, but it hurts all the same.

Eddie walks through the door of his house rubbing his eyes in exhaustion and opens them to see Shannon standing in the kitchen.

  
“Hey,” Shannon says looking at him like he’s almost some kind of illusion.

“Hey,” Eddie sighs back.

“Where’ve you been? You left last night and then I didn’t hear from you. I was worried,” Shannon frowns.

Eddie knows he can’t explain all that happened last night and simply decides to say, “I had a big work thing, and Bobby has me planning this prom.”

“A prom? Like a prom, prom,” Shannon questions.

“Yeah, at the station,” Eddie adds.

“Huh…,” Shannon whispers mauling this over before turning back to the stove and Eddie’s reminded that the last time they talked was when they were shouting at each other in the middle of the station.

“Shannon,” Eddie starts to say.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Shannon says quickly.

“All right,” Eddie agrees with a nod.

Shannon turns back to him leaning her back against the counter before saying, “We’ve come so far. You forgave me for leaving…”

“Mhmm…,” Eddie hums to himself and searches himself for if he really has ever forgiven her.

“And we’re trying…,” Shannon finishes.

“We are. We’re trying,” Eddie agrees cause he is trying, or at least he hopes he is.

“We are trying. And I was...I was jealous when there was no need to be. Right?” Shannon asks.

“Shannon....,” Eddie starts before he knows what he’s going to say really.

“What?” She asks a timid look on her face.

“Will you go to the prom with me?” Eddie decides on asking at which point her face softens and she laughs before nodding.

“Yes, Eddie. I will go to the prom with you,” she agrees coming over to give him a peck on the lips.

Eddie’s filling up balloons with Buck when Buck finally says, “Adam says we need to make a decision about Plissken.”

“Good for Adam,” Eddie grumbles back.

“Eddie…,” Buck starts.

“Sorry,” Eddie replies shaking his head.

“Can we just do this one thing together? For our dog and for Christopher, without arguing?” Buck asks.

“Fine,” Eddie sighs.

“I think we may have to put him to sleep,” Buck whispers sadly.

“Whatever you want to do,” Eddie shrugs tying up another balloon and setting it aside as he grabs another.

“What if there’s a chance he can get better?” Buck asks.

Eddie finally looks at Buck. At his hopeful blue eyes looking at him with the same sort of innocence and belief in good things that Christopher has. After everything, they still have this and it creates a deep ache in Eddie’s gut.

“He’s not gonna get better. You know that,” Eddie sighs heavily.

Buck stares at Eddie for a moment before looking down and saying, “Well, Adam thinks we should do it today, then. Before the prom.”

“Okay,” Eddie nods before they both go back to blowing up balloons in silence filled with nothing but the woosh of helium into the balloons and them expanding.

Maddie sits in the apartment alone and it helps in a way that Buck hasn’t really been home and if he has, she hasn’t been. It allows her time to think on her own. Think about Charlie, about wanting him. Think about how open he was with her today and she...she ran.

She searches herself for the reason, and finds that maybe she’s afraid of finally having something good. She’s more like Buck than she’d care to believe. Almost bent upon her own destruction and maybe if she’d just be honest with herself she could actually be happy.

So she races back to the hospital and all the way up to Charlie’s room in a sort of frenzy before coming to stop in the doorway of his room.

“Charlie,” she calls to him.

He looks up at her with a sort of sad smile and starts to say, “Maddie. You don’t have to…”

“But it’s my turn…,” Maddie interrupts him.

Charlie pauses at this and a small smile comes to his face as he whispers back, “It’s your turn.”   
  


She smiles widely and walks into his room stopping at the edge of his bed before saying, “I choose you too. I choose you.”

He gives a bright smile, not his typical grin, but a full beam that warms Maddie up from within.

“Oh, now see. You’re gonna make my heart stop beating, and it’s brand new,” Charlie says patting his chest.

Maddie smiles and leans down and kisses him deeply and stroking his cheek, “I will come back to see you. I have to get ready for this prom thing but I’ll come by here first to show you my dress,” she laughs softly.

“Okay,” Charlie whisper and strokes a strand of hair behind her ear before she leaves and adds, ‘Maddie, you did good.”

And she knows it’s as good as ‘You saved my life.’

Buck has Christopher sobbing in his arms from the moment he steps into the vet's office to meet Eddie, Shannon, Christopher, and Adam there.

The little boy has a steely sort of resolve until Buck walks in and then he practically collapses into Buck’s chest and doesn’t let go as they walk into one of the exam rooms and all sit in a circle on the floor with Plissken in the middle laying on his side.

Christopher sits in Buck’s lap and he’d feel slightly embarrassed by this bond he has with Shannon here normally but in truth, he’s just as broken up inside as Christopher, and can’t bother to care.

They’re all running their hands soothingly all over Plissken when Adam walks in with a clipboard and smiles sadly at all of them, carefully eyeing Christopher and Buck for a moment.

“Okay there’s a couple of forms you need to sign,” he says and holds the clipboard out at which point Buck reaches for it with the arm not holding Christopher close to his chest and Eddie does as well.

“I only need one signature,” Adam says somewhat awkwardly.

Eddie looks at Buck and says, “Well you..”

“No, you…,” Buck nods towards Eddie.

“It’s fine,” Shannon says, “I’ll sign.”

She takes the forms from Adam and signs her signature and hands them back to Adam.

Buck swallows and strokes Christopher’s hair from his tear-stained face and asks, “So how do we do this?”

Adam sighs and begins to explain, “Well, I’ll give doc and injection of telazol to make him sleepy, and then I’ll give him an IV injection of phenobarbital…”

“And that’ll stop his heart,” Eddie finishes.

“Yes,” Adam confirms.

Buck nods and continues to stroke Plissken as he asks, “And what do we do after with his body?”

“We can...we have means to dispose of it for you,” Adam says.

“That’s uh…,” Eddie starts to say before Buck interrupts.

“We can’t throw him away like he’s garbage…,” Buck interrupts.

“We would never…,” Adam begins to say quickly.

“He’s our dog Eddie…,” Buck finishes.

Eddie nods and gives a small smile as he says, “There’s uh...that one spot in the backyard..,”

“Under the tree,” Buck finishes.

Eddie nods and says, “We can, uh, bury him there.”

“That sounds nice,” Shannon pipes in.

Buck nods and then looks down at Christopher who is still crying silently in his arms.

He leans back and runs his fingers through Christopher’s hair and turns his face up to him and asks, “What do you think Christopher? Does that sound like a good place for him?”

Christopher nods sadly and then whimpers, “I’m sorry, Buck.”

Buck frowns and wipes away Christopher’s newest tears and says, “Aye, buddy, what are you sorry for?”

“You asked me to take good care of him and then he got sick, it’s my fault,” Christopher sobs, and Eddie’s ready to jump in but Buck beats him to it with a shake of his head.

“No, Christopher. I promise you it’s not your fault. He loves you so much. You were so good for him. He just got sick Christopher. There was nothing you could do. I swear,” Buck promises and cradles Christopher closer to him.

“I don’t want him to go, Buck,” Christopher sobs into Buck’s chest and Eddie knows that in a lot of ways Christopher equated this dog with Buck himself.

Buck smiles sadly down at Christopher and rocks him in his arms and whispers, “I know. I don’t either. But I don’t want him to hurt anymore and neither do you right?”

“Yeah,” Christopher cries nodding his head.

“It’ll be okay. I promise. He’ll always be here with us,” Buck says rubbing over Christopher's heart with his hand, in soothing circles.

Christopher nods into Buck’s chest and Buck looks up at Adam with tears in his eyes.

“You ready?” Adam asks carefully.

“Yeah. We’re ready,” Buck nods before him and leans down and begins stroking Plissken behind his ears, “I’m so sorry Plissken. We love you. You’re such a good dog. Such a good boy,” he whispers to him.

“I love you. You’re the best dog there ever was,” Christopher says petting Plissken over and over.

“I’m sorry too,” Eddie whispers his hand brushing over the dog's head at the same time Buck’s is and their hands stop when Eddie’s hand rests over Buck’s. It holds there for a moment longer than it should probably all while Adam gets the drugs ready.

“I’ll begin,” Adam says and injects the first drug to make Plissken sleepy and then the drug to stop his heart shortly after.

“Shh...it’s okay,” Buck whispers to the dog and Christopher both.

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” Eddie whispers over and over again. To himself? To Plissken? To Christopher? To Buck? He isn’t entirely sure.

Suddenly the dog's breathing stops and Adam pulls out his stethoscope to listen to his heart for a minute before nodding, “He’s gone.”

Christopher lets out the most heartwrenching cry of Buck’s name and Buck pulls him tight to his chest and whispers, “It’s okay. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

Buck is on the edge of breaking down himself but he holds it together and he holds it together while Christopher cries into his chest.

Eddie sees that Buck is doing everything he can do to hold it together and Eddie finally gets up and reaches for Christopher and says, “Come here kid, I’ve got you.”   
  


He pulls Christopher from Buck’s arms into his and holds him close allowing Buck to get up.

Buck wipes his eyes and sniffs and turns to Adam who steps towards him and says, “I gotta...I gotta go home. I have to change and I’ll see you later.”

Buck turns to leave but Adam stops him and says, “Buck wait...I’m...I’m sorry for your loss.”

Buck sniffs and uses what’s left of his voice to shake his head and shrug, “Yeah. You know, the thing is, he wasn’t really my dog for that long. He was more Eddie and Christopher’s.”

“Buck…,” Eddie says calling Buck’s attention to him, “he was a good dog,” Eddie smiles sadly.

“He was,” Buck nods before leaving and getting in his car his head falling to the steering wheel as he lets out the hard sobs he’s been holding back.

Plissken. His perfect dog. His dog. His and Eddie’s dog. His, Eddie, and Christopher’s dog. The dog that helped him through the nights without Eddie. The dog that kept him and Eddie tied together still.

Buck still questions as he goes home to get dressed how he keeps getting up every day. Keeps going when all the worst things happen.

When Buck walks into his apartment he sees Maddie standing in the mirror in a full-length gown, light pink in color pairing perfectly with her complexion.

“Wow, you look great,” Buck says from the doorway.

She turns and smiles at him and blushes a bit before saying, “Thanks,” slowly she crosses the room to wrap her arms around him and says, “I’m sorry. About Plissken.”

Buck nods and hugs her close and whispers, “Thanks.”

“You heading to the prom now?” Buck asks.

“I will. I’m going to stop at the hospital though to show Charlie first,” she beams.

“I’m really happy for you, Mads,” Buck tells her.

“Thanks,” she smiles a bit to herself before adding, “You too though. That Adam guy sounds really great. Can’t wait to meet him tonight.”

“He is. He’s good, Maddie. Really good,” Buck says but there’s a lingering word in the back of his head. A but. One that he can’t voice to Maddie.

“Good,” Maddie smiles and sighs before grabbing her small clutch bag, putting her phone and keys inside before looking back to Buck, “I’ll see you there?”

“Yeah,” Buck nods to her as she leaves.

He spends the next hour getting ready. He shaves, fixes his hair, and pulls on his best tux till he’s satisfied with how he looks, which is not an easy thing for him to accept, to say the least.

At the prom Hen, Chimney, and Eddie all lean up near the refreshments table watching the room filled with teens and all the off-shift firefighters who’ve been forced to attend mixing together.

“Oh I’m too tired for this,” Hen groans sipping her punch.

Eddie agrees as he’s gotten very little sleep in the past couple of days and it’s been an emotional few days, to put it mildly. It’s a wonder he looks as good as he does in his tux. He shaved off the stubble that was starting to grow from the lack of time he had to shave and fixed his hair to its very best. It’s far from his more awkward high school days, but the feel around with all the teenagers is far too reminiscent.

“Wow, this is…,” Eddie starts to say as he looks around.

“A lot,” Chimney finishes for him.

“I’m having really bad high school flashbacks,” Hen adds.

“Me too,” Chimney says.

Eddie’s about to agree when someone taps him on the arm and says, “Hey.”

He turns and it’s Adam and his stomach curdles slightly. He knows Adam’s coming to him cause he only really knows him and Buck, but a part of him wants to walk away right then. But Eddie forces a smile on his face and says, “Hey,” back to him. He can hear Hen snort beside him and has to stop himself from shooting a glare over his shoulder.

“Have you seen Buck?” Adam asks.

Eddie shakes his head and says, “I don’t think he’s here yet.”

Adam nods, but as if on cue Buck walks in, and instantly both Eddie and Adam’s eyes are on him.

Eddie feels his heart actually stutter, which is ridiculous, but it does. Buck looks so good, but the second Adam moves from beside him to greet Buck his chest tightens.

Shannon then comes up beside him in her beautiful red gown and starts talking with her hands as she grabs herself some punch.

“This whole thing is bringing back very traumatic memories of being a band geek with braces and spending the whole evening with Skippy Gold talking about star wars,” she laughs. But he doesn’t see her and barely hears her cause he’s looking over her shoulder to where Buck is greeting Adam.

He watches Buck embrace him and he feels that deep sick feeling in his stomach again before Shannon touches his arm dragging his attention back to her.

“So, you want to, um, dance?” She smiles

Eddie nods and says, “Love to,” before taking her down to the dance floor.

Buck ends up only a few feet away from where Eddie and Shannon are dancing, but he finds that he doesn’t really even notice as he sways gently with Adam his arms wrapped around his neck.

“You’re a lot hotter than my last prom date,” Adam comments as they sway.

“Is that a compliment?” Buck asks with a wide smile.

“Maybe,” Adam grins.

“It feels like a compliment,” Buck says back.

“Then it is.”

Buck chuckles softly and whispers, “Well, keep it up. You might get lucky.”

Adam raises his brows and says, “Well, now how lucky are we talking? Are we talking kinda lucky, or are we talking really seriously lucky?”

Buck grins and sighs looking up deeply into Adam’s eyes, “You have been a very patient man, and I appreciate it.”

Adam looks off to the side almost shyly and sucks in his bottom lip bitting it and Buck tilts his head a bit and asks, “What?”

Adam blushes and then stutters out, “Lea, uh...Lea was my wife and when she died...you do this thing, you know, where...where you stop making plans. Because you had plans but then there’s a car crash and your plans disappeared,” he explains before sighing “So you just...I just try to get from sunup to sundown. That’s as far into the future as I can handle. And I’ve been fine with that. I have. But right now, looking at you...damn, I have all kinds of plans…,” Adam finishes.

Buck stares up at him somewhat taken off guard by the heartfelt admission and Adam seems to register this and says quickly, “Don’t freak out.”

“I’m not,” Buck assures with a little shake of his head.

“You’re not?” Adam asks speculatively.

“No,” Buck answers and then says, “You... have plans.”

Adam looks back at Buck and nods before confirming, “I have plans.”

Buck smiles and sighs before pulling Adam in closer and resting his chin on his shoulder as they way.

It’s a comforting position and things are good and he has something good. It’s so good. But then his eyes connect with Eddie’s.

He’s standing there swaying with Adam but he’s staring into Eddie’s eyes and Eddie’s staring into his.

Their eye contact remains and it’s...the way Eddie is looking at him. It’s in the way he aches for. That delicate, dreamy, deep way that Buck falls asleep at night thinking about.

And it’s like all the air has suddenly been sucked from the room and he can’t breathe. He can’t breathe.

He pulls back from Adam and Adam frowns and asks, “You all right?”

Buck’s throat feels tight and he says, “Yeah. I just uh...hot and claustrophobic.”

Eddie watches Buck and pulls back from Shannon and says, “You know what there’s something I gotta check on with Abuela and Christopher.”

Buck looks at Adam determined not to look back in Eddie’s direction and he says, “You know, I think I’m just gonna run and splash some cold water on my face.”

“I’ll be right back, okay?” Eddie tells Shannon.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” Buck tells Adam.

“Okay,” Shannon nods.

“All right,” Adam smiles.

Buck walks at first till he’s out of Adam's sight then he begins to walk faster towards the bathrooms but then he hears Eddie call out, “Buck.”

He casts a look over his shoulder to confirm it’s Eddie calling after him and once he does he starts to jog and veers left before the bathrooms into the bunks to try and head Eddie off, “Just leave me alone,” he shouts back at him.

Eddie enters though and closes the door behind them leaving them alone the empty and dark room lit only by the moonlight streaming in through the small window.

“I just wanted to make sure you were all right,” Eddie says standing by the door while Buck stands a good distance away.

“No! I’m not alright,” Buck screams at him, “Okay? Are you satisfied? I’m not alright,” he repeats glaring back at Eddie before shouting, “Because you have a wife, and you call me a whore, and our dog died. And now you’re looking at me.”

Eddie tilts his head in that sympathetic, dreamy, and soft way that digs deep into Buck’s stomach, and Buck 

“Stop looking at me,” Buck snaps at him.

“I’m not looking at you,” Eddie denies with a small headshake before stepping towards Buck. Instantly Buck steps back further and Eddie asserts angrily, “I am not looking at you.”

“You are looking at me, and you watch me,” Buck shouts and Eddie looks away from him for a moment. “And Adam has plans. And I like Adam, he’s perfect for me, and I’m really trying here to be happy. And I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe with you looking at me like that, so just stop,” Buck yells at Eddie who starts looking at him again. Looking at him in that searching way that sucks all the oxygen out of the room.

But then Eddie turns towards the door and shakes his head before looking back at Buck this time his eyes narrowed, “You think I want to look at you?” He asks. Buck looks back at Eddie from across the room as Eddie throws up his hands and begins to pace causing Buck to move out of his path.

“You think that I wouldn’t rather be looking at my wife?” Eddie asks before he’s behind Buck who turns his back to him to face the door as Eddie begins to say, “I’m married. I have Christopher. I have responsibilities.”

Buck knows all this. He knows all this. Knows it’s all the reasons why Eddie broke up with him. But then Eddie’s voice cracks as he says, “She...she doesn’t drive me crazy, she doesn’t make it impossible for me to feel normal, she doesn’t make me sick to my stomach thinking about my veterinarian touching her with his hands!” He shouts and then runs his hands frustratedly through his hands and yells, “Oh, man, I would give anything not to be looking at you.”

And just like that the last bit of air is sucked out of Buck’s lungs cause it’s an omission. An omission Buck has kept himself blind to. That he’s not the only one drowning in trying to move on. That he’s not the only one who can’t breathe anymore.

He turns slowly and sees Eddie trying to catch his breath, cause all the air is gone for him too.

Buck blinks at him for a moment trying to think of what to say, but he doesn’t have the air to say it. But when Eddie’s eyes meet his, there’s something different in there. Like a switch has flipped and in one movement the air Buck’s been struggling to find is back in his lungs and Eddie’s lips are on his.

Eddie moves forward in one quick movement, his hands coming up to cup Buck’s face as he kisses him and some of that ache in his stomach disappears with it, and then entirely when he feels Buck’s lips move against his soft and slow just before Buck’s arms wind their way around his neck.

Buck can’t think, but he can breathe and his hands find their way into Eddie's hair. The hair he could never find an exact match with all the other guys. It’s soft, fine, and strong in his fingers again. And Eddie’s mouth is on his and then ghosting across his cheek, and his hands are moving low until they’re falling back on one of the bunks.

Buck feels Eddie’s lips on his neck sucking into his skin, marking him up in all the ways he wants to be because Eddie knows his body, knows what Buck needs and Buck moans with it. He needs it, but he feels the rational thinking come in slowly and he tenses up and starts to push away.

Eddie seems to feel it cause he comes back up to Buck’s lips and kisses him, soft and slow while stroking his cheek and whispers, “Buck.”

“I…,” Buck begins to stutter.

“Buck, I’ve got you,” Eddie whispers.

“But…,” Buck starts to breathe heavily, the panic setting in and his head turning away.

“No,” Eddie whispers his lips moving softly against Buck’s cheekbone, all the way to his ear, his hands pulling Buck tight up against his body, ‘I’ve got you,” he whispers again.

But this time Buck hears it different and looks up at Eddie meets his eyes and Eddie runs his fingers through his hair and whispers it again, “I’ve got you.”

Buck’s skin burns and he feels Eddie’s fingers move up under his shirt and it’s not Eddie’s hands causing him to burn all over, but it’s Eddie’s hands that make the burn and ache go away.

“Eddie,” he whimpers out, and instantly Eddie’s lips are back on his, sucking in his bottom lip and making him moan as he presses up again him.

It’s slow the way Eddie moves down his body and takes off Buck’s clothes and his own till Buck is bare and underneath Eddie.

“I need,” Buck rasps out, but Eddie’s already dipped down and taken him into mouth sucking and groaning around him.

Buck’s back arches off the bed his fingers curling into the scratchy sheets, that Buck knows all too well from sleeping in during long tiring shifts. But they don’t feel so bad now with Eddie down between his legs, warm mouth encasing him with slow tortuous pulls up and down, while his fingers knot in his dark hair.

He whines when Eddie’s mouth leaves him, but it’s immediately back kissing between his thighs and then he feels it against his entrance along with his hands as he uses them to spread him apart. He feels Eddie’s tongue and his head falls back in a small groan and his eyes close as he whimpers out Eddie’s name with each gentle lick.

“Eddie,” he pleads and tugs on his hair and pulls him back up and cups his face in his hands kissing him soft and slow, like he might never get to again. And his head whispers it’s true and he begins to tense again.

Eddie feels it immediately, feels when Buck starts to sink away from him again. He brushes Buck’s hair back from his face and looks into his eyes and whispers, “Buck.”

Buck focuses on him again and Eddie presses his face into Buck’s neck and kisses along his shoulder gently. He can smell Buck’s cologne, the scent that sticks with him constantly.

He breathes Buck in and whispers against his skin, “Pineapple, orange, and lavender.”

Buck stills at that and Eddie knows he remembers and Buck whispers back, “My cologne.”

“You,” Eddie corrects and kisses down Buck’s chest before pulling Buck’s legs around his waist and looking down into his face.

Buck blinks up at him with those ocean blue eyes, there’s still innocence and hope there, but he can see the swirling fear behind them too.

He strokes Buck’s cheek and kisses him gently and whispers, “I need you, I need you, Buck,” cause it’s the truth and he needs to do this. He needs to strip himself down for Buck, bleed the same vulnerability Buck does.

Buck searches his face and seems to find Eddie in there cause he pulls Eddie back into him and tightens his legs around his waist and nods.

Eddie nods back and presses into Buck with a groan and whispers, “I got you.”

“Eddie,” Buck whispers back as Eddie presses into him and fills him, presses them as close as they can be, close as Buck needs to be.

It’s not quick in the slightest, it’s slow and careful as they fall back together. Eddie’s lips constantly roaming every inch of Buck’s body as he moves in and out of him. 

Their names fill the air falling from each other’s mouth as their hands move to caress every inch their mouths can’t reach. It’s Eddie who falls apart first and Buck preens slightly at that as he finds himself full of Eddie. Still, Eddie moves within him and pulls Buck over the edge with repeated whispers of his name in his ear as Eddie continues to come apart.

When it’s over Eddie collapses on top of Buck and they breathe heavily cause it feels good to finally breathe again. Buck feels Eddie’s face press into his neck and stay there, like it’s the only place he can hide and feel safe.

When Buck’s hands move to Eddie’s hair in the blurry sort of afterglow, he feels Eddie’s lips kiss his collarbone and burrow deeper.

It’s not r clear who the world crashes in on first. Buck can’t recall who hardens first and begins to move to get up, but the next thing he knows they’re both off the bed and pulling clothes off the floor.

Eddie struggles to get his dress shirt on now that his skin has a sheen of sweat all over. His shirt sticks to him and he’s buckling his pants when he finally notices Buck searching around the room wildly.

That’s when Eddie’s head starts to spin. Spin with the full realization of what’s happened. Fills with the finality of it, cause it was a choice he made. He made this choice as clear as he made the previous one, only this one took more time to get to. This one was the right one, even if the timing is all off. But then his head also fills with Buck and Adam. Adam who is going to leave with Buck.

He has to figure out what it all meant and as Buck searches under bunks and sheets he asks, “What does this mean?”

Buck doesn’t look at Eddie he just keeps searching and then finally stands and looks to Eddie, “Uh, I had briefs on. Black. Do you see them?”

“Buck, what does this mean?” Eddie asks again his mind coming to a single focus.

Buck’s mind seems to be the way only they’re focused on finding his briefs as he stands there half-dressed.

“Help me look for them,” Buck says hurriedly before taking a good look at Eddie at which point he adds, “and fix your tie.”

  
  


Buck shakes his head and seems to resolve to not finding the briefs and pulls his pants on sans his briefs, at which point he returns to looking around.

“Buck,” Eddie says grabbing Buck’s hands and forcing Buck to look at him, “What does this mean?” He asks again.

Buck stares back at him like he’s finally actually seeing Eddie again and opens his mouth to say something when his phone starts going off.

Eddie sighs as Buck pulls out his phone and answers it. He looks away for one moment but the next thing he hears is the door of the room opening as Buck dashes out.

Eddie looks over and Buck is gone and he runs after him and thinks to call his name but Buck’s already practically sprinted the distance back before running into Hen.

“Buck?” Hen questions, “What’s wrong?”

She looks at Eddie for a moment in the sort of way like she suspects he’s the reason for Buck’s distraughtness and Eddie begins to wonder if maybe he is when Buck says, “It’s Maddie, I have to go.”

“What?” Chimney asks suddenly appearing.

“Charlie…,” is all Buck manages to get out, and instantly Hen and Chimney are at Buck’s side and racing out while Chimney says, “I’ll drive.”

Buck practically races up the room he knows will be his best chance of finding Maddie.

“Where is she?” He asks a nurse who’s standing outside.

The nurse wears a grim look before she whispers, “She’s in there...with him.”

Buck blinks and races into the room and stops in the doorway. His stomach dropping at the sight of his sister in her beautiful gown curled up beside Charlie whose skin has no complexion, eyes are closed, and lays completely still.

Charlie who he saved so many times, who just got a new heart, dead.

“Maddie…,” Buck whispers.

It’s silent for a long moment before Maddie speaks in a broken voice, “ I think it was a stroke. He was prone to blood clots. A clot could have formed on his sutures, traveled to his brain. It only takes a second.”

Buck turns his back to her and Charlie cause he can’t remain composed as he covers his mouth and lets the tears fall. Maddie who’s already gone through so much. Charlie who should have been leaving this hospital alive any day now.

“Maddie,” Chimney pipes up.

“The surgeon did a beautiful job. But I don’t know why I didn’t think of blood clots,” Maddie whispers before sniffing, “He died all alone. He was alone.”

“There was nothing you could’ve done,” Hen pipes up.

Maddie swallows before saying, “I changed my dress three times. I wanted to look nice. I would’ve been here sooner...but I couldn’t figure out which dress to wear.”

“Maddie…We shouldn’t be in here,” Hen says.

“There are things that they need...they need to move him,” Chimney adds.

Buck feels bad that he can’t do this. Can’t speak at this moment as he tries to get himself together for Maddie. Separate what he feels himself at Charlie dying, so that he can get Maddie moving.

“Take him to the morgue,” Maddie whispers.

“Maddie...you can’t stay here. I know you want to…,” Hen starts to say.

“Can you please, please just get out? I want to be alone with Charlie,” Maddie says her voice icy as she buries her face into his shoulder.

Hen and Chimney hesitate and look to Buck who forces himself to swallow the lump in his throat before turning back towards Maddie and Charlie. He forces himself to focus on Maddie, to not look or see Charlie, cause he can’t allow himself to.

“Maddie, that’s not Charlie,” Buck finally says.

“Buck please don’t,” Maddie whimpers.

Buck steps towards her slowly till he’s at the side of the bed and he strokes her hair gently and says the words he has to even if he can barely feel the truth of them himself, “Mads...That’s not Charlie. The minute his heart stopped beating, he stopped being Charlie. Now I know you love him, but he loved you too. And a guy that loves you like that, he doesn’t want you to do this to yourself. Because it’s not Charlie, not anymore.”

Maddie stays still her head laying on his chest before she lets out a sob and says, “Just today we were making plans for the future, and now he’s going to the morgue. Isn’t that ridiculous? Isn’t that the most ridiculous piece of crap you’ve ever heard?”

She sobs harder and Buck reaches down and lifts her into his arms and whispers, “Come on.”   
  


He sits down in the chairs against the wall and holds her cradled in his arms as she lets out the most heartwrenching sobs into his shoulder while he holds her close.

“I’ve got you,” Buck whispers, “I’ve always got you,” he says over and over again as she cries.

“Hen told me she was coming here before she left something about Maddie and Charlie,” Bobby says as he, Adam, Eddie, Athena, and Shannon walk into the hospital.

“He’s on the fourth floor we can…,” Eddie starts to say before Athena cuts him off.

“Wait. They’re coming,” Athena nods towards the elevators where Buck, Chimney, Maddie, and Hen all emerge from walking quietly and solemnly.

When they come to Bobby, Athena, Eddie, Adam, and Shannon, Maddie pauses and says to Bobby, “It was all me. I cut the wire. I did it alone. Nobody helped me. It was me.”

She looks down and then walks on with Hen and Chimney following her while Buck stops in front of Adam.

“Well, I guess that puts an end to the evening,” Shannon sighs and rubs Eddie’s shoulder, before walking out of the hospital door, leaving Eddie standing there looking at Buck.

“Yeah, I guess it does,” Bobby agrees and walks off with Athena.

“Come on. I’ll drive you home…,” Adam says to Buck steps forward towards the hospital doors, but Buck remains still, staring at Eddie, who looks back at him before glancing off towards Adam. Buck’s eyes follow his over to Adam who stops when he notices Buck’s not following him. He turns and looks to Buck who just stares back at him and something must give way cause instantly Adam’s eyes dart off to Eddie in question.

“Buck,” Eddie suddenly says, causing Buck to look back at him at which point Eddie tilts his head in a sort of question that Buck doesn’t understand and even if he did isn’t sure he could answer now.

“Buck,” Adam calls to him and Buck looks back at him, still unmoving, still silent, at which point Eddie and Adam both look back at each other in question, almost challenging one another.

And once again all the air is gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's the final chapter. I'll be working on book 3 shortly so look out for that.


End file.
